Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: As promised, Lily and James will make guest appearances, and the mystery of the show of twenty years ago is explained.

Thanks again for the reviews, and please enjoy this too long delayed chapter.

Chapter 7: A Marauder in the Mist

"Yes," said Professor McGonagall, "it's time to talk about Harry's parents, Lily and James, about their best friend, Sirius Black, and finally, about the mysterious Sixth Year Entertainment Week of twenty years ago.

* * *

Professor McGonagall refilled her glass of sherry, took a sip, and was silent. She remained quiet for so long, that the eagerly expectant expressions of Harry and Hermione turned into ones of concern. Finally, she took a deep breath and spoke.

"Harry, there are some things that you must be told about your father's . . . and Sirius Black's days at Hogwarts that . . . that are not very pleasant."

"I already know," said Harry.

"No one likes to hear ill spoken of those he . . . er, you say that you know?" said Professor McGonagall.

"I . . . I have reason to believe that both of them, for lack a better term, acted sort of like rich, spoiled brats, at least . . . at least through their first five years, and possibly, they were a touch conceited, as well," Harry said, somewhat reluctantly.

"But, how did you hear such things? Did Professor Dumbledore - " McGonagall asked, but Harry interrupted.

"No, it . . . it wasn't the Headmaster. It was . . . I did something that . . . that maybe I shouldn't have done," said Harry.

Sheepishly, Harry related the story of the incident last year during an Occlumency lesson, when he "saw" Professor Snape's memory of his parents and certain happenings in the pensieve.

Everyone sat in stunned silence. After a while, Professor McGonagall spoke.

"I will not comment as to the propriety of your behavior last year, Harry, but there are many things that I'm sure you were not able to learn from Professor Snape's memory. While it is true that both your father and Sirius were from well-to-do families, no truly fair-minded person would have described either of them as excessively spoiled."

"At least, neither of them was as spoiled rotten as were and ARE some students from wealthy, pureblood families," Professor Flitwick added, helpfully.

"Indeed," affirmed Professor McGonagall. "Now, as to their 'conceited' natures, there is a small measure of truth to that idea. However, I once overheard part of a conversation between James, Sirius, and Lily discussing this very subject. I have no idea where James heard of the original quotation, but he cited an allegedly well known Muggle athlete as saying 'it ain't bragging, if you can do it!' or something similar."

Harry chuckled at this, and was joined by Professor Flitwick. Hermione joined Professor McGonagall in casting disapproving looks at them.

"To put it mildly, both James and Sirius had a lot of talents, about which neither could be accused of being too humble. Both were very intelligent and extraordinarily gifted in magical ability. Unfortunately, both had very wide lazy streaks regarding the application of scholarly rigor to the study of their magical gifts in the classroom. Both of them, along with their mutual good friend Remus Lupin and their little sidekick, Peter Pettigrew, had become a very formidable team by their third year. Everyone in the school, including the oldest bullies in Slytherin House, learned not to cross them."

"There was a single exception, Severus Snape, who simply was consumed with the notion of getting the better of either James Potter or Sirius Black. The truth is that he might have been close to them in intellectual and magical abilities, but he was markedly their inferior in other characteristics. As time went on, and interactions with fellow female students became so much more complicated, young Snape's feelings of envy and inferiority multiplied, causing him to continue to provoke many of clashes with James or Sirius. Always, he came out second best."

"Both of them became quite good-looking and very self-assured young men, and while Sirius usually was considered to be the more classically handsome, James had a greater abundance of self-confidence, far more than I've ever seen in anyone still in his teens. Obviously, both got along all too well with young witches, to the extent that both were, ah, more than a little precocious in the, er, more advanced stages in such relationships," said Professor McGonagall, and she blushed.

"Yes," Professor Flitwick piped up, "by the start of their fifth years, both James and Sirius had become EXTREMELY popular with the ladies, particularly those above them - in years, I mean. That is, they got along so well with sixth and seventh year witches that they caused no end of consternation to arise among their older wizard schoolmates. In short, both James and Sirius pretty much got any girl they wanted, unless both wanted the same one, in which case James got her, or they took turns, or, if the lady in question was exceptionally broadminded and adventurous - "

"AHEM," interjected Professor McGonagall, "Filius! I'm surprised that you would mention those sorts of indiscretions in the presence of - "

"But, Minerva," Professor Flitwick interrupted, "you can't possibly be as surprised as I was, upon discovering them doing the old you-know-what with that double-jointed Ravenclaw witch inside the bottom part of the loop of one of the highest Quidditch goals!"

