Chapter 9
The next month was difficult for Hermione. She was feeling worse from week to week. Hermione was constantly tired and sometimes dizzy and cravings for chocolate alternated with periods during which she felt too sick to eat. Hermione wondered if she always reacted like that to exam stress. She did remember the exams she had taken at Hogwarts, but not the time before. That was probably due to the fact that she hadn't interacted with Harry during the exams, but he had nearly always been there when she had learned. Hermione remembered being nervous during the exams, but not feeling sick or dizzy. Maybe she was too distracted to feel these symptoms during the actual exams, but was always feeling miserable during the learning periods. She could ask Harry or Ron if her assumption was true, but she doubted that Ron would have noticed that she was feeling sick in previous years since he didn't notice it now and she didn't want to worry Harry further by admitted that she was feeling sick. He was worried enough about her.
Harry was really great. He did whatever he could to make her feel comfortable. He brought Hermione whatever sweets she craved and reacted with worry and understanding whenever she was irritated. Hermione felt already very close to Harry after the month she had spent at Grimmauld Place. Sometimes she had the feeling as if she could feel his emotions like her own and the other way around. She wondered why she felt that way about Harry, but not about Ron. Weren't they both her best friends? She liked Ron, although he often irritated her, and she knew Ron cared about her, but she didn't feel the closeness she felt with Harry with him.
It wasn't only this strange feeling like she and Harry shared their emotions. Whenever Hermione remembered a detail during their Pensieve sessions it was about Harry. When Harry showed her the memory about her and him on Buckbeak's back she remembered the first time she had seen Harry flying with the Hippogriff. She remembered how proud she had been at her friend for taming the giant creature, but how afraid she had been that Buckbeak would throw Harry off at the same time. Hermione remembered more little things about Harry: His look when she came down the stairs on the evening of the Yule Ball, her fear when she had seen him fighting the dragon in forth year, Harry's anger and grief when he had found out that Sirius had supposedly betrayed his parents, Harry's proud smile when Gryffindor had won the Quidditch cup in first year.
Harry had always been very happy when she remembered anything and had told her more about the situation. Hermione could feel that it was very hard for Harry to talk about certain memories, but he did it anyways. Hermione always did her best to comfort him by holding his hand or hugging him, although she wasn't sure that was helping. Harry eagerly accepted her physical comfort, but he often pulled away after a few moments and looked even sadder than before.
Hermione was brought out of her thoughts by a knock on the door.
"Hermione, are you awake? Breakfast is ready," Harry called.
"I'm not hungry. Just eat without me and I'll come down when our Portkey leaves," Hermione called through the door.
Professor McGonagall had prepared Portkeys for the students who were coming back to Hogwarts for their OWLs and NEWTs. That way they could come to Hogwarts without having to spend half the day on a train.
"May I come in?" Harry asked.
"Sure, come in," Hermione replied.
"Hermione, you should really eat something, you need strength for the NEWTs," Harry said, sitting down next to her on the small couch in her room.
"To be honest, I don't think I could eat something; I'm feeling a little sick," Hermione admitted. 'A little sick' was an understatement. Even the thought of food made Hermione want to throw up.
"You're feeling sick?" Harry asked worriedly.
"It's nothing. I'm sure it's just nervousness; after all we're going to take our NEWTs in an hour," Hermione tried to reassure Harry.
"Hermione, I've seen you the morning before exams in the previous six years and you've never felt sick before. We should go to St. Mungo and see a healer. You haven't been feeling well for weeks now and it's getting worse; there's something wrong with you." Harry was sounding outright scared by now.
"Are you insane?! I can't go to St. Mungo instead of taking my NEWTs!" Hermione exclaimed. "Let's make a deal: If I'm still feeling sick tomorrow when our NEWTs are over I'll go and see Madame Pomfrey, alright?"
Harry nodded, but he was still looking worried. "Okay. Do you need anything? A cup of tea or something?"
Hermione smiled. Harry was really sweet. "No, thanks. Go and enjoy your breakfast. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Go!" Hermione said and playfully pushed Harry towards the door.
Half an hour later Harry, Ron and Hermione were standing in the living room, holding an old umbrella. Hermione gulped. Her stomach still hadn't settled down and she wasn't sure how it would take travelling by Portkey.
