Ace of Hearts
Chapter 12
Hermione slowly opened her eyes; blinking a few times she took a moment get over her disorientation and to remember where she was. As she shifted slightly she felt a hand lightly caress her back and shivers go down her spine, looking down she realized that her head was resting on a broad, strong chest. Lifting herself up a bit, she slowly swung her head around to look at the person she was with. Harry lay sleeping peacefully his beautiful green eyes hidden as his soft lashes lightly brushed his cheeks. She smiled to herself, he looked so adorable lying there, and she could feel the warmth from his body enveloping her. Looking down at her hand splayed across his chest she caressed him lightly, replaying what had just happened between them.
'Wow,' she thought 'I can't believe it…'
She ran a hand through her tussled locks, looking around the empty living room that she had been in countless times but after such an incredible experience, she found that she was seeing it in a new light.
'Now what?' her mind asked, to which she gave a mental shrug.
She really didn't know; would they be together, see each other in secret…. what about Ron, or Aurora… well, maybe not so much Aurora. She laid her head back on Harry's chest listening to his strong steady heartbeat, and allowing her eyes to close once more as her mind continued to attempt to process their next step. What would happen, how would they tell Ron, how would they tell anyone? Would anyone support their relationship? Accept it? Everyone always thought of her with Ron and not Harry, how would they react? This question immediately triggered another, causing Hermione to pop up and once again look at the sleeping Harry.
'What about the Weasley's?' She asked herself in a panicked voice. 'If I leave Ron for Harry, then what… they're the only family he has ever known. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have been his surrogate mum and dad since his first year at Hogwarts, would they still treat him like family?' She lifted her hand and lightly traced Harry's sleeping face, smiling to herself when he turned into her touch, just as he had at the lake.
'You can't do this to him Hermione,' the little nagging voice in the back of her head said, causing her smile to slowly fade. 'The Weasley's are his family, the only family that he as ever known.' She moved closer placing a small kiss on his chin.
'I can be his family; I'll always be there for him…' her heart responded.
'But is that fair?' the voice said again. 'He went from being a lonely orphan, to a son with six brothers, one sister and numerous cousins, aunts and uncles; you can't take that away and leave him with only you.'
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 'You know what you have to do…' it continued. 'You have to walk away, it doesn't matter how you feel about him, how you've always felt about him, it doesn't matter that you need him, you have to walk away because, because…you love him.'
With that finial thought she hardened her resolve and slowly slipped from under the blanket that he had summoned from his room to cover them after they had finished making love. Sliding on her shirt and jeans, grabbing her bra, panties and wand she then cast one last longing glance at him sleeping peacefully on the couch, before making her way quietly to her room.
Hermione leaned heavily against the door for a moment attempting to gather her thoughts and plan her next move, letting her head fall forward she was suddenly assaulted with his scent as her hair fell into her face. She pulled a few strands to her nose, inhaling deeply and relishing in the masculine fragrance, before giving herself a mental shake.
'If you want to think clear the first thing you need is a long shower,' she told herself, pushing away from the door and going to her wardrobe.
She grabbed a pair of sleep pants and a shirt, along with a bra and some panties from her drawer, before slipping quietly back out of the room. Her heart thundered in her chest as she got onto her tip toes to check if Harry was still sleeping. His sparkling green eyes did not stare back at her, for they were still closed off to the world as he slumbered peacefully, completely un-aware of her inner turmoil. Placing her hand on the bathroom door knob just behind her back, she gave it a turn and slipped quietly in shutting the door as softly as possible behind herself.
After locking it, Hermione went forward and turned the shower on to a medium temperature. As she took off her pants, she found that her legs were a lot less steady than usual, she immediately placed her hand on the wall to hold herself as her legs struggled to support her. Looking up she found herself face to face with the mirror, Hermione stared at her reflection for a moment, her tussled hair, flushed skin and bruised lips. Her fingers lightly traced a small love bite just above her breast that Harry had given her during their love making. Picking up her wand off of the counter where she had set it; she took aim for the mark, getting mad at herself when the words for the spell to remove it wouldn't come out of her mouth.
'Come on you have to do this, Ron may be a little slow at times, but he's not daft, he knows what a hickey looks like,' taking a deep breath, she deepened her resolve, however this time it did nothing.
Feeling confused and frustrated at her inability to let go of the sentiment attached, and get rid of the mark that Harry had made on her, she slammed her wand back onto the counter. Turning abruptly back to the tub, Hermione roughly turned off the hot tap on the tub leaving only the cold running; this was going to be very frigid shower.
'This should be just what I need to think clearly,' she thought stepping into the tub.
As the icy water contacted her flushed, warm skin she almost yelled out in shock, but was able to suppress it to a small yelp by placing her hand over her mouth. Hermione took a few deep breaths while her body adjusted to the frosty temperature, and then stepping fully into the water; she began washing automatically while her brain went over just want to say to Harry.