"In . . . inside the hoop of the highest Quidditch goal," Harry asked, in mock disbelief, then he gave a sideways leer at Hermione, whose expression seemed to fighting between displaying ghostly fright and very red embarrassment.

"You haven't heard the punch line, Harry," Said Professor Flitwick. "Minerva and I came to an agreement that the three would receive point deductions and detentions for -get this - engaging in athletic practice at an unauthorized time!"

Everyone got a good laugh at this, though Professor McGonagall's face was quite flushed.

"Of course, there was the time very early one morning when the Herbology teacher discovered three very naked students, James and a pair of Hufflepuff witches, asleep on top of one of the greenhouses! He had the gall to claim that he and his 'associates' merely were testing a new 'unbreakable' charm that they had placed on the glass," said Professor Flitwick, and then he continued. "Such was his personal charm, plus the fact that the witches were favorites of the teacher, that he avoided any punishment worse than a few nights of detention . . . cleaning the greenhouses . . . WITH the two young witches! Minerva, you do remember the 'hammock incident,' don't you?"

"Filius, I don't think - " Professor McGonagall began, blushing, but Flitwick interrupted.

"Come now, Minerva, it's a perfect illustration of his athletic ability!" said the professor, and turning to Harry and Hermione, he said, "someone had hug up a hammock at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. James and his inner circle had taken to hanging out near it, and late one Saturday afternoon, he visited it in the company of an attractive young Ravenclaw witch, from my own house. When she failed to turn up for dinner, I went in search for her. Now, for many people, a hammock can be a bit tricky both to get in initially and to stay in. However, James's sense of balance and personal strength were such that he could, er, do something considerably more demanding, and he and she were doing it WHILE STANDING UP in the hammock!"

Harry burst out laughing, and he finally blurted out, after a sidelong glance at Hermione's flushed face, "Professor, I don't suppose that the hammock still is - "

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" chorused Hermione and Professor McGonagall, both quite red-faced.

"Well, it was just a thought," said Harry, "on the other hand, I do know precisely where some Quidditch goals are located . . . "

Over Hermione's indignant gasp and Professor Flitwick's amused chuckle, Professor McGonagall spoke.

"Returning to legitimate matters for discussion in polite company," she said, with a glare at Flitwick and another at Harry, "something happened with James at the end of his fifth year and possibly during the summer holiday. When school began for his sixth year, no longer was he acting quite as full of himself as he had previously. He seemed to spend much more of his spare time both in the library reading and in private contemplation. And, he began to try to spend more time with your future mother, Lily Evans."

"Now, there was a single student at Hogwarts who was at least, if not more than, a match for James and Sirius, but it was not Severus Snape. Rather, it was Lily Evans, who unlike them, also was a model student in the classroom. Of course, she was Muggle-born, but this was of no consequence to her Gryffindor male classmates. When it came to witches, James and Sirius always were quite broadminded," said Professor McGonagall, and she glared at Flitwick, "and you stop smirking, because that was NOT intended as innuendo, you dirty old goat!" She continued.

"Through their fifth year, James and Sirius had been quite happy to have their fun with older female schoolmates. Suddenly, Lily Evans had grown up, so to speak, and while she was not overly endowed physically, in the usual crude pneumatic sort of way, nevertheless, by the end of her fifth year, she had clearly become one of the most beautiful witches in the entire school. Though her personality was such that almost everyone liked her, the combination of her beauty, intellect, and magical ability must have been somewhat intimidating to many young wizards, including, I suspect, even to Sirius Black."

"However, sometime late in his fifth year, to James Potter she became the most desirable young woman who he ever had encountered. He spent the first part of his sixth year using every trick in his arsenal in an attempt to convince Lily 'to go out' with him. She flatly refused to consider it for months, causing James, for the very first time in his young life, to experience self-doubt. Truly, he was flabbergasted by her easy refusal to submit to his advances. Never had he encountered any female who had not been seduced quickly and easily by his charms. Matters came to a head just before the winter holiday break. From my own conversations with Lily and others, here is what happened."

* * * * *

Twenty Years Ago . . .

The conversation had not gone well, and a large part of the problem had been due to unwanted "help" from Sirius Black, who had been within earshot when James Potter had made the mistake of attempting to engage Lily Evans yet again in a genuinely serious conversation about their "getting together."

Rather than dismissing the idea out of hand immediately, usually with a clever smart-arsed remark, as she always had in the past, Lily seemed actually to be considering the idea, when his smart aleck friend had decided to offer "assistance."

