Author's note: Thanks for sticking with me…here's what you've been waiting for (well, one of the things you've been waiting for. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Thanks so much for the reviews. I am utterly amazed at the response I've gotten on this one! You guys are great. Thanks to Heaven for the help!
Chapter 25
I'm Looking Through You
I'm looking through you, where did you go?
I thought I knew you, what did I know?
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same
(The Beatles, "I'm Looking Through You")
Hermione didn't know how long they had been kissing. Hell, she didn't really care at the moment. How she had missed his touch and his kiss and that feeling of closeness she'd always felt with him.
For one seemingly glorious moment, she'd forgotten all that had happened. She awoke in some sort of hazy mist and there he was, all familiar and cozy and warm. But, the haze was clearing away and like a light switch being turned on, it suddenly dawned on her that they shouldn't be doing this.
This was Harry she was kissing! This was Harry who was kissing her! This was Harry who in a few months time would be a husband and a father.
What she and Harry had was over. At least, she'd told herself it was. If she'd really believed that, though, would she have done any of this? How could she have let him kiss her? How could she have kissed him back?
She abruptly, albeit reluctantly, pulled herself away from him and sat up. Harry sat back, too, surprised.
"What's wrong?" he asked her, already knowing the answer.
"We, um, shouldn't be doing this," she said softly. "We shouldn't have been alone like this. We should have met in a neutral place where there was no temptation or memories or-"
"Hermione," he interrupted. "I'm sorry."
He reached out for her, but she pulled back.
"You don't have to be sorry," she said, gathering up her books and notebooks. "It was just as much my fault as it was yours. I was stupid to think that we could do this. Putting you and me together in a room, alone, is just asking for trouble."
She started to get to her feet, but he put a hand on her arm, pulling her back down.
"Hermione," he said gently. "I can't do this, either. It's hard for me, too. You know that, don't you? I screwed up, and now we're both paying for it. I love you. Only you. Every time I see you and every time I'm with you, those feelings are right there. They are not going away."
Hermione hugged her books protectively against her chest. She got to her feet.
"We have to find a way," she said resolutely. "We can't be together, Harry. We can't. The sooner we both accept that, the better off everyone will be."
He, too, got to his feet.
"I don't want to lose you," he said, running a hand nervously through his hair. "Can't we still be friends?"
She shook her head sadly. "I can't just be your friend."
"Hermione," he said, but didn't really know what else to say. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to admit it to her or to himself.
"I'll see you in class," she said, with a forced smile. She quickly walked out of the suite. Harry stood there, seemingly frozen in place, watching her leave.
This wasn't what he wanted. What he wanted was to be with Hermione. Who said he had to be married to Ginny in order to raise his son or daughter? He could still be a good father to the baby. He could still offer to support Ginny and the baby with everything he had, but he couldn't honestly marry Ginny when his heart and soul were with Hermione, and always would be. Sure the Weasleys would be upset with him and more than likely disappointed, but he hoped that they'd understand.
With a newfound determination, he ran toward the door of the suite and was about to step through the portrait hole when he nearly tripped on something.
When he looked down, he saw it was Dobby the House Elf, who looked quite anxious.
"Dobby," Harry said apologetically, "I haven't really got time to chat right now."
"Harry Potter must go with Dobby to the hospital wing."
"Why?" Harry asked impatiently.
"Ginny Wheezy is hurt, Harry Potter, sir," Dobby said. "Madame Pomfrey is sending Dobby to fetch
you."
"What's happened?" Harry asked.
Dobby shook his head and rocked back and forth apprehensively on his feet.
"Dobby is not knowing," Dobby said. "But, we should go now."
Harry nodded and followed Dobby through the portrait hole and toward the hospital wing.
*********
Harry arrived in the hospital wing a few moments later to find Madame Pomfrey hovering over Ginny who was lying on one of the beds. Ron sat on the edge of her bed. When Harry arrived, Ginny gave him a smile, although the pain in her abdomen had increasingly worsened.
"What's going on?" Harry asked.
"Ginny and I were just talking and the next minute, she'd doubled over in pain," Ron said. "I rushed her up here and we sent for you straightaway."
"I'm glad you're here, Harry," Ginny said, weakly. Harry took her hand and tried to give her a reassuring smile.
"Miss Weasley," Madame Pomfrey said. "Have you taken anything in the past few weeks? Any potions? Any alcoholic beverages? You're not a smoker, are you?"
Ginny shook her head.
"The health of your baby could depend on this," Madame Pomfrey said. "You need to tell me if there's anything I should know."
Ginny racked her brain to try and remember if she could have taken anything that would cause the pain. The strongest thing she'd drunk had been pumpkin juice. She'd done everything Madame Pomfrey had prescribed.
As she thought, a voice in the back of her head seemed to be calling to her.
Polyjuice.
Surely, that couldn't be the cause of this, Ginny said. She hadn't thought about how it would affect the baby when she'd taken it. Could that be the cause of this?
