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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters; they all belong to J.K Rowlings and Warner Brothers. Although I wish I did lol
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A/N: Well yes I know it seems like forever for me to actually post anything to this story and even longer for my other but I'm still settling into college life and such and getting the work done on time. I'll most likely only be able to post new chapters on the weekends since that seems to be when I have a spare moment, and inspiration has actually come finally lol. Just a reminder this is a Harry and Hermione pairing, if you don't like the pairings then don't bother reading it in the first place. I know I'm torturing you all with the way things are going between Harry and Hermione, but I feel a need to actually keep going with what I have because I don't want to rush it. So bare with me at this point and I promise to make the ending of this even sweeter for you all. Harry's thoughts will be put in every now and then but not often, as for other characters making an appearance I'm unsure of. Anyway as usual thanks to all the great response and I'm trying to get these chapters out faster! Keep reading and reviewing!
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The Diary of Hermione Granger
Chapter 4/?
By: Sapphire Rose (aka Lily Flower)
October 16th
Dear Diary,
I can't take this anymore, I just feel so empty and yet I look each day at the world with a smile on. Why must everything between us be so difficult? Why can't he see that the person standing before him cares for him more then the friend he sees? Why can't he see that past the friend that there lies a girl, a girl that's in love with a boy who's blind? He doesn't see what this is doing to me; he doesn't see how I hurt inside, how I yearn for his affection. I promised myself that I wouldn't break, that I would stay strong and keep these feelings to myself but I find that is harder to do as time goes by.
I spend the nights lying awake, staring up at a blank ceiling contemplating all the thoughts in my head. As of late I have noticed there has been some distance created between Harry and Lisa. I'm not sure what's going on but I hope everything works out. Even though a part of me wishes it would all fall apart. As I fall asleep I dream and when I dream everything is so perfect because I dream of him right there, holding me. In that dream world all my fears escape me. I hear the gentle lullaby of a singing bird, singing softly and all I want to do is sleep forever. I lone to have him there, to have him hold me, to have him to kiss me. Although I may not be with him, I hope that he may dream of me as I dream of him.
The upcoming Quidditch match is this weekend and Gryffindor plays against Slytherin. The ongoing rivalry continues between the two of these houses. It should be an exciting game but I don't know if I'll go. Harry is the Seeker for Gryffindor and even though I love watching him play I think I just may get some extra work done. As you can probably tell I've been trying to avoid Harry for a while now. I've been getting used to being alone by myself most of the time. But I can't keep this up forever because eventually I'll have to face this. But I'm going to keep avoiding this as long as I can. This is for the best and I know I'm doing the right thing…right? Just great now I'm starting to doubt myself. I miss spending time with my friends, especially Harry. I just don't see any other way to get through this without talking to him.
Maybe I should just tell Harry everything; he was always a good listener. And ever since he's noticed me isolate myself from everyone he's tried to approach me. But what happens if I tell him and he starts pushing me away, telling me he's with Lisa and never speaks to me again? I know Harry's not that type of person but still I can't help but think the worst. Then again if I did tell and he was fine with it I could be around him and he would understand my feelings and I want him to understand how I feel. As I've said before I always want to let him in and never have to build walls around. Even though I'm independent and I can do things on my own, I need Harry around.
He's my best friend and he's never let me down ever. He understands everything about me and he's always there to catch me when I'm about to fall. No matter how much I try to push him away a part of him will always stay. Even though I cannot be with him I wish him all the happiness in the world, I hope he has everything he wants in life. But if he loses his way and stray from the path all he would have to do is look back. I'll always be there for him no matter what may happen to me. I'll always be his friend first and foremost.
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Harry's Thoughts
I don't know how long she can keep distancing herself from the rest of us. I know there's something bothering her so why can't she just come to me and we can work this out together like we always do? Every single day I try to talk to her but she brushes me away one way or another. Is she purposely avoiding me? I'm actually starting to believe she is but I don't understand why she's doing that. I've talked to Lavender and Ginny but they have no idea what's wrong with Hermione. They've noticed the same things I have.
She's like an android, she wakes up, goes to her classes, eats, sleeps, and studies. That's all she does day in and day out. She spends little to no time with her friends. I miss her laughter and I even miss her constant nagging to start our homework. But most of all I miss her smile, that beautiful smile that just lights up her face in all the right ways. That smile has a million forms and each one does something different to me.
But should that be happening? Every time I see that smile I feel something in me stir. Is a simple smile supposed to have that effect on a best friend? That's been the ongoing question in my head lately. When Lisa smiles at me it doesn't have the same affect. Lately Lisa and I have been going our separate ways and I don't think our relationship will last much longer. I haven't told anyone about this not even Ron. It's true that Ron's my best mate but I don't think he'd fully understand what I'm thinking. Although I know what he would tell me, he'd say to do what feels right. The person I'd normally go to for advice like this would be Hermione but as we all know she's avoiding everyone. She'd tell me to do what's in my heart, she'd tell me to look deep within and find out where your heart lies. I thought it lied with Lisa but now I'm not so sure.
Lately I've been having the same dream. And in the dream I'm somewhere yet I'm nowhere at the same time. The place is beautiful though and as I look around at all the magnificent surroundings I noticed someone coming towards me but I never see their face. What could this mean? Does is mean that I'm meant to be with someone else, that this person whoever she is, is the one I'm supposed to be with. Although I do remember she was absolutely breath-taking. Something about her felt so familiar and so comforting. I felt safe in her presence.
I don't know what I'm going to do but I think I know what I have to do. I'm going to have to talk to Lisa and tell her how I feel. I feel bad enough to have her wait around for something that I can't give her. She deserves someone that can return the feelings she so willing gives out to others. Although I hate having to do this I must. So this is it, a new beginning and I have no idea what I'm going to do. All I know is that I'm going to have to do a lot of thinking. I hope I'm doing the right thing…but somewhere deep down inside I know I am.
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A/N: Yes! I finally got something down on paper. I honestly had an extreme case of writers block for all my stories but I'm trying to get over that. For those of you who read my other story I'm currently working on it and I'm at least half way done so expect something within this month to come out. And I absolutely love to hear what you think of the story so please do keep up the response in the reviews. I love constructive criticism so I can improve on the stories quality. Believe it or not I wrote this in one sitting because inspiration just came and I started writing endlessly. As you can see things with Harry and Hermione are progressing and I do promise to have them together soon. Once again thank you so much for all the great response!
Sapphire Rose (aka LilyFlower)
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Created on ... January 12, 2004