I'm talking to you
I know the power you possess
Playing cool rock for the all access
Big which, it's jealousy
I see that your heart's in the wrong place
You can't follow me
I don't know why you're kissing my ass
Cause as soon as I turn my back you start stabbin'
I'm reality, you can't just even bother me
I'm the one they came to see
Stay the fuck away from me
I'm talking to you V.I.P
"V.i.p."-Ugly Kid Joe
He had never thought that something like this could happen to him...
Harry Potter was the Boy-Who-Lived, the Saviour of the Wizarding and Muggle World, the Boy Who Defeated You-Know-Who and whatever title they had chosen to give him this week. He had suffered through a horrible childhood without his parents, forced to live with an Aunt, Uncle and Cousin that couldn't stand to look at him, let alone have him in their house, and then through seven years of having a deranged Evil Lord trying to kill him at every possible chance. He had finished second in his class, bested only by Padma Patil, and had been Quidditch captain for the last three years of school.
He had been famous before he set foot in Hogwarts, but that didn't help with his awkwardness around girls. By the time he gathered the courage to talk to Parvati in fifth year he had figured out that girls really weren't that scary once you got to know them better. By the time he and Parvati broke up he had gotten to what Muggles refer to as 'first base' with her. His next girlfriend, a spunky Hufflepuff fifth year, had let him get all the way to 'second base'; by the time they broke up Harry had had his hands up her shirt more times than he could count.
In sixth year, Harry experienced his third girlfriend, Mandy Brocklehurst, a daring little Ravenclaw who had opened up many new doors for Harry sexually. She had taught him (smart little thing that she was) how to please a girl and to Harry's ultimate delight she had a mouth like a Goblin...the vacuum that is. She had given him his first blowjob ever and she had been so good that he almost proposed marriage afterwards. She had been pressing him to take the final step with her but Harry refused; he wasn't going to be like Seamus and Ron, his dorm mates, who slept with anything with breasts. He was waiting for the right girl to come along and he was trusting his instincts to tell him who that girl was; unfortunately for Mandy it wasn't her and they broke up six months later, after one more round of mind blowing oral sex.
At the start of his seventh year Harry was more worried about defeating Voldemort than getting laid, which surprised even him, and he spent every night in special training with different members of the Order of the Phoenix. The first four months of school, his life consisted of classes, homework, Quidditch and training. On the seventh of January Voldemort made his move and after a gruelling two-day battle, in which he neither ate nor slept, Harry had somehow defeated the bane of his existence.
After spending two painful weeks in the Hospital Ward being doted on by Madame Pomfrey he had finally been able to join his dorm-mates. Ron, having known about his impending release, had set up the party to end all parties and the minute Harry stepped into the Common Room the festivities were underway. There were sweets and fireworks provided by the Weasley twins and Butterbeer and Firewhiskey was being passed around for everyone above fifth year. The party went well into the night, with permission from Professor McGonagall, and Harry figured he talked to everyone in Gryffindor Tower that night. That was the night that he had found the girl he'd been looking for.
Lavender Brown had been visiting with her friends when he spotted her; he had taken in her shining brown eyes, her long silky hair, and her more-than-a-handful breasts and he just knew she was the one. When he had approached her later that night she had acted shy, giggled at his jokes and told him she had 'seen' that he would come to talk to her that night. Ignoring the reference to divination, he and Lavender ended up talking on the couch, oblivious to anyone else. Once the party wore down and there were only a few students left in the common room, he and Lavender had made out on that couch like a couple of sexually starved rabbits. From that night on it had been a virtual snog fest every night; the only thing Harry had regretted was that he hadn't spent more time with his mates.
On the night before their last day at Hogwarts he had found himself alone in the Room of Requirement with Lavender dressed in only lacy lingerie and a sexy-as-hell smile. After she had walked up to him and whispered what she wanted to do to him that night, he had been putty in her hands, willing to do whatever she wanted him to. He had very willingly lost his virginity that night and they had stayed up having sex and talking all night about their plans after Hogwarts; there was even mention of possibly moving in together.
While they were traveling home on the Hogwarts Express Lavender had excused herself to go to the bathroom. Harry had watched her leave the compartment with the look of a lovesick puppy on his face, according to Ron anyway. They joked around for a while and when Lavender had been gone for almost thirty minutes Harry had decided to go looking for her. He was ready to give up after knocking on the bathroom door and surprising the hell out of a first year when he heard a familiar giggle coming from two compartments down. He had looked through the compartment door window and what he had seen made his blood boil.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled, bursting through the door. He watched as Lavender and Michael Corner, a shitty little Ravenclaw that had been in their year, quickly jumped apart.
"Harry," Lavender said in her sultry voice, "You're such an impatient boy, I told you I would be back in a little while."
