AN- hey guys, I'm so sorry this took so long! It was a whole bunch of things, my evil muse, my beta, (it's not her fault, she's in school,) and my second novel, which I've started typing this week. So I'm sorry for the delay, but happy for the reviews it brought in! No one even flamed me! Anyways, I swore to myself I would not tarnish the upcoming chapter with a long author's note, so here it goes.
Warnings- FLUFF AHEAD
Yekwah- see I would never blame you! I'm flattered about what you said quote; `I actually took it to school so I could get it done for you'. Anyways, I assumed, perhaps wrongly, that HOGSMEADE was the only mistake, and apologize for blemishing your work if there was more. And I left you with that cliffy with only my best interests at heart, but I can't apologize, because, well, it worked, didn't it? (Smirks.) Anyways, I'll email you soon! Too bad about being booted from the computer like that, it sucks, doesn't it? And please do write a fanfic and post soon, I really want to read something you've written! Still open if you need any questions answered, I'll do my best for you.
Jess- I'm so glad you've lied both of them s far, I really wasn't sure about the people that weren't reviewing, whether they just didn't like it or…well, anyways, I'm really glad you liked it!
GreenEggsandHam- this enough l/j for you? (Smiles, then winces. Too much fluff!) Sorry if that sounded a bit rude, but I was just joking!
Sweetkiwi456- I'm so glad I'm forgiven, but that doesn't change the fact that I am indeed an evil little minx. (I love that word!) Glad you liked that chapter, but this on has a lot more fluff and Lily's POV, hope you enjoy! Good luck in physics, I'm laughing because I don't have it! (Evil little minx! *sing song voice*)
alniyat- I know I'm evil; I've been labeled the evil little minx. And I love it! Hehe! And this one is another cliffhanger! I'm really sorry this took so long, I hope you forgive me, cause it wasn't my entire fault. And I'll have you know, I'm already working on the next chapter. Forgive me!
JayaMioneDurron- All I have to say towards the exam comment is Haha, on the account that I don't have any exams, yet. I'm a freshman next year! Hehe! Thank you for sticking to me! I really… it touches me. Thank you. And about your second review, it's really all right I guess it makes us even. I messed your name up, and you made a mistake on mine! In this chapter… Lily's reaction to James's' kiss, Michelle's reaction to the truth about her boyfriend, but no more Mr. Potter in this one. Anyways, here it goes, please let me know what you think.
SoCoChick15- nice to hear from you, have I heard your name before? Thanks for the compliment, at first I really wasn't sure if people would read Depression and want a sequel, but that just proves me wrong. Thank you.
Anonymous- I know. I hate that rule. Why ten words? It didn't used to be like that. It used to be you could just put a smiley. But your review made me laugh. I like root beer.
Anonymous- do you really think it's like J.K. writing it? I seriously got teary at the compliment, she's my idol, and…now I'm probably scaring you, but you just gave me a reason to keep hoping that one day my book will be as good as hers. I can keep hoping, right? Right?
yamainu- I'm really honored, it makes me feel good to know that you took the time to review me when you so rarely do. And to be honest, I do believe the Ron and Hermione, and I'm not sure about Ginny and Harry. But this site is so often read, and I don't really write Harry/Hermione, just James/Lily, and if I do have Harry/Hermione, it has Hermione going out with Ron at some point. I love that name too, Japanese?
Anonymous- thanks; I can't write a story unless it has more than one point of view. Michelle Murtha is a bad, stupid, mean name, (take that, Prongs!)
Lily-
By breakfast the next day, half of the school knew about James and his father, and they were busy telling the half that didn't know. If this had happened to anyone else, people would send them pitying glances but not give it a second thought. This happened, however, to James Potter, and when people found out something this big about him, it was around the school in moments, used by others to his advantage or against him, and made public information.
In a situation like this before would've said he deserved it, (he shouldn't have been out of the castle to begin with, but when Dumbledore found out what had happened, he had covered it up for James, saying that because of his mother's recent death, the Headmaster had given James permission to visit Hogsmade.) but now, I only felt pity for him. The look on his face said quite plainly when he walked into breakfast that he would rather be anywhere but there.