When Hermione felt the familiar tug behind her naval she got the answer to her question. The swirling made the nauseous feeling become unbearable and she knew she had to throw up. As soon as she landed on the meadow in front of the castle she fell to her knees and got sick. Harry quickly knelt down behind Hermione, holding her hair and rubbing her back as she threw up.
"Better?" Harry asked gently when Hermione was finally done heaving.
"A little," Hermione answered weakly.
"I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing," Harry said, helping Hermione up.
"No!" Hermione argued. "We have to be at the Transfiguration Classroom in thirty minutes and Madame Pomfrey won't let me go without a thorough examination if you take me there. Please, Harry, whatever I have, it can wait until tomorrow afternoon. We have to take our exams. Our future..."
"...depends on it," Harry finished her sentence, sounding irritated. "Hermione, you're not up to taking your exams."
"I'll manage, Harry, I'm sure. Please," Hermione begged.
Harry sighed. "Alright, but I'm getting you a glass of water. Ron, please take Hermione to Transfiguration, I'll meet you there."
"Okay," Ron said, watching Hermione suspiciously. "You're not going to puke again, are you?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't think so."
20 minutes later Harry joined Ron and Hermione, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.
"I got you a glass of water and a cup of camomile tea. Aunt Petunia always made some for Dudley when he was feeling sick," Harry said, handing Hermione the water.
Hermione smiled gratefully and quickly downed the water, happy to get rid of the ugly taste in her mouth. When Hermione had drunk her water Harry handed her the tea. Hermione slowly drank the hot liquid and noticed that it actually helped.
"Would you like me to massage your belly or something?" Harry asked, sounding desperate to do something more to help Hermione.
Hermione hesitated. Feeling Harry's hands on her skin would probably feel quite intimate and she wasn't sure if this was appropriate for a best friend, but Hermione realized that she wanted to be pampered by Harry.
"Okay," Hermione said and Harry sat down behind her. Hermione leaned back against Harry's chest and closed her eyes when Harry lifted her shirt and gently massaged her belly.
Hermione forgot everything around her. Her nausea, the amnesia, the students standing around them, even the NEWTs. All that mattered were Harry's hands which felt so amazing on her skin, Harry's breath in her neck, Harry's smell... Hermione didn't even notice when McGonagall started calling the students in to take their exams until it was her turn.
"Are you feeling better?" Harry asked and Hermione noticed that his face was only an inch from hers; their lips were almost touching. Hermione realized that this was what she wanted; she wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on hers. At this moment Hermione realized that she was falling in love with Harry.
"Miss Granger!" Professor McGonagall called for the third time and Hermione used all her will power to pull away from Harry and stand up.
"Much better, thank you," Hermione said and reluctantly entered the classroom.
Hermione had no idea how, but she actually managed to concentrate on her NEWTs in Transfiguration and Charms. She barely spoke to Harry between the two exams; she just reassured him that she was really feeling well while they were waiting for Ron after they both had finished their Transfiguration exam. Hermione could tell that Harry knew she was hiding something from him, so she quickly distracted him by directing the talk to the NEWTs.
When Ron came out of his Charms NEWT and answered Hermione's question how it went with a short "Okay, I guess." Hermione couldn't distract herself from the thoughts about Harry any longer. They had an hour lunch break before their NEWTs in Potions and Defence against the Dark Arts and Hermione spent the entire time thinking about Harry, barely noticing what she ate.
Had she been in love with him before she lost her memory? And had Harry returned her feelings? No, surely not. He would have told her if they had been in love with each other. Maybe he hadn't known how she felt about him. That was the most plausible explanation. Hermione couldn't believe that she had never felt more than friendship for Harry. She had only been spending two months with him after her memory loss and that had been enough for her to fall in love with him. How could she not fall in love with this brave and caring man? But if she had been in love with him before she lost her memory, was it possible that he really never noticed anything? Maybe he did notice and pretended not to know about her feeling because he knew he could never return them. This thought made Hermione incredibly sad.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked concerned.
"I'm fine. I just... I was thinking about my Transfiguration exam again. Do you think I get points taken away from me because the table and chairs set I transformed those matches into were from oak wood? Maybe I should have chosen a more elegant wood like mahogany."
