Chapter 8 - School work
Without having his companions to confide in, he was reluctant to disclose what was troubling him. He had told Ginny everything last night, but he needed to add these new visions to his diary, which he just remembered was still at Privet Drive.
"Harry, you sure you're ok?" Neville asked the following morning at breakfast.
"Yeah, I have those dreams all the time. I'm use to them." He kept pushing his food around on the plate, not even trying to eat. He over heard many of the conversations about yesterday's explosion, some were so far from the truth, he wondered if there were two different explosions.
As he was dwelling on his recollections of the event and his visions last night, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Without looking up, he simply said "Hi, Gin."
"Think again."
He looked up and saw Hermione looking down at him.
"When'd you get back?" he said as he hid his excitement.
"Last night. Dumbledore came and brought me back. He said Ron needed sleep and I needed to be here. I didn't understand why until I got back last night."
"I'm glad you're back. Is Ron still mad at me?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I was too. I had done some thinking and I think I understand why you were such a prat all summer. I wish you would talk to me about it. I can help, you know."
"I… can't, not now. You can't understand."
"I wish you'd let me try."
"I will, I just need some time. I promise."
"I'll hold you to that, Harry James Potter." She sat next to him ready to have some breakfast. "Ron should be back soon, maybe a day or two. I heard Ginny's already back."
A smile crossed his face as her name was mentioned. "Yeah, I saw her last night. We got into a fight about… what happened."
She raised an eyebrow at his statement. "And you were able to talk to her about everything, but not me? Right?"
"It's not like that. She understands things differently."
"How? I can understand too, if you give me a chance. But I'm glad for you that you can talk to someone; it's what you really need. I know you'll tell me when you're ready."
He quietly pushed his sausage around on his plate, beginning to recall his thoughts. She noted his sudden mood shift, and quickly changed the topic. "Harry, can we talk about something else? It's about…"
"What? You and Ron? Ginny told me. I… I hope it works out. You two have been my best friends. I know I screwed things up. I don't know what else to say."
A slight look of surprise glanced over her face, at this statement.
"How about you and Ginny? She really likes you, you know. I think that would be really good for you. You deserve to be happy."
"She and I talked a while last night, but I can't get close to anyone, not until this mess is over."
"If you want my advice, forget that attitude. She likes you, go to her."
"Hermione, I know. I like her too. I feel the same for her as I do for you and Ron. You are all I have."
"You have more, just open your eyes. I'll see you in class."
She stood to leave and as she walked away, all he could do was think about her words. He hated his life. He hated his loneliness.
'If I could just stop it, put an end to it all' he thought.
Before he started down his self-imposed chamber of depression again, he felt another hand on his shoulder. He turned this time to see Ginny sitting next to him. An instant smile spread across his face.
"Hi, Gin…"
"Hi!"
"About last night…"
She leaned to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, I know. I have to get ready for classes, so do you. We'll meet later and if you want, we can talk, or we could…" she leaned in and gave an encore of last night. "Bye… till later."
In a mere 24 hours he went from self-isolation to being in the arms of a girl that adored him and he somehow bridged the gap he caused with one of his best friends. Now, all he had to do was get through the day's classes.
- - -
Harry's first class for his NEWTs was his best, 'Defense Against the Dark Arts'. Every year they had a new professor for this class, but since the festivities of the opening feast had been cancelled, no one knew who would be teaching this class. Harry walked in alone, still unsure of himself these days he sat in one of the chairs in the back. Hermione came in minutes later, and put her bag in the trio's usual spot, but this time she sat alone. She looked around and saw Harry in the back, and simply shook her head in disapproval. Within minutes, the classroom filled with all students, still no professor.
The group of students sat quietly for the first few minutes, waiting for the appearance of this unknown teacher. It didn't take long for the whispering to turn louder and the buzz of the conversations turned to the missing head of the class. All the students were engaged in the conversation, with two exceptions, Harry, who sat alone and Hermione, who also sat alone.
Harry was the first to notice, since he had experience with this type of magic, and a smile crept over his face. Hermione also noticed the subtle changes and was also ready for what was about to unfold. They both stared at the same corner of the class, and turned their heads in unison to the front desk. None of the other students had noticed the new teacher had been in the room the entire time, watching the behavior of the class and making notes. With a flip of the cloak she was hiding under, the majority of the class fell into a state of shock.
"I am Professor Thomas, your new 'Defense Against The Dark Arts' professor. I have observed you as a class and individually. There were only two that suspected I was here. You, in the back and you, Miss, please stand."