As he had been absent from meals for so long, the Marauders usual spot had been taken by a group of seventh years that didn't look like they were going to move. It was apparent they were aiming to give James a hard time, so pushing aside the thoughts of that kiss; I called them over to sit down.
The room went deadly quiet. Everyone, even the Slytherins, seemed to be wondering what would happen next, whether I would humiliate him, or hurt him, or simply ignore him. But no one had expected me to call him over to sit.
Eventually the chatter came back into the room, and while eyes still nervously darted back and forth to us, the Marauders, Michelle and I managed a decent conversation. Afterwards, we all walked up the steps to our respective classes, no one at all upset.
Don't I wish?
The truth of the matter was, I was alone at breakfast because Michelle hadn't come back from wherever she was. And that's not even where this part of the story begins, but rather were it comes closer to the end. It's the night that takes a while to tell.
We had spent what could be called the beginning of last night, Remus and I, in the Marauder's rooms (they were messy, but secretive, and the common room was too risky,) looking at that map they had, trying to find her. Somehow, she never showed up.
Both of us agreed that she couldn't have left the school grounds, Michelle wasn't that brave, but she hadn't taken to the news of what Remus was so kindly. She had run the moment after he had spoken, not even giving him a chance to explain, and leaving Lily to try to reassure him that one day it would all work out.
Sirius had asked if we had seen James, and I had checked the map to see his `dot' the mark with his name, sitting by the edge of the lake. He was waiting for me to come and listen, and I knew it. Sirius gave us a short description of what had happened to explain his bad mood, and asked why I was in the boy's dorm, which had made Remus start shaking all over again.
I left Remus and Sirius after Peter came in, when Remus had to explain what had happened all over again. I only ran into the caretaker on my way down, and while he had always disliked James, (I suppose I would too, if I had to clean up the mess his pranks make,) he had always admired me. I just told him I was doing my rounds, simple as that, and he nodded and left me to make my way silently out the large wooden double doors and down the sloping grassy lawn towards James had the lake.
James was a human for the first time I had seen him at the lake at night in our spot, more human than normal. He had no energy, and had a drained and tired look on his face, almost like too much had happened, and I knew that whatever façade he put on tomorrow would portray him as happy and excited, a mischievous prankster, but he'd be feeling like this for a while.
It didn't take words. Sometimes I believe in silent communication, in expressions, in motions, the words the eyes and face said. All it took was his tears to get me upset again. I didn't know how to comfort him, to be honest, I had never babysat, seeing as I was away at Hogwarts at the age of eleven, an no one would trust their kid to another kid like that, so I had never worked with someone besides my closet friends crying, and when they had I had always let them cry on my shoulder, or cry into me. But after that kiss, I wasn't too sure how to act around James.
"I don't understand why he does this, flower." He was using his childish nickname, but he was just so sad I couldn't tell him off for it.
After a thoughtful silence I replied, "Maybe he uses it as his escape." James just gave me a confused and mildly annoyed face, so I continued. "You know, mine's reading a book, yours may be…quidditch? Something you do that you enjoy, something that takes your mind off of everything going on around you. You enjoy flying for the same reason I enjoy books. Both seem to take away any worry."
James gave it a good deal of thought, and it seemed like we were about to talk about him and his problems for once before he looked at me, still serious, and asked, "Lily, why don't you like flying?"
The change in the topic caught me unprepared, and all I could do was ask "What?" James gave me a searching look.
"Well, I mean, it'd make sense if you were afraid of heights that you wouldn't like flying. But you never even went to the quidditch games, or watched us practice with the rest of the class before the cup, or any of that. So it's not just that you are afraid of heights." I bit my lip. This was really a topic I didn't want to get into. I noticed his fingers, and realized they were resting on the oak handle of the broom, his new model broom. How had I not noticed it before?
You were too busy staring at James. This voice wasn't Sirius's it sounded more like my own. And it was doing a good job of taunting me. Ignoring it, I answered James's question,
"I guess I just never really felt very comfortable on one of those things. You could slide down, or off at any moment, and it never really appealed to me, having wood shoved up my arse. I just never took to it."
"You wouldn't slide off, you know." James pushed, studying my face. I kept my eyes down, until my face was hot and I had to look up. "Besides, we have to get back inside. This was how I came out."