Sirius, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew had approached James and Lily where they were sitting at one end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. A single glare from James was enough to cause Remus and Peter to retreat to a discreet distance, but Sirius just laughed and flopped down on the bench next to James.

"Well, Lily, have you yet succumbed to the sincere entreaties of good old Prongs, my very best mate?" he asked, with a wide grin. "What do you say that I scare up some young lovely, and the four us could go on a double date?"

"Oh, really?" Lily replied, "I don't think so, unless you've changed your interpretation of the real meaning of the term, 'a double date,' which I doubt very much. In my and normal people's dictionaries, it is NOT a synonym for an all night orgy!"

"You do both James and me a grave disservice, Lily," said Sirius, "and you're ignoring the fact that Prongs is a genuinely reformed young man. He thinks of you and only you all the time. In fact, he told me that he's started to dream about you!"

James just groaned, crossed his arms on the tabletop, and buried his head in them.

"Ha! He may as well keep dreaming, because that's the only way that he'll ever get what he really wants from me!" said Lily.

"I'm telling you that James HAS changed," said Sirius, "if fact, only this morning, when we first awoke, he told me that he had a wonderful dream about you just last night!"

"Did he?" Lily asked, with a small smile.

"Nope!" Sirius replied quickly, "He said you wouldn't let him! BUT, he does have very high hopes for tonight!"

Lily glared at them, and as she stood up to leave, she said, "James Potter, IF you sincerely want to continue a REAL conversation, meet me in the common room tonight, around ten or so. Right now, I'm going to the library."

James looked up, hope evident in his expression.

"BUT," Lily continued, "before anything EVER will happen between us, you WILL continue to make progress in cleaning up your behavior toward witches."

"But, Lily - " James tried to speak, but Lily continued.

"AND," she said, "you WILL understand and accept one basic truth regarding relationships. There is a lot more to a man and a woman 'getting together' than the crude, literal, physical meaning of the words obviously shared by you and Mr. Black!"

James groaned, but Sirius laughed, and said, "really, Lily? I kind of LIKE my idea of 'getting together' - so far, it's been both educational and great fun!"

"Well, then, why don't the two of you find a couple of your usual loose tramps and go and have fun!" Lily exclaimed.

"Now, I'd be careful there," rejoined Sirius, "don't you think that you're being a trifle harsh and overly judgmental? I mean, 'experienced' or even 'very experienced' might be appropriate descriptive modifiers for some of our female acquaintances. But, as to 'loose,' well, as the old saying goes, a room is only too big if one lacks enough furniture to fill it! No doubt you've heard the rumors about us; I've got plenty of 'furniture,' and Prongs here has even more!"

Lily blushed at the crude metaphors, but she noticed something of interest. James was NOT laughing at Sirius's vulgarities! She glared at Sirius one last time, and she left.

Twenty years ago - later that night . . .

Although it was past midnight, James Potter could not sleep due to the turmoil in his mind concerning Lily Evans and his increasingly very powerful feelings for her. Never had he felt this way about any other girl. Nor had he ever experienced from any other girl any significant resistance whenever he indicated to her that he was interested and available.

He had entered the common room a few minutes ago, only to see that Lily wasn't there. He realized that he forgotten their meeting! He cursed and returned to his dorm and got ready for bed.

He changed his mind and decided that a nice long soak in the huge tub of the Prefects Bath would be just the thing. He put a bathrobe on over his pajamas, stepped into his slippers, and headed out of his dorm room.

It was eerily quiet as he walked the deserted hallways, and he encountered no one, including the school ghosts and even Peeves the Poltergeist.

But, as he turned into the fifth floor corridor of the bathroom, he heard faint, high-pitched voices, including what sounded like laughter. As he approached the door to the Prefects Bath, it became obvious that the sounds were coming from within it!

"Who possibly could be inside? This facility was supposed to be only for student prefects, wasn't it?" he asked himself. Of course, the fact that the rule excluded his own use of it never had bothered him before. He cursed himself for not having brought the experimental version of the special map that the Marauders were still testing and perfecting.

All students were supposed to be asleep in their rooms, and definitely he did NOT want to barge inside only to be greeted by the sight of nude and bathing female teachers! He hesitated and listened hard.

Then he heard the distinctive and unmistakable titter of Moaning Myrtle, the ghost who was said to frequent the deserted girls' second floor bathroom. He had gotten a fleeting glimpse of her only once, when he had been in that room, but he would never forget the girlish laughter from her that he had heard that day, particularly since it had been directed at him!