"Ok, I'll just say… Harry I love you but only as a friend…" she frowned, "no, I think we're well past that point… no, I'll say Harry… what happened tonight was something normal that can occur between a man and woman who have known each other for as long as we have." She shook her head at how stupid that sounded; they both had plenty of male and female friends and she was quite sure that nothing like this was ever going to happen with any of them.
"I'll say, Harry James Potter I have always seen you as a close friend but… I don't ha-Damn it!" Hermione put her face under the cool shower water to wash out the soap that had entered her eye.
Giving an irritated sigh at her inability to complete even a mundane task with him on her mind, she finished washing her hair completely before once again embarking on her quest for the perfect thing to tell Harry.
"Hum, alright, how about this… Harry I love you, but I'm not supposed to -no, there's no way that he would ever take that for an answer, besides he never said anything about loving me anyway." She sighed, maybe even thinking of this was pointless, he probably doesn't want to be with her anyway, why should he when he has Aurora.
Stepping fully under the water and tilting her head back as it cascaded upon her, Hermione attempted to wash away the depression she felt at that thought.
'No the safer course is to have something prepared anyway, just in case,' her studious side said, to which she gave a perfunctory nod, and once again began to search her brain for something to say in case he did (though she doubted it) want something to happen between them.
"Ok, lets see… Harry, I don't love you, I never have I just wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with you… no, never I could never say that to him, besides he's an Auror he'd see through a lie like that in a second. Anyway, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt him more than I already have to. Crap!' She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache fast approaching along with wretched feeling in her chest that indicated that tears would soon follow.
'Pull yourself together… think about this logically, what is the best thing to say to him so that he won't delve to deep into my feelings towards him, what is the best thing to get him to walk away.' She closed her eyes with both relief and dread as, what she felt was the answer came to her.
Turning off the water and stepping out of the shower Hermione quickly toweled herself off and hopped hastily into her clothes. She was in a hurry to get out of the restroom; hoping to make her way back to her room and safely lock herself in while she built up the courage to say what she had to say to Harry in a plausible way.
Slowly opening the door and seeing nothing she gave a sigh of relief, then closing it almost inaudibly behind her Hermione tiptoed to her room. Opening the door softly she slipped in backwards so that she could see behind herself, to make sure that Harry wasn't awake. Closing the bedroom door softly she turned around and leant heavily against it, but her small reprieve was short lived as she caught sight of Harry watching her from her bed, a bemused expression on his handsome face.
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Harry awoke from a very peaceful and dreamless sleep, feeling warm and cozy; he stretched languidly before snuggling deeper into the covers. Opening his eyes he habitually reached for his glasses next to him, sitting up when he didn't feel them on the table as usual. As he did this, the covers fell to his waist and he belatedly noticed his nudity, his brows furrowed for a moment before it all came back to him in one gloriously vivid and detailed rush. Harry plopped back down onto the couch forcing his mind to slow as it drifted over exactly why he was in such a state. A small smile lingered on his face as he thought about what had just occurred and the way that Hermione had called out to him.
'Wait,' he sat up again 'where is Hermione?'
Looking around he saw no immediate sign of her, but before he could work himself into a panic he heard the muffled sound of the shower coming from the bathroom. Looking at the bathroom door, he smiled to himself, rolling his eyes.
'Of course…'
Harry sat all the way up on the couch, turning to a sitting position so that his feet touched the soft carpeted floor. Pulling the blanket so that it covered his lower anatomy, he looked around for his glasses, locating them a moment later under the coffee table. Chuckling to himself, Harry retrieved his wayward spectacles and put them on then, wrapping the blanket around his waist he proceeded to gather the rest of his clothing and make his way to his bedroom to get dressed.
Entering the room, he decided to leave his door open so he could hear when Hermione was done with her shower. As he was putting his shirt on, a smattering of small stinging pains echoed across his back. Wincing and turning so his back was facing the mirror, Harry looked over his shoulder and noticed several scratch marks that Hermione had made on him. Shaking his head and grinning he pulled his shirt the rest of the way down his back.
'Boy, she's a bit of a lioness when she gets going,' he said to himself remembering how passionate and playful she was. 'I can't believe I didn't know that she had it in her. Ron is one lucky bastard,' he frowned '...was, was one lucky bastard. It is was... isn't it?'
As this question crossed his mind, he heard the shower stop in the background, grabbing his wand and slipping quietly out of his room; Harry decided to surprise Hermione by waiting for her in her own. Soundlessly opening the door to her room he slipped in, noticing that a low lamp light was already on.
'Perfect,' he thought closing the door and taking a seat on her bed to await her arrival.
A moment later, he watched curiously as she slipped into her own bedroom like a thief in the night, sliding in backwards she seemed to be doing her best not to make any noise and to keep a watch on the living room at the same time. He grinned in amusement at her antics, before wiping the look off and settling for a bemused expression as she finally turned to face him.
Harry watched as her eyes widened in surprise, before changing to a slightly panicked look; he frowned, his brows furrowing.
