Gryffindor Sixth Year Follies
By uvagirl
A/N: This is my second story, and probably it will consist of four chapters. However, the first chapter almost can stand alone as a one-shot humor/romance not that different from my first story, Always Helpful Dobby. As with it, there will be a lot of very naughty talk and innuendo. But, as a bonus, some erotic action will be only a hair's breadth away from being outright smut; hence the NC17 rating, just to be safe. Enjoy, and please review. Thanks.
By the way, I do not own Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, or anyone/thing else actually owned by JKR, etc.
Chapter 1: All Aboard!
"Another Hogwarts lost tradition was the 'Sixth Year Winter Entertainment Week,' which took place usually late in February. It was not described in so many words until the late nineteenth century, but its beginnings can be traced back at least a century earlier.
Its purpose was twofold. First, members of the sixth year class of each house performed diversionary entertainment for all of their fifth through seventh year schoolmates, in appreciation for the ongoing fellowship enjoyed with them. Also, and more significantly for fifth and seventh year students, the entertainment became a brief respite from serious study for their impending O. W. L. and N. E. W. T. examinations.
Usually, a different house's sixth year class presented a stage play or a musical program on four successive evenings. Some years, a fifth night would feature encores of particularly acclaimed parts from those performances. On rare occasions, two or more houses would combine their members in large productions."
"What does this have to do with us?" asked an obviously bored Ginny Weasley to the person reading to her and two other girls in the Gryffindor sixth year girls' dorm early on a Saturday morning.
"That's straight out of Hogwarts, A History, and that's what we're going to do this year!" spoke Hermione Granger with an air of certainty. "Though, in your case, Ginny, you'll be part of the audience only."
"That's not fair!" Ginny exclaimed.
"Sorry, Ginny, but we're sticking with tradition. Or, rather, we're restoring an old tradition," answered Hermione. "Anyway, I've discussed the idea with the other house prefects and faculty heads, and with the Headmaster. We've a month to prepare, and it's not as if there's an overwhelming selection of recreations available here in the middle of winter. Lavender and Parvati have agreed to participate," she continued, nodding at the other two girls, "and I've mentioned the idea to Dean, Neville, and Seamus, and they seem to love it. Now, we have only Harry and Ron to get on board."
"Hermione, are you nuts?" chorused three voices.
"Assuredly, I am NOT," replied Hermione Granger to her three disbelieving friends.
"Never!" said Lavender Brown.
"Ever!" continued Parvati Patil.
"In a million years!" Ginny Weasley finished, and then she added, "and I'm pretty sure that Ron will join Harry in refusing to have anything to do with performing in public."
"Well," answered Hermione, "that's why I need your help. The three of you should be able to persuade Ron. I will handle Harry by myself."
"From what I've heard, you've been 'handling' him, and he, you, quite a lot recently," said Ginny, with a wide smile.
"Though, judging from last night, our dear Hermione seems to be more the 'handle-ee' than the handler!" added Lavender
"Whatever do you mean?" Hermione asked, blushing.
"I believe that Ginny and Lavender are referring to certain feminine sounds that came from behind the curtains of a particular bed in the sixth year boys' dorm, according to Dean and Seamus," said Parvati. "Of course, from our dorm, we could only SLIGHTLY hear them!" With a big grin, she added, "obviously, in your mutual eagerness 'to handle' each other, one or both of you forgot the minor preliminary detail of a silencing spell!"
"Oh, my!" was all that Hermione could say.
"Yes," said Ginny, "we heard a LOT of 'OH, MY' in your voice, usually with a certain religious reference following it! There were quite a number of other exclamations, 'HARRY' and 'HARDER' being prominent among them!"
"Add to that all of the unintelligible but immensely satisfied-sounding generic screaming," continued Lavender, "and I'm inclined to believe that you, Hermione Granger, most definitely was the one being handled!"
"And," Parvati added, with a dreamy expression, "it sure sounded as if you were being handled most expertly! He must be fantastic in the sack!"
"I'm going to kill Harry Potter!" said Hermione, as she rose from her seat on the bed, walked briskly out of the sixth year girls' dorm, and headed for the common room.
None of her three schoolmates saw either the small smile on her face or the twinkle in her eye as she left.