"You can fly back up. I'll walk." I replied, quite a bit more coolly than I felt. But James was becoming his old self a little more every day, and the James Potter I had hated was determined to a fault.
"Nope. You aren't getting away that easily." He stood, brushing himself off, the Thunder200 clutched in his right hand. "Come on. This way will be quicker, and besides, don't you owe me?" Damn teenage hormones. He was offering me a moonlit ride on a clear, warm night, and at the moment he didn't look too bad. Besides, I did owe him…
How many times are you going to use that excuse? That little nasty voice asked. Pushing it aside again, I clambered on. James wrapped his arms around my waist and lightly pushed off of the ground, gently wrapping his arms around me while I held tightly onto the pole of wood under me.
I could understand at that moment how James could enjoy it. You see, he was steering, (backseat driving,) and it glided along naturally, as it always did under his hands. The stars were glittering, and the moon, no longer full but very close, gave the grounds and the castle underneath us a glow, bathing them in moonlight. It was simply beautiful.
James was breathing in my ear, on the back of my neck. The effect that alone was having on me was frightening, and I did the stupidest thing I could have. I shivered. "There's no way you're cold." James scolded lightly, whispering into my ear.
Trying to do anything to keep myself from admitting I wasn't, I looked down. "James, aren't we going a bit higher than we need to be? We're almost above the astronomy tower." I felt rather than saw his smile, but I wanted to see it too, and with a questioning look on my face I turned around.
His wolfish grin and messy black hair made the question die right on my lips. His hazel eyes glimmered as he looked back at me, face close. "I'll be quick, I promise. I just thought you might want to see this, it's a clear night, and one of the best views of Hogwarts appears to be empty. Usually there's couples up here, but the exams will be coming and it's a Sunday night." I tensed when he pointed out that it was the night before classes began again, but he persisted. "Please, Lily? Please?"
I don't know who has that bloody puppy look mastered better, him or that friend of his, and Sirius, I had recently learned, was a puppy, at least every full moon. So I gave in, and let him get off on the stone roof, then help me off, pulling me close. A lot closer than I should have been comfortable with.
He had been the one to run last time, if I remembered correctly, and I wasn't about to get him distant again, not when I had a choice between him rushing off leaving me on the roof of the Astronomy tower. So I just watched him, waiting for James to move or us to leave. He looked out over the grounds, and said,
"See Hogsmeade just over there? They've already pretty much finished rebuilding since that attack. And if you look over there, Hagrid's lights are on. You know him, right?" I nodded, still watching Hogsmade where he had pointed.
:"James, how did you get into Hogsmade? I mean, without anyone seeing you leave?" I asked, thinking it through. They had been sneaking to Hogsmade for a while I knew, since about second year, and bringing back sweets for everyone after won quidditch games, for the parties. While they could have walked all that way, they had only been animagus's since last year and it would take quite a while to walk that distance and carry all of that stuff back. I turned back to James to see that his smile had widened.
"That, dear flower, id another one of the Marauder's secrets. Now you understand why we have so many. Some of them aren't mine to tell." He had called me that stupid nickname again, and this time he was smiling, so I had the mind to yell at him.
"James Potter, that's the second time tonight you've called me flower! I'm not a flower just because my name is." I snapped. James smiled wider.
"I could call you Bella Donna. It was one of the reasons I liked you." He whispered. "Come on, it's getting late. Let's get back." He climbed back onto the waiting broom, and left room for me on in front of him. Enjoying the wind in my hair, I thought things through again, for what seemed like the millionth time that night, until James whispered in my ear.
"Your dorm is right through that window." I noticed the window was open. The Marauder's light was on. Seeming to read my thoughts, James said, "Relax you're too tired. I'll help them look for Michelle, we'll have her back soon, promise." He took my hand to help me off, but I didn't want off. He looked like he thought I had yet to realize that he meant for me to get off for the night, because then he said, "Good night, Bella Donna."
"I knew what flower meant, James Potter. If this is your new nickname for me, at least tell me what it means." I demanded.