Harry and Hermione both stood.
"Please explain how you knew I was here."
Harry looked at Hermione, who turned to look at him. She answered first. "I had read that an invisibility cloak is not always fool proof, slight discrepancies can be seen if you watch closely."
"And your name?"
"Hermione Granger."
"Thank you, Miss Granger. And you in the back please explain."
"I, umm, well. I just knew you were there." He didn't want to give away the fact he had his own cloak.
"I'm afraid that isn't a good enough explanation, 'just knowing' doesn't explain how you were able to track me. Please come forward."
Harry walked to the front of the class.
"And your name is?"
"Come off it, you know who I am. This is a farce. If you want to sneak around under an invisibility cloak, then don't make so much BLOODY noise. Is this ALL?"
He turned and walked back to his desk, and began collecting his things.
"Where do you think you're going, young man? IMMOBULUS"
He continued packing his bag, as if the freezing spell were a greeting.
"What next? You'll give me detention? You'll send me to see Dumbledore?"
"Then you leave me no choice, IMPERIO!"
He winced slightly, shook his head and said, "Forget it. I've faced worse. I WILL face more then YOU'LL ever face, and all you have is a bloody cloak and weak curses. What good will cheesy tricks like that do against Voldemort?"
A gasp from the class expressed their shock.
"You must be brave to speak his name. You must be Mr. Potter. Please, come forward. I've never seen a student shake off immobulus before, let alone any Unforgivable curse. This practical exercise, although unplanned, is a perfect example of how you need to be prepared for any dark wizard's attack. Well done, Mr. Potter, please have a seat."
He looked at the new professor in disbelief and contempt, shook his head and quietly took his seat.
"Today, all of you have witnessed two students that have exhibited advanced defensive skills; Miss Granger has learned how to detect another hiding under an invisibility cloak, as has Mr. Potter. I suspect they both have at least seen one before, if not actually used one. Mr. Potter has also shown an ability to fight off simple and complex curses, including an Unforgivable curse. I will, over the course of the year, instruct all of you to guard yourselves against direct attacks such as this. With practice you all will be able to fend off simple curses and hexes, and some, should be able to fend off other more complex curses. We all know Mr. Potter here is the only wizard alive to have fought the one un-defendable curse- that we will not try to duplicate. But, if he is willing, maybe we can gain insight to his specific defense."
Harry raised his hand, "Professor, if you please, I would rather not be a test subject." The anger and venom in his statement caused pause in the new professor's thoughts.
"Very well, I will respect your wish. We will work on simple curses over the next couple months. Any questions? Good, now we will review chapters 1 through 6 this week, and now I want each of you to write a full scroll on your personal knowledge of spell deflection and Unforgivable curses."
Simultaneous groans from the class indicated no one was expecting a heavy workload.
- - -
Harry survived the first day of the term. Although there were still several hours until dinner, now was the usual time the trio would be completing assignments. Harry entered the common room, set his stacks of books on the table in the back to begin his work by himself.
Hermione walked through the portrait a little after Harry, saw he was busy with his work and set her bag on the table. "Want to talk about it yet, you do still want to be alone?" She asked with sincere concern.
"Hi," he said sheepishly. "Heard from Ron?" He wanted to change the subject.
"No, but he should be here tomorrow. I had a talk with Neville. You really scared them last night. How long has this been happening?"
"Why? Can you rid me of my past? Can you change my future? That's what's in my dreams. Is that what you want to hear? I see friends die almost every night. I see people I can't recognize die almost every night. " The venom in his voice caused her to step back, it was not what she expected form him. Having to remember and express his problems started boiling his anger, which was his reasoning for his isolation.
"Harry, you have friends that can help. We understand…"
"No, you can't." He spat. "Ginny's the only one that knows what it's like to have that bastard in your head. THAT'S something I hope you can NEVER understand. Now please, go away and leave me alone."
He had revealed to her why he can't talk to anyone, she tucked that morsel of information in her head. "If that'll help, then I will, but I won't like it. You're too good a person to go through this alone, you're too good a friend for me to ignore you." She leaned over and planted a kiss on the top of his head. "We'll all be there when you need us."
He watched her turn and leave, up to her dorm. He quietly returned to his work.
He finished his potions work, just as all the others were heading to the Great Hall for dinner. Rumor had spread that an impromptu memorial was planned for the two fallen classmates. This was one event he wanted to skip. He felt a familiar hand touch his shoulder.
"Harry, not going to dinner either?"
"No. I can't face them."