He had been attempting to cope with the manual dexterity required in unfastening the intricate back clasp of a "four-hook" brassiere worn by an extremely well endowed Hufflepuff seventh year, who had been additionally thoughtless in wearing a very tight sweater over it. 'Ah,' he thought, 'those were the carefree, good old days! Why did I have to make things so much more complicated by - admit it, you idiot - by falling in love?'

Without a further thought, he spoke the password, "Loads of Bubbles," hoping that it had not been changed since his last visit. The door swung open, and upon entering the well-lit but misty room, he was greeted with the most extraordinary sight of a completely naked Lily Evans climbing out of the tub and facing him!

"JAMES POTTER! What are you doing here!" she shouted, as she attempted to cover her breasts and pubic region with her hands.

"Uh . . ." James stammered, with both his auditory sense and vocal ability momentarily overwhelmed by the visual stimulus provided by her wet and nude beauty. She looked exactly as she had in his dreams.

"Tee hee," twittered Moaning Myrtle. "Hiya, there! You must be James."

"Is this the young man we've been discussing?" asked a sexy contralto voice. "Does he actually do anything besides stand still and stare with his mouth open and his eyes popping from their sockets?"

"Uh . . . " James attempted to speak again.

"Shut up, Aqua," Lily replied, addressing the mermaid in the painting on the back wall. Turning to James, she asked, "well, if you're satisfied with having gotten your eye tracks all over my body, will you had me that robe on the chair next to you, AND will you tell me what the bloody hell you're doing here?"

"I . . . I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, Lily," James finally was able to speak intelligibly, "and I came here to take a bath, and I never expected to see your lovely . . . er, YOU, at all."

"He speaks!" exclaimed Aqua the Mermaid. "Let's see. He's not too tall or too short, he's pleasingly slender, he's quite good looking, AND he's polite and seems to be honest. Lily, I do believe you might just have a real 'keeper' here."

"Oh, give me my bloody robe, James," demanded Lily, with more than a hint of exasperation, as she stepped toward him.

"Here. Take it," said James, who picked up her robe and backed away with a grin, as they both realized that she couldn't grab it without removing one of her hands. "Lily, whether you believe it or not, I . . . I . . . I LOVE YOU, dammit! I'm sure that we're destined to get together eventually. SO, since some day I'll be doing a heck of a lot more than just looking at your undeniably beautiful feminine anatomy, what's with the shyness?" He turned and winked at Moaning Myrtle and Aqua. "Come on, turn around," he added to Lily.

"Romantic AND a take-charge type too," Aqua purred, "He's DEFINITELY worth very serious consideration, my dear."

"Kiss my arse!" said Lily.

"I'd love ALMOST nothing more," said James, "I thought you'd never ask." Both Aqua and Myrtle laughed.

Lily got a look of alarm on her face. Her lips quivered, and she seemed to be on a razor edge between either crying hysterically or getting VERY much angrier. Finally, she took a deep breath, stood up straight and dropped her hands to her sides. She hesitated for a few very long seconds, and then said, "Okay, take a good look at my too small boobs," and she turned around slowly, "and my fat thighs and huge rear end." Keeping her back to him, she said, with a sob, "there! Are you happy now? Does it please you to know that what you think you'll be getting isn't what you're used to or what you'd really want?"

James walked up to her and said, "put out your arms."

He helped her into the thick terry cloth robe, spun her around, and closed the robe. He took her hands and placed them across the front of it to hold it shut. He lifted her hanging head, and kissed her on her forehead. Then, he backed away slightly, grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

"SHUT UP, and listen to me!" he yelled, and grasped her head in both of his hands and looked straight into her eyes. "I just told you that I love you, and I do! Some day, I'll be getting EXACTLY who AND what I want, the most beautiful young woman that I've ever known or ever would want to know. Neither are your breasts are too small, nor are your thighs and butt too big. They're not 'too' ANYTHING except possibly too BEAUTIFUL for mere words to describe! They're absolutely gorgeous now, and they'll be just as great ten, twenty, and thirty years from now."

"One last thing," James continued, "I would never do anything to hurt you in any way. If I've offended or hurt you tonight, then truly I am sorry, I'll do anything to prove it, and I ask for your forgiveness. I love you, Lily Evans, more than anything, and I'll always love you." He hesitated, and then he added, "I know that due to my past behavior with witches, I'm pulling an entire train of baggage behind me. I don't expect you to accept immediately everything that I'm saying, or even to believe any of it. I know that it'll take time, and I will wait for however long it takes. That said, I DON'T apologize either for staring at or for admiring your body!"