James looked surprised. "Weren't you paying attention to Herbology on Wednesday?" He asked. No, I hadn't been. I'd been staring at him, but I'd rather jump off of the astronomy tower than say so aloud. I just shook my head, and he explained. "It means poison flower. Sweet Dreams."
He kissed me a little harder, a little bit longer than last time. It was difficult on a broom like we were, but I turned right around and kissed him back. We pulled apart, and with a smile James flew away, and I climbed into my room, never noticing the three other Marauders, one smiling and clapping the others on the back, one scowling, and one shaking his head, but laughing. All three gits were hanging out the window to watch the show.
Remus-
Sirius was wiping the tears from his face by the time James entered, a guarded look on his face. Even I was shaking from suppressed mirth, because while that guarded look normally meant that something big had happened in his life, and it was most likely something bad, this time in laughed instead of worrying. Sure, something big had happened to James. But to the great amusement of the Marauders, it had been something good.
"What?" James asked carefully, making Sirius laugh harder, which was saying a lot seeing as he was already almost doubled over. I just shook my head.
"Good night, Bella Donna? Wow, James I didn't know you were such a romantic!" I smirked at the look of horror on James face. By now even Peter was laughing.
"Shit. All of you heard that?" James exclaimed. He rarely cussed, because of how honorably his parents had raised him, but when he did, it usually made us grave. Sirius, who had finally regained his breath, had done so just as James had said that, and somehow he ended up clutching onto me for support.
"Yes, James, we all heard that." I paused, and just as I had thought would be happening, I heard squealing in the room next to ours. Loud squealing girls. "Sounds like everyone in the next room did as well. They're all up waiting for Michelle and Lily."
James sat down hard on the bed with a thud, went to lying down, then asked, "Do we have any idea where Michelle's at?"
"None." I replied, my mood dropping drastically. "She ran off in tears."
James squeezed my shoulder hard in reassurance and said, "Michelle's a sensible girl for the most part…" He made a face, as though deep in thought, then said, "Well, okay, not the brightest, but still, she has Lily to help get her through. She depends on Lily. Lily will explain it all to her."
"She has every reason to act like this!" I argued. "I'm a monster every full moon. I've lied to her all year, I've asked her to keep a deadly secret, and she's grown up fearing creatures like us." James just shook his head.
"Remus, you are Remus. Moony is part of who you are, and a part that you can change no more than your heritage. It makes you quiet it makes you controlled, and gives you and us a sense of what the half-breeds think like. We know now that you aren't half human because you have a half a brain. It's purely the part animal, and if you look at it that way, all of us are monsters once a month too."
James switched from inspirational prep-talk mode, like he does in the common room after a quidditch game, to take-charge mode, much like he commonly does whilst pulling a prank. "All right, we'll have to do this the difficult way. We'll have to think of all the places you can stay while avoiding the map. Are there any places we forgot to do the tracking spell? And passages or rooms we've discovered since the Marauder's map?"
"We have all of the classrooms. All of the passages out of the school that we know of, and somehow I doubt she knows of any we don't. But rooms…" Sirius faded away. "There's the kitchens," (Notice that Harry never mentioned the kitchens on the map in third year? This is why.) "And that little outside area we discovered on the fourth floor, the little area with the balcony… and that room I still have to check out fully, the one that gives you whatever you want." Of course. The house elves had told us about the room of requirement this year in the kitchens. If you desired a place where no one could find you, even the map probably wouldn't be able to protect you. But I didn't say this aloud. If she really wanted time where no one could find her, I should at least give it to her. It was understandable.
"Guys, let's look for Michelle tomorrow. If she wanted to talk to me, she'd come to me. I'm exhausted, always am after a transformation, and you don't look to up to sneaking out at this early hour. We'll go tomorrow." AS soon as I said it, I noticed relief in Prongs and Padfoot's faces. They cared, but there was always a limit. Even I was tired. Where was Wormtail? Asleep in his bunk, shaking.
Breakfast that morning was interesting, first and foremost being that everyone in there quieted as soon as James stepped in. second was that James's `Bella Donna' beckoned us over reluctantly to sit next to her, and I swear everyone's face held shock. Later I'd have to hit Sirius up for that money I put on James getting Lily in the end. I had made the bet in fifth year, pay-up time. Looked like many others were doing the same, figuring out from the looks the two kept sending each other across the table that they were now…something. What they were, well, I'm not sure even they knew. But they were something interesting to watch that was for sure.