"I know. I'll stay with you, if you want to talk or just need company."
"Thanks Gin. I snapped at Hermione again. I don't know why. I feel so bad about it, I know she wants to help, but I'm afraid she's in danger."
"Why do you think she is?"
"I haven't told anyone this. But I'm having dreams of people and friends dying. One I remember where a Death Eater called a girl 'mudblood' and I heard a strange curse. I wish I could remember more, but I know it was about her."
"So you think she's going to be hurt because of you?"
"Yeah. I know you'll be fine, I haven't had any dreams about you."
"Well, I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Maybe this can help change your dreams." She sat in is lap, snaked her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, letting her fiery red locks tumble across his face, resuming their encounter from last night. He was more willing this time, and responded to her advances. They kissed passionately for nearly the entire dinner hour, breaking when the portrait door opened. She scooted off his lap to the chair next to him, as if they were studying together when they heard a familiar voice.
"Harry and Miss Weasley," the headmaster addressed the two students, "I can see you are both busy in your studies." He raised an eyebrow and let a smile escape when he noticed Harry had a similar color on his lips as Ginny. "I came by since I failed to see either of you at dinner. You both had been missed by a large number of your friends tonight. As to my visit now, I am going to visit Miss Patil at the hospital, and wondered if you would like to join me."
"Thank you professor, but I don't think I'd be good company."
"Are you aware that she's in pain too? And all the other students have been afraid to see her for fear of upsetting her."
"Harry," Ginny turned to look at him. "You need to go. It will help both of you. She needs to know what happened, and you're the best person to tell her. And you need to face her, so you'll know what we're all fighting for. She is a victim, like we all are."
"Well put, Miss Weasley, and I believe you can help too. Harry needs to find his strength again, and you seem to be one of the few people that can support him."
"Yes, I'll go. Harry?"
"What about Ron? Can we stop to see him too?"
"I think that can be arranged. He is scheduled to return in the morning. Maybe we can arrange an early release tonight. I have a portkey I had set up for three, so if you're ready," he pulled an old key from his pocket and laid it on the table. "As soon as we all touch the key, we shall leave."
Dumbledore put a finger on one edge of the key, Ginny followed with a finger to the thin portion that fits the lock. Harry was more reluctant, but placed his next to Ginny's. They all felt the familiar pull, and were whisked to the same alley Harry and Dumbledore visited the night before and once again the headmaster attempted to disguise himself. Ginny and Harry had left their cloaks in the common room, and since the air had not yet turned cold, they still managed.
The three stopped at the front desk where the same nurse that refused them entry yesterday greeted them. "I see you and your sister are back."
Ginny leaned to Harry and whispered "Sister?"
"I'll tell you later," he whispered back.
"We're here to visit a critically injured classmate; I believe Miss Patil's parents have given permission."
"Yes, I see they have, you may go to the ICU, room 4B."
"Thank you."
The solemn procession walked through the halls, the elderly wizard leading the two students. Ginny walked next to
Harry, and halfway to Parvati's room, she slipped her hand into his. He squeezed it slightly as they continued to
the sterile room.
"Now, what you will see may well shock you both, she was badly hurt. She is still in danger of losing her arm. She was found gently cradling her sister in her arm as she died." Harry's mind flashed back to an image he remembered from that day. "She needs friends to help her through her pain. Harry, you of all the others have an idea what she is feeling. You can help each other. Ready?"
"Yes sir" they both answered.
They entered the room, Harry had an idea what to expect, since he had grown up in this world. Ginny only knew of it through stories she had heard through her young and few years. In the darkened room, there was a single bed, with an unidentifiable form laying on it, covered with a simple sheet and blanket. The fallen Gryffindor lay on the bed with tubes coming from her good arm, and a tube extruded from her nose. A machine quietly beeped in the corner next to the bed, a cart filled with various medical supplies stood at the ready nearby. On the opposite side of the bed sat two simple chairs. A nurse sat in a third chair in the far corner, reading a book by the light of the only lit lamp in the room.
"Please try to not disturb her, she's still very weak. I'll leave you, but please only ten minutes."
The young Gryffindor wizard stepped closed to the bed, trying very hard not to show his own grief. The unidentifiable form fell into focus in the form of a fallen friend. He could see her arm wrapped in many layers of bandages, faint traces of crimson seeped through. This form lying on the bed was not an anonymous victim but a good friend.
"Parvati? Can you hear me?"
He stepped to the side of the bed, and gently held her good hand and stroked her hair with his other.
