AN- that was fun. I didn't have to blackmail you, yet I got all of you to review! I wasn't really going to leave all of you to figure the ending out for yourselves, where would the fun be in that? I already have my idea planned out. It was fun tormenting all of you though! (Cackles diabolically.) Now, I have to warn you all, while I will leave a fanfic alone no longer than two weeks, updating now depends on the beta, my priorities, (which now consist of grades, since my parents threw money into the mix,) and my responsibilities. It also depends on what mood my mom's in; she thinks I'm getting over obsessive! So yeah, that can be frustrating. Also, as some of you, (**cough**yekwah**) asked about my other story, Marauders Secret, I have to say, I had an idea, and now I lost it. So I'll try to work on it, but my muse visited me again last night with a brilliant idea for a throw-back-in-time fanfic, and how I could make it Lily and James and yet add Harry into the mix. And I have my novel to consider. But school will be over soon, so we'll see what I can pull out of the hat, and go from there. Anyways, here are my reviewers from Depression that I have to thank. Your reviews were short, but sweet and to the point. So thank you to-
Pokey- you reviewed me even though you didn't have to! Thank you so much! See, I feel all happy and warm inside! Like I said, I would never leave all of you like that! It was really fun though!
Lilyflower- you're as sweet about asking as your name! Of course, here's the sequel to Depression, just as you asked. The Will… well, that will be something to make this chapter interesting, along with a few other things…
quidditchfan1220- that really honors me that you want to beta. I mean, I know I couldn't, because of my bad grammar, and VERY short attention span, so thanks for the offer. I may take you up on it, I don't know as of yet who will be my beta. I might take turns with different people, because I don't want anyone feeling like they aren't good enough, (I know the feeling,) anyone's better at grammar than me, and I had a few offers. So thanks, I may just take you up on that offer, don't be surprised to see a chapter in your e-mail.
Sk8erWitch- no, like I said, I wouldn't do that to you! It's nice to hear from you though, got you to continue reviewing didn't it?
sarahmay- loved your review, you've got spunk! And I've always thought sporks was a funny word, so's tootles, that word drives me crazy, and I always use odd and arse `cause they get on my friends nerves! Hehe! I like sweet, just not too much fluff, and somehow all my better stuff always has sadness, I guess it's just the way I write. Loved all of the faces! It made me so happy! I liked talking to someone like you, can you review me on what you think about this, good or bad. It's the first time I've seen you, too, and you didn't insult me, in your own odd (funny word) way, you complemented me. So thanks!
JayaMioneDurron- HEY again! Hopefully you're reading the sequel, I got excited about reading your reviews, I always wanted to know what you and a few of my other favorites (people that have reviewed a few times without flaming me, and always have something funny to say) have to say about what I write. So please keep reading! And the letters would be what I called bittersweet, which is mostly the only type of sweet I write.
Anonymous- thanks, hopefully you can get an account on portkey, I'd like to hear from you more.
Lex- don't worry, I wouldn't do that to you. Well, here is the much-sought-after sequel.
Yekwah- Hey Jane! Did you get my e-mail? I tried, but I'm bad with these things…anyways, yeah it's summer here, almost, birthday three days ago, and Hehe I loved the chanting you did for a sequel! Hehe! You have no idea how much I appreciate your writing to me outside of my reviews! As I said, I love Evanescence and LOTR! And god are you lucky to go to Europe, I've never crossed the ocean, but when I travel I'm going to England! J.K. gives me the inspiration and encouragement to reach for my dreams no mater how far they are. I would repeat the last nine years in school just to meet her and that's saying something! (I may love her, but I HATE school, except reading and writing!) and Hehe, I'm warm! See yah soon?
Sweetkiwi456- yah, well, I'm too lazy to keep making James depressed, I don't have it in me, so I had to change the name, but the plot's similar. Great to hear your exams went well, I don't take mine till next year… high school…. Just the word scares me! but I'm not going down alone! Also, so love the fact you offered to be my beta, I'm not sure what I'll do yet, but I'll let you know. maybe I'll e-mail you soon! Anyways, great to hear from you, hopefully I'll hear from you again soon, and I wanted you to know I finally finished typing my book! so excited! Now I can focus on book two, and editing the first. (that's where my mom comes in. you got to love moms.) see yah!