To the applause of Aqua and Moaning Myrtle, James embraced her firmly, tilted her head, and kissed her quickly. He released her, and stepped back. For possibly the first time in her life, Lily was speechless.

"Forgive him, you idiot!" yelled Aqua, "do you have any idea what a lucky girl you are?"

"That was great, James!" exclaimed Moaning Myrtle.

Lily remained standing, utterly silent. She lifted both of her hands to the sides of her head, inadvertently allowing her robe to open.

"Well, if matters are settled," said James, I'll ask you ladies to leave me, so that I can finally take my bath," he turned to Lily, with a leer, "unless, you'd prefer to stay and scrub my back . . . or something else." Then he grinned, and added, "by the way, your robe has slipped open."

Lily quickly pulled her robe closed again. Her first impulse was to run quickly away, but then she had a thought, and a mischievous smile crossed her face. Amazingly, the same thought occurred simultaneously to Aqua and Myrtle.

"Turnabout ALWAYS is fair play," intoned Aqua.

"What's good for the goose . . . " said Myrtle.

"You did say that you're sorry, and that you'll do ANYTHING to prove it, James?" asked Lily in an innocent tone of voice.

"Uh . . . yes, of course," answered James, clearly puzzled.

"That's wonderful!" exclaimed Lily. "In that case, we ladies will NOT be leaving just yet! Do you not agree that it's only fair that I TOO should get a preview of what I'LL be getting in the future, IF at some as yet undetermined date we're to be together?"

"Er, ah . . . " was all that came out James's mouth, as he blushed.

"That's telling him, girl!" said Aqua, and she added to James, "come on, cutie, you heard the woman. Get that robe and those pajamas off right now!"

"Yes!" said Myrtle, "I want to see if what they say about boys with such big hands and feet and who are great Quidditch players is true."

James blushed even brighter red, and he said, "Uh . . . are you sure about this, Lily?"

"Oh, yes indeed," said Lily, and added teasingly. "It can't be possible that the brilliant and always self-confident James Potter is SCARED to show us what his fanny or his 'little wand' looks like, can it?"

"Okay, you've got me fair and square," said James with a grin, as he removed his robe. He took off his pajama top, and was greeted with whistles from the ladies.

"Nice chest, great washboard below it, and he's got quite a bit more muscle on those arms and shoulders than I thought," said Aqua.

"Tee hee," giggled Myrtle.

"Pretty good . . . SO FAR," said Lily, and she added, "now, turn around so we can get a good look at your bum when you drop your bottoms."

James complied, and he loosened, dropped, and stepped out of his pajama bottoms, to be greeted with even louder expressions of appreciation.

"A GREAT tight arse," yelled Aqua.

"Tee hee, tee hee," giggled Myrtle.

"Even better . . . SO FAR," said Lily. "Now, raise your arms and put your hands behind your head, so that you don't block the view. Good, now turn around slowly, and let me have a preview of what sort of 'Little Jimmy' I might be getting! I hope that he isn't scared and trying to hide."

James turned around, faced them, and after several seconds of shocked silence from the three as they gazed at what was hanging between his legs, he was greeted by an interesting sight.

Three lower jaws, one of flesh and bone, another of enchanted paint and the last of ghostly protoplasm, all dropped. Three similar pairs of eyes almost popped out of their heads. For possibly only the second time in her life, Lily Evans again was struck speechless.

Surprisingly, Moaning Myrtle was the first to recover from the sight. "Tee hee, I'd say that 'Little Jimmy' isn't very little, is he?"

"You lucky, lucky, lucky, girl!" Aqua exclaimed. "You've got a handsome guy with a great body, who's considerate, polite, honest, romantic, who obviously loves you, AND who's hung like a centaur! If ever you should become so deranged as to let him go, PLEASE have the decency to have him painted into my picture!"

"If he ever cheats on you, Lily, promise that you'll bring him to my bathroom before you kill him," said Myrtle.

"Well?" asked James of Lily. "Do I have your Ladyship's permission to lower my hands and to take my bath? Or, are YOU still not finished with getting YOUR eye tracks on one particular part of MY body?"

Lily continued to stare at his penis as if she were in a trance.

"Give her some time, young man. There is so very much of it to look at!" interjected Aqua.

Finally, Lily blushed even darker than she had before, gave a gasp, ran to the door, and left the room.

James shook his head and then entered the huge, pool-sized tub.

"I should be leaving too," said Moaning Myrtle. "Goodbye Aqua, and goodbye to you too, James."

