DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, J.K. does, and she has every right to do whatever she thinks is best for Harry Potter. I just love writing. So sue me. Wait, seriously… don't.
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A/N:
As promised, here is another chapter. I hope you like it and will not be influenced by Canon. There's an author's note at the end that I hope all of you will read…it expresses my opinion on the whole Harry Potter book 7. I also hope at the end you will find time to give me your own opinions regarding the matter. Thanks and enjoy!
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"I was that dueler."
Sirius stood frozen behind his godson, unable to fathom what he had just said. He refused to even consider the truth even though it was already staring at him straight in the face.
"I know it's not what you expected of me, but…"
"I need to sit down." Sirius stepped back, clutching the armrest of the chair behind him for support.
"Look, Sirius, I understand that you are surprised…" Harry splayed his hands in front of him, intending to explain before things got out of hand, but Sirius had been provoked far enough.
"Surprised?!" Sirius asked indignantly. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, Harry! Why didn't you tell me this before?" And then he caught on. "Were you even planning on telling me?"
"I didn't think it would matter." Harry said feebly. "That was in the past and I don't want it to be part of my life now."
Under any other circumstance, Harry would have felt irritated and infuriated about how Sirius was reacting to his identity. But as it was, Harry had another thing on his mind and it didn't have anything to do with staying in this room.
"It does matter!" Sirius said, straightening. "Does anyone know about this past of yours?"
"Of course. That ally you said." Harry said.
"Does anyone who knows you as Harry Potter know you are Aiden, the one who dueled?" Sirius asked.
"I…I don't believe anyone else knows." Harry shrugged. "Why?"
"If anyone else finds out, Harry, you will never gain the full respect of your people!" Sirius barked.
"It's not what you think, Sirius. It's not as bad as it sounds."
"Not as bad? Not as bad?" Sirius repeated madly. Disbelief was written all over his face as he continued. "You were an assassin, Harry! You killed people for money! Do you even understand the gravity of that?"
"I had to survive." Harry said simply.
"There were other ways, boy. You didn't have to selfishly sacrifice a life that was not even yours just so you could eat a measly loaf of bread!"
"You think it had been easy for me to do just that?" Harry asked, equally frustrated now. "I had nothing on me! I didn't have a home and I didn't have enough education to get myself a decent job."
"So you decided to do an indecent one, is that it?" Sirius muttered sarcastically.
"No. I didn't decide for myself. It just happened." Harry said with such feeling that Sirius did a double take and regarded his godson with sympathy, rather than disappointment.
"How did it happen then?" Sirius asked, looking at Harry intensely.
Harry regarded Sirius with a murderous stare as he massaged the throbbing forehead that had been disturbing him like hell all night.
With a sigh of resignation, he began.
"After I escaped Averhille, I ended up wandering around Helsin Valley. I was really weak. I haven't eaten in days and I could only sleep when everyone else was. They didn't allow anyone to sleep on the streets, so I only got away with it when no one could see me."
Harry swallowed to get the acid taste of reminiscing his past out of his mouth.
"About a month after that --- I don't know how it happened --- but I blacked out near the river bank, and I woke up in an old castle a few days later. Poppy Pomfrey, the resident nurse, took care of me."
"This Poppy lived in a castle, alone?"
"Well, no. There were others." Harry narrated.
"What were they doing there?"
"That was where they lived." Harry said matter-of-factly. "And taught, I guess."
"Taught? What kind of lessons did they teach in an old castle?"
"You know how the children of nobility need to have at least one mastered sport or skill, and manners?" When Sirius nodded at his pause, Harry continued. "Well, the place was a special training school for them."
"Are you talking about Hogwarts School for Wise-craft and Weaponry?" Sirius asked in disbelief.
"Clearly it was a thriving school."
"So you're saying you stayed in the place where nobles roamed day in and day out, and not even one recognized you?" Sirius asked in great incredulity. "You had been so close and no one knew!"
"I doubt everyone knows about the scar, Sirius." Harry said. "Mum and Dad must have tried to hush it up so no one would be the wiser."
