Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: I want to thank those of you who reviewed the last chapter, including UKwildcat820, EmmaRadcliffe, Meli, and auror_lumos09, as well as an Anonymous reviewer. Your consistent reviews make my day! :)

Anyway, about this chapter…the events that occur within this chapter may not be to your liking, but I hope you enjoy the angst surrounding it! It's obviously a necessary factor as we make our way to the Epilogue. Please tell me what you think!

Chapter 26: Hard to Believe

Hermione stared blankly at her lap, where her hands were folded as though in prayer. She was presently accompanying Ginny as she flitted over last minute wedding details, which she had been doing for the last two weeks. Not much to Hermione's surprise, she had seen little of Harry despite her involvement in his wedding.

After he had apologized to her and Ron almost a month previously, he had avoided her like the plague - much like she had avoided him in the aftermath of his engagement. However, unlike Harry's response to her evasion, Hermione was content to allow Harry to steer clear of her. Though she knew Harry had not been in his right mind, she was still finding it difficult to completely disregard his words.

She resents the fact that I'm with Ginny…After all, if Ginny wasn't in the picture, all those years of unrequited pining might actually pay off.

Hermione alone knew that this statement was true, but she still resented Harry for speaking them aloud, for verbalizing her most secret feelings in a manner that was practically mockery. She despised feeling weak, and Harry had made her feel like a weak, stupid, love-sick teenager.

The tension Harry had made between her and Ron was also infuriating. Ron had been exceedingly polite to her since the incident, but this was always an indication that he still held a grudge.

Luckily, both Harry and Ron had been busy with Auror preparations and what Ron liked to call "bachelor time" since the engagement party, and Hermione was more than happy to escape the tension for a while. This was partially why she had thrown herself so willingly into Ginny's service, running errands and the like.

"Hermione? HELLO, earth to Hermione!"

Unfortunately, it seemed to be doing a poor job of keeping her mind off the matter.

"What? What is it?"

Ginny stood in front of her, holding her wedding dress. One hand was on her hip and she wore an exasperated expression Hermione had become quite familiar with over the past few days.

"I was just blabbing on for the past ten minutes on how much I love this dress and you've been sitting there like a zombie! Did you hear a word I said?"

"Um…"

"Geez, Hermione, you're my maid of honor! You're supposed to dote on me on my last day as a free woman!"

Hermione sighed. "I'm sorry, Ginny, I know I'm not being the most exciting company at the moment."

Ginny snorted. "No offense, but you've never been `exciting' company."

"Thanks, Ginny."

Ginny waved her hand in dismissal. "Oh, you know what I mean. I would only consider someone `exciting company' if they were ridiculously unpredictable - like scary unpredictable."

Hermione gave a snort similar to Ginny's. "Like you, for example?"

Ginny thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so. Why do we hang out again?"

"If you think about it, together we average out to normal."

Ginny laughed. "That's brilliant! Our personalities cancel each other out! But spit it out -- you are acting pretty glum about something."

"It's nothing," Hermione said.

"Yes, it is." Ginny peered closely at Hermione. "You're having love drama, aren't you?"

Hermione swallowed. "What - what do you mean?"

"It's so obvious. I don't know why I didn't realize it before…With all of this marriage stuff going on, you've been wondering about your own relationship."

"Um…right," Hermione lied. "That's it."

"Are you having doubts?"

"Of - of course not! I really like Ron -"

"Ah, I see what the problem is," said Ginny sagely. She held her hand in front of Hermione's face. "How many fingers am I holding up? Do you get a lot of headaches?"

Hermione forced out a smile.

"There you go!" Ginny said happily. "Cheer up! This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, after all!"

*********

"Harry! Come on, mate, focus!" Ron said, snapping his fingers in Harry's face.

Harry blinked and stared at Ron.

"You're completely out of it, mate!" Ron said. "You're supposed to get bloody crazy on your last night out and you're sitting there like a bump on a log! Have you even finished one drink?"