* * *
"Hi, Harry," said a grinning Ron Weasley to his best friend, as Harry Potter entered the Gryffindor common room. "Where've you been?"
"Undoubtedly, he was in the library," said Dean Thomas, with an equally wide grin, before Harry could answer.
"Just as certainly, he was looking up silencing spells," added Seamus Finnigan, with an even bigger smile, "since clearly, he forgot how to cast one last night."
"What do you mean? I heard Hermione cast . . . oh, shit!" said Harry. "She's going to kill me!"
"You must have had terrible dreams last night, Harry," said Neville Longbottom, with a serious expression, as he entered the common room from the dorm stairway. "You were making all kinds of strange and weird sounds."
Ron, Dean, and Seamus burst out in laughter, but they ceased it upon hearing a very loud female voice echoing down the dorm stairs.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" it boomed. "WHERE ARE YOU?"
"Bloody hell, mate," said Ron, "I don't think that she wants to discuss homework with you! I've rarely heard her sound that mad before, even at Malfoy or me!"
"Double shit!" exclaimed Harry. As he headed back toward the portrait hole main exit, to his schoolmates, he added, "to modify the old blues song, it's time for me 'to meet myself at the bottom and put on my running shoes, because I'm coming out the window and don't have nothing to lose!' I feel an especially strong urge to run laps around the lake for a few hours!"
But, before Harry could make good his escape, Hermione stormed into the room and yelled at him, "STOP RIGHT THERE!"
Harry turned and faced her. "Uh, hi, Hermione. How are you on this fine Saturday morning? You look quite lovely."
"Don't you dare try to sweet talk me, you . . . you . . . you IRRESPONSIBLE person, you!" Hermione exclaimed. "EVERY single Gryffindor must have heard us last night!"
"Well, to be fair," said Harry, in a reasonable tone, "actually, I believe that YOU made most of the noise."
"SHUT UP!" replied Hermione. "I don't give a pixie fart who made most of the noise! I am SO embarrassed!"
"But, sweetie pie," said Harry, reaching out to hug Hermione.
"Don't you dare to touch me, either," Hermione answered him. Then, her face became contorted, and she looked as if she was about to cry. In a very soft voice, she said, "can we go somewhere private to talk, Harry?"
"Of course, Hermione," Harry replied quickly. Noticing that all of his dorm mates were in the common room, he added, "we can go to my room." He turned to his friends and said, "you guys will give us a few minutes of privacy, won't you?"
"Okay," said Hermione very softly. "I do have a very small favor to ask of you," she added, as she leaned into Harry, allowing him to wrap an arm around her.
"Anything for you, Hermione," Harry said, as they started to head up the stairs.
They stopped and waited for Lavender, Parvati, and Ginny to pass by on their way down. All three of them smiled warmly at Harry and giggled, but he barely had time to return their smiles before they made a beeline toward Ron. Neither he nor his male friends saw the wink that Hermione gave to the three girls.
Nor had Harry heard the responses to Hermione's and his little melodrama by his male housemates.
"THAT - " began Dean Thomas.
"Is your basic 'dictionary picture' - " continued Seamus Finnigan.
"Of a certain sort of 'whipped' young wizard!" finished Ron Weasley.
Neville Longbottom's eyes bulged out, and he asked, "are you guys saying that Harry and Hermione are into S & M?"
* * *
"YOU want ME to do WHAT?" exploded Harry. "HAH!"
He stood up from his bed, where he had been sitting next to Hermione, and he began to pace back and forth.
"Now, Harry," Hermione began.
"HAH, I say!" Harry interrupted, and continued, "never, ever, in million years will I do such a thing!"
"Now, Harry," Hermione tried again, "you WILL do this, for several reasons. First, every sixth year student in all four houses will be participating. So, it's only right that you should do so as well."
"NEVER!" replied Harry.
"Second," Hermione continued, "it WILL be fun, and you WILL enjoy yourself, if only you make the slightest effort."
"Double NEVER!" Harry rejoined, "and don't give me some smart-arsed remark as to how a double negative logically implies a positive!"
"Finally," Hermione went on, undeterred, "you will do this, because I want you to, and if you really care for my feelings, you will."
