Unofficial Portkey Archive

She Says

Chapter Two: What's Goin' On in Your Head

Author: ItsLily2u (call me Meg)

And that's why I'm wondering why

You had to tell me

What's goin' on in your head

*

"No, it's really not that bad of a class." Lily peered at her dark-haired friend through her long red hair. She waved at a group of passing Ravenclaws as they made their way through the corridor. "Really."

The boy at her side rolled his eyes. "You only say that because that boy is in there--"

"Who? Potter?" Lily laughed. "No. That has nothing to do with it, actually. We don't even really talk. I like Charms, I don't see what's so horrible about them. They're really quite fun, Sev."

"Only because you do well at the spells. But there are more useful classes… Or more useful things to learn, anyway." Severus gave her an odd look. "Like Defense. I mean, it could definitely be a better class, and the professor is lacking true knowledge of the arts, but… still. I like it, most of the time. Or even Potions. I like Potions."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You just feel like arguing with me right now, because you're still mad about that Potter thing this morning."

"How…" Severus stopped in his tracks. "How did you know about that?"

She smiled patiently. "Sev," She reached out for his hand. "Potter has an impossibly huge mouth, as well as a pathetic penchant for teasing and pranking people he dislikes, the prat." She took his hand in hers, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Come on, let's go see if we can get our table at the library."

He smiled, noting that her hand hadn't left his own.

*

"When did winter even start?" Fanny asked, pushing her long, wavy blonde hair over her shoulder. She pulled her cloak closer.

"I dunno." Lily shrugged. "I wish it would hurry and get over with though. I loathe cold. Maybe I should just go outside and do a great, big drying charm… Do you think the bloody snow would go away?" She rested her chin in her hand, watching the four Marauders--James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew--approach. "Maybe an Evanesco."

"You don't like snow?" James Potter asked. He looked truly curious.

"I loathe it." Lily repeated--and looked like she was about to add something else to accompany this remark, possibly something to do with loathing Potter, as well, but Fanny stopped her.

"Why, hello, boys." She pretended to have just noticed them, smiling her bright, cherry-red smile up at the four. Sirius and Remus grinned back in response, saying their hellos; Peter mumbled something about homework and detention, though he appeared minutes later at the Hufflepuff table, next to a sixth year; James only had eyes for one Ms. Evans, though the Marauders and Fanny were the only ones to take any notice.

Lily's attention turned away from her housemates as a familiar dark-haired and dark-eyed Slytherin entered the Great Hall. She watched him with sad eyes, as he sulked his way over to his table. She sighed once more, caught up in her memories. He certainly seemed to be on her mind a lot lately.

This thought made her sigh yet again.

*

"Sev!" Lily gushed, rushing forward. "I was so afraid you'd gone home early again! You aren't going to your aunt's again, are you? I hope not! I'm happy you're going home, too. That's fun, because now I'll have someone to talk to." Her arms wound around his small frame in a tight hug. But after a moment, she was walking away. "I'll be right back, okay? I have to go find Fanny! Go in my compartment, I promise I'll be back!"

He watched her go with a sigh, not really sure how to take this. Fanny wasn't too horrible. Yes, she was a Gryffindor through and through, but she was usually fairly decent when she was in his company. She didn't make too many rude comments, like Lily's other friend, that Tyler from Ravenclaw. Oh, he was an annoying sort.

Pushing the compartment door open the rest of the way, Severus entered it, lifting his bag back onto his shoulder.

"Oh, hello, Snape." Tyler looked up from his book. He was near the window, and was now looking at Severus with eyes that easily spelled mistrust.

"Wood." He replied with a slight sneer. He only put up with Lily's friends for her sake. If he hadn't cared so much about the stubborn, fiery red-head, he wouldn't put himself through all this. "Haven't you been reading that book for a while, now? I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be smart, read fast, and all that." It was his best shot at civility.

Tyler's eyes narrowed even further. "It's the third on in the series, you dolt. And I started reading them last Tuesday, thanks." He let the book fall closed with a snap. It landed on his leg. "And, just so you know, the only reason Fanny or I act like we don't dislike you around Lily is because she asks us to. Don't think for a moment that we enjoy your miserable company, Snape. I know she trusts you, but I doubt she always will. Someday, she'll see that you are to be trusted or loved. It's only a matter of time until you show your true colors. We'd as soon have you out of this compartment as have Potter with us."