I slipped out of my spot, hardly hungry. If this was how James had been feeling the last few months, I could really feel pity for him, because it was a numb, sad feeling. It felt as if everything inside of you had been cleared out.
I excused myself and walked up the steps to the corridor leading to the room of requirement. It would be a long walk, but James had known what was on my mind. I had company. "Git. You can't do this alone, and both of us know that Sirius Black would make matters worse and Peter wouldn't have the courage to come." James said calmly, walking down the hall, keeping pace with me.
"I know. You don't have to come, you looked pretty smug in there near Lily." I really wanted him to follow, and we both knew he would.
"Come off it. We both knew I'd stay. I'll just wait outside the room." He muttered under his breath, "You two had better come to an agreement though, making me miss breakfast and Lily."
"Your two favorite things." I joked readily. James rolled his eyes, but smiled when I said, "You know you walked right into that one, right?"
He sighed and quieted for a moment, then tried to comfort me by saying, "Moony, you were always the smart one. You have to realize, she grew up being told legends of how werewolves killed. She was taught the signs of a werewolf in case one attacked. I mean, to find out someone you know is one…well, it just changes so much." I realized he had grown up fearing werewolves too, until he'd met me, and seen through the secrets I kept. James was always good at that.
"I know." I shot back. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous. Anyways, what about what happened with you and Lily last night." If I wanted to change the topic, it had to be something James would want to talk about.
James blushed. James Potter actually blushed. In all the time I'd known him, I don't think I've every seen him so embarrassed. "I just offered her a ride back up… because we were talking by the lake, and-"
"What were you talking about?"
"Dad. Life. Hobbies, good and bad. I showed her the astronomy tower view." That made me smile. James had been taking his girlfriends to that site since…well, since he'd gotten girlfriends.
"And I'm to assume because of this that there was a lot more kissing involved?" I asked, which made James smile.
"Nope. But that's where I decided she was Bella Donna. You know, poison flower, because of her sharp words." I nodded, encouraging him to go on, and still amazed that he had been so, careful. He must really not want to screw up his chances.
"And the kiss?" I asked. We were nearing the tapestry of that oaf getting clubbed by the ballerina trolls, meaning I was almost there.
"I didn't start that. At least, I don't think I did…but she didn't seem to hate me too much this morning." James smiled, and, just to reassure myself that Lily wouldn't be another of his date-and-ditch girlfriends, I said,
:"James, I think it's wonderful that you finally have Lily, but if you hurt her, so help me god, there will be one less Marauder." Lily and I had gotten somewhat close when we had been prefects, and I didn't want to see her as hung up over James as any of the other girls he's been with. But James seemed disgusted with the thought. He had been so jealous of me when I had become friends with Lily, and I realized maybe it was the wrong thing to say. James slowed down and scratched the back of his neck in confusion.
"Are you saying you'd quit, Moony?" He asked. Clueless, absolutely clueless.
"No, I'm saying you would have to." I replied, and then comprehension dawned on him.
"Go talk to your girlfriend, mutt." James said, punching me lightly on the shoulder. Which I intended to do. I walked back and forth, ironically thinking, I need a room where I can find Michelle. Just as a way to comfort her. I need to find Michelle Murtha… the door appeared, and with a last look in James's direction, I went slowly inside.
She was shaking, but otherwise silent. There was a table with a little food in front of her, and a bed she had probably slept in the night prior. It was a good thing she knew when she had to eat and sleep. At least one of us did.
"So you figured it out. How?" She paused a minute before saying, "Oh, that bloody map, I'd forgotten. You could have thought to check it earlier."
"I thought you'd want some time alone." I replied quietly. My words seemed to echo against the walls and fill in the silence. "You know, it doesn't make me a different person. I mean I've been like this since I was four. The Marauders only know because they figured it out, the same thing with Lily. You're the only person I've ever actually told. But I can control myself. It's not like I'm always a danger to be around."