Harry looked down at her hand as it moved up and down his chest and quickly grabbed her wrist, stilling its movement. "That was almost an hour ago," he replied, gritting his teeth, "obviously you were busy and lost track of time."
When he turned around and glared at Michael, the Ravenclaw quickly excused himself and almost ran out the door. "He must be smart," Harry said, glaring after him, "He knew to leave before I kicked his arse."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Lavender asked angrily jerking her wrist free from his grasp, "You act like you own me or something. Just because you're the "famous Harry Potter" that doesn't mean you can order me around or treat me like I'm one of your star-struck minions."
"What are you fucking talking about?" Harry asked, completely bewildered by her sudden change in behavior. "What's going on with you? Just last night we were talking about moving in together and now you're acting like we've never even been on a date."
"I've been thinking about all that," she replied coolly, "and I really don't think it would be a good idea to continue seeing each other, let alone move in with each other."
Harry stood there dumbstruck; when had everything in his life done a one-eighty? Wasn't his life supposed to be better now that Voldemort was gone, school was over, and he had found the girl of his dreams? He looked at her and asked, "So what the hell was last night? Was it just so you could brag that you shagged 'the boy-who-lived'?"
"Professor Trelawny predicted it. She "saw" that I would be responsible for turning the Boy into a man." said Lavender with a sweet smile on her lips, "I just knew that Boy was you. Don't be so serious, it was our destiny. We had fun didn't we? Now it's time to move on." Harry watched as she closed the distance between then and leaned in to lightly brush a kiss on his lips. She whispered, "Goodbye Harry, I hope you have a good life." Before he could get his bearings she was out the door and out of his life
That had been just over two months ago; now Harry sat in the Leaky Cauldron nursing his fifth Firewhiskey and rather enjoying his pity party for one.
"Hiya Harry," said Ron as he walked up to the table and sat next to his best friend, "What're you doing here drinking by yourself?"
"I've got nothing better to do," Harry replied, looking as depressed as he felt, "I can't believe she dumped me Ron, I was supposed to be the one to dump her."
"You're not still moping about Lavender are you?" Ron asked, shaking his head in disbelief, "It's time to move on Mate, there are many more birds out there for you to hook up with."
"But she was the one," Harry moaned, more than a little drunk.
"Hey Ron, Hi Harry," said Dean Thomas as he walked up to join them, "What's going on?"
"Harry's still moaning over the loss of his one true love," Ron replied in a high falsetto voice, "He doesn't know how he'll ever go on."
Harry glared at Ron and Dean as they sat laughing at his expense; catching the waitress' eye he signalled for her to come to the table. When she walked up next to him with a questioning look on her face Harry said, "Bring me another bottle of Firewhiskey please, and whatever these two arseholes want."
"We're just having fun with ya Harry," Dean said after he ordered a butterbeer, "It would do you good to cheer up a little. We're on our own, now's the time to raise hell and have fun."
"I don't want to have fun," Harry said, moping even more.
Ron sat staring at Harry, shaking his head in disbelief at the serious funk his best mate was in. Leaning closer to him Ron said, "You know what you need mate? You need to get laid."
"That's your answer to everything," Harry replied shortly, "Shagging doesn't solve all the worlds problems Ron."
"It may not solve them, but it sure as bloody hell makes for a nice distraction mate," Ron replied cheekily. Feeling encouraged by Harry's slight smile Ron elbowed him in the side and said, "I see just the girl who could cheer you up."
Harry looked up and saw Ron staring; when he followed Ron's gaze, his eyes fell upon the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen. She was sitting by herself at a table, nursing a glass of pumpkin juice, immersed in the thickest book he had ever seen. She had brown curly hair that shone like the sun when the light hit it, her skin was milky white with a smattering of freckles across her nose, and when she looked over to where they sat staring at her Harry noticed that she had the biggest, brownest, sexiest eyes he had ever seen.
Realizing that they had been caught staring, the three quickly looked in different directions. Ron looked over at Harry and noticed that he kept trying to sneak a peek at the girl whenever he thought she wasn't looking. "So Harry, what are you going to do about Lavender?" he asked, hoping his intuition had been right.
"Lavender who?" Harry asked distractedly, suddenly sober, as a huge smile spread across his face, reaching from ear to ear. When Ron laughed and turned his attention to Dean, Harry watched discouraged as the mystery girl packed up her things and walked out the door. 'I've got to find out who she is', Harry thought, quickly tossing some money onto the table. When Dean and Ron looked at him confused he said, "I'm not going to let her get away."
Ron smiled, glad to see his friend in better spirits and said, "Good luck mate, we expect details later," and laughed as Harry quickly ran out the door after her.