"It's me, Harry. Harry Potter… I want you to know, I understand… We'll all be there to help; I'll be there to help. "
A moan came from under the mask that helped her breath.
"Can you hear me? Just squeeze my hand if you can."
He felt a slight pressure from her fragile fingers as her eyes cracked open. He leaned in to her face, and whispered in her ear, "Good. Listen, I know who did this. I swear to you, those responsible will pay. I promise I will not let Padma's murder go un-avenged."
He leaned back, stroked her hair and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "For Padma."
He straightened his posture, still holding her hand, and continued.
"You had true Gryffindor courage yesterday. I'm going to have McGonagall make sure you are honored properly."
"Harry, it's almost time to go."
"OK professor. Parvati, squeeze my hand if you understood what I said."
He again felt a slight pressure in his hand, her eyes never left him.
"Good. When you're back and strong enough, your place in our Organization will be waiting for you. I mean what I promised. This one is for you."
He leaned in and placed another light kiss on her forehead.
"Get well soon." Ginny added, "We all miss you."
"Come, it's time to leave."
He laid her hand on the bed as gently as he could and as he turned to leave, he noticed the tear on her cheek.
Once out of the room, Ginny reached for the hand that just showed kindness and compassion for an injured friend, pulled him closer to her, and whispered in his ear, "That was the sweetest thing I've ever seen."
And she returned the kiss the girl in the room behind them could not.
"I can talk to Professor McGonagall about your request. You wanted to visit Ronald tonight. I think if he's willing, we can bring him to school. Now, we have one more stop tonight, we must be leaving. Come, Miss Weasley, let's get your brother."
The three left the Muggle hospital to see Ron.
"Professor, I don't think this is a good idea after all, I don't think he's going to want to see me, not after what he said yesterday."
"Harry, you need to see him again and mend your relationship with your friends. I understand your concern, but you do need to face Ronald. He needs to know your side."
"Professor, can I see my brother first? I can explain some things to him, it might help."
"I'm afraid this really is between Harry and Ronald, but I'll let Harry make that choice."
"Gin, I think I should talk to him, but could you come with me?"
"Yes."
The short journey to St. Mungo's Hospital lasted the duration of their conversation; the three found them selves outside the building hiding the Wizard's hospital. Once inside, they were again greeted by the front reception and directed to Ron's room.
Knock... Knock... Knock... "Ron?" They found him sitting up in his bed, his left arm still in a sling.
"Harry? What are you doing here? Who asked you to come back?"
"Ronald Weasley! Is that any way to talk to your friend?"
"He's no longer a friend of mine, after what he did."
"And exactly what did he do? Self-pity? Grieve for a loved one that died? Are you THAT shallow to only think how someone's actions only affect you?"
"LOOK RON… I came to try and apologize for being a complete ass this summer. But if you're too pig headed to listen to me, then maybe we SHOULD stop being friends. I don't need any more grief or shit in my life…" Harry turned and walked out of the room, leaving the two Weasleys to sort out this mess alone.
"Professor, can I please go back? I can't do this now."
"If not now, then when? You need the support of your friends, it was your doing to sever that relationship, one that is more important to you then you know."
"I tried, I can't do this again. He's got to be willing too."
Ginny followed him out of the room and listened to Harry ready to give up again. "Harry, wait, I'll talk to that stupid git of a brother." And she reentered his room.
"Ron, do you have any idea how he feels? Or what he's been through?"
"All I know is what he's done to Hermione and me."
"Hermione's already forgiven him, even though he can't face her yet."
"And exactly why did she?"
"She and I talked about him this morning, I don't know what changed her mind, but she seemed to understand his grief and fears. She knows he has to work it out on his own first before he can open up. You need to do the same."
"He was at the station yesterday, why did he let this happen? He could have done something."
"It was Bellatrix that made the engine explode. He did try to help but Tonks had him pinned down at the time. She's been watching him all summer."
"He tried?" he said almost in disbelief.
"Yes. He's your best friend. You know you won't stay mad at him long."
"Shit, and I called him a coward for not trying to help."
"Well, he did. I think you both owe each other an apology. You want me to see if he'll come back?"
"Only if he'll talk to us, me and Hermione."
Ginny left to relay Ron's willingness to talk to his friend; Harry was slumped in a chair in a common waiting area.
"Harry? You ok?"
"Why'd I even try? They'd all be better off if I wasn't here."
"Nonsense Harry," She knelt down to take his hand, "He's willing to see you, if you are. All you need to do is try again. You can't throw away 5 years of friendship over this. Come on, I'll be there if you want me to be."