Michelle sat in silence before saying, "You lied to me for so long, I should have figured it out. All about your mom being sick and how you got pale every full moon…" she paused. "Remus, I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what you're afraid of. I wont breathe a word of it, because that's betraying your trust, and I'd be as guilty as you when it comes to the lying part. I know you can control yourself when you aren't in your…wolf form. But…I just can't kiss a person that gets all hairy once a month, with the possibility of killing someone." It made sense. I hadn't even expected her to forgive me, and keeping it a secret was more than I could ask for, because I had put her in danger by having her and Lily inside the same house as me on the night of the transformation. Still, her words actually felt like they stabbed me.
But I'd become accustomed to hiding my emotions over the years, and I kept my face blank as I asked what I had to as a Marauder, even if it made her think the Marauders were first. Because the truth was, they always probably would be. "And the animagus secret? Because even Dumbledore doesn't know about that."
"Do they ever plan to tell?" She squeaked.
"Yes. Not right away, not all of us are even of age. But eventually, yes, they're going to register. The thing is, they don't want anyone to know about their earlier transformations, they were illegal until becoming of age. They'd get locked up for it. But they just wanted to help…"
Michelle nodded, looking tired, and said, "It's fine, I'm not going to say anything, but…you really ought to stop putting the Marauders before everything else in your life. That was dangerous, what you agreed to, caving in to your friends because they wanted you to spend the weekend with us. I don't know what Dumbledore was thinking, letting me and Lily and them go with you." She sighed. "And keeping a secret as big as that is as bad as lying. You did both."
She really knew how to use words to make them eat at your conscience, like Lily. She must have gotten it from her, but nevertheless, I had gotten the promises I had needed, and there was nothing more I could do to fix the relationship between us. She would just have to figure things out for herself. "Right then. I have classes today, but you should go to the infirmary and tell them your not feeling well if you want a reliable excuse to get out of classes. Tell Pomfery you know my secret, and you need a pepper-up potion."
Michelle seemed shocked. "Pomfery knows?"
"All of the teachers do. There was no other way to explain my absences."
"And she still helps you after every transformation?" Michelle asked, looking up, her hazel eyes red-rimmed. I nodded, silent. Her eyes seemed caught in mine for a moment, and then she shook her head. "Go to class. Tell Lily I'll… tell her I'll be there in a moment. Oh, I can imagine she was rather worried about me…"
"Her and the Marauders were looking for you all night, I wouldn't get on her bad side today, you know how a sleep-deprived red-head can be." Michelle gave a forced smile and nodded. I stood and walked out of the room, turning to the wall where James sat waiting for me.
"Dumbles is waiting for you." He said quietly.
"Oh." Dumbles was his nickname for Dumbledore, but what would the headmaster want from me? "Well, then, I suppose I'll be a little late for classes, but I'll see you at lunch, thanks for waiting for me, and tell your Bella Donna that Michelle will be there, she'll just be a little late." Just like I had thought he would anyways, James followed me.
"James, transfiguration's that way." I said pointing in the opposite direction. James rolled his eyes.
"I know the password to Dumbledore's rooms, remember?"
"You could just tell it to me." I pointed out to him, amused. We both knew that wasn't the reason he was coming with me.
"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." James muttered darkly, making me laugh, even if it was rather strained. "So, did she agree to keep it a secret?" For some reason, James had taken it up on himself to make sure my secret remained that way. Whenever someone found something out about the Marauders, James was there to make sure it was kept a secret, and no one was stupid enough to screw James Potter's trust. I could bet he'd be talking to Michelle later about the importance of the secrecy.
"Yes. But she says keeping a secret's the same as lying." Her words were bothering me, and James would make sense of them in a sense that would ease my guilt. He looked considering for a moment before saying,
"It depends on what you're keeping a secret. Yes, I suppose you could call it lying. But I prefer to call it, keeping a secret. Some people just don't get it." I was the intelligent one, but James could weasel his was out of any form of guilt. Not pain, maybe, but guilt. And Sirius simply didn't feel guilt. Maybe it was just me.
After James left Dumbledore's offices, I stepped inside, at the password, (Saltwater taffy,) and went in, preparing for a lecture or a lesson.
AN_ I'm already working on the next chapter, but with my second novel I'm pretty busy. A few reviews could help. Just a suggustion.