Another anonymous- got the sequel down pat, relax. I' m not going anywhere.
Eschiva- hey again! Don't worry, I'm really not that mean, despite what my friends would say. Here it is, the demanded sequel! The secret keep stuff was a good idea, I'll try to use it!
PurplePastries1985- you're funny! (Haha) again, I'm not that mean, here's the sequel, (it was really fun teasing anyone who likes the stories though, threatening to end it!) did you really graduate last June? Wow… I have older reviews that like what I write! I uses it never sunk in before now… I would love for you to beta. I got a lot of offers, so I don't know what I'm doing yet, but I could really use the help, can I e-mail you sometime? You called my work brilliant… see you made me feel warm inside again. It's like when someone close gives you a touching gift, a reminder of something you share, only I don't even know you and you made me happy! Thank you!
London Lupin- I haven't seen you before, but I'm sure glad to see, (hear from) you now! It sounds like you really liked it! I'm really honored! You really loved it? (smiles!) love the name by the way, so many people though of cool names, not me though, no, I had to take the first thing I thought of…(sulk. Reads review and smiles again.) did you read Sweet Dreams? It's my only other semi-good story, I messed up on all the others… ah well.
Disclaimer- I disclaim. Disclaim. That's a funny word. (Hehe.)
James-
The next morning, I woke up earlier than anyone else except my alarm, my alarm being Sirius. " Wake up Prongs!" (no one should naturally be that awake in the mornings. And wasn't he the last one to go to bed?)
"Padfoot, bloody hell!" I muttered, turning in the sheets so I could avoid the light from the curtains he was drawing back. "What's made you so cheerful?"
"Simple." Sirius's smiling face was right in front of mine, that frightening up-to-no-good smile that said he wanted something from me. "Today, you pass your apparating test and take me places. Then you are granted permission to do pranks, I mean magic, outside of school. Then, you're taking us all out to breakfast to celebrate!"
"I am?"
"Uh huh. Your treat, too." I stuffed the pillow over my head, now wide-awake, but determined to go back to sleep. A big furry black dog pulled at the sheets covering me, growling. "Prongs! Evans is coming!"
I can't believe I fell for it, but I was rather jumpy about the topic of Evans after kissing her on the cheek last night, so I fell out of bad and asked, "huh, where?" A moment later I realized my mistake. (my mistake being trusting Sirius.) Giving up, I shooed Padfoot out of the room and changed into something, (I think it was my old red shirt and worn jeans, but I couldn't have told you if you paid me, it was too early.) and wandered downstairs to floo to the ministry.
I didn't actually get to talk with the minister himself he was too busy. His secretary, (or one of them, I suppose, there were loads of people there in the secretary office.) actually interviewed me on the remaining rules and the proper uses of magic. He was stiff and cold and distant and everything I swore to myself I would never become. What happened in the interview, I honestly couldn't have told you either, due to the fact I had loads of sleep to catch up on and had only gotten a few hours last night. But I must have answered something correctly, because while the guy gave me a glare, he signed the form.
The apperation test wasn't that hard, because I'd actually learned how to flout the law and travel small distances about two years ago. I passed no problem, landing directly on the tape-x created for me. I noticed many of the people giving me cold glares, or questioning or sympathetic looks. When one of my father's partners and close friends looked at me strangely and asked how my dad was, I should have taken the hint. However, as Lily put it, I was sometimes, (she had said always,) incredibly thick. I should have known something was wrong. But I had no idea what was happening, and because of this thickness, I ignored the comment and flooed back home.
"Ready for breakfast, Prongs?" Sirius asked.
"Not if you're making it." I replied, in no mood for cooking or eating burnt food. Michelle popped down, dressed nicely, in the seat next to mine.
