Unofficial Portkey Archive

She Says

Chapter Three: You Don't Have To Run

Author: ItsLily2u

Disclaimer: I am jobless & broke… Enough said.

What's wrong

Come around to another time when you

Don't have to run

*

"So, erm… Do you know what you want to do outside of Hogwarts?" he asked curiously. That was a decent question. Perfectly safe and stable, and he was sure to get a good answer.

Lily sighed. "I'm not sure, honestly." She sounded tired. "I just took a load of classes I thought would set me up with some good opportunities. Who knows?"

James blinked slowly. He'd never considered the idea that Lily wouldn't know what she wanted to do--she'd always seemed so sure of herself--in everything that she did.

"So, tell me something else about yourself, Ms. Lily Evans, Charms--and Potions--Extraordinaire." He winked.

Lily smiled for a moment, then sighed and looked sad. "There's nothing, other than the fact than I'm Head Girl, don't know what I want to do after school, I'm muggle-born, and… well…" She looked at the floor. "I study a lot. I'm quite boring."

"You're not boring, Lily."

Suddenly, Lily was scowling at him. "Oh, Potter, don't be nice. It isn't becoming on you. You don't know a thing about me, except what everyone thinks they know."

James took a step back, but he was frowning, now. He did know things about her… If only she knew. "Well. Fine. You may not agree, but I don't think you're boring. I think you're anything but boring, Lily. And I expect Brandon--"

Her eyes flashed. "Don't even mention him around me."

James swallowed. He could never say the right thing around this girl…

Did that mean she'd broken up with him? Had he done something to make her mad, and they'd be back together in a few days? Or had he… Ooh, if he'd done anything to hurt her, he'd be sure to get after the Ravenclaw the next chance he had.

James Potter was--if nothing else--a damn good dueler when he needed to be.

Lily inhaled sharply, looking as though something had just sprung to life inside her. "Ooh… That bloody prat!" She crossed her arms over her chest, scrunching her nose. He'd never seen her do that before, but he certainly loved the look; she was adorable. But a moment later, James thought he could see tears in her eyes. "I didn't even expect a thing! We'd been together three months! He was always telling me how happy he was. Though I guess that should've been an indication. Three months, and he just…" she trailed off, biting her lip with a sound something like frustration. "'It was fun while it lasted, Lily.'" she mocked, a deep scowl on her porcelain features. James wanted to laugh, hold her, and hit this Brandon blighter all at once. "I mean, who the hell says that?" She was nearing hysterics. James doubted she would want to cry in front of him, so he made a small movement, as if to hug her, but stopped; just to remind her he was still standing there.

Her head snapped up and she looked at him, hard. "Oh, why am I telling you this. You wouldn't know a thing about… Oh, that's right. You've broken plenty of girls' hearts." She snorted. "You would know." With a graceful eye roll, Lily turned to walk in the other direction, and leave James standing in the hallway, but he reach out and touched her arm with his fingertips.

"Lily, people are wrong about us… You have to understand that. Both of us." He paused, letting her think on this for a moment. "If, as you say, everyone thinks you're boring, they're wrong. But they're wrong about me, too, and I want you to understand that." Looking down into her green eyes, slightly hazy from the tears, James couldn't help but wish--yet again--for everything he didn't have. He'd wished after it for years. "I've not had half the girlfriends people say I have, you know. I'm not a spoiled mummy's-boy, and I don't just "get with" girls… especially to do something stupid, like break their hearts. And… I'd never… just…" He was finding it harder to remember what he was saying, as he stared into her eyes. But Lily hadn't moved or looked away. He took this as a good sign.

He almost started to lean down, but he caught himself just in time. That would certainly make her run away. Merlin, that's the last thing he wanted to do.

Suddenly, Lily blinked and shook her head. She stepped away.

"Do you know what you want to do?" She changed the subject, though sounding genuinely curious, but he may have been hoping for too much. Probably she was just trying to recover from being so close. Had they almost kissed? Surely not. He was imagining things…

"An auror. Without a doubt. My dad's a auror, a damn good one. I've always looked up to him, even as a little kid, and I knew I'd be just as good as him someday." James smiled thoughtfully. "I always remember him coming home after work and going into his study. I'd follow him in there and ask him about a million questions about his job. The poor bloke," He laughed. "He has to come to Hogwarts sometimes, and he's always at the station to leave me and pick me up; have you ever seen him? Maybe sometime you could meet him, and he could--"

Lily scoffed, throwing James an offended look. "Naturally. Off you go, yet again. It's always about you! And I'll bet he's just like you. I get enough conceit and arrogance from one Potter. I don't need it from another bloke who's probably not a jolt different from his son. In fact, he probably molded you into… this." With a deep, disapproving scowl, she departed, leaving James stranded in the corridor wandering what he'd said.

*

It had very a painstakingly long day.

Though lately, it seemed like they all were.

Three Hogwarts students had lost their families in the last month, and more were sure to come. These days, it seemed like nothing was okay. Deaths, disappearances, curses, and tears weren't uncommon anymore.

