Ace of Hearts
Chapter 22
"All done," the healer said, causing Ron to give a startled look to the needle he hadn't even known had been placed in his arm. "Now, squeeze this ball and I will be back in a few moments to check on you two."
She then gathered her things and made her way quietly out of the room. Hermione and Ron watched her go in silence.
"Ron," Hermione said, regaining his attention.
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk."
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Though he didn't respond, Hermione knew that Ron had heard her from the shuttered look that came over his eyes. He stared at the wall for a few moments as he had done earlier before looking at her.
"I know."
She opened her mouth, then closed it, realizing that she didn't know where to begin… what to say. Biting her lip, Hermione looked at Ron's hard profile before turning herself to look at the wall. What should she say? Should she tell him what she told Ginny… would he want to hear that, would she even be able to say it? She sighed, rubbing her temples and trying to get her turbulent thoughts in order.
"When?" Ron asked softly.
Hermione's eyes snapped to him. "Well… I guess right now, we shou-"
"No," he turned his gaze from the white walls of the room and pinned her with hard eyes. "When?"
She took a deep breath, understanding his meaning. "Well…" she sighed and ran her free hand through her hair. "When… what? When did I start having feelings for Harry, or… when did we…." She trailed off, averting her gaze.
"Either, both, I don't care, I just want to know when."
She looked back at him and sighed. "I… well, I started having feelings for Harry…" she hesitated softly biting the inside of her cheek before building the courage to continue truthfully. "I started having feelings for him, while -while we were still in Hogwarts…" she paused, looking at Ron to gauge his reaction.
Ron's brows furrowed for a moment, before a frown pulled at his lips.
"So, when we were dating you had feelings for Harry?" he asked, still frowning.
"Before…" she exhaled, "before we were dating. I suppose I had always been a bit attracted to him; he was one of my first friends and had he always stuck by me…"
"And I didn't!?" Ron exclaimed, interrupting.
She frowned. "Not the way he did."
"What the hell does that mean!? When you needed me, I was there for you!" He scoffed. "What, because I wasn't Harry, I wasn't good enough!?"
"It wasn't anything like that and you know it, we-"
"Oh, I know it, do I!? Wow, you and Harry sure love to tell me what I know and what I don't. From the looks of things, I don't seem to know much, so perhaps you should enlighten me." Ron said sarcastically.
"Gladly," Hermione responded barely suppressing a glare of her own, "throughout our time at Hogwarts, you and I hardly…heck, we never went a week without fighting about something, and we couldn't even get though a year without periods where we didn't speak to one another at all." She shook her head in disappointment. "Through all of those times Harry was there for me, as a friend, as a shoulder to cry on, as support from not only the hurt inflicted upon me by people like Malfoy but from the hurt inflicted upon me… by you, Ron."
He gave her a surprised look.
"All the times you called me annoying - when you called be bossy, a know it all, stuck-up - the comments about me not having any friends or needing to get more, comments about my looks…" she looked down at her lap then back at him. "Those really hurt, Ron, and they hurt even more because I thought that they were true, but Harry… he was always the one to tell me things like…that I wasn't bossy, just motherly, or that people who knew it all, were allowed to be know-it-alls…" she smiled softly at the memory, then looked Ron in the eyes. "Do you know that he was the first person to tell me that I wasn't ugly? A girl never forgets things like that."
"I never called you ugly Hermione, you know that." Ron softly said frowning.
"I know that you never came flat out and said it, but the comments about my hair; being privy to several of your opinions on how beautiful other girls were or the ever famous night that you finally had to realize that I was a girl…" she chuckled a bit and gave him a soft smile. "A girl never forgets things like that, either."
"So because Harry complimented you more than me, you wanted to be with him? Does that mean - does that mean that you settled for me?"
"No, I didn't. It wasn't just that he complimented me, Ron. It - it was the way he was… just his presence, how humble his was and still is. I mean - he was the most well-known wizard at the school, heck - in the world, but the way he acted you'd think he was as invisible to everyone as we were… or, at least, as we were before it became known that we hung out with Harry regularly," she sighed. "Either way, it started off as a crush… and developed into more over time. But, with the way things happened… including his sudden interest in, and subsequent relationship with Ginny, I just figured that he didn't notice me in that way. " She sighed again "And since, even though you were quite stubborn and pig headed at times, I had always had a bit of a crush on you also, I began to look at you in a new light. The next thing I knew, I liked you, too, then that like began to change and develop and I found myself in love with you."
"So, if you were so bloody in love with me, then how did this happen?" he said harshly. "When did it change? When did you stop?" He finished in a hurt whisper.
Hermione looked at him guiltily for a moment before once again fidgeting. "Ron, I still love you, I do. I just think… well," she sighed, "the thing with Harry... the feelings I had, they... well, they never really stopped - I was just able to suppress them, push them away into the back of my mind," she shook her head. "I even felt guilty when you left while we were searching for the Horcruxes, I thought that you had been able to see through my façade, into my heart and what was there," she gave a harsh laugh. "Merlin knows that I didn't want it to be there Ron, because it was useless, pointless to feel what I felt for someone who did not and would never want me - at least not in a way that didn't pertain to looking up information, solving riddles and puzzles, or as a sister who needed comforting instead of a girl turning into a woman who needed love and to be seen as a desirable."
Hermione paused, taking a shuddering breath; she couldn't believe that she had said that, that she had voiced her feelings for the first time and that she had done so with Ron instead of Harry. She looked hesitantly at him, but his gaze was once again averted. She took a deep breath and continued.
"I love you Ron, I did… I still do," she said softly. He scoffed.
Hermione sighed. "After you came back, I concentrated on showing you - and myself - how great we would be together. The next thing I knew, I was sure that I was pretty much over Harry and totally and completely in love with you."