"Aren't you taking us out to eat?" She asked, confusion written across her features. I threw a nasty glare at Sirius and replied,
"Dad would kill me."
"Your dad would never know." Sirius muttered, and I noted a tinge of bitterness in his words. I had no idea what he meant and gave him a look that said so until he replied, somewhat quickly, "Well, he hasn't been home yet, has he?" I sighed, but agreed that Sirius was right, and sent Michelle off to look for Evans, Sirius off to look for Peter and Remus, and went off myself to see if my hair would be semi-tamable.
It wasn't. I just kept running my hands through it, but no matter how hard I pressed it, it continued to stick off in all directions. So even as I arranged the floo network to take us to a local wizarding café, I was running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to tame it. For the first time in months, I think I cared how I looked.
Lily cared too, I could tell. Because she didn't tell me off when I ran my hands through it. It may have been wistful thinking, but I think she may have actually blushed. Michelle elbowed her, and Sirius elbowed me, and all in all it turned out to be a wonderful day.
It was the night that worried all of us. Remus transformed, and I really had no idea how we were going to keep this from them, them being Lily Evans, who figured everything out, and Michelle Murtha, who had been raised to fear werewolves and other half-breeds.
"You could try one of your excuses, the ones you used on us in your first year." Peter suggested weakly, earning a glare from Sirius, and a sigh of exasperation from Remus and myself.
"Right. We all have sick grandmothers we need to take care of." I cut in.
"Maybe if we had him go back to Hogwarts alone, he could do the transformation in the shack, and say something like one of his original lies?" Peter suggested again.
" My, Wormtail, aren't you full of ideas tonight?" Sirius snapped back. We had always babied Moony during his `time of the month', whether he liked it or not. It often got on his nerves, (I think that may have been why Padfoot did it,) but this time I was the one to be stupidly loyal.
" We haven't left Remus alone on a transformation since we found out about our animal selves. I don't plan to change that." I replied bitterly. "We just need one of us to keep watch. Padfoot you're a dog, it won't look too odd seeing you in the house." I offered, knowing it was a feeble plan but trying to sound confident.
It didn't work.
Lily-
"You like him." Michelle made it sound like a fact she was stating rather than a question she was asking.
"That obvious?" No point in denying it now. Now that Michelle knew, the whole school would know by Monday. Michelle just smirked.
"To everyone but him."
Somehow she had talked me into telling her, and right now I was deeply regretting it. in fact, I was almost regretting the fact that I had agreed to come with this group in the first place, not because I hadn't enjoyed it, but because it meant I had no stag to talk to in a time when he was most needed. Sticking me in a house with James for the weekend, (ignoring the others) had put me in a very uncomfortable position. I had wanted to use the time to get to understand him, but the more I learned the worse the knot of mysteries got.
Have you ever wanted to know something just because it was something you really didn't know anything about? It's a feeling I can't really explain, but it's quite similar to wanting something because you know you'll never have it. so you keep pining, striving, until you bore of it.
Only that bore of James hadn't kicked in yet. "I really don't know what to make of him. he's seemed better this weekend, but I can't put my finger on what it is about him I like…"
"Lily, has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Michelle asked, pulling on her nightclothes.
"Yeah. Nearly everyone, including you."
"Has James ever complained?" I thought back, and realized that she was right, I liked to be able to talk about things without being interrupted. But that was only one of the reasons.
"He's so secretive."
"He's a Marauder. Remus is the same." Michelle said, preoccupied with digging her toothbrush from her trunk.
"Yeah, but I used to think I knew everything about him. he was simply a bi-headed git who thought of nothing but women and Quidditch, and always wanted what he couldn't have." I sighed, thinking how much simpler things had seemed then.
"And now?" Michelle asked, though she was heading into the bathroom and out of earshot. I sighed, thinking through my response before saying
"And now he thinks."