It was sad, that everyday, it was routine for each person in the Hall to watch the owls come in through the high windows, to unroll their copy of the Prophet, and scan the headlines, expecting more news of the infamous Lord Voldemort-- newly coined "He Who Must Not Be Named."

Lily's mind was heavy with such thoughts as she wandered the halls that night, not for the first time. True, Prefects were never supposed to patrol alone, but it was the sixth year Gryffindor's turn, and she didn't mind covering for Remus. He deserved it, and besides, Lily didn't mind patrolling alone anymore, as it was the perfect opportunity to think and get some clarity.

Although tonight, clarity seemed impossible, and her thoughts were heavy.

But with a single flash of light, they grew worse.

There wasn't time to consider who had just fired a spell her way, or even why. Her only thought was to make them stop. Magic wasn't allowed in the corridors, anyway!

As another spell came too close to her right ear, she frowned. Alright, magic wasn't allowed, but she wasn't about to let someone curse her, not without fighting back.

She muttered a quick "Stupefy" and hurried forward, hoping for a glance of who it was. But a dash of bright green light cracked and broke a bit of the wall to the right, making her jump. An Unforgivable. Whoever she was deuling had just tried to use an Unforgivable on her!

She fired a disarming spell ahead, and the flash of light was just enough. Both deulers gasped and froze in place.

She stood perfectly still, her body fully alert, legs in deuling stance, one hand holding her wand outstretched, the other hanging limply at her side, her eyes wide and pinned on the solitary figure just ahead and to the right.

His stance mirrored hers, though somewhat more tense and aggressive. His eyes, however, were the very opposite of hers, their dark depths shined maliciously and were mere slits as he glared in her way.

"Shouldn't you be in bed like all the other little kiddies there, Mudblood?"

"I could say the same to you, Snape." She said it like it was the worst sort of insult.

"You're afraid I'll curse you again, aren't you?" He stalked closer, sneering down his long nose at the shorter girl.

"What's that supposed to mean, huh? You couldn't hit me if you wanted. You didn't, even when I was unprepared and without my wand," She blinked stubbornly back. "I'm a magnificent deuler. Top of the year, if you'll remember. Care to test me again?"

"You're not bad," he corrected. "But you don't want to mess with me, Evans." His gaze seemed to soften, although Lily thought she might have imagined that.

She simply replied by staring back in distrust. He edged closer, until he was maybe a foot away. She glared back up into his steely gaze.

"You look uncomfortable, Evans. Mistrusting. Disbelieving."

"You think I should look any differently around you? You're not to be trusted. I don't know how I ever did."

His eyes went to the floor. "Look, Evans. I don't have time for this." He turned to go, expecting Lily to stay behind. "I--"

She reached out for his arm. "You know what? No--" She pulled at his wrist to turn him around. "We have some things to talk about, you two-faced prat." As her arm slid further down his cloak, he shuddered and met her eyes again. He froze.

Lily watched the look on his face, then followed his gaze down to his now exposed forearm. Lily gasped.

It was his mark.

That was all it took; Lily's eyes met his for one brief moment, then she turned and was gone. He stared after her, his heart pounding in his chest. He still loved that girl with all his heart.

But by not being friends with her, he was protecting her.

*

James tried. He truly did. He tried all bloody week to just talk to the girl (but to no avail) ever since their conversation Sunday night…

The conversation that left him wanting--no, craving more of her. Needing her, even.

He'd had classes and meals with her, not to mention the times he saw her in the corridors and common room. But James had never known she was so incredibly good at ducking, dodging, and denying him--both deliberately and deviously. When she was in his presence, she was straight back to making her old, snarky remarks… Only James found they hurt a hell of a lot more than they used to. He had never wanted the weekend to come so badly--for he and Lily patrolled on Saturdays, Sundays and Mondays (unless there was a Head Meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore). But time, it seemed, was not taking his side this time.

The Marauders hadn't figured out exactly what was wrong-- but they could guess the general root of the problem. The illustrious Lily Evans.

And while they had always been James's supportive best mates, they couldn't help but laugh quietly at his increasing awkwardness. They always had, throughout the years.

Peter--though not known for his tact-- was quite good at accidentally stumbling across his mates problems. "Prongs." And he was always the first to crack. "That's it. Get up. Now."

The other three-fourths of the Marauders looked up from their posts, curiosity written across every feature. While Peter was the tactless, clumsy one, he was not bold.

Right now, he was bold, and they knew to pay attention.

"Whatcha' doin' with him, Wormtail?" Sirius smirked from his bed. His tossed his chocolate frog away carelessly, far more interested in the happenings of his mates. He leaned his legs over the edge of his four-poster.

Peter ignored him. Instead, he rolled off his bed and pulled himself up to his full 5"5. He blinked across the room at James, who was peering out at him, half-hidden behind the scarlet drapes of his four-poster. He looked afraid to come out.

