Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: I can't express enough how grateful I am to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I appreciate it tremendously, because I know these are not canon characters. So the response I've gotten is very encouraging. Thank you! This is a short, transitional chapter, just to move the plot forward, but it is necessary, I believe. Your comments would be welcome, as always.

And thanks to Lissanne for beta-ing and being an awesome friend!

XII

Later that same night, Emerson left her room and went into the kitchen to refill Axel's food and water bowls. The kitten immediately pounced on the food and smiling to herself, Em started to leave the room just as a petite brunette started to enter.

"Oh, sorry!" Em said quickly, reaching out to steady her roommate. "That was a close one."

Kady didn't look at her, only stepped aside and headed to the refrigerator, where she removed a bottle of water and walked by Em without a word. Emerson squeezed her eyes shut and sighed. This was all her fault. Her roommate had avoided her all weekend and when they did manage to be in the same room together, the brunette ignored her coldly. Em knew that her words had hurt Kady and that it was up to her to mend the fences.

Hurrying out of the room, she saw Kady ahead of her. "Kady, wait! Please?"

Her roommate stopped but didn't turn around and Em walked up and stood in front of her. Kady's blue eyes were full of tears but she held her head high and looked steadily at Em. "What?"

"Oh Kady, I'm so sorry," Em began earnestly, tears welling up in her own eyes. "I didn't mean those things I said. I'd just been having a really bad day and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry!"

"Okay," Kady said, her eyes spilling over. She wiped them and regarded Emerson critically. "I'm worried about you, Em. If you don't want my help, that's fine. But you need somebody's help. And I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't point that out."

Em nodded, feeling the sobs rising in her chest. "You're right. I n-need help, Kady. I can't do this anymore."

And suddenly she was crying so hard, she could hardly breathe and Kady was steering her to the stylish Ikea couch in the corner. Her roommate hugged her and rubbed her back, whispering soothing words while the terrible sobs wracked her body and all her grief spilled over. It felt so good to cry like this, to have someone holding her, to not be so alone anymore.

After a long moment, she managed to calm down and pulled away. "Thank you," she said, accepting the tissue her friend held out. After blowing her nose, she leaned back on the couch and tucked her legs under her. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"I'm your friend, Emerson," Kady said softly. "If I can be there for you, I want to be."

Em nodded. "Okay." Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and began to talk. She shared almost everything, about the pregnancy, the miscarriage. And about Brandon, about how supportive he'd been, about him coming down every weekend even when he was clearly exhausted. She started crying again as the guilt mushroomed inside her. "Oh Kady, I'm so scared that I'm going to lose him! He's been so wonderful and I've been such a bitch to him!"

"Do you want to lose him?"

"N-No," Em choked. "I love him so much."

"Then stop it!" Taken aback, Emerson looked up to see Kady almost glaring at her. "That startled you, didn't it? Well, I'm not sorry. It's what you need to hear!" The petite brunette shook her head, looking on the verge of tears. "God, Emerson, do you have any idea how lucky you are? Most women, myself included, would kill to have a man who looks at them the way Brandon looks at you! Like you're the sun in his sky or something. Even a blind man could see that he's madly in love with you and he doesn't care who knows it. And not only that, but he's smart and funny and good-looking. He's not afraid of hard work." She paused for a second. "And from what I've heard, he's incredible in bed."

Em's head snapped up. "What do you mean, from what you've heard?"

Kady seemed to be trying not to smirk but her eyes gave her away. "Well, let's just say you two have forgotten your Silencing charm once or twice."

"Oh my God," Emerson muttered, feeling her face heating up. "Kady, I'm sorry-"

"Please," her roommate said, waving her hand dismissively. "It's all right. But my point is, Emerson, you have been blessed with someone the likes of whom some people search for all their lives and never find. Don't throw him away. You would regret it forever."

Yes, she would, and the realization was so terrifying that it took a while before Em could speak. He was the best thing to ever happen to her and she would be useless without him. How could losing him be easier than having him know her painful secret? Better to have him with his perception of her changed than to not have him at all.

Finally, she managed to stop crying and catch her breath. Looking up through swollen eyes at her friend, she twisted the wadded tissue in her hands. "You're right. About everything. But I don't know how to reach out to him. I don't know what to do first. I made him so mad today."

"Well, I imagine you'll have to start small. Is there anything that you were doing before to maintain the relationship that you've since stopped doing?"

Em's brow furrowed for a second before she nodded. "Yeah, there is. I haven't been writing to him."

"Then you need to start doing that again," Kady said simply. "You have to talk to him, Em. Tell him everything you told me and whatever else you feel you need to. Just be honest with him. He wouldn't be coming here so often if he didn't want to help you."

"You're right."

They were quiet for a time before Kady spoke again. "And Em? Try not to feel so guilty. At least you had no choice in what happened to the baby."

Something in her roommate's voice made Em look up and she was surprised to see that Kady was crying. Leaning forward, she held out her hand and Kady seized it tightly. "Kady?"

Her friend wiped her eyes shakily and looked up. "I had an abortion when I was seventeen. I didn't even like the guy. He was really popular at school and had never given me the time of day before that night. He didn't know me afterwards, either. But I ended up pregnant and all I could think about was how much my grandmother had sacrificed to get me as far as I'd gotten and was that how I'd repaid her? Just for a one night stand with some stuck-up, rich asshole?" She shook her head and sniffled. "I was really angry with myself and I thought it was the only option I had. I just couldn't bear to disappoint Nana, not after everything!"

Emerson's heart broke for her friend and the two young women held each other and cried. When they pulled apart, they both wiped their eyes and laughed nervously. "We're a pair of saps, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but in our defense, this is deep shit," Em commented. She sighed. "I was going to talk to Lyna about all this, but now I can't. Not for a while, anyway."

"Why not?"

Em smiled. "She's pregnant."

"Really?" Kady cried. "That's awesome!"

"Yeah, it is. They've been together since she and I were in our fourth year at Hogwarts. It was love at first sight for Lyna, and Davis liked her immediately when they were finally introduced."

Her roommate sighed wistfully. "I guess there's hope for those like me who are so unlucky in love." She glanced at Em. "Your brothers are really cute, though."

"Plural?" Em asked, frowning. "Luke's only fourteen, Kady."

"I know. And I would totally go to jail for him."

"Kaydia!"

Kady laughed. "If you could see your face right now! Don't worry, I'm just joking, of course. But I do genuinely like Ben." She bit her bottom lip. "How would you feel if Ben and I got together?"

Em shrugged uncomfortably. "It's really none of my business, is it? You're both adults."

"But he's your brother and I'm your roommate. Would it be too weird for you?"

"I don't know, Kady. When you say 'get together', what do you mean? Like a relationship or just hanging out or what?"

Kady blushed. "Um, actually more like friends with benefits. We talked about it and are both in agreement that we just like each other very much and are physically attracted. That's all."

"Oh. Well, since you've talked about it," Em said, feeling rather flustered. "Like I said, you're both adults. It's really not my place to yay or nay. Just- just don't hurt him, okay?"

"Okay."

They quickly changed the subject, talking for a while about their studies and laughing about Axel's continuing food-related antics. Finally, they said good night and Em hugged her friend and thanked her profusely for all her help. It had felt so good to share her burden with someone else and get some advice. When she closed the door of her room, the first thing she did was pull out a long scroll of parchment and a quill. There was so much she needed to say to him, so many walls she needed to tear down inside herself if she wanted to truly reach him.

Seated at her desk, she closed her eyes for a minute, gathering her jumbled and tumultuous thoughts, then took a deep breath and began to write.

**********

April 13th

Yours,
Emerson

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TBC
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