Ginny looked around at the expectant faces of her brother, her fiancé and the school nurse. Her baby's health could depend on this. Ron already knew most of the story. It would be a matter of time before Harry did, too. She had to tell the truth, even if it cost her Harry. The most important thing now was the baby.
"I, um, took Polyjuice about two weeks into my pregnancy," Ginny said, looking straight at Madame Pomfrey. She tried to ignore the confused looks that Harry and Ron exchanged.
Madame Pomfrey's face paled. The room was eerily silent.
"You gentlemen are going to need to leave us alone now," Madame Pomfrey said. "Dobby, please go and fetch Professor Snape. We're going to need his help on this."
Dobby nodded and with a snap of his fingers was gone.
"What could Polyjuice do?" Ginny asked alarmed.
"As you know, it transforms a person's anatomy and biological makeup to turn them into another person," Pomfrey said. "If this potion somehow came into contact with the amniotic fluid, it could remain dormant for awhile and cause slight discomfort over a few days, but it can progressively get worse. It's even possible that it could poison the fetus."
Ginny gasped. "No. Please. Save the baby."
"We'll do everything we can," Madame Pomfrey said, giving a weak smile. "You two boys need to leave us now. You may wait outside."
Ron and Harry nodded, as confused as ever.
"We'll be outside, Gin," Ron said, kissing his sister on the cheek. "Don't worry. They'll do everything they can to save the baby."
Ginny didn't answer him.
Sweet Merlin, what have I done?
****
Ginny's parents and Fred and George arrived some time later. Molly was allowed to go back and sit with her daughter, while the rest of the family and Harry waited with baited breath outside for any word.
Although Ron and Harry didn't speak, both were thinking heavily about what Ginny had said.
Polyjuice potion. Why on earth would Ginny have taken that?
Suddenly, it made sense to Ron. Ginny hadn't been returning a book of Hermione's that day. She'd been there to get a bit of who she wanted to change into. It all seemed to fall into place. He could almost hear the pieces interlocking.
That was how she'd gotten Harry. She knew that the only way she could get Harry was to pretend to be Hermione. With him being drunk, he wouldn't be as alert. He'd be looser; his inhibitions would be gone.
Yet, it was still hard to wrap his head around the fact that his sister could be capable of such deceit.
Ron looked over at Harry, who was talking with Mr. Weasley. Ron got up from his seat and nodded at Harry and motioned for him to follow him out into the hall.
When they were out of earshot of anyone else, Ron looked at Harry.
"There's something you should know," he said quietly.
*****
Ginny awoke from a restful sleep, not knowing where she was or how she got there. She was groggy and had a little trouble focusing her eyes, but when she was able to open her eyes fully, she saw Harry sitting at the foot of her bed. As she took in the surroundings, she realized she wasn't in her bedroom. She was in the hospital wing.
Instinctively, her hand went to her abdomen and she sat up in the bed, wincing from the soreness.
"Harry?" she asked, looking at him with concern. "How's the baby? Is our baby okay?"
He leaned forward in his chair.
"Your baby's fine," Harry said. His tone quite cool and detached. "Madame Pomfrey said you need to take it easy and get plenty of rest."
His choice of words and emphasis on the word "your" wasn't lost on Ginny. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically, but she wasn't so tired that she couldn't pick up clues from the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes.
He knows.
"Harry," she began, sitting up further in the bed.
"Before you get started," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I was just wondering what was going to come out of your mouth. Will it be the truth? Or will it just be more lies? Or do you even know the difference anymore?"
She looked away from him and absently picked at a string on her blanket.
"I deserve that," she said softly. "I'm so sorry, Harry."
"You're sorry?" he asked. "What exactly are you sorry for?"
Ginny took a deep breath. "It's time you heard the truth."
He leaned forward.
She closed her eyes and tried to choose her words carefully. This was it. This was her moment of truth.
"At the beginning of the school year, I got myself into a mess," she began. "I started off helping Draco Malfoy with an assignment. It developed quickly into something more. I knew it was stupid and I knew it was wrong, but he knew all the right things to say and all the right things to do and before I knew what was going on, I'd fallen for him. I thought he loved me, too."
"I, um, found out that I was pregnant shortly before Christmas," she continued. "I believed he'd be happy about it. He always talked about us starting a family and living happily ever after. I knew it was sudden and a lot sooner than we'd planned, but I thought he'd be ecstatic about it. As you can imagine, he was less than thrilled at the thought of him being a father and even less that people would know about the two of us."
She stopped for a moment and took another long, deep breath.
"I didn't know what to do, Harry," she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. "I felt so alone and so scared. I looked around at Ron and Luna and then you and Hermione. You all looked so happy. I was jealous of what you and Hermione had. I saw how you treated her and how much you cared about her. I knew that if it was Hermione in the situation I was in, you wouldn't have done what Draco did to me. You aren't like him at all, Harry. You're everything he's not. I wanted to provide that for my baby. You'd be a man anyone would be glad to call a father."
