Chapter 5
The Sacrifice
Three witches and a wizard in black robes popped in to sight at the wrought iron gates of Hogwarts. Pausing for a moment they all walked straight through the two winged boars either side of the gates and into the grounds. Two of the witches picked up an animated conversation with the tall redheaded wizard, who was obviously enjoying the attention. The other witch with long curly hair trailed just a little behind the group, seemingly unnoticed by the rest.
Hermione glanced at Ron and his two assistants from the Ministry, the two women laughing loudly at his last comment. She resisted rolling her eyes with difficulty; she knew it would do no good to get herself into a mood before going in to Hogwarts and speaking with the students. She cursed herself again for forgetting her promise to Neville that she would come to this Careers Day - it was the last thing she felt like doing. Even with all her gratitude towards the place, she didn't want to be back at Hogwarts with all the memories it would bring up.
She sighed inwardly as she walked silently behind the other three, purposely studying the grass under her feet rather than glance up at the tall jumble of towers and battlements of her old school. She'd spent the last two weeks avoiding any thought of her past, burying herself in her work, taking on as many cases as she could to avoid thought altogether. Eating and sleeping had come a distant second and she knew it couldn't go on, but she felt like her world had been turned upside down and she had no idea how to right it. It was apparent that Ron hadn't really noticed, he was so caught up in himself lately, and Hermione didn't know whether or not to be grateful or hurt.
Coming out of the Pensieve on the day she'd watched the memory Harry had sent, she'd been immediately full of purpose, she was going to Ron to talk with him, and then she was going to Harry… and then she stopped. What if Harry didn't WANT to speak to her? He'd kept that memory from her for a full year and avoided her ever since. He obviously had regretted it. She would be embarrassed if she wasn't so angry at him. But the anger was tempered, she had to admit - by every time she slipped and thought about seeing the two of them, tangled in each other… She felt her face begin to flush hotly as she recalled again the hours she'd watched herself in Harry's arms.
A hand clapped down on her shoulder.
"Y'right?"
Ron bent and peered into her face with a questioning look as she hastily diverted her thoughts and adjusted her features.
"Fine" she said. Looking up she recognised the double oak front doors behind him and realised they were at the entrance to the school. She took a deep breath. "Let's go" she said.
They turned together and walked up the stone steps and into the Entrance Hall, the sights, sounds and smells of their past assailing her as they walked over the flagstone floor. Neville was standing by the doors of the Great Hall, his face breaking into a wild grin when he turned and caught sight of them all.
"Oh hi! Hermione, Ron!" He came forward and embraced Hermione warmly, then grabbed a smiling Ron in a rough hug too. "Thanks so much for coming" he grinned as he shook hands with the other two witches. He turned to Ron "I can't believe it Ron- Senior Undersecretary to the Minister! Gran's saying you should go all the way to Minister when Kingsley retires, she reckons…"
Neville talked on as he led them into the Great Hall. Hermione couldn't help but smile at her old friend and his enthusiasm.
"So we've got everyone set up at stations and the students will go around to the stations they're interested in and talk with you all..."
As he talked they moved into the Great Hall and Hermione looked up, noting the enchanted ceiling held a brilliant blue cloudless sky above; in contrast to the overcast skies outside, possibly to make the Hall brighter for the special occasion. Clusters of desks were grouped together in clumps around the room, with pamphlets and posters displayed around them with bright and moving headings like "A Champion at Charms? Terrific at Transfiguration? Healing could be for You!"
Neville led them past the desks towards the front of the large room, pointing out a room off the side of the hall that they could wait in until the students were brought through house by house. Suddenly a high pitched screech shattered the air. She turned to see a pretty witch in lavender robes flying towards them, and then Parvati Patil was hugging both her and Ron in a cloud of hair and sickly perfume.
"Oh it's so great to see you guys!!!" she cried, as Hermione pulled some of Parvati's hair from her mouth. "It's just like old times!!"