"Hermione, you know exactly how much I care for you, so you can pull back your lower lip before you step on it," Harry said, and he continued, "but, while USUALLY you know what you're doing - "
"And, just WHAT does 'USUALLY' mean, Mr. Potter?" interrupted Hermione, her eyes flashing.
"Well," said Harry, "all too often, whenever you come up with some 'wonderful idea' that 'all' of us will enjoy, somehow, some way, I'M the person who ends up as the main object of stares or snickers for the next several days or weeks."
"I have no idea to what you refer," replied Hermione, trying very hard to keep a straight face. "Simply because a few immature sorts insist on taking things the wrong way is no reason for you - "
"Let's start at the beginning of this school year," interrupted Harry. "You DO remember the S-P-E-W fundraising auction, do you not? I recall donating a necktie and a tee shirt upon your request, autographed at your request also. BUT, those two items garnered only the second and third highest bids."
"Now, Harry," Hermione said.
"The highest selling lot of the auction turned out to be something so hideously ugly that it should be illegal, a pair of boxers purportedly belonging to, or designed by, one 'Harry James Potter,' was it not, Miss Granger?" Harry asked. Without waiting for a response, he continued, "never mind that I did not donate, nor in fact do I wear, nor have I ever worn, nor would I be caught dead wearing, a pair of purple silk boxers decorated with magically moving orange jack-o-lanterns and golden snitches!"
"Now, Harry," Hermione said, giggling, "Fred and George Weasley assured me that they were a prototype of a new model approved by you and soon to be offered by their business establishment."
"And a more honest and truthful pair of wizards never drew breaths in our fair land, I suppose," said Harry. "Well, let's forget it. After all, I've ALMOST forgotten being asked by innumerable young witches if I was wearing them at the moment when they spoke to me."
Hermione just smiled.
"Now, let's move on and fry a considerably larger fish," said Harry. "Of course, I refer to your next 'wonderful idea' just a few weeks later in October, the notorious 'Gryffindor Quidditch Team Magical Photo Poster' fundraiser."
"That was NOT my fault," said Hermione, trying mightily to maintain a straight face. "I had no idea that our little pervert of a photographer, Colin Creevey, was going, er, 'to enhance' the contrast in a certain area of your lower uniform."
"He ENHANCED it, you say?" said Harry. "HAH! It would have been bad enough in a Muggle still photo, but he made it look like I had the business end of a bloody python wriggling around in my trousers."
"Harry, please," Hermione began.
"Almost every witch in the school, not to mention a few wizards of unconventional inclination, did nothing but to stare at my crotch for the next two weeks!" exclaimed Harry, "and, usually always, their looks were accompanied by sighs, moans, blushes, giggles, laughter, or some combination of thereof."
"Harry," Hermione tried to speak.
"Add to that a LOT of owl mail from adult witches proposing marriage and assorted less formal and decidedly unwholesome propositions from witches AND wizards. I even received howlers from some nutters calling themselves the 'Association for the Suppression of Smut & Wizards Interested in Preserving Ethical Standards' or some such, accusing ME of indecency!"
"Well, at least one good thing besides the money raised did come out of it," said Hermione. "YOU learned some appreciation for how we girls feel when boys stare glassy-eyed at our chests and bums."
"You wound me, Hermione," said Harry. "Certainly, I've NEVER done such a thing - "
"HAH, yourself!" Hermione interrupted.
"I will admit that occasionally I have glanced - only very briefly, mind you - at . . . wait a minute, don't change the subject!" said Harry. "Returning to the poster, and regardless of who was responsible for my 'enhancement,' do you deny that YOU wrote the cute tagline next to my name on the roster list at the bottom?"
Hermione blushed and began to laugh.
"If I recall, it was 'Harry Potter, Seeker: Catches everything he goes after. Is that a bludger bat in his pants, or is he just VERY friendly?' or something similar, was it not?" asked Harry.
"Harry," Hermione started.
"Well, let's put the poster aside, also," said Harry, "and let's consider instead your November surprise, your perfect early Christmas gift for the witch who has everything, your piece-de-resistance, the 'Harry Potter Talking Doll,' which - "
"Harry, that was Fred's and George's doing also, at least mostly," said Hermione, cutting in.