Harry looked down at his almost full tankard of beer.

"Nope."

"This Muggle stuff is awesome!" Seamus said loudly over the noise of the bar. "Drink up!"

"Yeah, everyone's having a great time!" Neville shouted, taking a large gulp from his own tankard.

"Most definitely!" George said, banging his glass into Bill's. "Even Percy's enjoying himself!"

"You would be too if you were escaping from baby-duty!" Percy said. "Lucy's almost a year old and quite a handful. And I'm surprised Bill's here with Fleur being pregnant and all."

"Right," George said. "I lose track of these things. Which number is this, Bill? Twenty-seven?"

"Three, thank you very much," Bill said.

"You're gonna be totally outnumbered, man," Ron said. "You'll have four little ladies running around the house."

"Probably. So far the Weasley clan's having quite the girl-streak," Bill replied.

"I don't know what Mum's deal was," George said, shaking his head.

"Poor little Fred stands alone," Ron said.

"He's a trooper," George replied fondly. "Just like his namesake. He'll probably enjoy having ladies around all the time."

Harry tuned out of the conversation as he reverted back to his original musings. It had been almost a month since his "episode" and he still couldn't put it behind him.

What had made him say those things? He had never spoken to Hermione like that before - had never even thought of Hermione like that before.

At least this is what Harry continued to tell himself, but he knew that this wasn't entirely true. It would most likely be more accurate to say that he had never thought extensively of Hermione like that before. After all, she'd been his best friend for the better part of twelve years…it was practically impossible to not have even considered it as a possibility at one point or another. She was absolutely brilliant, kind-hearted, and, yes, even attractive.

But Hermione had always been interested in Ron, not him. And Harry had been attracted to Cho, then Ginny… and here he was. Hours away from getting married. He had absolutely no reason to be dwelling on things he'd said when he was cursed.

Even worse was the fact that he was lingering on Hermione's reactions as well. He knew that she must have been completely thrown off by his advances, but this wasn't what troubled him.

What troubled him was the look on her face when he told her that he hadn't meant anything he'd said. She'd seemed…disappointed.

Harry shook his head and drank from his tankard. Ridiculous…he was reading too much into it. The curse had just exaggerated his companionable love into something that it wasn't. He didn't have any subconscious feelings for Hermione, and Hermione felt nothing but friendship for him.

He drank more deeply from his glass and then slammed it down, intent on enjoying the rest of his night.

This was made quite easy when he noticed Ron talking quite suavely to the leggy Muggle bartender. Harry was completely unperturbed by it - after all, he knew Ron was just enjoying some harmless flirting. However, he must have said something she didn't approve of, because a moment later she poured a full pitcher of beer over Ron's head.

Ron sputtered as the barmaid stalked away.

"I think I debunked the theory that the customer is always right," he growled, pushing away the hair that was plastered to his forehead.

***********

Hermione was beginning to feel increasingly agitated as the hours before the wedding went by with alarming speed. She had been shaken awake early that morning by an uncharacteristically flustered Ginny and had spent the time since making herself and the fidgety bride presentable. Now it was nearing nine-thirty- only half an hour remained before the ceremony.

"I can't believe this is happening," Ginny said breathlessly, spinning to observe herself in a mirror resting against the wall of her old bedroom. She had been doing this every five minutes since she had put on the dress, but Hermione could hardly blame her… The flowing white dress was positively stunning on her, after all. The floor-length, intricately beaded, halter-top style accentuated, well, everything really. Her slender waist, her complexion, her hair-style…she looked positively beautiful. However, Hermione thought that this beauty was greatly contributed to by the radiant smile that refused to leave Ginny's face.

"I've been waiting for this practically since I was ten years old."

"And you're going to end up missing it if you keep twirling like that," Hermione said in a falsely cheery voice. "You're still not ready."

Ginny obliged to stay still for a few moments, enabling Hermione to clasp a string of pearls around her neck and place the same goblin-made tiara used by Fleur onto her hair. They both stood back to admire the accessories' effects.

