A/N: Not sure whether you all will like some of the scenes that take place here. They are necessary, and not just here for drama. OMG, just finished this chapter and I was… well… you will see… *tear*
Dear Alice,
I know you have grown worried, as I have not written you all summer. For that, I'm greatly sorry. Working in the Potter's house was more than I ever expected it to be. I don't know what to do, though, and this is to be kept between us, ok? Since James has come home, he is all I can ever think about it. Before, I would fight the thoughts and feelings, but now when I lay down, I welcome them. I don't know what's wrong with me, Alice.
At first, I thought that it was because I was so tired. Sirius had been running me ragged (not that way, get your mind out of the gutter, girl). He apparently has a bottomless stomach or a tape worm of some sort. He is hungry all of the time. I couldn't imagine, really. Anyways, I thought that my lapse in judgment was because I was so tired. With all of the Potters gone (except for Christopher, James' three year old cousin), I finally got several consecutive nights of the most amazing sleep ever. I have never felt so refreshed, and here is my dilemma. Nothing has changed.
I know this doesn't make any sense. Sigh. I don't know how to say this, but even without sheer exhaustion, I still like him, Alice. I like James. Not only do I like him, I really like him. Daydream like him. Dating him like him. It is all so confusing. I don't know why I like him. I shouldn't, since I have been hold him off since first year, but I do. I can't even deny it anymore. It wouldn't matter much. Denial or not, the feelings would still be there.
I dream about him every night, and not only those embarrassing dreams where we… uh, are `together', either. Those are so intense, by the way, not that you needed to know that. No, if the dreams were just those, I would say it was because I needed some sort of physical fling of sorts. The dreams that bother me the most are the ones where he and I are together, just together and we are so happy, Alice. I feel happiness I have never felt before.
Nevertheless, it isn't confined to just the dreams, either. Before they left on their trip to the coast, we had a moment. Now, don't get all excited, it wasn't one of those types of moments. It was so perfect, though, so relaxed. I was out in the hammock and he just stood there, swinging it. I know, it sounds so corny, but you really had to be there. Dear God, Alice. I think I am falling in love.
Lily held her quill off the paper and looked down. That little sentence there at the end really summed it up nicely. She felt a surge of emotion, she couldn't believe that after all these years she not only was admitting feeling like these for James Potter to herself, but she was willing to write them down on paper. It made it more permanent, more lasting.
`You probably should let James in on this little secret,' Lily thought as she stretched. The Potters would be home tonight, and she still had to read Christopher a bedtime story. Lily hated to say it, but his mother was useless. Lily had practically taken care of him the entire time, but that was ok. She was falling in love with the little boy and she hoped that one day when she had a son, he was just like Christopher.
Lily placed her quill on the desk and left the pool house, heading back to the main house. Chef was standing in the kitchen, smiling at her. He had taken to her, much like everyone else. He held out a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. Lily smiled and thanked him, taking the two up to Christopher's room. He was waiting there, patiently. His mother looked like she was about blow her top.
"He just doesn't listen to me," she said to Lily. Lily nodded.
"Go and take a swim, I'll read to him and put him to bed," Lily said to the frazzled woman. She nodded. Lily waited until Christopher's mother had left. She looked at the little boy, quizzically. "Have you been naughty?"
"No," Christopher lied. Lily sighed and placed the plate on the bookshelf as she sat in the rocking chair. Christopher climbed into her lap. "When is James comin' home?"
"He will be here in the morning," Lily said. Her heart fluttered at the thought. He would be home late tonight, and tomorrow she could talk to him. Maybe. She knew that there would come a time that she wouldn't be able to deny it any longer; she would have to tell him how she felt. She could almost picture that smug look on his face, but maybe he wouldn't be smug about it. Maybe he would be so thrilled. Lily could only imagine.
"Read," Christopher pleaded as his hands tapped the book that was open between them. Lily nodded and began reading from the book. For pages and pages, she read, Christopher sucking on his thumb and watching. Lily kept an eye on him, watching as his eye lids seemed to grow heavy until he could no longer open them anymore.
"You are so sweet," Lily murmured as she placed the book down on the floor and lifted Christopher up in her arms. She tucked him into his crib and left the nursery, closing the door over. Lily headed back down the stairs, finishing the last dregs of milk in the glass and the last cookie. She placed them in the sink and headed back out to the pool house.