Ron groaned frustrated, but Harry was still watching Hermione with a concerned expression. He didn't seem to buy her explanation.
The NEWTs in Potions and DADA went well and Hermione was very relieved when her first day of exams was over. When dinner was over she could go back to her dorm to escape Harry's worried looks and repeated questions if she was really okay. Hermione had a busy day tomorrow. While the boys had only their NEWTs in Care of Magical Creatures tomorrow, Hermione had Herbology, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy as well.
"Where are you going?" Harry asked when the three friends had reached the Gryffindor tower and Hermione headed to the girls' dormitories.
"I'm going to bed. It's been a long day and I want to reread a few things for the exams tomorrow and then go to sleep early," Hermione answered slightly confused.
"That's a good idea, but your bed isn't in the girls' dorms. You're Head Girl; we've got our own dorm," Harry explained.
"We? So you're Head Boy?" Hermione asked. "Why haven't you mentioned that?"
Harry shrugged. "It didn't matter. I mean, being Head Girl was important to you, but since we're nearly done with school I didn't see a reason to mention it."
Hermione simply nodded and followed Harry to their dorm, where she went straight to her room. Harry seemed disappointed when Hermione didn't stay in the common room with him, but he didn't say anything. Hermione felt bad about disappointing Harry, but she needed some space. Now that she had discovered her feelings for Harry she wouldn't be able to go over her notes for the remaining exams with Harry in the same room.
When Hermione entered the Heads common room the next morning Harry was already waiting for her.
"Hi, did you sleep well?" Harry asked.
"I slept fine, thank you," Hermione lied. In fact she had lain awake for hours thinking about her confusing feelings for Harry before she finally fell asleep.
"Are you ready to meet Ron for breakfast?" Harry asked.
Hermione hesitated for a moment. She felt a little queasy again and wasn't hungry at all, but she didn't want Harry to worry, so she agreed. A slice of toast and a cup of tea should be okay.
To her surprise Ron was already waiting for them when they reached the Great Hall. His roommates had probably woke him up and hadn't allowed him to stay in bed "just five minutes longer".
"Morning," Ron greeted his friends sleepily and reached for a can of coffee, filling his cup brimful. When the smell of coffee reached Hermione another wave of nausea hit her and she quickly fled the room. She needed fresh air.
Hermione stormed out of the castle, taking deep breaths and willing her stomach to calm down. A minute later she heard footsteps beside her and wasn't surprised to find Harry standing next to her.
"I brought you a glass of water," Harry said and handed her the glass. Hermione took a few sips and noticed to her relieve that the feeling of nausea passed.
"Thank. I'm already feeling better," Hermione said.
"Hermione, you're ill; you need to see Madame Pomfrey," Harry replied.
"I will, right after my Arithmancy NEWT, I promise," Hermione answered stubbornly. "Whatever I have, I will survive without medical help for nine more hours."
Harry sighed, but didn't say anything while they made their way to Hagrid's cottage.
When the three were done with their NEWT in Care of Magical Creatures - Harry's and Ron's last exam - Ron suggested that he and Harry should go to Hogsmead.
"No, thanks, I'll walk Hermione to the greenhouses," Harry declined and Ron looked very disappointed.
"Nonsense, Harry. Go and amuse yourself. You've earned it; after all you've just taken your last exam. I am perfectly capable of walking to the greenhouses alone and I'll probably spend most of lunch break looking over my notes for Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. You really don't have to stay here. Let's just meet in the Great Hall for lunch," Hermione suggested.
Harry reluctantly agreed and allowed Ron to drag him to Hogsmead.
After her NEWT in Herbology Hermione had a quick lunch and then used the remainder of lunch break to go over her notes for the last two exams.
Hermione was one of the first students to take the NEWT in Arithmancy, so she was done with her last exam at quarter to 5.
To her surprise Hermione found Harry waiting for her in front of the classroom when she was done.
"Harry, what are you doing here? I thought we would meet for dinner in an hour. Where's Ron?" Hermione asked.
"I'm waiting for you to accompany you to Madame Pomfrey since we still have an hour until lunch. Ron is in his dorm, sleeping. He had a few too many butter beers," Harry answered.
"I should have known; of course Ron would celebrate Graduation thoroughly. I'm surprised that you are sober," Hermione said.
