Disclaimer: Crap! I've been forgetting to do this… Ok so this is stupid… It's not like any of us are trying to say we are J.K. Why would we be on here writing fan fiction? I'd be off writing Harry Potter Seven.
After my talk with Sirius in the kitchens, I decided to just have a walk around the school to clear my head. Sirius was right. He was completely and totally right, even though it pained me to admit it. I wandered the school aimlessly for what seemed like years just thinking of nonsense and James. I was royally confused by my situation with James, but I knew I had to make a decision soon. He had waited the longest time for me, and it almost pained me to make him wait even a second more. I stopped to figure out where my wandering feet had led me, and noticed I was outside of the Room of Requirement. I wrinkled my brows and thought to myself what I wanted. One… Two… Three… and a wooden doorway appeared right in front of my pale face. I reached out and grabbed the handle, walking into a simple room with a chair and a desk filled with parchment. I nodded my head and sat myself behind the desk grabbing a quill and some parchment. I decided I needed to make a list. I sighed to myself and started writing. At first it was pouring out of me so fast, reasons why James was or wasn't boyfriend material. My list was rather equal in the end, causing me to grab at the bridge of my nose already feeling a headache coming on. I pulled my hand down and read over my list.
Pros
He's sweet
Not as arrogant
Shows me respect
Gives really good neck massages
Loves me
Cares about me
Good Kisser
Cons
Still a little arrogant
A little overprotective
Has a lot of secrets
Has a lot of pride
Prone to fighting
Pranks… enough said
I sighed almost grumpily as I noticed my pro list was longer than my con. Surely I could come up with more than that. I placed my quill down to the parchment but no words rushed out this time. The quill never left its spot.
"Come on Lily; get a hold of yourself," I muttered desperately to myself.
I crumbled up my small useless list and threw it away angrily. I was not any closer now than I was yesterday sobbing into James' arms. I stormed out into the halls and almost ran into a person coming around the corner. I stopped myself just before impact, and looked up to see Remus. I sighed and continued walking. What was it with me and James' friends? Remus smiled at the look on my face, and fell into step with me. He looked a little sick, but happy none the less. He nudged me with his shoulder and asked, "Hey Lily, do you want to go talk? Sirius said you probably needed someone to talk to."
I rolled my eyes. Of course he did. I nodded my head and replied, "Yeah sure, why not?"
He smiled and we walked in silence to the library where we found a table in the back where no one could over hear our conversation. Remus just looked at me with his sad brown eyes, wordlessly telling me to fill him in from the beginning. I repeated my story once again, and saw Remus smiling at the end.
"Remus, what do I do? I'm clueless. My body is telling me two different things, and I just don't know which to listen to."
Remus nodded. "I know this is total crap advise, but Lily, do what you think is right. I can't tell you to go out with James. That is something you have to do on your own. But really, you just have to follow your gut."
I sighed. "But I don't know what my gut is saying. I don't know what to listen to."
"Lily honey, how do you feel about James?"
"I like him a lot. Like a lot a lot."
"Well, is that enough for you or do you need something else?"
"I don't know Remus. I would love to date James I suppose, but what if it is a bad decision? What if I get hurt?"
Remus looked down to his clasped hands and sighed. "Sometimes you have do go for things no matter what the risk. Sometimes you need the bad decisions to shape out who you become. But I swear on my life right now, James is not a mistake. Please just think about that Lily."
I nodded and Remus stood to leave. "Good night Lily."
"Night Remus." And then he was gone.
I gathered my things and left the library to hopefully catch James before dinner.
***
I sat in the common room quietly waiting for a certain raven haired boy to walk through the portrait hole. I was absentmindedly reading my advanced potions book trying to kill time, and I figured I would finish the book by the time James had gotten here. I had planned to come clean to James and admit my feelings to him. I planed to tell James I was ready to try with him, that I was ready to listen to my heart and not my brain for the first time in my life. My eyes were growing weary so I closed the book and laid it upon the table in front of me. It was so late and I had figured James would be back from his night time wanderings by now. I told myself right then that it would be a sign if James didn't show up tonight. A sign that meant my decision was wrong and James wasn't meant to be.
I leaned my head back, the softness of the chair soaking me into its relaxed self, and felt sleepiness wash over me. I really didn't mean to fall asleep, but nothing could have stopped me. The last thing I remember was looking out the window and seeing the bright full moon hanging oh so innocently in the sky as the sound of mournful howling sang its depressing melody to my ears.
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