"You look amazing, Ginny," Hermione said.

Ginny turned towards her, tears sparkling in her eyes, and hugged Hermione fiercely.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what, exactly?" Hermione said, taken aback.

"For…well, for Harry, really."

Hermione pulled away from Ginny, her brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

Ginny smiled. "You're the one who told me to get on with my life…to date other people and relax more around Harry, remember? You said he'd take more notice of me if I acted more myself. And he did, obviously."

"Obviously," Hermione choked out. She had almost forgotten she'd given such advice.

"I mean, I probably would've relaxed a bit eventually, but he'd have probably been taken by then." Ginny turned to the mirror once more and beamed at her reflection. "And now I'm marrying him!"

Hermione's throat was quite dry as she opened her mouth to speak, but she was thankfully saved the trouble by Mrs. Weasley bursting into the room.

Mrs. Weasley gave a watery smile as she beheld her only daughter and covered her mouth with both her hands.

"Oh, Ginny," she said, and then bustled forward to embrace her child. A small sob escaped her lips.

"I can't b-believe my baby girl's getting m-m-married!" she wailed.

Ginny patted her mother's back.

"I've been moved out for awhile, Mum. It's not going to be any different, really."

"You say that until you've got a baby of your own getting married!" Mrs. Weasley said with a shake of her head.

"Don't worry, Mum," Ginny said. "I would never allow such a thing. Babies are much too young to get married."

Mrs. Weasley hiccupped and hugged Ginny again, laughing slightly.

"Where's Dad?" Ginny said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, he doesn't want to see you until it's absolutely necessary. He's probably going to blubber worse than me!" Mrs. Weasley looked at the clock on Ginny's wall. "Actually, we need get started shortly. Hermione, dear, would you mind going to fetch Arthur?"

"Of course," Hermione said. She hastened from the room, and then leaned against the banister once she was out of sight. She breathed deeply, praying for composure, before walking down the remaining steps. She knew Harry would already be standing in position at the end of the aisle, and was therefore pleased to find Mr. Weasley in the kitchen instead of the garden.

"Mrs. Weasley asked me to get you," she said, an apologetic tone to her voice. Mr. Weasley looked quite pale.

"Really? That time already?" he said nervously.

She nodded tersely.

Mr. Weasley gave a sigh, apparently steeling himself, and proceeded up the rickety staircase.

Hermione stayed behind, deciding not to intrude on this private moment between parents and daughter, the final moment in which their child was still truly theirs. She stood quietly, her long repetitive breaths soothing the heaviness that had settled in her stomach.

Far too soon, Mrs. Weasley came bustling down the stairs, closely followed by Mr. Weasley and Ginny. Mrs. Weasley's eyes glistened as she swept by to enter the garden. A moment later, Luna Lovegood and Gabrielle Delacour, both clothed in lavender dresses to match Hermione's, entered the house. After smiling widely at Ginny, they lined themselves up in front of Hermione.

And then the music began to play.

**********

Harry stood nervously within the lavishly decorated garden. White and pale lavender silk were trailed elegantly along the aisle between the rows of seats, and white roses blossomed over the trellis that Harry stood under.

The scent of the roses was almost over-powering and Harry was beginning to feel quite light-headed as he surveyed the guests seated in front of him.

Just as Mrs. Weasley had promised, there were not an extravagant number of people there. Approximately fifty witches and wizards sat before him. On one side sat numerous Weasley relatives (almost all with flaming red hair, of course), and on the other sat a good number of Harry's friends. Seamus, Dean, Neville, Hannah, Mitch and his wife, Alec Wahler, Kingsley, Andromeda Tonks, Katie Bell, Lavender Brown, Lee Jordan, Ernie Macmillan, Parvati and Padma Patil, Alicia Spinnet, and Hagrid, as well as Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn all sat on the groom's side, beaming at the young man that had been formed from the small, bespectacled, knobbly-kneed child they had first encountered eleven years ago.