Hermione looked sideways at Ron expecting him to be equally amused by her greeting but instead saw him smiling warmly in the expression she'd come to recognize as his politicians guise, one he was getting increasingly good at. She left them to it as they began to discuss Parvati's new appointment as the Divination Professor.
Moving away from the group she headed to the door of the antechamber Neville had motioned to. Another unbidden memory prodded her as she opened the door and stepped through - that this was the room Harry had been ushered to just after his name had been pulled out of the Goblet of Fire in their fourth year. It was perhaps this thought that made her think she was seeing things as she stepped into the room to see Luna, her white blonde hair showing up brightly against her purple and black robes, standing next to the huge fireplace, talking to Harry.
Hermione froze mid step and stood staring, dumbstruck as the heavy door swung shut behind her. The bang of the door closing was the only sound as both Harry and Luna stared back at her, Luna smiling serenely; Harry having much the same reaction as Hermione, seemingly frozen mid sentence.
Unable to go one step further, she felt physically and mentally paralyzed. She just stood looking at him for an uncomfortable amount of time, noticing he had on his pale blue Appleby Quidditch robes. God, how could she have been so stupid. Of course Neville would have asked Harry too - a professional Quidditch player. If she could have moved, she would've actually kicked herself for being such an idiot and not realizing he would be here. He looked horrified, standing there staring at her, but- and she scolded herself for thinking this - god he looked good. His jet black hair was especially untidy; she thought it likely he'd flown here. She tried her mouth out to see if it was working yet but had no response.
Finally Luna came to her rescue, crossing the distance to her and looping her arm through Hermione's.
"Hi Hermione" she said warmly, leading her to the fireplace and towards Harry. "How have you been?"
Hermione finally snapped out of her stupor and tore her eyes away from Harry for the first time to look at Luna.
"Oh, great - fine Luna, thanks" she mumbled. They had reached Harry who was still standing in exactly the same position. Hermione steeled herself and looked up into his eyes - he was staring down at her with a stricken look on his face. Realising she had to get it together and greet him in front of Luna she found her voice.
"Hi, Harry" she said.
Harry, obviously keen to keep a good face on things, stepped forward awkwardly, putting his hand to her arm but not actually touching it, and leaning in his face to her cheek as if to kiss her hello as he usually would - though she just felt the barest brush of his rough cheek on hers. In that moment, she caught the scent of his skin and she closed her eyes briefly, unnerved. She stepped well back, putting Luna in-between them.
Harry finally spoke.
"I didn't realize you were coming."
She smiled dryly. "Neither did I."
There was a pause, and then he said quietly, "I'm sorry, Hermione."
There, he'd done it. He'd brought it out in the open. And all of a sudden every moment of the last few weeks welled up inside of her, on an enormous wave of emotion she could feel threatening to pour out. She looked him squarely in the eyes.
"And what am I supposed to do with that? 'Sorry?' That doesn't help me at all."
He flinched visibly and she almost felt sorry for him but the anger was overtaking her now. Luna continued to watch the conversation as placidly as if she was watching a tennis match, turning to look at each of them as they spoke.
"I know, I don't know…" he started
"No, you DON'T know!" she barked at him. "You don't know what I've been going through."
He frowned and she recognized his anger rising also.
"Hey, do you think I like that I've had to carry this around for over a year…"
"That was YOUR choice! I didn't have any choice!" she yelled.
His face fell and he took a step back, "Look I thought I was doing the right thing…."
She gave a sharp hysterical laugh. "Oh, of course you did! It was all for everyone else, it wasn't to save yourself of course…"
"NO it wasn't!" he yelled back, stepping in closer to her now. "Do you really think I was only thinking of myself, Hermione??"
Stepping forward as well, she looked up into his face.
"I have no idea what you were thinking" she said hotly.