"WHICH," continued Harry, ignoring Hermione, "caused me to suffer almost innumerable assaults upon my dignity, not to mention my body, at the hands of almost every student witch at Hogwarts! I have no doubt that Fred and George handled most of the clever voice work. If I recall, pinching Harry's bum, rubbing his tummy, or tousling his hair elicited merely cute random responses, such as 'give us a kiss,' or 'I love you,' or 'I like that,' and similar inanities."
"I'm sure that it really caused you great pain," replied Hermione.
"And, I'm equally sure," said Harry, ignoring her sarcasm, "that in the presence of similar provocation, YOU would have demonstrated both a saintly restraint and the patience of a Job."
"Whatever do you mean, Harry?" asked Hermione.
"Well, if every young wizard at Hogwarts somehow had obtained a 'Talking Hermione Granger Doll,' AND had proceeded to take every opportunity to ask if he could rub your tummy or pinch your bum, or worse, if he didn't bother to ask, then - "
"But, there isn't any such doll, and even if it existed, no male in this school - present company excluded - would have the nerve to do so!" Hermione said, with a superior smile.
"You mean that there isn't one YET," replied Harry, with a grin.
"Keep dreaming, Mr. Potter!" said Hermione. "Neither Fred nor George nor both of them together have the stones to make one!"
"You mean that they haven't the stones to spare, should they incur your wrath," said Harry, with a broad smile. "On the other hand, I . . . hold it, we're getting off the subject again!"
"Which is what, exactly?" Hermione asked.
"However," Harry went on, "the real icing on the cake was not the standard model doll. Rather, it was the special, limited edition, individually serial-numbered, 'mature-rated' version, allegedly available only 'under the counter' at the Weasley Brothers' joke shop and den of iniquity."
"Harry, I did NOT know that they were planning - " Hermione started.
"I refer to the 'Anatomically Correct' - no, let's be totally accurate - the 'Anatomically Grossly Exaggerated AND Functional Harry Potter Talking Doll,' which somehow - "
"Now, Harry," Hermione began.
"Which somehow managed to be obtained by a seemingly unlimited number of Hogwarts student witches, notwithstanding its purported limited production and age-restricted status," Harry finished.
"Harry, stop it!" Hermione finally blurted. Then, she laughed, and added, "you must admit that we did raise a huge amount of galleons in royalties for the benefit of magical orphans."
"AND," Harry continued, ignoring Hermione's outburst, "I have no doubt that the fine touches of Fred and George were responsible for - how shall I put this - the less innocent verbal responses in this special edition of the doll, which could have been called 'Potty-mouth Harry,' or something similar."
"Harry, I had no idea," Hermione began yet again, but she was interrupted yet again.
"I honestly don't believe that you had anything to do with crudities such as 'let's shag,' or 'I'm as randy as a three-balled kneazle,' or 'let's work some REAL magic with my eleven-inch wand.' BUT, I do wonder just who was responsible for the more complex PHYSICAL charms, such as what occurred when one rubbed the inside of 'Little Harry's' thigh in a certain way," Harry said, and then he paused to catch his breath.
"Harry," Hermione said, but then she blushed and burst into giggles.
"What happened, of course," Harry started up again, "is that a certain already grossly exaggerated part of the doll's anatomy became even MORE exaggerated, did it not? You, more than any other witch, should know, since I discovered that the very first 'special' doll, with serial number 0001, no less, just happened to have been presented to one 'Hermione Granger,' supposedly for her 'invaluable assistance' in its production!"
"I . . . it . . . they . . . " Hermione stumbled, blushing.
"So," said Harry, "The plaintiff rests his case in the matter of Harry Potter versus the 'wonderful ideas' of Hermione Granger."
"Well, then," said Hermione, "are you or are you not going to participate, Harry?"
"What do you intend to do about it, if I don't?" asked Harry.
"Nothing," replied Hermione.
"Nothing?" asked Harry, immediately suspicious.
"Nothing," responded Hermione, "as in 'no thing' or 'not anything' at all."
"Okay," said Harry, and with a cheerful look on his face, he sat back down next to Hermione, and as he started to embrace her, he continued, "now that that's out of the way, and since we ARE alone - "
"Just WHAT do think you're doing, Mr. Potter?" Hermione asked, as she pulled away.
"But, I thought," Harry began.
"No, you didn't think," Hermione interrupted, and added, "what do you not understand about the word 'nothing,' Mr. Potter?"