Harry's face was expressionless.
"So, I came up with this plan," she said. "I was going to seduce you and make you think that the baby was yours. But there was a flaw to my plan. I knew you'd never betray Hermione."
"That's where the polyjuice comes in," Harry guessed.
She nodded. "I bought some off a Hufflepuff and nicked some hair from Hermione's hairbrush that afternoon I told you I was borrowing a book."
"What, um, happened the night we were together?" Harry asked her. His tone wasn't angry or cold, just neutral.
"I took the potion and transformed into Hermione," Ginny said, looking down at her blankets again to avoid his penetrating gaze. "I knocked on your door and although you were quite out of it, you responded to me. We kissed. We stumbled to your bedroom and just when we fell onto the bed you passed out cold."
"Are you saying that we didn't-" Harry asked her.
Ginny shook her head. "We didn't have sex, Harry. Once you were passed out, I got you undressed and then slipped out of my own clothes and climbed into bed beside you. That way, when you woke up…"
"It would appear like we had slept together," Harry finished for her.
"I waited a couple of weeks and then I told you that I was pregnant," Ginny said. "You pretty much know the rest of the story."
Harry buried his head in his hands.
"Harry, I'm sorry for all of this," Ginny said, her voice breaking. "I hated every minute of it."
He looked up at her, incredulously. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that you hated every minute of it?"
"It's the truth."
He got to his feet and paced in front of her bed. "You saw how this affected your family. You saw how it affected Hermione and me. You could have stopped this at any time, Ginny. You had all the control. You weren't under a spell. Yet, you stood by as people you cared about were hurt by what you did."
"I still hated it," she retorted. "You can't understand now-"
"You're right," he said, with a hollow laugh. "I don't understand any of it. I don't understand how you could do this or even why you would have done this. Ginny! You weren't alone. You have a family that loves you very much. They'd stand by you no matter what you did. They'd never let you handle this by yourself. They may have been disappointed or even upset, but they're going to be there for you, Ginny."
"What about you?" Ginny asked, looking at him.
"I would have, too," he said truthfully. "And Hermione would have, too. You know that."
"Would have," Ginny said.
"Yes, would," Harry said.
"And now?" Ginny asked dreadfully.
"Now, it's taking a lot for me to stand here in the same room with you," he said. "I thought I knew you, Ginny. Hearing this from you and from Ron, I realized that I have no idea who you are anymore."
Ginny nodded glumly.
"I have to go," he said. "Take care of yourself, Ginny. And the baby."
Ginny gave him a slight smile.
"Your mum and dad are outside," Harry said. "They'll want to see you."
Harry turned to walk away, but Ginny called out to him.
"Harry!"
He hesitated just a moment before turning around.
"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry," she said.
He looked thoughtful.
"Are you sorry that you got caught or are you sorry about what you did?" he asked her.
Ginny didn't have an answer for him.
"Goodbye, Ginny," he said before walking away.
****
When Harry walked out of the hospital wing, Arthur and Molly said a few brief words to him before they went inside.
Harry walked over to a bench where Luna was sitting beside Ron, her head resting on his shoulder. They both looked expectantly at Harry.
"She's awake," Harry said.
"Is she okay?" Ron asked.
"She will be," Harry said. "She just needs rest."
Ron nodded.
Harry related for them all that Ginny had said. Although Luna and Ron knew most of the details, hearing the extent Ginny had went to, left both of them in disbelief.
"I'm sorry, Harry," Ron said. "If I had known-"
"You don't have to apologize," Harry said. "Come on, Ron. If anything I should be thanking you and Luna for all that you did."
"It was the right thing to do," Luna said. "I'm just sorry we didn't figure it all out sooner."
"It doesn't matter now," Harry said. "The truth is finally out."
"Mum and dad were just telling us they wanted to take Ginny home to recover," Ron said. "They think it'd be good for her to be home. They spoke with Dumbledore about letting her do lessons by correspondence."
"Kind of like what Hermione did when her dad was ill," Luna said. Luna's eyes grew wide.
"What?" Ron asked, concerned.
"Speaking of Hermione," Luna said. "You should find her, Harry. Tell her what's happened."
"Yeah, mate," Ron said, giving him a grin. "What are you still doing here, then? Haven't you got a certain bushy-haired, bossy-boots to make up with?"
Harry grinned. "Yeah, I do."
"Well, get on out of here, then," Ron said, pushing his friend toward the staircase leading to Gryffindor Tower.
Harry said a quick goodbye and was about to walk away when something dawned on him. He turned around and smiled broadly at his friend.
"What?" Ron asked.
"Ron, I'm still a virgin!" Harry said, a little louder than he'd planned.
Ron gave his best friend a bemused look.
"I'm not so sure I'd be shouting that from the rooftops, Harry," Ron said cheekily.
Luna nudged him hard in the side.
Harry laughed and then descended the staircase. He hoped it wouldn't be too late to salvage what they had. It couldn't be too late. It just couldn't be.