He looked at her in confusion, the turmoil inside visible on his features. "I just thought it was… best. I didn't want you to have to …deal with anything"
She raised her voice again as tears came down her cheeks now. "Well you should've given me the choice, Harry!"
"I know…" he began
"Because I would've…."
"….I'm really…"
"I would've chosen to remember!"
She threw the last words as him and they seemed to slap him across the face. He stood back, shocked, not taking his eyes from her. Then a loud bang echoed around the room and they turned to see Ron standing by the door that had just shut, watching them.
None of them were aware of how long he had been there, but the air in the room seemed very dense as he remarked quietly, "We're needed out in the Hall now" and turned away, leaving through the door and shutting it firmly behind him.
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and then both turned to look at Luna who seemed quite undisturbed, a serene smile on her face. "Come on then" she said in her ethereal voice as she put her hands on their backs and moved them all towards the door.
Stepping through into the main hall, Hermione looked around for Ron and saw him with the Ministry witches at a bunch of desks, appearing to watch as they charmed some material to drape over their display. He folded his arms and cast a look back over his shoulder towards her, so full of contempt she flinched. She willed herself not to look back at Harry and Neville came to her rescue as he bustled up to them, ushering her and Luna towards one station and Harry into the far corner by the Quidditch equipment.
The rest of the afternoon was too busy for her to evaluate what had just happened, as she spent the time answering questions and demonstrating charms. Her gaze flicked over to both Ron and Harry; Ron sat at a table talking with students and Harry had his hands full keeping autograph seekers happy and attending the queue wanting a turn with a broomstick and a Snitch. Neither one glanced her way for the entire afternoon and she wasn't sure if she was glad or devastated about it.
Finally, the students started to thin out and Neville came around to tell them they'd be going to the staffroom soon for some food and drinks as a thank you. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him go to Harry and not long after, saw Harry leave the Great Hall for the Entrance Hall without a glance back. She sat heavily on her seat with her head in her hands.
"It's a huge sacrifice you make you know." Hermione heard Luna's voice pipe up in her ear.
"What?"
"You, and Harry." Hermione turned to look at her; she was still smiling that maddening peaceful smile. She was already frustrated at Luna as she'd not answered any questions all afternoon, as she'd explained, she was an Unspeakable, so she couldn't tell them anything about her job. At the end of her patience, she snapped.
"What the hell are you talking about Luna?"
"Well," said Luna unfazed, taking a liquorice wand out of her pocket and beginning to eat it. "It's always seemed strange to me."
Hermione couldn't take anymore and just sat looking at her, waiting for her next words.
"It's just that, I don't see why you prioritise Ron's happiness over both of yours." She twirled the liquorice around her finger. "What makes him more important than you two?"
Hermione looked at Luna, aware her mouth was hanging open a little. She had no idea what to say and began to stutter.
"I don't… I'm not sure what…"
"You don't need to worry" said Luna matter-of-factly. "I'm not telling anyone. You know I consider Harry one of my very best friends." Hermione looked into her big silvery eyes and recalled Harry's fondness for this strange but lovely girl. At this, she gave up all pretence and visibly sagged, exhausted from the days events.
"Thanks Luna" she mumbled. She looked up hopelessly. "I just have to figure out how to move on from this."
Now it was Luna's turn to look confused. She tilted her head to the side and studied Hermione for a while. Then she said "You know, for someone so smart, Hermione sometimes, you're really stupid."
Hermione coughed and widened her eyes.
"Pardon?"
"Harry's patronus. You do know it's changed."
"I know that…" she began
"It's an otter."
Hermione felt herself go cold from the tip of her head to her toes. "An …an otter?"
"Yup" said Luna, watching her closely. "Your patronus is an otter, isn't it?"
Hermione didn't answer and Luna didn't ask again. She just set about clearing away desks with her wand, humming to herself. Hermione looked over at Ron, now talking with Principal McGonagall, and strode purposefully towards him.