[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and neither does anyone else on this bloody site. We all just find it amusing to make up stories about the fascinating characters JKR and others have created for our pleasure. Have a good day.
[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
Only Slightly Nauseating
By: Eternal Love LJ
Chapter: 1
Title: Prologue I
POV: James
Word Count: 1414
[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
I guess that you could say that I, James Potter, am whipped. I am as whipped as cream and I am as whipped as eggs. Does that make any sense? Well, it doesn't have to make any sense, because I am talking about Lily Evans, who makes absolutely no sense what so ever.
She broke me apart and she tore me limb from limb. She dug deep into the depths of my soul and she found that little ting that got me off. She has all of the qualities I need in a nice, respectable woman, along with all of the other assets, if you know what I mean.
She's like a damn demigod. I wish I could say that she is flawless, but she does have one flaw. That one flaw would be that she finds it funny to turn my down. She seems to get this sick and twisted pleasure out of seeing me withering on the floor, thrashing around like a fish out of water from the pain of not having her love in my life.
Well, I mean, I am exaggerating a little, but the point of the matter is is that Lily Evans drives me crazy. She'll be the death of me, I can guarantee you that. Everyone says that I'm the problem in our little relationship of hatred, but would there be a problem if she just said yes? I don't think so, buddy!
Then there are the people who think I am just plain old crazy for thinking that I could get a girl like Lily. Well, if I can't have a girl that I want, then what kind of girls do I get? I think that it was an accomplishment of me to pick one girl, and, if I do say so myself, I have stuck with this one girl for a good solid three years. I may have an odd way of expressing my undying love for her, but it exists!
And let me tell you, this is a tiring job. No one wants to be turned down 286 times, and to date. No one wants to be called the turned-down-boy, and no one wants to be the laughing-stalk of the school. Not that I ever have been. Come on, I'm a Marauder for Merlin's sake!
[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
The sun was very annoyingly mocking me in my sleeping state late on that Thursday morning. It kept trying to get into my eyes and it kept trying to creep up on my from under my covers. Well, you know what, goddamn sun? I can defeat you! All I have to do is be smarter than the ball of eternally burning . . . stuff.
Yeah . . . that's not working so well.
The smell of waffles was wafting up the stairs from the kitchen into my bedroom, anyway. Fighting the sun was not worth missing waffles for, everyone knows that.
As I stood up next to my bed and experienced the normal morning dizziness, I looked over at the bed across the room from mine and found it very amusing that Sirius Black, one of the most promiscuous boys at Hogwarts, could be seen kissing his pillow in his sleep. "Oh, Martha!" he said as his sleep carried on.
After making a quick pit-stop in the bathroom to take a piss and brush his teeth, oh, and flashing a smile in the mirror, I walked down the stairs into the kitchen to find my mother being very motherly like and staking waffles smothered in butter and syrup onto a plate for me.
"You are so darling," I said, tucking myself in at one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Waffles were soon thrashed all over my face as I literally dug in.
"Hungry this morning?" my mother asked, a small smile on her lips.
"Hungry all the time," I replied, taking a sip of milk.
"Is Sirius up yet?" my mother said, getting another plate out of the cabinet.
"He was getting it on with his bed items," I informed my mother. "I guess he misses all of the girls at Hogwarts. He was moaning about Martha."
My mother chuckled and put the plate on the counter. "Dad owled last night," she said.
I looked up from my shrinking stack and replied, "What did he say? Can I see it?"
My mother shook her head. "It sounded very short and urgent. Moody is driving them harder than ever. He says he should be home within a week or two. He really wants to see you off to Hogwarts, but you know he can't make any promises."
I nodded my head and slowly began eating again. "Have they caught any Death-Eaters this time around?"
My mother shrugged her shoulders. "We have to rely on the Daily Prophet to answer questions like that. I'm pretty sure they were able to capture Pawliger and Wulff a couple days ago."
James nodded his head slowly, trying to remember the names. There were so many now a days that it was hard to keep track. "I think that I go to school with their kids or something."
"Yeah," my mother replied. "It's sad how many of them have kids."
There was a moment of silence except for my fork bumping against my plate before Sirius came staggering into the room like he was drunk.
"Sssup, fellas!" he said, his voice slurred. He messily took a seat at the table and banged his leg on his way down. "Sheesh."
"Good night sleep, Sirius?" my mother inquired.
"Guess so," he said, rubbing his knee. "Prongs," he hiccupped, "Do we know a Martha?"
"No," I said, trying to refrain from laughing. "But I'm pretty sure your pillow does."
He gave me an odd look before thanking my mother profusely for her slave labor over the stove just so he wouldn't starve.
"Didn't know I meant that much to you, that's all, doll-face," he winked and did a very good imitation of my own eating.
Soon after breakfast, the morning post arrived through our coincidentally closed window. My mother found it amusing when the owls ran into the windows. Her laugh tinkled as she retrieved the mail from the slightly injured bird.
"Hogwarts letter!" she announced happily as she handed each one of us our properly addressed envelopes.
"Cool," Sirius said, opening his over-enthusiastically. "Damn, I'm not Head Boy. How much you wanna bet that Moony got it?"
"He didn't," I said, my voice cracking like a twelve-year-olds. I stared at the note carefully that was clearly telling me false information. It was impossible that I had been made Head Boy! I mean, I put bunny terds in Dumbledore's soup! I wore turbans to class! I, James Potter, sneak out of school at least three times a week! Not to mention me helping Moony with his furry little problem.
"Right, Prongs, having premonitions over there?" Sirius asked.
"No . . ." I said slowly. "I got Head Boy."
I heard a plate drop and crack as it hit the floor. I felt wind pass by me as my mother ran to my side to read over my shoulder. "You . . . you really got it?" my mother asked. "James Potter . . . my little boy!"
"He's not so little anymore, ma'am! He's Head Boy!" Sirius said with sarcasm.
"That makes almost every man in the family," my mother said. "You know, that's how I met Dad. We were both Heads in our seventh year."
"But you were both in Gryffindor," Sirius pointed out, "How come you didn't know each other before then?"
My mother's eyes turned glassy and she replied, "Well, we knew each other before then, but not . . . like . . . that," she said slowly, a smile forming on her lips.
"Too much information!" I said, getting a little creeped out.
My mother left the room to owl the family, telling them the great! news. She went off muttering about how I might actually make her proud.
I sat there for a moment and thought about the responsibility I'll have during my seventh year. "You know," I said to Sirius, "I'm going to be pretty busy next year if I want to land Evans, coach Quidditch, and be Head Boy."
"Yeah, and you have to remember that you're a Marauder," Sirius pointed out.
"Evans . . . Quidditch . . . Head duties . . . and pranks?"
"Maybe we'll buy a time-turner while we're at Diagon Ally," Sirius suggested.
I shook my head and left the room, planning to fully enjoy the couple of weeks of freedom.
[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
A/n: Hey guys, what's up? I hope that you liked this chapter. Leave a review and be cool. The first two chapters will be James's and Lily's views on each other and a little bit of extra stuff. Just kind of starting the story off. It'll get better, I promise!
[.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.] [.-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --.]
-->