Harry glanced sideways at Ron, who was wincing slightly in the bright sunlight; he had indeed enjoyed Muggle beer. The red-head gave him a feeble thumbs-up.

Harry felt as if lead had replaced the contents of his stomach.

However, before he could give any further thought to this, the wedding guests all stood up as one, facing the entrance of the garden.

And then the music began to play.

*********

The soft music seemed to instantly dispel Hermione of all thought. The notes wafted calmly through the air and became the central thing of which she was aware - that and the lump in her throat that she couldn't manage to get rid of. She went through the motions of the other bridesmaids, smiling brightly and lining herself along the trellis, but it was if she was on autopilot.

She was dimly aware of Teddy Lupin darting up the aisle with the rings and standing next to Harry, the gasps of appreciation as Ginny made her entrance, and then Ginny leaving Mr. Weasley's side to join Harry's. Or perhaps she was only aware of this because she had already known what would happen. It was all quite generic, really.

The ceremony itself passed in even more of a blur. The words were gibberish as they fell from the presiding wizard's lips, the faces of the crowd hazy. Only one moment of painful clarity came, and Hermione turned her head away as the newlyweds kissed.

********

Hermione did not regain a semblance of consciousness until half an hour later when she felt a tap on her shoulder. The reception was now in full swing as a lively tune blared around the Burrow, prompting the majority of guests to their feet. She was sitting quietly at one the tables farthest away from the dance floor and was therefore slightly bewildered by the hand on her arm.

"Hermione?"

She glanced behind her and saw that the groom himself had approached her. She acknowledged his dark jacket and trousers, the black tie to match, and the crisp white shirt, mentally cursing him for having opted for Muggle attire.

"Oh! Harry!" she said, trying to smile brightly. "Shouldn't you be with your - with Ginny?" She had attempted to say wife but the word had caught in her throat.

"Ginny's dancing with her dad," Harry said, jerking his head back towards the mass of wedding guests. Hermione caught a glimpse of Arthur twirling his daughter before they were hidden by other dancers. "And I thought I'd take the opportunity to dance with my best friend."

He extended his hand toward Hermione. She hesitated for only the briefest moment before placing her hand in his. This was his day, after all, and despite her internal struggles Hermione didn't want to deny Harry even the slightest of his desires.

She had never been especially good at refusing him, anyway.

Smiling broadly, Harry led her back to the dance floor as a slower song began to play.

Of course, Hermione thought bitterly. She had had enough emotional turmoil today without being forced into such close proximity with the source of her unrest.

Harry seemed to falter slightly as well by the time they reached the dance floor. Hermione was suddenly vividly aware that he still held one of her hands in his. However, he finally let go and placed both of his hands on her waist. His hands felt very warm against the thin fabric of her dress.

She placed her own arms around his neck, fighting the furious fluttering in her stomach.

Harry grinned a bit sheepishly at her as he took the initiative and pulled her closer, beginning to step in time to the music.

"I wanted to thank you for…for helping Ginny with all of this."

"It was nothing," Hermione sighed. "I'm the maid of honor. I was supposed to help."

"Even so," Harry said. "It doesn't make us any less grateful."

Us. Hermione felt slightly sickened that he was already speaking on behalf of his wife.

"Can you believe this is actually happening?" Harry continued.

"What do you mean?" Hermione said. Her voice was a bit raspy due to her throat being so dry. "That you and Ginny have gotten married?"

"Technically. But I was thinking more in the broad sense. Can you believe that we're both standing here…that we've lived to be twenty-three years old, that we're in meaningful relationships, have successful careers…that we don't have the fate of the world resting on our shoulders any more?"

Hermione was once again thrown off by Harry's pronoun usage.

We.

He considered her an integral part of his life, so integral that he had merged the boundary where his destiny and her assistance had separated. Somehow this made Hermione feel stronger, more solidly connected to this moment, and she gripped her laced fingers more tightly.