Pleased with the fact that Harry didn't call James and Lily as only "his parents", but "mum" and "dad", Sirius decided to ignore his earlier concern and urged Harry to go on.
"I had nowhere else to go, so I convinced them to hire me as help." Harry stated conversationally, his eyes sparkling at the memory.
At least, Sirius thought, he had some happy ones. He inwardly smiled as he continued to listen.
"I used to watch the lessons as they went on and on everyday. One time, Albus Dumbledore saw me imitate one of the techniques he had shown the students the day before. He must have thought I was good because right after his class, he set me aside and taught me some skills."
"So that's how you became a dueler?"
"Yeah, and some…"
"Some?" Sirius asked, suddenly impressed despite the knowledge of where he had ended up with this skill. "Not just pistols, Harry?"
"I also worked with swords and arrows."
"Arrows? Isn't that a little medieval?" Sirius asked, perplexed.
"Hey, it was a training school." Harry muttered defensively.
"How did you end up on the streets again? You seemed satisfied living in the castle."
"I was, but the place closed down because some war took place and the instructors needed to be there." Harry muttered.
"Didn't they consider taking you as well?"
"I was good, yes, but not enough to be allowed in battle. I didn't master my skills until after I turned 17." Harry explained. "I traveled from place to place, entered tournaments and won every now and then. I used the reward for food and clothes, but I always ended up needing more than I can afford."
"And so you decided to become an assassin --- a dueler, sorry." Sirius remedied with an apologetic smile.
"No --- I told you, I didn't decide." Harry pointed out. He then looked at the fireplace and saw himself eight years earlier. "I was in a pub in Erstmill, when one of the men I was playing cards with, accused me of cheating. Of course, I was not that stupid or incompetent to resort to such a desperate act. But one thing led to another. The next thing I knew, I was being forced away from the pub with the man I had dueled with, badly injured. It was a good thing that I wasn't as skilled then as I am now, or he would have been sent straight to the graveyard for what I could do."
Harry's cockiness amused Sirius more than it should have bothered him.
"But that didn't make you an assassin."
"I don't know how word got out, but there was this one night when a mysterious man comes up to me and offers me a thousand pounds of shilling. He said all I had to do was challenge this rival of his for a duel and kill him on the spot."
"And you agreed?" Sirius asked indignantly.
"At first, no. I still believed in honest work." Then he looked away as if hating himself for what he was about to say next. "But then, I found out who that rival was and I just had to find out for sure."
"Find out what?"
"Whether he was the same person who killed Polly."
"You can't mean…you killed Lucius Malfoy?!"
Just like that, Harry's expression turned lethal.
"He never saw it coming, you know." He remembered with a bitter laugh --- his eyes glossy, his expression that of a cold stranger and his voice low as a madman's. "Right before we started, I got him to confess about the night of the murder. Up until that very moment, I didn't realize how badly I wanted Polly's murderer to be him. The smell of fear. It was unlike anything else." Then his gaze shot back at Sirius, the power of which caused his nerves to jump. "He never got to explain why he killed her, though. I didn't give him the chance."
Disconcerted by the sudden trance-like state of his godson, Sirius asked reluctantly. "And…were there witnesses to the duel?"
"Loads." Harry nodded, still looking a little dazed.
"You weren't arrested…"
"No." He chuckled eerily. "The news was kept from the magistrate. Apparently, many cared less whether Lucius came out alive or dead. Even his son was glad about it."
Even though it sounded harsh, Sirius could not deny that Harry was right.
The death of Lucius Malfoy came as terrific news for Draco Malfoy. Perhaps it was because Lucius had been no more than a stranger to Draco than Draco was to his father. They couldn't have been more apart than two opposite poles and that was why Lucius' death gave Draco no reason to grieve.
"Did you know him before you came to Gryffindor?"
"No. But I kept watch after that."
"So I assume that after the duel had been a successful one, in your part, that is, offers suddenly came flying in from everywhere?"
"That's right."