And with a whoosh, Myrtle vanished into one of the many water spigots that lined one side of huge tub. James made his way through the water to the side nearest the door, opposite the water taps and Aqua the Mermaid's picture.

"How come you've never said anything when I've been here before?" asked James.

"You seemed to be a bit preoccupied at the time, and besides, I never speak to anyone the first time I see them," Aqua said. "By the way, there's something really important that you should know about that beautiful young girlfriend of yours."

"She's not my girlfriend or anything else, yet," said James.

"Surely, you realize that she will be, eventually," replied Aqua.

"I hope so," said James, "but, as I said, I suspect that it will take some time before she will believe that I really do love her, and no longer am I interested in anyone else."

"I suspect that she does know it, but you really hurt her, you know," said Aqua.

"Hurt her? How? I mean, I know I've been a bit of a arsehole, insofar as shagging practically every other witch in the school, but I've never seriously tried to hit on Lily, at all . . . at least until this year!"

"And, just how do you think Lily felt about your behavior, when secretly, she's had a thing for you since the beginning of last year?" asked Aqua.

"But . . . shit, I've GOT to talk to her," said James, getting out of the pool.

"No, you do NOT!" said Aqua, quite forcefully. "You've got to do exactly what you said earlier - give her time, and she'll come around. Unless I'm mistaken, as of a few minutes ago, she's become even more confused about her feelings. You mustn't do anything that might seem like pressure of any sort, or you'll lose each other."

"But - " said James.

"But, NOTHING!" exclaimed Aqua. "Let her be, for a while, and show her by your actions that you have become a genuinely decent person. How long this will take, I do not know, but it's the ONLY way that will win her heart and her mind."

"I suppose . . . I KNOW that you are right, Aqua," James admitted.

He laughed, and then he toweled himself off and put on his pajamas and robe.

"Thanks for the advice, Aqua, but I've got to be going. It's been good to meet and to talk with you, and maybe the next time you see me, I'll be coming here for a bath WITH Lily," he said, and he left the room and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

* * * * *

Professor McGonagall continued her narrative. "Alas, James and Lily would have to wait many months before things finally were resolved. James made the mistake of telling Sirius about his encounter with Lily, and with no intent of causing harm, Sirius relayed an abbreviated version to Remus and Peter, in order to make clear that all three of his friends simply must give James enough space to work out his situation. Unfortunately, Severus Snape overheard this conversation, and very shortly, a malicious rumor concerning Lily and James began to circulate."

"In her then fragile and confused state of mind, Lily jumped to the erroneous conclusion that James had been making up stories to feed his ego at her expense, and she plotted revenge. Somehow, she managed to cast a delayed shrinking charm on the inside front of his boxer shorts, voice activated by anyone speaking her name aloud, and affecting the, er, contents of the shorts."

"When the charm was activated, and James realized what had happened, in a blind panic he ran to the hospital, confronted the then fairly new school medi-witch, by the name of Poppy Pomfrey, and he described his, er, 'shrinkage' problem. After viewing the allegedly reduced appendage, she informed him that it looked perfectly normal to her. Still in a panic, James insisted that something damn well was VERY wrong. So, Madame Pomfrey performed a simple 'finite,' forgotten by James in his panic, which then restored his problem to its, er, normal dimensions."

Professor Flitwick cut in, "yes, it's said that the good nurse had a smile on her face and a faraway look in her eyes for a week afterwards!"

Professor McGonagall glared at Flitwick yet again, and she continued. "James was NOT happy, to say the least. His mood did not improve, when for the next week whenever Lily's name was spoken, he found himself having to point his wand at his groin area and mumble Latin to end the spell. Needless to say, he assumed that Sirius had started the rumor, and when he swore otherwise, reluctantly he came to the wrong conclusion that Lily was responsible, because she was holding a grudge about the original incident in the Prefects Bath.

"Anyway, James got even by somehow getting his hands on Lily's knickers. Possibly, he bribed a house-elf or sweet-talked one of Lily's dorm-mates. He charmed them on their rear inside parts to cause the feeling of a poke in her nether region, whenever James's name was mentioned aloud in Lily's presence. Of course, this only worked for a single day, as Lily had the sense to investigate all of her undergarments and to deactivate any and all latent charms on them."

McGonagall refilled her glass again, took a sip from it, and continued.