She gazed thoughtfully at Harry -- The-Boy-Who-Lived, the Chosen One. So many different responsibilities and expectations had come with these titles. And finally they could be forgotten. Sure, the majority of the Wizarding world would still think of him through these names, but Harry himself could disregard them. These names had fulfilled their purpose and were now firmly in the past where they belonged. Harry was simply Harry now, a man who deserved more happiness in his future than anyone else she knew.

These thoughts above all else gave Hermione the strength to smile back at Harry. If this was what would make Harry happy - if Ginny was what made Harry happy - then she had absolutely no right to resent him for that. No matter how badly her heart ached, no matter how much she wanted to simply sit down and cry, no matter how strongly she wished she was wearing white at that moment, she wouldn't give in to her selfishness.

So she would smile, no matter how much it hurt.

"I can believe it," she said, ignoring the intense burning in her throat and eyes. "There was never a doubt in my mind that you wouldn't make it to this day. I'm so glad for you."

Harry gazed at her for a few moments, almost curiously, before a small smile crossed his face. He pulled her closer.

"Thanks, Hermione."

Hermione nodded into his chest, suddenly desperately wishing to be alone. Though she was not paying the slightest attention to the music anymore, she pulled away from him the instant she heard the final beats of the song end.

"I bet Ginny's ready to dance with her groom again," she said, and made a hasty retreat to the opposite side of the dance-floor. Harry made a move as though to follow her but was immediately intercepted by Ginny, who was indeed ready to dance with Harry again. Hermione located an empty table and sat down.

However, before she had the slightest chance to brood, Mitch plopped down unsteadily at the table beside her.

"Well, hic, hey there good lookin'," he drawled.

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Mitch, are you drunk?"

"Which one of you ladies wants to know?"

Hermione surveyed his face for a moment before smirking. "Never mind, I retract my question. You're not drunk."

Mitch stared at her drunkenly and then sat up in his chair, taking the time to straighten his tie.

"How'd you know?" he asked.

"A, you don't smell like firewhiskey, B, you're eyes aren't dilated, and C, I know for a fact that Becca would never let you act like such an ass."

"Cheers to that," Mitch said, taking a drink from his wine glass as he observed his wife chatting with Katie, Alicia, and Parvati.

Hermione sought out Ron in the crowd of people, feeling a bit guilty that she hadn't even spoken to him. However, he seemed to be having a grand time, positively roaring with laughter at something Seamus had just said, so her guilt was rather unfounded.

She turned her attention back to Mitch, who in turn had turned his attention to Harry.

"Thank Merlin he's not acting crazy today," he said.

Hermione nodded in agreement. "Yes, it certainly wouldn't do for him to be insulting everyone on his wedding day."

"Yeah," Mitch chuckled. "Everyone would certainly be getting an earful of what Harry really thinks about them."

Hermione paused as she went to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. What Harry really thinks about them?

She sat silently, wondering how to go about this.

"Speaking of that spell…"

"What about it?" Mitch said, refilling his glass with a touch of his wand.

"Harry didn't give that many details about it…he was quite embarrassed, obviously," Hermione said slowly. "I know what the effects are, but he didn't say exactly what it stemmed from."

"Well, it really just makes him lose his inhibitions," Mitch said, seeming to appreciate being asked for his expertise on the subject. "Like he doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth."

Hermione was careful not to show any surprise on her face as she pressed him further.

"What's the point of it?"

"Death Eater interrogation tool. Makes the victim lose any sense of commitment, responsibility, tact -"

" - common human decency…"

"Pretty much," he said, chuckling. "I think a lot of the crap he said was mostly either his subconscious or exaggerated plays on what he knew would hurt others, but it was all there on some level."

Hermione nodded. She could not tell if this information pleased her or not.

According to Mitch, Harry had meant everything he had said to her… asking her on a date, acknowledging her feelings for him, expressing his own feelings for her…

The question was, had his words been the product of long-kept secrets, or had they simply been a strategy to cause her pain? And if it were the former, was there anything she could really do about it?

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