Sirius was almost as afraid to ask as he was afraid to hear the answer. "How many have you killed, Harry?"
This brought life back to Harry's eyes. Sirius was tempted to let out a huge breath of relief as he realized that the ominous aura around Harry had evaporated.
"Contrary to what you think, I had standards."
"Standards? Like what?"
Harry shrugged and crossed his legs. "Clients had to have good reasons for asking me. I don't just do it…say for example…when it's because he caught his wife with another man. I only agree to life and death situations. I wanted to be on the good side."
"Good side…" Sirius mused aloud.
"If I weren't on that side, instead of being asked by the magistrate to help with the rescue mission, I would have been arrested and guillotined for committing a number of crimes."
Sirius opened his mouth to point out that whatever vision Harry had for taking up offers for dueling, it was still not enough to justify his becoming a robber of life. But he shut it immediately when he realized that there was no use because it would only lead to another argument --- something Sirius wanted to avoid for now.
"Speaking of the rescue mission, I thought you wanted to help."
Harry sighed. He knew that what he was about to tell Sirius would make him disapprove. But as much as he wanted to deny the matter, he also knew there was no way out.
"When Polly was murdered, I went straight to the magistrate to report about it. They waved me off before I could even finish. They said I didn't have enough facts for the report to be considered a real case."
"I'm sure you didn't, Harry." Sirius interrupted gently. "There would have been no one in Averhille who could have supported your claim."
"I know that. But the whole excuse sounded more like I didn't have the money to compensate them for their efforts. They knew I couldn't pay them even after they've solved the case, so they didn't bother trying."
"Hence, your refusal to help was all about the grudge you have against their refusal to help you with Polly's murder investigation."
"Brilliant, wasn't it?"
Sirius regarded his godson with a faint look of bewilderment. "Didn't you even think that it wasn't just the magistrates that would be affected by your decision?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I dunno."
"I'll tell you why." Sirius said gravely after some time of silence had stretched between the two of them. "You didn't care. Your hatred towards the magistrates in your past kept you from considering other people. And because of that, you've caused a young woman to bear things she shouldn't have at such a young age."
"I had no idea that it would lead to her father's death." Harry cried out defensively.
"What part of kidnapping states it forbidden to kill the victim?"
"What are you reprimanding me for, Sirius?" Harry said, irritated. "Would taunting and mocking me resurrect the Earl of Ravenclaw?"
"Your disrespect towards the dead is worthy of noting."
"See here, it wasn't my fault the ruddy gits didn't know how to be responsible!" Harry mumbled, talking about the Ministry officers.
"And you were?" Sirius scoffed with skepticism.
"Save your breath, old man. It's already happened. No amount of words can change what I did." Harry muttered, and then he shrugged almost too intentionally. "And you know what? I couldn't care less."
"I am not that old." Sirius puffed his chest out and then waved a warning finger at his godson who was now bearing down on him with his full height. "And don't think you can fool me for a second."
"Fool you?" Harry scoffed, shoving his hand into his pockets. "What am I fooling you with?"
"Your indifference towards Hermione --- even when you visibly care for her."
"I don't recall mentioning anything about caring for her?"
"You didn't mention it, all right. But it's clearly written in your expression."
"It is not!"
"Just because you know how to mask every emotion in that face of yours, it doesn't mean that they don't escape every now and then."
"Believe what you want, Sirius, but I don't give a damn about her."
"Then why were you in such a hurry to get out of here when you heard about the Earl of Ravenclaw?" Sirius baited.
"I---I wanted a bit of fresh air." He lied.
Sirius saw clearly through him. Damn. "Is that so? I thought you were going to find her."
"Why would I have done that?"
"To apologize."
"Not bloody likely." Harry said resentfully. "That was years ago. Besides, it was not my fault she had been too selfish to hold on to her freedom rather than sacrifice it for her father's life, which was exactly what she should have done."
"You don't even feel the slightest guilt?" Sirius pressed. "Even when knowing that there was something you could have done to prevent her years of suffering?"