"Which was, of course, a lie," Ron muttered, opening and closing his fist and glaring at the wall.
"It wasn't a lie. I loved you Ron, I still love you. It's just not as strong as what it needs to be to make this… to make us work - and it's not in the way that you... that you love me." She leant forward and touched his arm, pulling away when he jerked back.
"Look, enough of the history lesson, Hermione. When did you and Harry start screwing around?" He asked point blank, turning to look her in the eyes; his own devoid of emotion.
"We weren't…" she trailed off when he glared and then, rolling her eyes, she continued. "The first time that we really made out was the night of your party for making the Cannons," she looked down and blushed, "we… kissed a bit in the kitchen… the first ti-"
"Where the hell was I?" Ron demanded, glowering.
Hermione winced and looked at him. "Well, you were totally and completely sotted, passed out in your bed, snoring."
He pursed his lips but didn't say anything, instead settling for a short nod of his head, indicating that she should continue.
She took a deep breath and spoke again. "The first time that we made love," she hesitated when he cringed, but quickly recovered "was while you were away at training camp for the Cannons, Harry came home from a mission and his back hurt, I gave him a massage and… well…. you can pretty much fill in the rest."
"So, every time I had a happy event with the Cannons, you and Harry decided that it was a good time to celebrate by shagging? Is that it? You decided to ruin the moments that were supposed to be the happiest in my life!" He gave her and fierce look.
"No, it wasn't like that… look, I know that it may mean a lot less than what it used to but, I promise that we were in no way trying to ruin your happiest moments. We weren't trying to and didn't want to hurt you," he glared at her and she sighed again. "I realize that there is nothing I can do or say to change what happened and I know that I can't stop you from hurting," she finished softly.
Hermione reached out and took his hand, holding fast when he tried to pull away.
"I love you, Ron. We love you." She held on tighter. "I know it's going to be hard, so all I can do is hope that one day you will to be able to forgive me. I don't expect that day to be today, but I pray that that day will come."
She gave a watery smile as tears slipped from her eyes.
"You are my very best friend next to Harry, and I value your friendship as much as his… if not more because of what we've shared. I miss you Ron, I miss us. Heck, I even miss our arguments, I had never realized how much a part of me they had become." She sniffled; starting as Ron pulled out of her grasp and reached up to wipe the tears from her face.
He took a deep breath and held it for a moment before speaking. "I… I love you, too… 'Mion…er, Her-mione," he sighed, "as much as it hurts me to say it after all that has happened." He shook his head. "I still love both you and Harry… but I, I don't know if I can forgive you - either of you for what you've done. I trusted both of you so much, probably more then you even realize and you betrayed me."
"I know, Ron and I'm so, so, so very sorry… I didn't and don't want to hurt you and if I could change the way I feel I would…." Hermione ran a hand through her hair, "look… how about if, if I walk away," she took a shuddering breath. "Harry needs you, he needs and your family… and, and if you'll just forgive him then I'll leave, walk away an-"
"What would that help, Hermione? What's done is done. The pain and betrayal can't be erased. It's too deep and too fresh for me to be able to move on that easily." Ron put a finger upon her mouth to silence her response. "You've already hurt me by leaving me to be with Harry; all leaving him would mean is that you're hurting him, too, and that you hurt me for nothing. Look, we both know that as much as I wish they hadn't, my family has already forgiven Harry and anyway you would never be able to walk away from him that easily... besides, would he let you?"
He shook his head in answer to his own question and laid back in the seat to look up at the ceiling.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but… you and Harry should stay together," he turned his head and looked at her, sadness still prominently displayed in his eyes. "I never wanted to loose you, Hermione, but if I did then Harry…." Ron shook his head and left the comment hanging.
Unsure of how to respond, she leaned back in her seat also and stared at him. After about a minute of silence, the healer re-entered the room. Hermione had a sneaking suspicion that she had just waiting for them to finish talking to come back in.
"Well," the older lady said with a smile, "let me just get one more bag from each of you and we'll be done."
She used her wand to remove and replace the bags, bustling around the room gathering materials and putting them into her apron as the containers filled with blood. When they were done a minute or so later she removed them and gave another smile.
"All done," she said while softly pulling out the needles and using her wand to close up the opening that they created. "You both did a great job; we'll make sure to get these over to Mr. Potter right now, so you should be able to see him within the next few minutes." She said, then turned to leave, as she reached the door she looked over her shoulder and called out, "you two can stay in here as long as you wish, after taking blood it's good to stay stationary for a bit," she paused before continuing. "Mr. Potter is very lucky to have family like you to rush to his aid, it just may have saved his life," the healer gave a small smile and walked out, shutting the door softly behind herself.
Hermione looked over at Ron, who was still sitting next to her; his gaze transfixed on his fingers as they fidgeted with one another.
"Ron," she said softly; he froze still looking at his hands, "I'm truly sorry… I…we, never meant to hurt you."
Ron continued to stare at his fingers, his only movement being the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed and the occasional blinking of his eyes. After a few minutes of silence, he finally responded, giving Hermione the small amount of hope that she had been wishing for.
"I know."
A.N. Okay people the last chapter is completed and will be posted next week. For those of you who felt
this chapter was short do not fret, the last chapter is a whopping twenty-four pages long, I am thinking I
should just leave it as one big chapter so that you guys can have an nice long read but let me know what you think.
Only one more chapter to go (possibly) so stay tuned. Ja ne!
**Also for the delay I apologized, as you know I like to update every Friday but my beta has not gotten back to me on my latest story Redemption (D/G) and I hate to only update part of my stories… For the few of you who have given my other story a shot, I thank you and I'll update before the week is out. With or without my beta'd chappy.
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