The look of disgust was returned. "You think I enjoy being around a Mudblood such as yourself? Don't fool yourself, Wood. In fact, next time you think on it, remind yourself that I loathe you the same way you loathe me. And believe me, if she trusts me, it's for a reason, probably more of a reason than--"

The other boy opened his mouth to cut him off, but each were interrupted by the compartment door opening once more. Lily and Fanny walked in, smiles on their faces.

Lily's widened at the sight of both Severus and Tyler still in the same compartment, as though she was witnessing progress between her two friends; Fanny's smile grew when she saw Tyler, but faded to a frown as she noticed the cold look Severus aimed at Tyler's slender form.

"Aren't you all so happy? We're not fourth years anymore!" Lily tossed herself into the empty seat next to the Slytherin. She pulled her feet up into the seat with her, leaning back comfortably.

Fanny noticed the dark look Tyler gave Severus, who looked quite pleased.

"It is odd to think we only have a couple years left," Fanny supplied, feeling uneasy with the two boys glaring daggers at each other.

"Oh. I forgot to mention, Lils, mum found a new house, after all. We're moving in next week, after dad gets released."

"Oh, Ty!" Lily jumped across the compartment, to join him. She wrapped her arms around him. Snape made an odd noise, almost a growl, but it went unnoticed. "That's the best news ever! He's really getting out now? How is he doing?"

"Wonderful, now that he's getting out soon." He hugged her back.

"That really is good to hear." Fanny smiled widely and joined in on the hug. "We'll get to see him when he's feeling better, right?"

"Oh, I would love to see your new--"

Without a single word, or good-bye, Severus was out of the compartment, leaving the three Gryffindors behind, two happy, one puzzled.

*

"Oh. Hi. And to what do we owe this rare pleasure?" Marianne Wallace, another seventh-year Gryffindor with whom Fanny and Lily shared a dorm (and were good friends with), quirked an eyebrow at the boys, dragging Lily's attention back to the conversation.

Of course, the seventh years were all known to talk, but… The boys were an entity of their own. They were the Marauders: they did pranks, they caused laughs, they charmed girls, they brought about general mischief. They were like Hogwarts Celebrities. There was not a single person in the school who did not know the foursome's names. They were just known.

"We just thought it would be nice to join our own house and year-mates for dinner. If you wouldn't mind, that is," Sirius sent his charming smile over Mary's way.

"'Course we wouldn't." said Fanny brightly. "Would we, Lils?" She knew her best friend well; Lily truly could not stand James Potter.

But, if Fanny had her way, that wouldn't last long. She knew that if Lily would calm down long enough to talk to the poor bloke, she would see that the really was nice… and quite smitten with her. And she was just the sort of girl to fancy him back.

"No, not at all…" Lily said somewhat absently, but seriously at the same time.

They were all surprised to see Lily smile.

She smiled in Potter's presence.

Tyler, who had eaten in silence across from Lily, now looked up in disgust. Every girl dropped at the Marauder's feet like they were some sort of gods. As far as he was concerned, they were prats. They pranked Slytherins and could be funny--but they used girls, lots of girls. And hurt them. He wasn't about to see that happen to one of his friends. Or best friend.

James, who had taken a seat next to Lily, looked up at her as she talked with her friend (though she seemed far away from the conversation, somehow), Fanny, who was on the other side of the table, next to that Ravenclaw bloke, Hill. He longed for something to talk with her about. Anything. He watched as she flipped her red hair over her shoulder to keep it out of the way, her green eyes dancing with laughter as she said something.

He was happy enough to be next to her. Maybe he should leave the talking for later.

She did seem to be sighing quite a lot today, though didn't she?

*

"Exam wasn't too bad, not for an OWL, anyway, eh?" Tyler grinned as he ran down the corridor to catch Lily by the arm. "Hey."

"No." She replied coldly. "It wasn't." She continued walking.