"Hey, is he asleep?" Christopher's mother called. Lily walked over to the fence that surrounded the pool and leaned against the open gate.
"Yes," Lily said as Widow Potter swam back and forth. Lily wasn't the only one watching, though Widow Potter didn't seem to mind the gardener swimming in the pool with her. "Good night, ma'am."
"Good night," Widow Potter called laughing as she swum into the arms of the gardener. Lily closed the gate and turned to leave. Lily closed her eyes to the thought that they were getting cozy in the pool together, out in the open. She shivered and headed back into the pool house. She stripped off her clothes and pulled her night gown on, glancing at the letter. She would finish it in the morning, just incase there was more she needed to tell Alice. Lily grinned, hoping that there would be more to tell her.
Lily climbed into bed, her book open. She was certain sleep would come, but found that she was too excited about James' return home. She was so nervous, too. What if he didn't like her as much as she liked him? Would it be enough for her to like him that much, and for him to only like her a little?
"Lily?" James called quietly as he knocked on the door, entering the small living room of the pool house. Lily felt her heart start pounding wildly in her chest as she sprung from bed and head to the source of his voice.
They had been a part for one week, just one week, and it really was true about how the absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Lily wanted to clear the space between them in a quick second and throw herself into his arms. She blushed at the idea, and managed to maintain some control over that little train of thought.
"James, you returned," Lily said in a voice that she hoped came off as calm and collected. She didn't want to sound too excited or desperate.
"I saw that your light was on, and I wanted to see how things are," James said quietly as he stood there looking at her. Lily could feel the warmth creeping up her.
"Well, let me get my robe on, and we can sit outside. The night is nice," Lily suggest. James nodded and headed out, sitting on one of the chairs just outside of the pool house door. Lily hurried to her room, and pulled her robe on tight. She tied the belt around her waist, and then untied it. She did this a few times before leaving it untied and joining James. She sat down next to him.
"How have you been? Did you get any sleep?" James asked her. Lily smiled at him, vaguely able to make each other out in the darkness,
"I did," Lily said. The two sat in silence, the silence only punctuated by a slight splash. Lily glanced over at the fence to the pool and shook her head. She looked back to James. "So, how was your little get away?"
"Awe, well, it was good. Sirius got stung by a jelly fish and Remus and I had to carry him back to the house," James said quietly. "There were so many muggles we couldn't use any magic, which kind of sucked. Sirius is putting on some serious weight, if I don't say so myself. But, all in all, it was good."
"Good, I am glad," Lily said as they sat there in silence. She wondered if James got this nervous each time he asked her out. She wasn't even going to ask him out, just let him know she was starting to really like him. "James, I have been thinking a lot about how you ask me out all of the time."
"Ok," James said calmly as he could manage. He was looking directly at her, eager but in a restrained sort of way.
"I thought that I only was starting to like you out of sheer exhaustion," Lily told him.
"You started to like me?" James asked as he shifted forward a bit, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Don't interrupt," Lily chastised bossily.
"Sorry," James apologized.
"Anyways, I thought it was just because I was too tired to care or to fight it, but this past week, I have pretty much gotten as much sleep as I could ever want. There is no other excuse for my feeling, except…" Lily said quietly as looked away from James, watching as the lights all over the house seemed to be flicking on in a rather unusual way. Lily mentally shrugged.
"Except?" James encourage quietly, unable to hide the edge of excitement that slipped into the encouragement.
"Except that I…" Lily hesitated. Was this something she was ready to explain?
"You…" James encouraged.
"I… I really…like you. Really," Lily finally said. James was quiet. They both were quiet, letting Lily's words hang over them in the silence of the night. James turned to Lily, finally, and took her hand.
"I like you too," James replied. They both smiled at each other hesitantly. For a moment, Lily was almost certain that he was going to kiss her. She almost expected it, and felt as if she might kiss him back.
"CHRISTOPHER'S GONE!" Mrs. Potter shouted as she exploded out the back door. Lily and James both jumped up, as if they had sat on hot coals.
"He's gone? He can't be gone!" James shouted back. "I just checked on him. He was asleep in his bed."