"You keep mentioning suffering, Sirius." Harry mused out loud. "But I haven't heard her say anything about suffering for the past 7 years."
"Of course she wouldn't tell you! The girl obviously hates you!" Sirius laughed bitterly. "And you may as well ask why no one has said anything, but I'll only say that only few know what happened. Though it was not the worst that can happen to anyone, it was unreasonable to have happened to her."
Reluctantly, Harry felt the first tug of guilt thumping in his heart as he suddenly found himself pondering on what Sirius had said.
Had things really gone bad for her? He wanted to ask. How bad exactly?
But a small rational voice inside his head took away that feeling.
Why should you care? You don't even know each other.
And besides, she appears to be all right.
Or so she seemed…another voice argued.
Harry turned his head in time to catch the look Sirius was giving him and he immediately grew alert. "Stop
putting thoughts in my head, Sirius." Harry glared at him as the fogginess in his mind cleared. "You
don't need to tell lies to get my sympathy."
"They're not lies, Harry. They're the truth."
"Even if they are, it doesn't matter." Harry gripped the chair's backbone tightly. "It's her fault, not mine. Let her deal with it."
"Is this because you haven't been able to charm her?" Sirius wondered aloud.
"Even if it's not any of your damn business, I'm happy to let you know, there is nothing more between Hermione Granger and I than mere curiosity."
"Curiosity?" Sirius drawled the word out as if it was the most precious secret a man could ever hold in the world. His voice actually had a tinge of awe in it, but Harry was not sure whether it was because of him regarding his attraction to Hermione as somewhat only out of curiosity, or because he had enough guts to deny his own feelings even to himself.
"Naturally." Harry shrugged. "I wanted to know why she seems to hate me so much." Then he turned somber as he recalled the main reason that he wanted to go out and find her, something he will never admit to Sirius. "That may as well have been answered by now."
"You really think she knows you were the dueler who denied her the request she made for her father?"
"Mayhap." Harry said, not wondering how Sirius had known about Hermione knowing. "I am not at all certain. But if I consider it, the chances of that would be low. I cannot think of a way on how she had managed to find out it was I except for one highly improbable, but still likely, reason."
"What is it?"
"She saw me the night they tried to hire me."
Sirius tensed. "Impossible!"
"There could be no other reason for her aversion, Sirius."
"If she had witnessed the attempt, and then saw you again when you were introduced to society, she would have told me, Harry."
"It's not always you can trust somebody to tell you everything."
"But…but…"
"There's no need to worry about others knowing, Sirius."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I never stayed too long in public places."
"How about your associates or whatever you call your group?"
"Never had one of those. The only person I talked to was Ethan. That ally." He clarified when Sirius frowned at the unfamiliar name.
"How well did you know this Ethan?"
"He and I met when I was given my 3rd assignment. His master had been my opponent and when the bitch fell in battle, Ethan joined me, even though I tried to turn him away as often as I could."
"Where is he now?"
"Dead."
Appalled by how Harry didn't even flinch by the word, much more that it involved somebody he knew, Sirius asked in a hoarse voice. "How?"
"Three days before you found me, he and I were camping just outside Hogwarts grounds. We were sleeping when shots were fired. Someone or some people had been chasing a carriage and the runaway ride had taken a shortcut through the woods." He shuddered thinking how fast he had awakened the instant he heard the familiar sound of pistols going off.
"Ethan and I had been unfortunate enough to have found some rest at the exact path they took. More shots were fired as they drew nearer. I was prepared to shield Ethan, but before I could, he threw himself in front of me." A deep breath, and in an instant, Harry's eyes turned to blades of ice. "I buried him two days later."
Sirius paused for a while to contemplate on whether to continue or let Harry have a rest. He never knew that his godson had been through much and had seen too many deaths, especially people whom he cared about. It almost made him want to go out and kill the very person who cause all this.
But before anything could take place, matters needed to be resolved first. Harry's future as the Keeper of Gryffindor was at risk. His reputation would be tainted if anybody found out about his past. And this included Hermione and her reason for knowing Harry's livelihood. They needed to find out how she knew because it could pose as possible threat to what had always been a good intention from the start.
