Unofficial Portkey Archive

October 8th

Dear Brandon,

Can you believe it's been two weeks since we've seen each other? It feels like an eternity! I miss you so much. I treasure the letters we've exchanged since you left, but there's just something about today being Friday that's making me nostalgic. That weekend was such a blast, wasn't it? And we've barely scratched the surface.

Remember when I said I was afraid that if I let them, my feelings would literally burn me up? Let's just say I was afraid a lot that weekend. I don't know if I want us to be this physically attracted to each other for the rest of our lives. At the rate we're going, we'll wear out our hearts before we're forty, even! How long (and often) can the body endure such exertion? It's not unheard of for people to rupture a vessel while sneezing. So imagine how much closer we come to death every time we let passion overtake us. After all, achieving climax is many times more forceful than a mere sneeze, do you think?

Maybe there's an upside to our being apart. I do know that my body has been using this time to recover! I could barely walk the day after you left. Kady wouldn't stop teasing me, the witch. It was all our fault for being such nymphomaniacs and what in the Sam Hill did we expect and, oh screw it, she was so jealous and did you have a brother? I told her about Andy and she got this glint in her eyes when I said he was only eighteen, though. I didn't want to know what that glint meant so I changed the subject by asking her who the heck is Sam Hill. She told a story about a man who ran for public office somewhere in New England in the early 1800's, but wasn't sure if the story was true or not. I bet Ben would love to investigate this. The origin of words and phrases is quite his passion.

I'm glad you liked the CD I sent back with Mum and Dad. Creedance Clearwater Revival was pretty popular back in the day, but then Tina Turner came along and made "Proud Mary" her own, for instance. It does seem more appropriate for her to be singing that song, come to think of it. I always find it a bit peculiar that a band of white men had written that song and performed it first.

It was so nice having my parents here. Kady was in heaven when she met my Dad. She confessed to having a bit of a crush on him, and begged me not to tell my Mum cause, according to her, there was no doubt in her mind that Mum could kick her arse without too much effort. I laughed and said that Mum would probably be more flattered than anything else. It's nothing new to her, anyway. Women had been lusting after her man for decades, and I'm not writing any more about that. It's creepy.

Dad really hit it off with Doc Meriwether, for some reason. Maybe because they're both slightly wacky and thoroughly obsessed with their respective subjects. It's quite a hilarious image, trying to visualize Dad talking about Quidditch to him, though. I can just see Doc tugging on his scraggly salt-and-pepper beard and gazing at Dad like he'd gone plumb 'round the bend.

Mum and I talked a lot. I'm so glad that she and I have such a great relationship. Maybe it's because I went away to boarding school so that during those tumultuous teenage years, she wasn't around to get on my nerves or I on hers. When I managed to go home for holiday, we were all just too happy to see each other to let rebellion cause too much of a ripple.

Talking to my mother, I just came to realize how much I admire her. I want to emulate her in so many ways. She has been through so much, but most people don't really think about it. Especially since she's with my Dad, who is the Harry Potter, of course. It's like, everything in the world that could possibly happen has happened to him. So how can anybody else stand out? How can anybody match him? But in some ways, Hermione Granger more than matches him - she surpasses him. It feels a little strange to write her as Hermione Granger, but she still is that person, even though her last name is Potter now.

And that's how I want to be. I want to still be me, to have accomplished things in my own right, separate from my mate. So that even as there would be no doubt as to how solid a team we are, I will still be Emerson Potter. I will still have retained my identity, my sense of individuality.

I think that's what scares me most about our relationship, the fear of losing myself so completely in what we have that I cease to exist in some way. Mum understood what I meant. She said that after Hogwarts, after they'd defeated Voldemort, she was so frightened when she realized that she couldn't recall one instance in her life after age twelve that didn't somehow involved my Dad or Uncle Ron. It was like she wasn't so much Hermione as HarryRonHermione, three physical people but one entity. That was something that helped fuel her quest when she set out to establish herself and her career, to truly find something that she enjoyed that was hers alone. And now... we all know how much she's succeeded. I think Dad knows how much it means to her, and he's so proud of her. When they meet new people, if the person doesn't recognize him on sight, he lets Mum introduce herself first and then he just says "I'm her husband, Harry."

Brandon, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're so supportive of my being here. It was so hard letting you go, especially after this first visit, and I thought I would never leave my bed again. I thought I would never stop crying, would just keep going until I had used up every ounce of liquid in my body and be discovered mummified under my covers. But once I calmed down, I realized that this was for the best. We would see each other again, and meanwhile, we would pursue our dreams - those dreams that are unique to the both of us. We both love what we do, and we're so lucky to have discovered them so early in our lives. Some people have to search for decades before they realize what they truly want to do with themselves. We already know and are taking the steps to get there.

Heck, you're already doing it, and from what I hear, you're indispensable already! Why else would they be giving you so many assignments? Where is it they're sending you this time? Vanuatu? What language do they speak there? I'm so proud of you, my Odie, and I love you so much that water comes to my eyes when I think about it. We're on the right track, I just know it, even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. Especially at night, when I'm lying alone in my bed and your absence hits me so hard in the gut that I can hardly breathe.