"He's gone!" Mrs. Potter cried as she ran to them. Lily slowly looked over at the gate to the pool, as if in slow motion. The gate was open.
"Oh, God," Lily screamed as she took off toward the pool. She was shaking, and her hand felt for the light switch. She groped in the dark for a minute before finding it. Her wand, her wand was in the pool house, she had to look for him herself, and she couldn't summon a damn thing with out it. Lights flooded the pool area and Lily frantically searched for any sign of Christopher.
"Damn large ass pool," Lily swore loudly as she frantically looked for him. How long had it been since she heard the splash? A minute? Five? How long could a child survive under water?
"Christopher!" Lily screamed as she spotted the slightest little darkness down at the deepest end of the pool. She tore off her robe and dove straight in to the water. It had to be twenty feet, easily, and she kept praying. Please, please, please let him be ok.
Lily's hand closed on his and she pushed off from the bottom, pulling him up into her arms as she surfaced. Her head broke the surface and she pulled herself out of the pool as the others began to gather around the pool. Christopher's mother was there, sobbing into her hands.
"I forgot! I forgot to close the gate," she sobbed as Lily jerked herself and Christopher out of the water with help from Mr. Potter. Christopher wasn't breathing. His lips were blue. He already looked dead.
"Damn it, no!" Lily screamed at him. She felt for a pulse and listened for a breath, but was met with silence. "Ok, training. What did they teach us? ABC… right. Airway, Breathing, Circulation. Call for help, someone, damn it call!"
Mrs. Miner sprinted back to the house, and Lily tilted his chin back. Doing this on a little child was so much more intense than doing it on a child-sized dummy. At least, with the dummy, if she did it wrong, it wasn't a child who lost his life. She breathed in, taking a deep breath, and then breathed into his child sized body. Twice. She started chest compressions.
"Don't you dare leave me, damn it! I love you!" Lily told him angrily as she pushed on his little chest. "Everyone I love leaves me, and I refuse to let you leave me, kid."
For ten minutes, the ten longest minutes in Lily's life, she breathed into Christopher, being the breath his lungs would not take. For ten minutes, she was the beat his heart would not be. She was his life force; she kept his heart beating and his lungs breathing. She was crying, but she had to be strong. She had to be for him.
"You can not die on me. You are too young," Lily whispered to him as she compressed his chest. She breathed again into him, watching his chest rise and fall. "I can not go to another funeral of someone I love, Christopher."
She breathed again and he jerked, coughing. He started coughing hard, and Lily pulled him to his side as relief spread over her like a wave of hot water. He was going to live, and for now that was all that matter. She was crying hard, sobbing, and he was crying and choking. Christopher threw up, water clearing his body. Christopher looked up at her with the saddest little eyes.
"I want my mommy," Christopher said. Widow Potter scooped her son up and held him tightly in her arms. Mrs. Miner brought him a towel and the three of them headed back inside to get Christopher warm and dry. Lily stood up and she was immediately embraced by Mrs. Potter so forcibly they nearly tumbled into the pool together.
"Thank you so much, Lily, thank God for you," Mrs. Potter sobbed as she held Lily so tight that Lily could barely breathe. They were both crying at this point, and the boys looked rather uncomfortable.
"Oh," Lily replied. She couldn't think of anything else to say. Mrs. Potter held her for a moment longer, not caring that Lily was drenched in water. She released Lily and summoned a towel for her.
"You need to go in and take a hot shower," Mrs. Potter commanded. "I will have James bring you some tea."
"Ok," Lily said as Mrs. Potter walked her to the pool house. Mrs. Potter hugged her again tightly.
"You have no idea how happy I am that you are in our lives, Lily," Mrs. Potter said as she kissed Lily's cheek. "Oh, I can't even think of what would have happened to Christopher had you not been here, if you had left us."
"Right now, I am happier beyond belief that I didn't leave either," Lily breathed as she wiped tears out of her eyes.
"Go take a shower, and James'll be down in a bit with some tea," Mrs. Potter said quietly. She sighed and sent Lily on into the pool house before she retreated back up to the house to check on her beloved nephew, who was visiting with the doctor that had arrived. Lily had gotten to Christopher just in time. Lily had saved his life.
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