"Oh, their bath's like a pool! It a bloody spa! Lils, you have to see this!" Michelle called, running in. "their mirror lined with different body lotions, there's there puffy things to wash with, and…" I had thankfully learned as soon as I had met Michelle to tune her out, and that hadn't changed. I muttered something similar to
"That's nice." And left the room in my nightgown. If I wanted to brush my teeth, I'd have to find another bathroom. Michelle was guaranteed to steam that one up.
There as a low growl coming from somewhere in the hall. It had to be from one of the rooms, but the hallway was lined with doors, and the noise was making me nervous. Unsure of what to think, I walked quickly down the corridor and ended up running.
I felt a weight on my back as whatever had been watching me sprung out from its hiding spot and onto my back. We tumbled into a ball and fell down the stairs in a tangle of fur, arms, legs and tail. That black, bear-like furry dog stood up a moment after we hit the bottom of the stairs and shook itself indignantly. "Well, it's your fault for attacking near the stairs." I scolded primly, while in reality I was actually rather frightened. It was bigger than me when on it's hind paws, and something about it was off, felt not right. It was a dog, but almost too big to be one. Its soft fur was too clean, to well kept, and the eyes were different.
"You're an animagi." I breathed in understanding, whoever it was wasn't one the list, I had to study it while McGonagall had trained me, and I knew no black dogs, or even dogs at all, on that list. "Who are you?"
You remember how I had earlier said something along the lines of "Now he thinks" referring to James Potter. I would like to amend that to, "He thinks at times, but at times can still be thick, and no amount of teaching or silence will ever change that. He chose that moment to come to the edge of the stairs and call down
"Padfoot? Are you…" He drifted off, eyes widening as he realized his mistake. But I had realized it too, and while it took a moment , I placed that nickname to the one Sirius had always gone by from the Marauders. It took a moment for me to remember to breathe as I pieced together a mystery, part of what made the Marauders so secretive.
"Padfoot…. A dog." I looked down at the animal now licking it's injured side. "SIRIUS BLACK, TRANSFORM BACK THIS INSTANT!" I howled. It wasn't nearly as loud as the howl that came from upstairs.
"Crap, Wormtail, close the door!" James called, setting a rat I hadn't noticed perched on his shoulder on the floor. He looked down the hall behind him, then at me, as though afraid of my reaction, which he had every right to be.
At the time, however, I was still piecing it all together. It hadn't even occurred to me that my confident at school had been the guy I had talked about. Sirius appeared at my feet in an instant, looking afraid for his life, and still sitting like a dog might. "Wormtail…Peter! Peter Pettigrew! Are all of you…" I didn't bother finishing, as I had yet to figure out James's little nickname. "Prongs…" It didn't connect right away, I'm ashamed to admit. It took a little while, proving I could be thick at times too. Eventually, he came down carefully and said,
"Lily, you named me it. in a way, that is."
With a sickening clarity, I remembered calling my stag Prongs after James. I hadn't realized at the time that he was James… I had called him it right after I had confessed all of my feelings to him. Swallowing hard, I asked the question anyone of you would have asked in a similar situation,
"What?"
They explained the best they could. They told me quickly about Remus, and his condition, and how they had decided to put their lives and futures on the line to become animagi. They explained how they entered the shack to keep him company, to keep him from hurting himself. And while they didn't mention how they waltzed around the grounds every full moon, even I was smart enough to put two and two together. The entire time, Pettigrew made sure Michelle was no where nearby, James controlled Lupin, and Sirius pulled me into the study to help me understand what this meant to all of the, particularly Remus.
Swallowing hard as I listened to him finish his brief explanation, I asked "Couldn't you have just become legal animagi?"
"Nope. You had to be seventeen. It wouldn't help Remus. If we anted him to keep himself alive and know we fully accept him, even if we just wanted to fully understand him, we had to become animals like him." His voice was low and husky, and I had never seen him so…well…the pun had gotten old, but…serious.
"Two years…" I breathed. "You've been able to since fifth year?" It hadn't fully sunken in, I suppose, because I was repeating what he had already said, but I didn't understand.