"Now, we come to the Sixth Year Entertainment Week of twenty years ago. Obviously, Lily had discovered the past tradition by reading about it in one of your favorite books, Hermione. Somehow, she managed to maneuver all four houses into cooperating, and in due course, the sixth year Gryffindors met to consider what they should do. A variety show was their decision, mainly consisting of performances of songs. But, unlike this year's, theirs would end with a dramatization of the one of the great achievements of English Muggle Literature, or at least it was so claimed to be by Lily Evans, with the connivance of a certain dirty old wizard, who shall remain nameless!" said McGonagall, with yet another glare for Flitwick.

"The work in question was The Miller's Tale, a chapter from The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer, written in the late fourteenth century, and in Middle English. Miss Evans promised to do a modern translation of it, for my approval of its use in the show, and foolishly, I trusted her taste and judgment," said McGonagall.

Harry began to chuckle, and his chuckles turned into loud giggles, and then into very loud laughter. Finally, he settled down and spoke. "You don't have to tell me what happened. Clearly, my Mum played the part of Alison, the carpenter's wife, and she steered Sirius and my Dad into the roles of Absolon, her would be lover, and Nicholas, the student and her actual lover. The only question is who performed which role . . . I bet that my Dad played Nicholas and Sirius did Absolon. Probably, she had Remus play the carpenter, and Peter was the blacksmith. How close am I?" Harry asked.

With a look of total astonishment, at first, all McGonagall could do was to nod her head in the affirmative. Hermione also looked at Harry with a look not dissimilar from McGonagall's. Flitwick just grinned. McGonagall found her voice and spoke.

"How . . . how could you possibly have known, Harry? Did Sirius or Remus ever mention - "

"Nobody ever told me anything concerning it," said Harry, "but, I do know more than just a bit about The Miller's Tale and Chaucer. Remember that I've had lots of time to fill during my summer holidays, and reading my Aunt's old school texts has been one way of doing so. Here, I'll prove it. This is near the end, after Alison has tricked Absolon into kissing her bare bum, and he returns for revenge, armed with a red hot poker, borrowed from the blacksmith's forge." With that, Harry began to recite, in a sing song voice:

Harry paused, looked at Hermione and Professor McGonagall. Both simply were staring at him, disbelief etched upon their faces.

However, Professor Flitwick was quite animated. He chuckled, and said, "please don't stop there, Mr. Potter, you're getting to the funniest . . . PART, if you'll excuse my choice of that particular word!"

Harry grinned at him, and he continued:

Again, Harry paused and glanced at Hermione and Professor McGonagall, only to realize that he might as well have been looking at a non-magical oil painting. Both still stared at him, unmoving, with their mouths open in astonishment.

Before either of the two ladies could recover and speak, Harry skipped to the closing lines:

"Bravo, bravo, Mr. Potter!" Professor Flitwick exclaimed, clapping his hands, and he added, "that was excellent, and you've done more than just passably well with the pronunciation, which is saying quite a lot, since Middle English hasn't been spoken in five centuries! Of course, you still have no idea how Lily unbelievably improved on Chaucer's original AND personalized it so brilliantly."

The small professor took over narration of the story.

"Needless to say, she did not permit Sirius, as Absolon, to kiss her actually bare bottom. She wore flesh-colored knickers, but the effect on James was the same. He did not like it one bit! Equally obviously, she insisted that James, as Nichloas, wear flesh-colored briefs, when he stuck his 'bare' bum out the window, hopefully to be kissed by Sirius. The fart in Sirius's face was to be a skillful sound effect, but Lily did NOT tell either lad that she had made some changes from the rehearsal script."

"First, she had charmed James's briefs so that they would disappear when they were touched by a secret replacement for Sirius's red hot poker prop, originally a painted piece of wood. With the help of Peter, it was swapped for a transfigured icicle, also charmed both to maintain and to hide its bitterly cold temperature, but only until it made contact with James's briefs."

"Finally, a third change was made, 'to set the mood and to encourage believable acting,' as Lily confirmed to me later. When James broke wind in Sirius's face, he involuntarily actually emitted the real thing, a genuine rotten egg smelling blast, thanks to an offstage Remus Lupin performing an esoteric pranking charm on James's body! Obviously, Sirius was surprised, and he did not like what he was certain that James had done intentionally! So, Sirius nailed his bum with the poker a bit more vigorously than during rehearsals, holding the instantly now bitter cold icicle against James's now very bare behind for a longer than usual period of time. Suddenly James felt something entirely different from that during rehearsals, and he felt it on his bare arse!"