"I'm sorry, Harry, but we need to talk about this."
"Go on. I don't care. It happened 5 years ago." But in truth, he still cared. Ethan had been a best friend, albeit he didn't want to admit it aloud. He had been young then, but he had entrusted his life to Harry, who had turned useless to him when he needed it most.
"How about when you joined those tournaments you were talking about?"
Harry let out an exasperated breath as he tried to recall how he dealt with people who wanted to get a clear look at him. "Every time I joined, I always kept a disguise on. It had been a trademark, actually. I was the `Veiled Warrior'."
"Veiled Warrior?" Sirius repeated, mystified.
"I know it sounds ridiculous, but they branded it on me."
"No…no…" Sirius shook his head. "I've heard of you. Now that I think about it, you were in the news for some time. You also killed Bellastrix Lestrange."
"Bellastrix was Ethan's lord…mistress…whatever she was."
Reeling from all the information that was coming from his godson, Sirius tried to focus on the matter at hand. "What else?"
Harry's gaze shifted to him. And somehow, the look that he saw in Sirius' face gave Harry a profound feeling. And then, he began to pace as if just starting to recognize the gravity of the question that lay ahead, waiting to be answered.
"During duels, I never dared expose my face." He narrated with needed clarity. "My hair had been long when you found me, and it may have been a shorter a couple of years earlier, but it still kept people from seeing my scar."
"Voice?"
"I didn't eat or sleep normally. Do you actually believe that my voice then would be the same as the one I have now?"
"If what you are saying is true, then how in the world did she know you were that dueler?"
Harry stopped his pacing long enough to give his godfather the most genuine look of bewilderment he had given in all his life, before hurtling himself out of the study like a hurricane, leaving only this statement behind.
"I don't know, Sirius, but I intend on finding out."
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A/N:
So I kind of finished this in a hurry. I wanted to give something after the release of book 7, which I am sure has caused a lot of devastation to Harmony shippers. I was also disappointed, depressed even, that our favorite ship did not come true. But after it sunk in, which took a great deal of time, I realized that as hopeful as we had been all throughout the years, there could have never really been a chance for them. J.K. Rowling had some other plans and I totally respect her decision.
BUT, I want to make a statement.
FanFiction websites, such as Portkey.org and Fanfiction.net, exist for dreamers like us who, in some ways, have seen something special between two people who are more compatible with each other than any other couple I have seen, more so even in real life.
I would not emphasize more, or give reasons to my claim, because I am sure all of you who are reading this have already seen countless of reasons for their compatibility. These points of view may actually have been the ones that convinced you that Harry and Hermione belong together.
So, to make it brief… I just want to say that whatever has been concluded in Deathly Hallows shall remain in Deathly Hallows.
Never let Canon stamp out the hope that there really had been something between Harry and Hermione. It is true that J.K. Rowling had UNINTENTIONALLY written moments that had caught the hearts of Harmony Shippers. But THAT IS the BEAUTY of love, isn't it? Something that is unforeseen, unintentional, and natural. Therefore, I truly hope that what has always been our belief shall remain our belief.
I will not give up on this fic…and all other fics that I plan to write about Harry and Hermione, nor will I forego this shipping. Please stay with me and my fellow authors, dear readers…because there is really no harm in dreaming. It is, after all, for free…and it doesn't hurt anybody. If they say we're pathetic, then so be it...there are two sides to the world...one is reality, and the other is fantasy...no one said it was illegal to believe in both...
For Heron shippers, congratulations…although I cannot sincerely say I am happy for you, I will just say that I have found respect in your ship. It was a fair game and from now on, let's just let the matter to rest.
For Harmony shippers, DO NOT lose heart. Never let reality dampen our spirits because it is our dreams that keep us alive. Let us keep the faith in our hearts, for only we hold the flame that keeps the light burning in what is and will always be known as the BEAUTY of HARMONY.
All is well that ends well…ciao for now!
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