"Uh huh." Sirius replied sullenly. We both jumped as we heard a loud thump upstairs, where Remus had stayed to transform, and Sirius made to stand up. "Look, I can understand you're pissed a little. But you hated us until this year, why would we tell you? Besides, if you must, take it all out on James. It was his idea." Some friend, huh? But I was proud of the idea, stupid though it was. It meant they were dedicated, (for the most part,) to their friend, dedicated enough to put their lives on the line.
That didn't mean I wasn't pissed at James for becoming the stag without saying anything, because I was pissed. Really pissed.
James came down minutes after Sirius left. He sat in the squishy armchair, and we fell into an awkward silence for a minute, him in fear and me trying to control myself before I exploded.
"You were the stag I named Prongs?" Please say no, please say no, please say no…please, in the name of all things holy…
"Yeah. I didn't know you were going to say something like that that night, I just…" his voice faded in uncertainty.
"You just?" I felt my anger rising.
"I just…you looked so upset. I just wanted to help." He looked down at his hands, and I realized I wasn't really mad at him anymore, like I once would've been. There was a time when I would have said he was faking it, that he didn't really feel that bad. Now I knew the difference.
" When you tell Michelle, could you make sure I'm out of the country, preferably across an ocean somewhere. Antarctica works… Moony doesn't really like all that cold, I don't think…" James smirked, but it was rather half-hearted. "and when he does find me, please place lilies on my grave." I felt the corner of my mouth turn up, despite how badly I wanted to hit him. I remembered when he had claimed lilies where his favorite flower.
"So they're still your favorite flower?" I asked, smiling sardonically.
"They always have been." James nodded reverently, mock solemn. "To be completely honest, I have to admit it wasn't your beauty or even your attitude that drew me to you at first…it was your name. That's how I noticed you."
I hesitated in what I was about to say. Somehow it seemed like what I was about to ask was rather personal, and I didn't want to insult him. I just wanted…proof, I suppose, that he really was Prongs…I mean the stag. "Could you…you know…transform? I mean, like you did?"
An odd look crossed his face, confusion. "You aren't going to kill me?"
"Not yet." He took a deep breath, let out a rather forced and nervous smile and stood up. Wiping his hands on his pants leg, he let out the breath. I watched in awe as his spine twisted, his hands curled, his jaw lengthened and he went to his knees. In no more than a few seconds he was a stag, shimmering brown mahogany coat and heavy antlers. Carefully, he walked up to me, almost shy. I reached out my hand and his rubbed against it like an animal would, making me giggle. Prongs nudged my hand, like a cat demanding attention, and I ran my head over his head and down his neck, as carefully as he had a moment ago.
Now that I knew he was James, it seemed so obvious. Only James would have known as soon as my little meetings with him were over, only James would be patient enough to listen, and only James had glasses that made marks on an animal such as these around the eyes. His coat, however, was perfectly in place, and he was graceful in this form as he was in his own, (he and Sirius almost had a dancer-like grace about them, it was Pettigrew who had the klutzy streak.) and his eyes shone with human intelligence.
He transformed into a human again, still looking me in the eye. Awkwardly, he brought his head closer than before. I felt his breath on my face, saw the uncertainty in his eyes, and went forward until our lips met.
It was like a shock. Nothing major happened. No fireworks, no singing… in fact, it was almost a timid, childish kiss, that only lasted a minute. We heard a crash above us, and someone holler, and James pulled away, still looking at me, then glancing upstairs.
" I really ought to go see if Padfoots alright…" He said, looking stunned.
With that he turned away, racing up the stairs to check on his friend, leaving me behind him with so many different thoughts to sort out and keep me up the rest of the night in the study.
AN- IMPORTANT! Next chapter; will Lily keep the secret from Michelle, if so, how far will she go, and if not, how will Michelle, who was raised to fear half-breeds, react? What did James think of their kiss, and how do they act like nothing happened, when something so big did? Haha, I love torturing you! We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes…maybe James's father will come home…maybe not… maybe a few reviews will speed it up?