Unofficial Portkey Archive

Dear Emerson,

Another post-visit letter, the very hardest kind to write, didn't we agree? Before my visit, I was glad about it being moved up, because it meant I would see you again so much sooner. But now that it's over and I'm back at work, I realize that, on the flip side, it also means an even longer wait till the next visit. Ah, well. Guess I can't have my cake and eat it too.

Remember my suspicions that Warezell might be up to something? Well, let's just say I'm even more sure of it than before. I don't have any solid proof or anything, but he and the other higher ups have been acting all mysterious. At first I thought it was just stuff to do with the new hirings, because we've gotten half a dozen new people for the department. Which is very welcome as far as I'm concerned, because that should make my schedule less hectic.

Anyway, I haven't a clue what it could be that they're up to, but there's definitely a kind of tension in the air. All the co-workers have been speculating and theorizing, but none of us know anything, really.

But enough about that. Hey, I'm glad we were able to go down to Cape Cod on my last visit. That was neat. It's a very picturesque area, isn't it, all those boats and clean, white, well, everything. I've never been one for the water, but I could see myself living there, or else holidaying there regularly. It was good of your friends to invite us down. They seem to be doing pretty well for themselves, don't they?

Can you believe we're already in the month of August? It was almost exactly a year ago that we found each other. Actually, I'd found you long before that (I still can't believe I sat on my feelings for seven years!), but it was only last year that I became desperate enough to overcome my cowardice. I knew I loved you when I was only seventeen, but in hindsight, it was probably for the best that I didn't do anything about it then. I might have analyzed myself out of this, the best thing to ever happen to me. You know, with teenage angst and all. And had we gotten together then, we might have fallen victim to what happened to Davis and Lyna (and Julia and her boyfriend, like you said).

As I write this, the thought of ever wondering if you were the one for me is utterly mind-boggling. I can't imagine ever questioning my love for you or my desire to spend my life with you. I know we haven't really talked about it out in the open. We've made coy and teasing references, but just in case you're not sure about where I want this relationship to go, let me say it (or write it, as the case may be). I want to put a ring on your finger, grow old with you. I want to be your lover for always, your only one. I can't find the words to say how I feel to know that I am the one you chose to give your virginity to. And I want to be the only man to ever touch you like that for the rest of our lives.

Christ, I'm getting sappy, aren't I? It's just that when I think about it, I can't believe how lucky I am. This year, even with the hardships that we've gone through (and still are, with being so far apart), has been the absolute best of my life. I've never, ever been so happy. And I hope with everything in me that it has been a predominantly positive one for you, too. I hope I can make you happy for always, that you'll continue to choose me. Because God knows I could never choose anyone else, not with knowing you like I do. Not with loving you like I do.

I hope all this doesn't make you feel weird in any way. Feel free to tell me to shut up with the sappiness if the urge arises.

Gotta go now. But know that I am completely, head over heels, can't-get-you -off-my-mind in love with you.

Smooches,
Brandon

*******

August 14

Dear Brandon,

It sure sounds like your bosses are up to something, yeah. I hope it's nothing bad. Do you think it is? Maybe there's to be some kind of restructuring or changes in the hierarchy or something. Whatever happens, I'm sure you'll remain the valuable asset that you are. They wouldn't be entrusting you with so much work if they didn't have the utmost faith in your abilities!

I agree about Cape Cod. It really is a gorgeous area. Lots of rich white people, some of whom live there year-round; thousands more are there with their families during the summer. The city shares the title of "Summer Haunt of the Wealthy" with Martha's Vineyard and Kennebunkport, Maine.

And yeah, Will and Arnie Shriver are really doing well for themselves. I'm very happy for them. I remember when money was a great issue for their family, but thankfully, they'll never have to worry again. At least, not if they continue to be as wise and respectful with their inheritance as they've been thus far. It was great to see them and we can always go back, remember? They gave us an open invitation to return any time.

Oh, Brandon, your last letter made me cry! But in a very good way. I know without a doubt that I'm the lucky one to have you in my life. When I think about it, I can't believe I spent all that time being oblivious to your feelings for me!

I love you so much, and of that fact, I am certain. Before you, I thought love was those feelings I felt with my old boyfriends, butterflies and other such, as Krishna would say, "rumbly in the tumbly" type things. Of course I felt those with you, and I still do. But there's so much more to it than that. With my old boyfriends, those feelings always faded, and there was never much of anything else left. Certainly, what was left never exactly filled me with confidence about what I was doing. I must have known that none of them was what I was looking for. That was likely why I kept that final frontier off-limits.

But with you, there's so much more than butterflies in the stomach. There's trust and so much support. There's fun and laughter. There's joy, which fills me up every time I think about you and helps me know with confidence that I'm doing the right thing. There's the knowledge that I can truly be myself in every way, and that the nastier aspects of who I am won't be held against me. There's the freedom to share anything without worrying about coming across as silly or weird. Oh, and let's not forget the incredible sex, he he.

You know, when I was a teenager, the sight of my Mum and Dad kissing would be absolutely mortifying to me. It embarrassed me, the way they looked at each other, the way they touched each other. It was never anything lewd or inappropriate but one couldn't help but sense that there was some kind of fire between them. And there still is. But now, that fire doesn't bother me. Now it fills me with happiness and hope. Because even as a moody, self-absorbed teen, I recognized that what my parents have is special. And I hoped (but only in the deepest, most secret recesses of my heart, of course) that one day I would know a love like theirs.

And I believe that I do. Brandon, your love has been exactly what I had been searching for, and I don't think I'll ever understand why it took me so long to realize that my soul mate had been right beside me all along.

I know how you feel about how this year has sped by. But for me, it's more a disbelief that it's been only a year. It feels like so much longer (in a good way, of course!). So much happened, the good, the not so good, and the downright horrible. But we've emerged stronger for it, and I know that what we've been through is only the first of many difficult times to come in our lives. But as long as I have you, I know I'll be fine.

And you'll have me. I choose you, Brandon Wood. For always. So don't ever worry or wonder about where my heart lies. You're the one I want, the only one. And I feel precious to know that I'm the one you want. I feel honored that you accepted my gift, and took such care with it. My virginity was something sacred to me and I'll always be proud of myself that I was able to hold onto it until I found you. At least, that's one instance where my stubbornness has come through for the better.

I have to confess, though, that your letter did make me feel weird. I felt tingles running up and down my spine, pricklings on my scalp and the tips of my toes. I felt breathless. My heart pounded and I felt like bursting into tears (and did). That's how "weird" your letter made me feel, and if that's a bad thing, then I guess I'm doomed because I loved it.

And don't even thing about leaving off the sap. You do and I just might have to tie you up and torture you until you're begging and swearing to write me love letters half a dozen times a day.

I love you, my Odie. This has been the best year of my life and if I managed to give you even a quarter of the happiness you gave me, I'll have succeeded. Only one more year to go with this separation thing and then I'll be haunting you so much, you'll probably be wishing for this continent-wide distance before long.

But I'll let you go now. I miss you and am eagerly counting down the weeks, the days till we can be together again.