"Do you mean," Harry began again, but Hermione cut in.
"I intend to do nothing TO you . . . or WITH you!"
"B-b-but," Harry began, "you mean no hugs?"
Hermione said nothing.
"No kisses?" Harry said, his face becoming alarmed.
Hermione only smiled.
"N-n-no," Harry stumbled, his face now registering outright shock, "S-E-X?"
"I do believe that finally you've managed to grasp the obvious, Harry," Hermione said, folding her arms across her chest and smiling.
"But . . . but . . . but . . . " Harry tried to talk.
"There are no ifs, ands, OR buts about it," Hermione said, continuing to smile.
"But, YOU like it as much as I do!" Harry blurted.
"A finer example of typical male ignorance would be harder to find," Hermione said, and she continued. "I hope I'm not betraying my gender when I say that with the right man, who knows or eventually figures out what he's doing, we women are capable of far greater enjoyment of sex than is any male."
"You . . . I . . . " Harry continued to falter verbally.
"Dear, sweet, and confused Harry," Hermione said, raising her hand to caress his cheek briefly, "you certainly have no need to feel inadequate in any way whatsoever. Last night was extraordinarily enjoyable for me, and you are my 'right man' without any doubt. But, this is a matter of principle. As long as you remain bullheaded about our entertainment show, I'll just have to suffer with a less than perfect substitute."
"SUBSTITUTE!" Harry exclaimed, finding his voice. "You wouldn't dare! No other bloke here would dare to - "
"Who said anything about another MAN?" Hermione replied. "I'll just call Dobby from the kitchen and - "
"DOBBY?" Harry yelled. "Now, that's just plain disgusting! Though, come to think of it, he does have a rather long nose."
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Mr. Potter!" Hermione yelled back. "You didn't let me finish! I was about to add that I'd have Dobby see what the kitchen stores might hold in the way of things of an appropriately long, thick, and hard nature."
Harry's mouth opened, and moved slightly, but no sound emerged. Hermione continued speaking.
"Let's see, a pepperoni might be a little bit too hard, and Italian and other sausages would be messy. I wonder if hothouse cucumbers are available now . . . or even zucchini . . . "
Harry's expression continued to mimic that of the proverbial fish out of water, and Hermione went on.
"What? Nothing to say, Mr. Potter?"
"If you do this," Harry said, with a serious expression that changed suddenly into a broad grin, "will you let me watch?"
"WHAT?" Hermione screeched, pulling her arm back in preparation for delivery of a strong slap. "How DARE you ask such a vile question!"
Harry laughed, and he embraced Hermione in a bear hug before she could smack his face.
"Let go of me!" Hermione yelled.
"No, not until you calm down," said Harry, as he continued to hold her firmly. Then, he laughed and added, "by the way, just why would it be vile for me to observe you doing something as commonplace and normal as making love to a vegetable garden?"
Hermione continued to struggle. She looked up at Harry's smiling face and his twinkling eyes. Finally, she relaxed and began to laugh also.
"Harry," Hermione said.
"You don't have to say anything, Hermione," Harry cut in, as he kissed her forehead and released her. "I believe that both of us realize that this verbal boxing match has gone on far too long."
"I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione said.
"No, I'M the one who's really sorry," said Harry. "You were only doing what makes you so adorable and wonderful, while I was rather stupidly engaging in an 'Ron arguing with Hermione' impression."
"So," Hermione ventured, "about the show? If you really don't want - "
"Of course, I'll do it, and so will Ron," said Harry. "And, I apologize also for last night's lack of a proper silencing spell . . . that is, I apologize if you really think that I should."
'Bloody hell! He KNOWS!' thought Hermione, as she returned his broad grin with a wan smile, blushed, and lowered her eyes. 'He knows that I botched the spell on purpose!'
Harry reached down, raised her chin, and looked into her eyes. "Hermione, I don't yet know everything about love, but I do know that when one is in love, he cares more for his lover's happiness than for his own."
"Harry, I'm sorry that I - "
"Shhhh!" said Harry, placing a finger on her lips. "Do me one favor, though."
"Of course, Harry!" said Hermione.
"In the future, just remember that for ANYTHING, all you have to do is to ask me. Okay?" said Harry, and he gave her a wink.