"Not completely sober; I've had three butter beers. Are you ready to go to the Hospital Wing?" Harry asked.
"Sure, but I'm only coming to appease you; I'm feeling perfectly fine," Hermione answered truthfully. She was really feeling fine; the dizziness and nausea must have been a reaction to the NEWT stress.
Ten minutes later Harry and Hermione had reached the Hospital Wing.
"Miss Granger, how are you?" Madame Pomfrey asked.
"I'm starting to remember a few things, but only single scenes, not more," Hermione answered.
"That's more than I would have expected to be honest. That you start remembering things is a very good sign," the school nurse reassured Hermione.
"That's not the reason we are here though," Harry told Madame Pomfrey. "Hermione hasn't been feeling well lately."
"What is wrong with you then?" the school nurse asked.
"It's really nothing, but Harry insisted that I come here. During the last weeks I've been feeling dizzy and sick, but that's probably only because I was nervous because of the NEWTs," Hermione explained.
Madame Pomfrey looked worried when Hermione described her symptoms. She gave Harry a disapproving look before asking Hermione to sit down on one of the beds.
The school nurse murmured a spell and pointed her wand at Hermione's belly. A silver light built at the end of the wand and formed a ring around Hermione's belly. Madame Pomfrey frowned and gave Harry another angry look.
"What does this mean? Is something wrong with me?" Hermione asked.
"That depends on your definition of wrong, Miss Granger," the older woman answered. "You are pregnant."
"Pregnant?!" Hermione and Harry exclaimed at the same time.
"That's not possible!" Hermione said. "I haven't... I mean I don't even remember a boyfriend!"
"I think this is a topic you should discuss with Mister Potter. I will leave you two alone," Madame Pomfrey said and left the room.
"She's right, Harry! You are my best friend, you must know my boyfriend! There was a boyfriend, right? I mean, I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps around or am I?" Hermione asked desperately.
"No!" Harry quickly said. "You are not one of those girls, Hermione. There... there has only been one guy you've been... intimate with."
"But why isn't he here? Why has he never come to see me? What happened? Who is he?" Hermione asked under tears.
Harry swallowed nervously, but sat down next to Hermione.
"He has been there all the time," Harry answered.
"What? Harry, I don't understand," Hermione said.
"During my fight with Voldemort something went terribly wrong. I ended up with a part of Voldemort's soul inside my body and my own soul was too weak to survive on its own. There was only one way to remove Voldemort's soul from my body without weakening my own soul too much. I had to bind my soul to the soul of another human being in a soul bounding ceremony. Professor McGonagall suggested my girlfriend at this time, but we couldn't imagine doing something so intimate. You got really mad at my former girlfriend and eventually offered to do the soul bounding ceremony with me instead of her. We all came to the conclusion that this was a good solution because we were so close already. The only thing we didn't know at the time was that the soul bounding ceremony wouldn't be complete before the consummation of the magical marriage," Harry explained.
Hermione stared in shock at Harry. "We are soul bound? And we slept with each other? You are the father of my baby?"
Harry nodded.
"But why didn't we use protection?!" Hermione exclaimed.
"We did. Sort of. Professor McGonagall took our wands from us before the wedding night; she was afraid Voldemort might try to take my body over and thought it was safer to take our wands. Madame Pomfrey performed an anti-pregnancy charm on you, but it didn't last long enough," Harry explained.
"What do you mean with 'it didn't last long enough'?!" Hermione asked in a shrill tone. "An anti-pregnancy charm lasts three hours!"
Harry blushed. "We...ahm... In the morning after the wedding night we... we slept with each other...again."
"What?! How could we have been so stupid?!"
Harry didn't answer, he just looked at the floor sheepishly. For some reason this made Hermione even angrier.
"And when exactly did you plan to tell me that we are magically married and soul bound?! Did you plan to tell me at all? You probably thought 'Oh great, now she has lost her memory and we can literally forget about this night'! That must be something you really wanted to forget, it must have been such a sacrifice to sleep with plain old Hermione! How convenient that I don't remember the whole thing!"
"Hermione, no! It wasn't like that at all!" Harry exclaimed quickly.
"Forget it, I don't want to hear your bloody excuses!" Hermione screamed and stormed out of the room.