I usually let go and cry then, knowing in the back of my mind that with the daylight, reassurance will return again. Something about mercies that never come to an end, and are new every morning. I think that's a Bible verse, actually, but it applies in this case. My belief in us and our viability is renewed every morning, even if, in the loneliness of my bed in the dark, I question the wisdom of what we're doing.

You're probably half asleep by now, bored shitless by my wannabe philosophizing. Is that even a word? Haha! Ben would hex me if he knew how I'm mutilating his precious English language!

I'll let you go now. But, even in your deepest, darkest moments, never forget: I adore you, Brandon Wood. I am all yours (except when I'm mine. Sorry, couldn't resist, hehe).

I love you,
Emerson

*********

October 10th

Em,

I know what you mean about these past two weeks feeling like an eternity. We're going through withdrawal, if you will. We binged that weekend and this is the crash. And the Friday nostalgia is understandable too because we do have a long history connected to that day. For one, if you were here, we'd have had lunch with Davis and Carolyna as was our custom.

In a way, I think it's even harder watching those two now. Before, I'd be sitting there wishing so much that I could act with you the way those two act with each other, look at you like that, touch you like that. Kiss you like that. Now I can -- except for one thing: you're not here. Let nobody say fate is without a sense of irony.

Regarding the level of our physical attraction to each other, I have to respectfully disagree. I hope we never slip from this notch. Hey, I'm a bloke. I'm supposed to want as much sex as possible, and I do. As long as it's with you. I promise to slow down sometimes so you can keep up, har har. Bet you'd just love to smack me right now, eh?

I'll refrain from mentioning the glint in Kady's eye to Andy; no telling what ideas he might get. He made the reserve team at Puddlemere, did I mention? I'm almost as pleased as he is cause it means, among other things, that my insane, slave-driver Quidditch Captain persona from Hogwarts is still alive and kicking. You never know when he might need to resurface, though the effect would surely be ruined by the taskmaster dancing to a bunch of white men singing "Proud Mary".

Next time I come over, I must meet the Doc. Maybe he can give me some pointers on how to get back on your Dad's good side. Oh, it's nothing, really. It's just weird because we'd always gotten along well. Until you and I started dating and I began getting spooky vibes from him. I don't think he likes me very much anymore. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. All blokes feel weird around their girlfriends' fathers, regardless of how long they've known each other, I reckon. Don't worry about it or anything, okay?

Em, I'm just glad that I can be a source of support for you. Not that you'll ever be lacking in those because you have so many people who love you. I'm proud to be one of them and even more than that, I'm completely giddy that I'm the one you chose to give your heart to. I'm so in love with you that sometimes I want to break out in song and dance like a raving nutter. But then I remember that I can't sing worth a damn and my dancing skills leave very much to be desired.

I would never want you to lose yourself in what we have. I fell in love with you, your sweetness, your toughness, your light. Even after almost ten years of friendship (can you believe it's been that long?), and especially with our new relationship, I'm still amazed by you. I'm still learning more about you. I'm still falling. And I think the more I learn, the more I fall and I don't want it ever to stop. You'll be Dr. Potter at the end of this chapter in your life and I'll proudly be your trophy mate. I'll be your kept man, if you'd like, and I promise that I would definitely earn my keep, har har. Rolling your eyes, aren't you?

You're right about us being lucky to have already discovered what we want to do with ourselves. I have the best job in the world, getting to travel all over the, well, world. Getting to visit all these countries, helping to form and solidify Quidditch alliances. Yeah, we're bloody fortunate, we are. They're sending me to the island of Nauru this week. Already went to Vanuatu last year. Nauru is in the same general vicinity, though, in the south Pacific, two thousand or so miles south of the Hawaiian islands. This is their first real effort to join the Quidditch Federation so it's a pretty big deal to me that I'm the one the bosses are sending down to handle it. That level of faith is such a huge lift, know what I mean? They trust me not to make a royal muck-up of things, which is incentive in and of itself to not do so. The people of Nauru speak Nauruan officially, but also English. I've been learning the official language but I'm not very good yet.

I miss you. There's so much I want to tell you. More than anything else (well, except for one thing. Three guesses and the first two don't count), I miss hanging out with you. I miss our long insane chats. I miss popping my head into your fire just to borrow a disc. I miss our evening jogs, bickering with Ahmed the corner vendor over the price of his bottled water. Remember that time the two of you tried to set me up with his cousin? What was her name again, Fatima? Aren't you glad your efforts didn't succeed? Cause if they had, I'd probably be quite ensconced right now and you wouldn't be getting any loving. Not from me, anyway. I'm a one-woman man.

But luckily for us both, that scheme fell through and I find myself writing long letters instead. Who would have thought? I'm the one usually found running his mouth, but here I am pouring it all out on parchment. I wish I could hold you every single night so you wouldn't have to cry yourself to sleep. It's hard now but all we can do is hold on to our love, even when it seems like we're needlessly torturing ourselves. Just think, we'll see each other in two weeks and then, before we know it, it'll be November, December, Christmas. Keep your eyes on the prize, your dream, and the huge accomplishment you will have earned at the end of all this.

And I could never be bored by your letters. How could I when they are suffused with so much of what I love about you? You just keep doing what you do and don't ever change. I love you, Emerson. I'm glad that you're mine, which is a great relief because I'm thoroughly and utterly yours.

Brandon