"We all know something happened between you two." Peter narrowed his eyes; James squirmed; Sirius moved to see everything better; Remus smiled slowly at his nervous friend's audacity. "So. You've two choices. One--" Peter held up a finger. "Sit here and enlighten your three mates with every bloody detail of what happened until they're bored to tears. Or two--" Another finger. "Go find your Ms. Evans and apologize, discuss it all, and have everything okay again."

James blinked stupidly.

Two minutes ago, he'd been sitting there on his bed, looking at the old, crumpled Transfiguration notes of Lily's from fourth year. He was walking behind her on the way out of class one day and was amazed to see her throw it away, alone with a bunch of spare parchment; Lily Evans never threw away anything that she thought might be of use later. She kept every test, every note… probably all of her essays, too. But she was relating a story to Fanny at the time--something to do with her sister--so she must not have noticed. She'd never done well in Transfiguration, anyway, Merlin bless her. The notes didn't even really make sense.

So James had jumped at the chance, and had cherished them ever since.

True, the Marauders liked to rib him about it, but he didn't mind. Not really.

"Well?"

James glared at Remus. So, what? He was in on it, too?

"Sirius?" James looked over at his best mate, his brother. He expected a bit of help, at least.

Sirius shrugged, a smirk in place. He held up the Marauder's Map. "Sorry, mate, I'm busy…"

James narrowed his eyes at him. Busy? Looking at the map? "Hmph." Some mates he had… He scowled at the three, edging himself off the bed, to gather his cloak. He left Lily's paper on his trunk.

"Gits." he muttered, leaving the door open, which he knew they'd hate.

"He does realized you've just done him a huge favor, doesn't he?" Sirius said aloud, looking around the room. The smirk remained.

Peter shrugged, climbing back onto his bed again. "It was just… maddening. Funny, but maddening." He wasn't feeling bold anymore. He was shy, nervous Peter again.

Remus laughed suddenly--throwing down his book.

The other two looked up in surprise. "What're you up to?"

Remus looked up to Sirius, a hand on his stomach, still laughing. "Peter just yelled at James!"

There was silence for a moment.

Sirius grinned. "Cheers, Wormtail!"

"Prong's face was kinda funny…" He admitted.

The three boys all grew serious for a moment, but it didn't last long.

*

"Okay. I'll see you all in a few days…" Lily leaned over to hug her friends, one at a time. "Be careful, okay?" They squeezed each others hands. "I'll be at your house before the meeting." Lily looked at Alice. "I promise!" She, Fanny, and Tyler all walked away together, waving at their friends, back on the platform. They were some of the only students remaining at Hogwarts for Christmas.

Severus Snape stood nearby, leaving moodily against a sycamore tree. It was cold out and he felt the ice against his thin shoes more than he should have. His breath came out in steamy puffs.

It was the last time the girl he loved would see one of her dearest friends, and it was his fault.

As if the girls had read his thoughts, Marlene turned around, in the doorway of the train, and Lily left the path that lead through the forest and to Hogwarts, to run back to her. They hugged once more, and Lily looked at her seriously.

"I just have this horrible feeling, Marly!" She whispered.

"Oh, Lily," Marlene giggled. "You're mad. I'll see you back here in just a few days, you madwoman." She winked and hurried onto the train, watching Lily leave over her shoulder. She waved once more and disappeared onto the train.

Lily turned around halfway up the path, and saw Snape just a few feet off. Her eyes went cold. It had been months since they'd spoken.

He lowered his head a bit, though didn't take his gaze from her. If he had the guts, he would tell her how he truly missed her. He missed her amazing humor, her wild ideas, her fiery temper… He missed everything about his best friend. He loved her and wanted her back in his life.

But maybe… maybe it just wasn't possible right now. Maybe someday.

For the second time since he'd been watching her, Snape wondered if she had heard his thoughts, for she walked very close to him, her beautiful green eyes bright over the golden scarf tucked around her throat. She was frowning slightly, but looking sad even more.

"Go on, I'll catch you up," she directed at Fanny and Tyler. They looked on disapproving as they passed by.

"I won't bother you." She said softly, so that he barely heard her. He almost doubted she'd said anything, but he saw the silver puffs of breath before her and knew she had. "I just wanted to say… I am truly sorry that you had to go and change so much," Her eyes looked heavy and sad.

Though his heart ached and felt downtrodden at this statement, he had to look unmoved. But the look on her face at his next words hurt even more than saying them. "You mean, you're sorry because you couldn't, Evans." He blinked, to keep his eyes from looking watery.

She took a step back. Her eyes closed. "Alright. We'll keep it that way." She opened her eyes once more, and sadness all but seeped from them. She looked stricken. "I hope that your "almighty" Lord discovers what a two-faced, lying, horrid bastard you are, Snivellus." she bit out, though he had the impression she had difficulty saying the words. He had difficulty hearing them. "You'll get what's coming to you," She whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"I could say the same," He sneered, trying to keep up his hateful front. Oh, how he hurt.

She looked hurt, as well.

"No, you couldn't."

It was the last time they'd ever spoken.

*