Author's note: Thanks for the reviews. I was actually expecting you guys to be a lot harsher with me---I half expected you all to show up in North Carolina to hunt me down! I hope this chapter---what happens in it ( or more importantly, what didn't happen between Harry/Ginny) and the speed with which I posted it after that horrendous last chapter, makes up for it! Thanks again! I hope you hang in there with me throughout all the angst and drama!
Chapter 18
Back To Good
"And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good"
(Matchbox 20, "Back 2 Good)
Ginny watched Harry as he slept. She couldn't believe she'd actually done it. Of course, things didn't go entirely by plan. He'd fallen asleep, correction---he'd passed out, before they could do anything. Forced to improvise, she'd done what she'd had to do. She'd undressed him with a quick wave of her wand. She strew his clothes along with her own all around the room before climbing, naked, into bed beside him.
She knew she wouldn't sleep. How could she? She was on pins and needles waiting for him to wake up and to see if he would buy the scenario that they'd slept together. She winced as she remembered how he'd kissed her and called her "Hermione." Every time he did that, she felt a fresh pang of guilt as to what she was doing. Yet, she forced herself to go through with it because it was something that she felt that she had to do.
She prayed that he wouldn't remember what had actually happened last night. He was pretty out of it when she'd arrived. Yet, he had bought it. He had seen her as Hermione.
Well, she thought, as she turned over on her side, I've done all that I can. Now, everything else is up to Harry.
Please let this work. Please let this work.
*****
Harry awoke the next morning feeling about as bad as he'd ever felt in his entire life. His head felt like it was the site of a Quidditch match and that a bludger was bouncing off his brain. Not helping matters was the fact that he felt nauseous and queasy.
The events of the day before came back to him slowly. He remembered The Hog's Head. He remembered drinking---a lot of fire whiskey. He could vaguely recall Ron walking him up the stairs back to his room. Then everything else was fuzzy. He couldn't remember actually making it into his bedroom. He tried, again, to open his eyes, but the sunlight from his window nearly blinded him and he shut them back quickly.
After a few moments of trying in vain to recall what the hell happened last night, he tried again to get up, but to his utter surprise, he felt a weight on his chest. He opened his eyes again, this time, only slightly wincing as he saw someone's arm draped across his chest.
What the hell?
This person's face was obscured by the duvet cover. He then recalled-vaguely---seeing Hermione last night. She'd returned! He smiled. He debated whether to wake her up or not, but the temptation to do so was so strong. He lifted the duvet cover and was about to kiss her awake, when to his horror, he saw that the girl beside him didn't have Hermione's brown hair. The smile faded from his face as he saw the girl's familiar mane of red hair.
What the hell am I doing in bed with Ginny?
As he looked under the covers again, he saw that not only was Ginny naked, he too was starkers.
Okay, there's got to be a reasonable explanation for Ginny and I being naked in bed together. Yeah, and Snape's a humanitarian.
To his dismay, Ginny was beginning to stir. As she did so, she withdrew her arm from Harry's chest and turned over, facing away from him. He stared at her as lifted her head from the pillow. She turned back around to face him and rubbed her eyes sleepily.
"Harry?" she asked huskily. "What time is it?"
He seemed to have lost the ability to talk.
"What is it?" she asked him, her eyes now wide open.
"Ginny," he said, his voice trembling. He didn't really know what to say. He had a million questions to ask her, namely how in the world that the two of them ended up here, naked in the same bed. He wracked his brain, unsuccessfully, to remember. No details came to him.
"Yes?" she asked, sitting up, pulling the sheets tight around her as she did so.
How could he say this without insulting her? He wondered to himself. He honestly didn't have any idea how else to find out, but to just come right out with the question.
"Ginny?" he asked. She nodded.
"What happened last night between us?" he asked, as quickly as possible.
She looked a little taken aback at his question.
"You don't remember?" she asked innocently.
He shook his head in dismay.
She frowned.
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I really don't know what happened here. Could you tell me?"
She looked thoughtful and a little hurt as she listened to his question.
"Well, I came to drop off that book I borrowed," she said. "I knew it was late, but I took the chance you'd be here. You were a little out of it, but you kissed me."
"I-I kissed you?" he asked, a little louder than he'd planned. He couldn't help it. He wouldn't have kissed Ginny. Would he?
She gave a half-hearted laugh. "We did more than kiss, Harry."
"W-w-what did we do, exactly?" he asked, bracing himself for her answer.
"You really were out of it last night, weren't you?" she asked, shaking her head. "We, well, you know, we were kissing and things led to another and we, well, you know, sort of, actually slept together."
This isn't happening. I wouldn't have done this. Not with Ginny. Never with Ginny. She must be mistaken. This must have all been some strange, bad dream. I'd never have done this, no matter how much I had to drink.
He shook his head.
"We didn't?" he asked, hoping she'd tell him it was a joke.
"We did," she said. She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. He didn't want to be here. He wasn't supposed to be here, with her; never with her.
It was silent for the longest time as Ginny's words sunk in for Harry.