"Equally suddenly, he forgot all of his written lines, and he began to howl like the proverbial banshee. This was not without some justification, since due to simple Muggle physics, the interaction of a perspiring bare bottom and a bitterly cold icicle resulted in a temporary freezing of the icicle to the bum. Sirius released it, as if it really was red hot. Psychologically unable to accept what his senses were reporting to his mind, James undoubtedly misinterpreted the intense cold as its opposite. With his trousers having been pulled down to his ankles, he proceeded to imitate the movement of a clumsy frog, stumbling all over the stage, screaming the whole time."

"Lily, Remus, and Peter literally were rolling on the floor, laughing uncontrollably at James's predicament. Shortly, Sirius joined in their merriment, as he realized what had happened. For possibly the only time in his years at Hogwarts, both during his student days and his later ones as a teacher, Severus Snape actually had a real smile on his face! Finally, and mercifully, someone had the presence of mind to ring down the curtain."

Harry and Hermione both were laughing perhaps as hard as his Mum and the others had done twenty years ago. Professor McGonagall bravely had attempted to keep a serious expression, but it didn't last, and she joined in their laughter.

"That's pretty much it," said Flitwick. "Lily and James didn't speak for a while, and both of them were busy many evenings serving the detentions decreed by their Head of House, who was not amused at their idea of an appropriate entertainment. And, the Sixth Year Entertainment Week faded into memory once again." He glanced at McGonagall, who ended the discussion.

"The good news is that eventually both Lily and James realized that they really and truly did belong with each other. More importantly, James became able to laugh at himself, finally exorcising his personal demon of an inflated ego. The bad news is that this occurred on the last day of the school year. But, they corresponded daily over the summer, and upon returning for their seventh and final year, they were very much together," said Professor McGonagall. "Oh, my goodness, it is getting quite late. There are classes tomorrow, and you two must get some sleep."

Harry and Hermione stood up and prepared to leave, but Harry asked one last question of Professor Flitwick.

"Professor, the book that I read about Chaucer said that the two oldest surviving manuscripts of The Canterbury Tales probably were written by the same early fifteenth century scribe. One is more profusely illustrated, or illuminated, as they called it, and it's at some museum in California, in the United States. The other is in the National Library of Wales, in a town with an unpronounceable name."

"It's called Aberystwyth, and you were struck by the manuscript's name, were you not, Harry?" asked the professor.

"Uh, yes," said Harry, "I mean, 'Hengwrt' did seem to be awfully close to . . . to the name of our school!"

"Well, it should have been spelled properly, but you mustn't blame the scribes of those days. After all, many of them were only semi-literate, and that was in Latin. Remember that the English language still was in its infancy insofar as its being written. There was a huge and growing demand for books at the time of Chaucer's death in 1400, but the printing press hadn't been invented, and it wouldn't arrive in Britain for three-quarters of a century. Remember also that some scriptoria operated in a peculiar manner, wherein a scribe didn't even see what he allegedly was copying! Someone would read an existing manuscript, whilst several others wrote down what they heard. This was the only way to increase production rates of books when only a single existing one was available."

"Are you saying that its correct name IS 'Hogwarts,' professor?" Harry asked, his voice shaking.

"Of course, it is!" said Professor Flitwick. "I should know, since I'm the original owner of the manuscript that was being copied, and the anonymous donor of that copy to the Welsh library!"

Harry and Hermione stared at the professor, trying to digest the information they had received.

"Minerva is correct, and you two should be off to bed. I'm getting rather tired myself," said Flitwick, and then he smiled at them and as if reading their minds, he added, "I'm not as young as I was, and I haven't been for a very long time."

Hermione spoke, "I . . . I don't care how old you may be, Professor Flitwick. You and Professor McGonagall are the best teachers here by far, and I want to thank you for everything you've done for us, including this evening."

"Yes, me too," Harry added hastily, as Hermione walked over to McGonagall, and embraced her. She turned to Flitwick, gave him a quick hug, and then bent over to kiss him on the cheek.

As the two students walked out the door, they heard the voices of Flitwick and McGonagall.

"Minnie, my dear, a famous Muggle once said that a man is only as old as the woman he's feeling."

"Really?" answered McGonagall, "and just who were you feeling like feeling tonight?"

To be continued

A/N: The lines from The Miller's Tale quoted by Harry are from Chaucer's Poetry: An Anthology for the Modern Reader, edited by E. T. Donaldson. While based on the text of the Hengwrt Manuscript, the spelling and punctuation are altered for consistency, and also in the interest of preserving reasonably accurate pronunciation of Middle English. The story will conclude in the next chapter, wherein Harry and Hermione reflect on the week following the Gryffindor show.