Run. That was the only thing rushing through my head. I had to run, and get out of this place. To much had happened, and I couldn't stay there. I turned my head, and saw a confused James staring after me. There was too much I had to think about, and I had to get away from James. I looked forwards, and saw the forest coming up. Perfect I thought, my spot was close. Nobody could find me there. Not even Hagrid. My vision was blurred from the tears, and I just kept running. James was probably following me by now. I couldn't let him find me. Not now. Not after what had just happened. I could hear the twigs snapping behind me, and I told my tired body it was just a little farther. I wiped my eyes, and saw the spring up ahead. I dived into the water, and swam to the underground cave. I pulled myself out of the water, and sat down. Leaning against the cave walls, I closed my eyes and pictured the events that happened only minutes ago. I was walking by the lake, just enjoying the night sky, when James walked by me. On most occasions, I would tell him to sod off or something to that effect. But not tonight. We walked in silence most of the time, and just as we got to the front doors, he stopped me, and just looked at me. There are many irrational things I have done in my life, but this by far was the most. I stared right back into those beautiful hazel eyes, and kissed him right then and there. Of course he was shocked at first, but almost suddenly he recovered and started kissing me back. I was rather enjoying it until I realized just what exactly I was doing. I pushed away from him and ran.
I opened my eyes and felt a few tears fall down my cheeks. Oh great, I thought, now he has me crying over him. I put my head in my hands and tried to sort out what was running through my mind. Nobody had known about my recent feelings, not even my best friend Alice. I told no one of my feelings for James. Not even myself. Now whenever I gathered enough courage to go back to the castle James would be there thinking that there was something going on between us. I didn't want to get involved with James. Not in the least bit. Sure he was sweet, but a relationship with him would be doomed from the start. We just don't get along well enough to date. And obviously I can't even kiss the guy without running away.
"Lily?"
My head snapped up, and I looked in the direction of the voice. I sighed and put my head back down. I don't know how he found me. It's like he has some sixth sense about me. "What do you want James?" I muttered.
I could tell he was running his hand through his hair. I sighed, stupid nervous habits. I could hear him walking over to me, and I felt him sit down beside me.
"I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean to," he said quietly next to me.
"Sorry for what James? I am the one who kissed you," I murmured.
"I know that, nevertheless, I'm still sorry. But, I don't regret it," he paused, "Even if you do." The next thing out of my mouth was not a witty remark, but a sob. I could feel him tense beside me. Obviously he wasn't used to crying girls. He put an arm around me, and pulled me in close. "Lils please don't cry." He pulled me into his lap, and I sobbed into his shoulder. I found it to be very comforting to be sitting there with James, and even though I spent a whole hour trying to convince myself that It would never work, it was the times like these that I realized how much James had changed over the past year. Now that I thought about it, we haven't fought in a while, and he wasn't that bad to be around. It could work. If you tried, I told myself. So, once I felt that I could string together a sentence without breaking into tears again, I lifted my head off of his shoulder and said two simple words, "I don't."
He looked at me with confusion, and asked, "You don't what?"
I swallowed my fears, and said, "I don't regret it."
His eyes filled with confusion and excitement, and then he asked, "Then why did you run?"
"Because I'm scared. I'm terrified of my feelings for you," I whispered softly to him. He looked into my eyes and said, "Sometimes you have to fight your fears Lily, or they will always be there to haunt you." I looked down into my lap, and muttered, "I don't know if I can James." He put his hand on my chin, and forced my gaze up to him.
"Lily, there is nothing to be afraid of. I would never dream of hurting you, and we can go as slow as you need. Lils, I think you are wonderful, and I don't know if I can go on knowing that you have some kind of feelings for me, and we aren't together."
I looked back down, and said softly, "I think we should get back to the castle." I looked at James just in time to see his face fall before he put on a mask of carelessness. He stood up beside me, and held out a hand to help me up. I took it, and he pulled me into a hug. "I'll always be waiting for you Lily. When you come around, I'll be there waiting for you with open arms," he muttered softly into my ear and, with my hand in his, he started out of the cave.
I could feel the tears running silently down my face as I walked with James back to the school. I stared at the passing trees, wishing James would say something and not just walk silently in front of me. It hurt, and I felt horrible for it. I had never felt so bad in my life, and that's counting the time I was in the hospital with 5 broken bones. I looked up to James, and saw his shoulders squared and his fists slightly clenched. I couldn't believe I was so close to saying yes. I am so weak. I'll never fall in love if I keep going this way. That's what was running through my head the whole trip back to the castle. When we finally got to the front doors James turned to me, and said, "I know you want me. I'm not being cocky. I wont take no for an answer." He pulled me into a tight hug, and whispered, "I won't stop until you say yes. Never." With that, he pulled away, and walked into the castle leaving me there alone with my thoughts. Naturally, I ran to my dorm, and cried.
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