The sun was shining on my face and I groaned. I hated waking up, and I hated when it was the light that woke me up. I rolled over and buried my face into the warm feather pillow I was using. I was just laying there trying to fall back asleep when last night popped into my head. The nice euphoric dreamland I was in came crashing down around me, and I wanted to just suffocate myself with the pillow I was using as a light guard. Thank Merlin its Saturday. I groaned into the feathery lightness above me and threw it to my feet. The light was coming into the room in small rays, and I could see the particles of dust floating around everywhere. I looked around to find that the rest of my dorm mates had already gotten up. I sighed in relief. No one there to bug me about my puffy eyes and tear streaked face. I slowly pealed the covers off of my slim body, and swung my legs over the side of my bed.
Over in the corner of our room was a vanity covered in make-up and other things the girls needed for their morning rituals. All I normally did in the morning was take a shower, and put on some pink lip gloss. That morning I walked to the vanity and grabbed someone's bag of make-up. I looked like crap and I knew it, so I began putting it upon my pale face. I finished and looked at my face in the large mirror. I knew I looked good, but I felt no need to show this on a regular basis. I grabbed my brush and slowly combed the tangles out of my long wavy red hair. I looked beautiful, that I knew, but I felt almost numb inside. I sat the brush down and walked over to my trunk. I ruffled around until I found a pair of slightly worn jeans and a small fitted T-shirt and I put them on.
I looked at my watch and saw that breakfast had just ended. Damnit. I sighed and walked out the common room door on my way to the kitchen. My stomach started growling and it was only then that I remembered I hadn't eaten dinner last night. I continued walking toward the painting that would be the solution to my hunger. When it was finally in sight I almost ran, but didn't have the energy so I kept walking until I was standing in front of the bowl of fruit. I quickly tickled the pear and stepped into the kitchen. I took a quick glance around and came to the conclusion that no one else was there. The house elves came up to me and I asked for waffles with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. That was my meal of choice for when I was depressed. Needless to say, I had waffles a lot, and I was shocked I still had to tell the house elves what I wanted. I sat down at one of the tables and waited for my food. When they placed it in front of me I grabbed my fork and began eating them almost savagely.
"Geez Evans, slow down I don't want you to die on me."
My head snapped over to the direction of the voice and I rolled my eyes. Sirius Black. His hair was falling into his face in that sexy way and he looked almost beautiful, but it didn't fool me. He was a great friend, but never would I ever look at him more than that.
"What do you want Black?"
"My, my, my Evans… Aren't we a bit on the bitchy side this morning."
"Shut the hell up Siri. I feel like crap."
He sat across from me and stuck his finger in my whipped cream. Again, this was another one of my odd rituals. Sirius always seemed to know when I was here eating my waffles and he always came and listened to me pour my soul out. Oh, and ate most of my whipped cream. He looked at me with sympathetic eyes.
"Is this about last night?"
I looked up with shock. "James told you?"
He shook his head lightly and said, "He just told me he was out with you, and you seemed to be having a rough night."
I nodded and looked at Sirius. Sometimes I wondered if he was my best friend. I seemed to tell him things I wouldn't tell anyone, and I was very close to him. It was about then that I spilled the entire night's story out to the black haired boy in front of me. He nodded and looked like this was almost what he had expected. After I finished he looked at me and sighed.
"Lils hon, I don't know why you constantly do this to yourself. You obviously like him. Why not give it a chance?"
I looked down to my half eaten waffles and sighed.
"I don't know Siri. I mean I got up the courage to kiss him, but I can't do anything else. How screwed up is that?"
He didn't reply to me, but instead he just stared off to the wall on the far side of the kitchen. Finally he returned his gaze to me and said, "Hon, you just have to go for it. I know you want to run now, but if you keep running soon you're going to get to the point where your body can't deal with it. If not for yourself, Lily sweetie, do it for me. Please just stop running before you do something you will regret. Please."
He stood up knowing he made his point, and nothing more would be said. He walked around the table, hugged me and then left. It took me a while to get my feeling together before I finally left the kitchens. I was so confused. My mind was telling me to just run, get out of there as fast as you can, but my heart was saying go to him. Go while you still can. Don't loose him. I don't know why I felt these ways, but I knew I had to choose soon or, no matter what James said, I would loose my chance with him forever.
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