"Don't feel as if you owe anything to me," she said finally. "I mean, you know how I've always had sort of a crush on you, Harry. I think we should just take last night as it was---a mistake. Things just got out of hand. You're with Hermione and I respect that. She never has to know what happened. We'll keep this between us."
Hermione. Oh, Merlin. Hermione, what have I done?
"We'll put it behind us and act like it never happened," she said. "And we'll both be okay with this."
Harry let his head drop into his hands and he couldn't bear to look at Ginny. He felt so ashamed and guilty by what he'd done. He'd taken advantage of his best friend's little sister. He'd betrayed his girlfriend in the worst way. He'd cheated on the one person he loved more than anyone else in this world.
How did this happen?
"I better go," she said quietly. Harry looked away as Ginny scrambled out of bed and gathered up her clothes. She walked into the bathroom and Harry sat there, completely and utterly lost.
None of this makes sense. None of it.
Ginny came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, completely dressed.
"I, um, meant what I said," she said, looking at Harry. "I won't tell anyone what happened, Harry. I promise."
He could only nod.
"I'll see you later, then, "she said, with one last forlorn look at him before walking out of the room.
*****
When Ginny left his suite, she took a deep breath. He had believed her. He'd bought it. She would keep her word. She wouldn't tell anyone. She'd wait a couple of weeks before she'd tell him she was pregnant. Then, they'd tell her parents and then everything would be okay. Everything had to be okay.
She made her way quickly through the corridors. She made it back to Gryffindor Tower in record time and climbed through the portrait hole. She was nearly up the stairs when she heard her brother's voice.
"Ginny?" he asked. She turned to see him, sitting on one of the sofas.
She came back down the stairs, avoiding his gaze.
"What's going on? " he asked. "You're not just coming in are you?"
That suspicious look he'd had for days with her was written all over his face.
"No," she said, shaking her head. She forced herself to look him straight in the eyes. "I went for a walk this morning. You know, to clear my head. I had trouble sleeping last night and you know Caroline Beltry, one of my roommates, snores like a window rattler. So, I just decided to go for a walk."
Ron took his hand and ushered his sister to come sit beside him. All Ginny wanted to do was run upstairs to her room, but she knew he'd never let her do that.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "I've noticed that you've been a little off lately."
"Ron," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm fine. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. I'm F-I-N-E."
He nodded. "Well, you know that if there was something wrong with you or if something was bothering you, you could tell me, right? I mean, you'd come to me if something was on your mind? I know I'm not as good as Mum, but if you needed to talk, I'd be there for you. I'm your big brother."
Ginny smiled at him. "I know. I know you're just looking out for me, Ron. And I appreciate it, I do. But, you don't have to worry. I'm fine. I just need to get more sleep and not get so stressed out."
He smiled at her. "Okay, then."
She gave him a warm embrace.
"And I'm sure if you wanted to get the female perspective, I'm sure Hermione would welcome you to cry on her shoulder, too," Ron said. "She's been like a sister to you, hasn't she?"
Ginny couldn't help tensing up at the mention of Hermione.
Ginny let go of her brother and nodded, trying to hold everything together. She was nearly home-free.
"Of course," Ginny said. "She's always been great to me."
Ron smiled.
"Well, I better get back upstairs," Ginny said. "See if Caroline's woken up, so I can get some
sleep."
Ron nodded and watched as his sister walked back up the stairs.
He didn't believe her for a second. She wasn't fine. He knew that for sure. She was about as far away from fine as one could possibly be.
****
Harry didn't leave his room that afternoon. He did manage to shower, hoping it would make him feel better. While he was now clean, he most certainly didn't feel better. He still felt bad, even worse.
How on earth would he ever be able to face Hermione again? He couldn't keep this from her. But, if he told her the truth, she'd hate him, and rightly so. She'd never forgive him for this and he'd lose the best thing in his life. He didn't want to do that.
Yet, he'd told her that he'd never hurt her and that he wouldn't keep things from her. Honesty was very important to Hermione.
He didn't know what to do.
His thoughts were interrupted by a tapping at the window. He went to it and saw Hedwig clutching an envelope. He unlatched the window and let Hedwig enter. She flew in and dropped the envelope into Harry's hands.
There was his name, written on the envelope, in Hermione's familiar handwriting.
With his hands trembling, he opened the envelope and pulled the parchment from it. He unfolded it slowly and took a deep breath as he read the letter.
Dear Harry:
You aren't going to believe this, but I am coming home to Hogwarts! My mum and dad are interviewing nurses to come and stay with my dad in the mornings! If all goes well, I should be back at school within the week.
You have no idea how much I've missed you. I can't wait to see you again. I hope that you've kept the room clean while I've been gone. Don't worry, though. When I get back, I'll be so glad to see you; I probably won't notice that books and clothes are strewn all across the room. Well, maybe not too much, anyway!
I can't wait to see you. I also think I've changed my mind about something…but I won't get into that now. I think I should share that news with you when I get home!
See you soon!
Love from
Hermione
Harry read the letter and reread it.
He was wrong before. He now felt as low as he ever had in his life. How was he ever going to face her knowing what he'd done?