She pulled him out of his chair and put her arm around his waist to help guide him to her brother's room. She could feel him tremble at the thought of his task. He put his arm around her waist to draw her closer. Together they walked through the door.
Ron watched as they entered his room, and he then realized how she was able to get through to him. "Oy, what's this then? You two starting something?"
The thought didn't really occur to either one, he was in need of comfort and she was willing to give it, freely.
"No, Ron. Harry and I, umm, we're closer now. He needed someone and I'm just thankful I was there for him."
"She was there when I needed someone to talk to, no one else could have helped, and I wish none of this ever happened. This summer was really bad. I don't expect you to understand. And I hope you never find out. You must believe me that I don't want to see any of you hurt, that's why I did what I did this summer."
"Mate, I don't care how bad things are. You need to share them with us, or you'll drive yourself crazy. You have any idea what you did to Hermione? She cried for three days, afraid you'd do something stupid."
"Ron, I can't tell you why, but I'm afraid for all of you."
"You can tell us any---"
"RON. He said he can't. Leave it at that! I believe him. I know some of what he's gone through."
"Look, Ron, I-I… There's things I can't tell you. Things that will put anyone that finds out in peril. I just found out after the battle at the Ministry, and I'm not looking forward to what's going to happen."
"Is that what you meant at Diagon Alley when you said, ' You don't have to kill or be killed, I do?' Is that what's gotten you like this?"
He stood there, his trembling becoming noticeable. Ginny was still holding him, now trying to keep him from leaving.
"Ron, I think that's enough. I'm sure when Harry's ready, he'll tell you everything. For now, just be what you've been, his friend. He needs all of us, our strength and our faith in him."
"Gin, I can fight my own battles. I came here to try. I did. I don't have anything else to say. Now, can we leave?"
"Mr. Weasley, if you're feeling up to it, I have secured permission for you to leave tonight."
"Thanks Professor. I do. When can I get out of here?"
"The Medi-witch said you can transfer directly to the hospital wing at Hogwarts. You still need a couple more days to fully recover. Miss Granger did a remarkable job with your wounds, you have her to thank when you return. Harry, Miss Weasley, I have made arrangements for the two of you to return while I bring Mr. Weasley to the hospital wing. There is a special, secure floo in the waiting area to take you back."
"OK, I'll make sure Harry goes first."
With that, Harry turned, forcing Ginny to let him go, and walked directly to the fireplace. She quickly followed, and they both arrived in the Gryffindor common room. Once in the common room, Ginny grabbed his arm before he walked away. They stood facing each other, and she was still holding his arm.
"You know he was trying, you really need to sit down with Ron and Hermione and tell them what you told me. You'd be surprised how much they'll understand."
"I know I need to, but I just can't. Not right now. And please don't tell them."
"Come, sit with me for a minute." She let her arm slid down to his hand as she slid into the sofa next to them. She pulled on his hand and he reluctantly sat beside her. "What about what Ron said about us? How do you feel about us?"
"Gin, that's not a fair question to ask me, I don't even know how I feel about myself, right now, but I know you're as important to me as Ron and Hermione."
"What about last night and today? What did you feel then?"
She was trying hard to not feel hurt that he can't express his feelings for her.
"Gin, I don't know. Last night you gave me something I needed, something that made me forget my problems, and it felt good, even for a little while. Last night I had another of those dreams, I'm surprised no one told you about it. After classes, I was still thinking about everything, it was all happening again. That's when Hermione came in and I was really nasty to her again and I started feeling depressed again. Then you came in and I felt better. I just didn't want that feeling to end. I feel better when you're near. Does any of this make any sense to you?"
"Some. I really like you, you know that. If you just need someone to help you feel better about yourself, to help forget what's bothering you, t hen I'll be the one to help, if that is what you want ."
"No, Gin, you deserve better. I can't help but feel that I'm using you."
"You are, but I understand. We'll always be special to each other. You saved my life, and I will do anything to help you. Harry, I love you."
He saw her eyes begin to swell, he knew this is breaking her heart, and that's the last thing he wanted to do.
"Gin, I know."
"But you don't love me."
"I don't know, I don't know if I can ever be in love."
"With me?"
"No, at all."
"No one?"
She leans in, and brushed her lips against his.
"No…"
He leans back, pulling away.
"Harry…" She leant in again and kissed him as deeply as earlier. "I don't care if this is all we have. It's enough for me."
In mid kiss, he breaks off, "Gin…"
"Shut-up…" she resumed her passionate kisses, he obeyed her command.