The Ravenclaw blinked and he looked stricken. "Lily?" he called out uncertainly. She'd never used that tone with him before.

"I'm fine." was her immediate response.

But a moment later she stopped in her tracks. That's when he noticed the tears, that her upper body shook in anxiety.

"Lily?" he said once more, reaching out to her.

"I'm fine. Really!" She choked out, clearly contradicting herself.

"Come 'ere." Tyler whispered, pulling her into his arms around her, situating himself so that her head was tucked into his neck, her arms comfortably folded up against his chest. She didn't resist him, but continued to cry, instead, and he continued to hold her. They stayed that way for as long as her tears endured, sobbing the sadness away, in her case, and doing the best to help, in his.

But eventually, her exhaustion and misery gave way, and her knees began to buckle underneath her.

Instead of fighting her, and trying to keep her small frame upright, Tyler slid to the floor with her, his arms still wound around his dear friend, one encircling her waist, the other draping her shoulders lovingly.

"I'm right here, Lils." he breathed softly, using the pad of his thumb to wipe her cheeks free of tears.

"So you won't call me a Mudblood, too, then?" She sounded hurt, bitter, unhappy… everything he never wanted her to be. "By being here you mean you'll let me help you by keeping that blasted over-pompous self-sufficient prat known as James Potter--" Her voice hit a high pitch, and her eyes looked even more red. "--from embarrassing you in front of the entire school? You won't just… you'll…" The confused look in his eyes slowly registered with her, because after a moment she sighed and blinked. She looked apologetic. "Oh, Ty. I'm sorry. It's just… I just… He--"

"He, who?" He brushed the hair from her feverish face.

"Sev," She hiccupped.

Tyler blinked, reminding himself to stay calm. "What happened?" he asked slowly. Inside, he was aching. He'd always hoped that slimy git would mess things up royally with Lily so he'd leave them alone for once, but now that it had actually happened… Well, he wanted to make the barmy git take it all back.

By the time Lily had finished the story, the tears were nearly gone and she appeared much more relaxed.

"That bastard! Lily, I am so sorry." He didn't know what to say.

"It's okay… right? I should've known. He's been so cold lately. I'm fine, really. I just…. I didn't think he'd be so rude, not in front of…" She sighed. "Ah, let's go up to the Gryffindor Tower, ok? Will you go with me? Do you mind?"

*

"Erm… Could I walk you to the common room? I mean--if you're going there. I will if you'd like me to. Well, okay, I mean…"

James Potter had always been incredibly awkward around Lily Evans--thus making himself look like either a blubbering prat or a complete git. Either way, it was bad. He had never been on her good side.

He was sorely tempted to reach up and smack himself in the forehead.

"That'd be all right." Lily agreed. She nodded.

James blinked. He couldn't see directly into her face; they were on the spiraling stairs, leaving Dumbledore's office after a Head meeting. She was a few steps below him, and, well… he had to wonder if she was feeling well. She hadn't even laughed at his stuttering. Had she heard him correctly?

He was still fretting over this as neared the landing; she stepped off gracefully, looking more beautiful than ever and James… stumbled. Naturally. But she didn't laugh at him. In fifth or sixth year, given the opportunity, she would have at least smirked.

The bitter-looking gargoyle slid into place as they left it behind.

She still wasn't looking terribly unhappy at the prospect of James Potter walking beside her; in fact, she looked like she was just out for a stroll, looking out the windows and smiling slightly. James couldn't help but wonder at her.

Though it seemed that all week, she'd been off in her own world.

"So, that wasn't so bad, was it?" At Lily's blank look and raised eyebrows, he continued. "The meeting,"

"Oh." She smiled slowly. "No, I suppose not. They have to let us feel like we're doing something right occasionally, eh?"

James laughed quietly, as they walked on in silence again, now approaching a stairwell. Merlin, for knowing so much about the girl, he had not the foggiest idea about how to start a conversation--a real conversation--with her.

Lily sighed, for the upteenth time, it seemed like. She just seemed overwhelmed with the memories. Yes, of course she missed her best friend… But he'd hurt her. Deeply. And she had Fanny and Tyler. They were stable, good friends. They would never hurt her like that.

She didn't need him… right?

*