"Okay, Harry," said Hermione. 'Not only does he know, but also he knows that I know that he knows!' she added to herself, 'but he's far too nice a guy to beat me over the head with it. No wonder I love him so! Well, such wonderful character and behavior should not go without reward!'
"Maybe we should head back to the common room, Hermione," said Harry, as he rose from the bed.
"What's the hurry?" said Hermione, as she grabbed his hand and pulled him around to face her. With her other hand, she waved her wand, quickly performing both door-locking and silencing spells. "See, Harry, I DO know how to do a proper silencing spell!" she added, with a mischievous grin.
'Holy shit!' thought Harry, 'she knows that I know! She - what the hell - she's opening my belt . . . my fly . . . Oh My God!'
For several minutes, Harry did not say anything intelligible, while Hermione - pardon the expression - was unable to say anything at all!
Eventually, after Harry had been quite thoroughly "rewarded," Hermione stood up and walked over to the door.
"You know, Harry," said Hermione, as she unlocked the door, "both of us have a lot of things for which to be grateful."
"We've got each other," said Harry, as he adjusted his clothing and joined her. "Isn't that more than enough?"
"No, I mean it," said Hermione, with a wink. "First, it was a rather heated discussion last month about the Harry Doll that finally forced us both to acknowledge our mutual feelings and to act upon them in a most heated manner."
"Uh, yes, you're right about that," Harry admitted.
"Second, I'M very grateful that the Harry Doll's anatomy isn't THAT exaggerated."
Harry blushed and began to stammer something, but Hermione continued.
"AND finally, I bet that YOU'RE really grateful that back in fourth year, I reduced the size of my front teeth!"
* * *
Harry and Hermione entered the common room, only to find it empty, and they realized that it was time for lunch. So, they exited and headed to the Great Hall. Upon entering it and approaching the Gryffindor table, they observed a group of their housemates.
Dean and Seamus were laughing so hard that they hardly were able to sit upright. Lavender and Parvati were giggling, as was Ginny, although with a very red face. Neville Longbottom was looking confused.
The object of their assorted mirth and confusion was Ron, and he was sitting dead still, with arms crossed, and with his facial coloration not terribly dissimilar from that of his hair.
Luna Lovegood had just left the Ravenclaw table and was sitting down next to Ron and talking to him in a soothing voice.
"What kept you two?" Ron asked.
"What's wrong, Ron?" Luna and Hermione asked simultaneously.
Both the guffaws of Dean and Seamus and the giggles of Lavender and Parvati increased in volume. Ginny's facial coloration deepened, and Neville looked even more confused.
"Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed. "This is embarrassing!"
"Come on, Ron, you know that you can tell us anything," said Hermione, with an expression of genuine concern.
"Yes, Ron, honey," added Luna. "What happened?"
"You've got to promise not to laugh," said Ron.
"Of course," said Luna, and Hermione nodded her head in agreement.
"Well, just after you left the room with Harry, that pair of . . . of scarlet witches," said Ron, nodding in the direction of Lavender and Parvati, "flounced into the room and sat down on the couch on either side of me. Then, they were joined by my very own sister, who sat on the floor by my feet!"
Hermione and Luna looked at each other, and then both of then looked at Harry. All three of them had puzzled expressions not unlike that of Neville's.
"Anyway," continued Ron, "they started whispering to me about some special favor they wanted from me, while they were rubbing my arms with their hands and their, er, certain other body parts, and . . . and . . . "
Harry began to understand, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from joining in the laughter of Dean and Seamus.
"Go on," said Luna, and Hermione nodded her head again in agreement.
"I . . . I . . . had a certain physical reaction, and I didn't realize until it was too late that I was wearing my tight sweat pants," Ron finished.
Both the giggles and laughter increased.
Luna glared at Lavender and Parvati, whose giggles immediately became more subdued.
Hermione glanced at Dean and Seamus, pulled out her wand, and spoke. "If some members of the baser element at this table can't behave themselves and act in a civilized manner, then perhaps I can help them . . . "
Dean and Seamus stopped laughing, gulped, and their eyes got quite large. Each of them reached for a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Now, Ronald," Luna said, "what happened to you is nothing to be ashamed of. You're a perfectly normal and healthy teenager, and such things occur quite naturally."