"Are you ok, what's wrong?" he asked, feeling himself grow anxious.
"Nothing," she said in a slightly shaky voice "I just wasn't expecting you to be in here, that's all." She finished looking down at the floor.
Harry's frown deepened.
"Hermione," he said standing and walking towards her.
As he reached for her arm, she jerked back it, bumping it up against the door before slipping around him and walking to her desk. Harry watched her fiddle idly with a quill, his hand clenched into a fist as an intense pain flowed through his heart at her small rejection. Taking a shaky breath he leant against the door, a strong feeling of dread building up in his stomach.
"Hermione?" He asked, his voice coming out in no more than a cracked whisper.
She turned in faced him, still not making eye contact.
"We can't Harry," she said softly.
"Why?" he asked, even though he knew why... he just had to hear her say it.
"Because we can't, I have Ron, you have Aurora…"
"But, but…" he searched for the right words, before just speaking from the heart. "I love you... we love each other, we should be together, right?"
She shook her head, staring at some unseen point on the carpet.
"I don't love you, I just, I was jealous of the time you spent with Aurora and of how attractive Ron and everyone else were always saying that she was and I, I…I just wanted to show myself that I could have you, take you from her if I really wanted to. That I could be as attractive as her, if not more so. What happened between us was no more than me being a jealous git… I'm, I'm sorry Harry."
He closed his eyes, his heart beating painfully in his chest at her cutting words, silence reigned for a moment before he shook his head. This didn't sound like her, he knew her better than anyone, and he knew her better than to believe something like that. Pushing away from the door he walked quickly towards her, roughly grabbing her arm with one hand, he used the other to lift her chin so that he could see her face.
"You're lying."
"No, I'm not," she said still avoiding his gaze.
"Do you really think you can lie to me? That I wouldn't know? I'm an Auror I sniff out liars for a living. Besides, even if I weren't I know you Hermione Granger, I know you inside and out. You are not the type of person to hurt two people that you care about in some jealous tizzy. You are not the type of person to use people for your own pleasure and regardless of how you felt about Aurora you would NEVER do this to me or to Ron. Tell me why you're doing this?!"
She remained quiet and he watched helplessly as tears escaped from beneath her lowered lashes.
"Look at me Damn it!"
Her eyes flew to his looking shocked at his use of such strong language. Her brown eyes were watery and hollow looking, and her breathing was as shallow. Harry took another unstable breath, knowing that his appearance was similar to hers as he probed her eyes with his own.
"Tell. Me. The. Truth." He said punctuating each word.
Tears flowed freely from her eyes now as she watched him, one shaky hand rose to wipe away a tear from his face that he had not even realized had fallen.
"Harry," she whispered "we can't… I can't…"
"Why," he asked, now holding her face with both hands.
"Because, Ron… he's your-our best mate, it would break his heart, he's like your family, his family is like your family, they are your family. We just got caught up in our feelings for one another and we let, what we never should have let happen, happen. I mean, what will our friends say, our family, Ginny is my best girl friend and Ron is your best friend what will happen then, how will they feel how wi…"
"I don't care! I don't give a damn about what anyone has to say but you. Hermione, listen to me I don't care! I love Ron, I do, but I, I love you more, I… I can't pretend anymore, I've pretended for years, but I'm done now, I can't do it, not anymore…" he said, watching in disbelief as she shook her head.
"I can't… as much as I care about you,"
"Care about me?" he asked appalled, "Is that it, do you only care about me?"
Her eyes closed again and she whispered an almost inaudible "yes".
Harry shook his head. "You're lying to me again, why Hermione you know I can tell."
"Harry, I there's just no way that we can be together it's better for everyone if we just, umph," she was cut off has he mouth came down roughly upon hers in a searing kiss.
Her hands came up automatically, clutching his broad shoulders. He felt her melt into him and the kiss, her tongue silently sparing with his own. As he pulled away, her eyes stayed closed for a moment, her hands still clutching him so tightly that her knuckles were white. When her eyes finally did open, they did so very slowly, a smoky haze settled within their depths.
"Tell me! Tell me that you didn't feel that!" he said passionately still holding her to him. "I know what's between us and you do too, how could you say that we can't be together!"
"Like this," she said, snapping out of her passion educed stupor. Hermione then looked him directly in the
eyes and for the first time since their conversation began her gaze was unwavering. "Harry we can not and
will not be together."
He started at her a moment longer, shock and hurt mingling in his intense green orbs, before he abruptly released her. After looking down for a second, Harry took a large step away from her, betrayal now the only emotion left in his gaze, before turning and storming out of the room. Slamming the door behind himself, he never saw her collapse to the floor in tears at his departure, and she never saw him do the same when he reached his own room.
A.N. Well that's Chapter 12, what'll happen in thirteen... who knows. Will Harry tell Ron, or will he try to work things out with Aurora? What about Hermione and Ron? I guess you'll have to keep reading to see... and I'll have to keep writing...
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