"Luna's correct, Ron," added Hermione, "you re too good a person to allow yourself to get upset over such a little thing."
There was a brief but pregnant silence.
Dean and Seamus, mouths unfortunately filled with juice, proceeded involuntarily to spray each other as they started to choke.
"Certainly, I wouldn't call it 'little' at all," purred Lavender. "But, I don't have Hermione's personal perspective," she added, giving Harry an appraising look not unlike that of a hungry Rottweiler contemplating the taste of a particularly juicy bone.
"Indeed," added Parvati. "I won't say that I've never seen more impressive ones, but very few!"
Hermione, realizing her unintended double entendre, blushed deeply, but Harry, still biting his tongue to keep from laughing, determined to help out his best male friend. He had to divert everyone's attention from Ron's 'little' or 'not so little' problem.
"So, Ron," Harry said, "Hermione and I have discussed the matter of the Gryffindor show, and I have decided that both you and I really should be in it."
Ron, with no small amount of relief, answered, "are you sure, Harry?"
"Definitely, mate," said Harry. Turning to Hermione and the others, he continued, "so, what are we going to do?"
As everyone ate lunch, they discussed the virtues and vices of various dramatic plays and musicals for a while, and Harry was surprised to learn that there was quite a wealth of knowledge and experience among his sixth year classmates.
Eventually, however, the subject returned to the prolonged private discussion of Harry and Hermione.
"So, Harry," asked Ron, "what did take you so long and why did you change your mind? Knowing of your previous experiences in being on the receiving end of some of Hermione's brilliant ideas, I'm assuming that you wanted nothing to do with the show."
Hermione glared at Ron, and Harry laughed inwardly. 'Great,' he thought, 'things are back to normal!'
"Well," said Harry, "to make a long story short, 'she made me an offer I couldn't refuse,' to use the famous book and movie line."
"Yes," said Hermione, "Harry and I 'reasoned together,' to borrow another line from The Godfather, and I was able to prove to him just how enjoyable his participation in the show could be."
With a twinkle in her eyes, Hermione turned and smiled at Harry. Meanwhile, out of everyone's view under the table, she placed a hand on Harry's thigh and started to move her fingers along its inside. Harry gulped, and started to talk, but Hermione continued.
"I was able to demonstrate to Harry just what he would miss out on, if he refused to be in the show, didn't I, sweetie?" Hermione said, staring into Harry's eyes. "As to what kept us so long, the explanation is simple. Near the end of our discussion, something really big came up, and I simply had to take care of it!"
'So, you want to play games, do you,' Harry thought, relieved that he had resisting taking a drink of juice. "Yes, indeed, Ron," said Harry. "I do believe that our Hermione might consider reading Law after she graduates from Hogwarts. She definitely has the makings a first class barrister. I argued my case as if I was making a legal pleading in a courtroom. I thought that I was pretty convincing."
Hermione looked at Harry with a puzzled expression. Clearly, she wondered just where this was heading. She picked up a glass of pumpkin juice and took a sip, as Harry continued
"But, she brushed aside my reasoning with ease," Harry continued, and with an evil gleam in his eyes for Hermione's benefit, he concluded, "and her oral closing argument simply was magnificent!"
Only with the greatest self-control was Hermione able to keep from spraying the table, but she couldn't help but to begin to choke. Harry patted her on the back.
"There, there, Hermione," he said soothingly. "What's the matter? Did something go down the wrong way? How are you feeling? Would you like to go back to your dorm and lie down? I have something very important I need to finish discussing with you."
They rose and left the table, heading back to Gryffindor Tower.
"Well," said Lavender, "it appears that while Hermione may have prevailed so far, our lovebirds haven't quite finished their argument."
"Yes," added Parvati, "and I suspect that Harry is determined to end it by coming out on top!"
"I'm not so sure about that," said Ginny. "Hermione always gets the best of him, and my bet is that Harry just wants to get in a few licks!"
As Harry looked back at the table, he saw Luna, Ron, and the three Gryffindor girls laughing very loudly. Dean and Seamus literally were rolling on the floor, and poor Neville still was looking very confused.
To be continued
A/N: Stay tuned for Chapter Two, which will fast-forward to the second half of the Gryffindor Show, wherein Harry and Ron appear on stage and perform a magical version of a very famous comedy sketch.