Disclaimer: My idea about Lily's job was completely inspired by 'ALIAS,' which is like the best show ever. The director of the program's name is Kendall, which is another tribute to the show. Oh, and I got the name Kizzy from 'Roots' by Alex Haley. And another thing, when you get to the part about the banister, I thought of it myself, but upon reading Sarinileni's Lust or Love? before it was deleted, James did a trick similar to the one that Nate did. So maybe Sarina's story influenced my idea, or maybe not, I don't know. Just acknowledging her to avoid any messiness.
Chapter Nine: Heavier Things
(Chapter's Song: 'Just a Ride' by Jem)
I stepped out of the bathroom with only my towel protecting me against the frigid temperature of the room. The second I stood on the cold stone floor, I shivered and goose bumps erupted all over my arms, my body complaining and protesting against the cold.
As a result of the rainy and grey morning, only Kate and Sophie were able to resist the temptations of sleeping in forever and ever. Surprisingly, I was third to wake up at 11:30.
I quickly got dressed and then sat down on my bed, getting the letter out of my bedside table's drawer. Despite my compulsive neatness and perfectionism, the paper was crinkled from opening and closing it so many times to read and re-read, just to make sure that it wasn't all a joke. I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs with the heavy air.
I tied my hair in a knot and opened the letter with fumbling hands, ready to read it again. The thing is, I'd already memorized it after reading it twice.
'Dear Miss Evans,
The Ministry Intelligence Agency has been alerted to your interest in a position within our ranks. We have looked at your files and spoken to your teachers and have received an excellent report on your capabilities.
I would like to meet with you in person this coming Saturday, 13 November to discuss several possibilities. Arrangements have already been made with your Headmaster and Head of House.
It is with the utmost urgency that I ask you to not mention receiving this letter or our upcoming meeting to anyone except for the proper authorities, as it would be a risk to our organization.
We at the Agency look forward to meeting with you and working with you in the future.
Sincerely,
Richard Kendall
Director of the Ministry Intelligence Agency'
What the FUCK? I'd thought that I would have to go through this whole application process. I'd thought that I would most likely get denied a position and apply to be an Auror, which is my second choice. But to get recruited? That's just mind blowing. Especially since I'm still in school… Sweet Jesus.
And another thing. I can't say anything about it? I understand why I shouldn't shout it out from the rooftops. I wouldn't have done that anyway. But still. I can't even talk to my best friend about it. She knows that I want to be in Intelligence. Hell, she was the one who convinced me to do it. We both know that I'm not really one for office politics in a corporate situation or a desk job. She was the first to know about my decision and I'm going to have to lie to her about this whole thing. I looked at her bed, still unmade with her stuffed animal, Buttons upside down and half-covered by her blanket. I sighed and leaned back against my pillows. I guess it'll have to do…
I'd received an owl from Dumbledore shortly after getting the one from the MIA and I'm supposed to meet with him tomorrow afternoon after the Prefect meeting to discuss the travel arrangements and other details. Frankly, I don't know what the hell to expect. I suddenly felt very numb to the world and it was as if I had stepped out of my body and had come to watch it nearby. I mean, honestly! I'm a 16-year-old girl, not even close to being finished with school and I already have a job interview set up. And the best part is that it's next week.
Fuck it. I need food.
I walked into the Great Hall and headed for the Gryffindor table, spotting Sirius and Peter among the sparse crowd.
"Morning guys," I said, sitting down next to Peter and absentmindedly staring at the jug of pumpkin juice.
"Morning," he said.
Sirius had just taken a huge bite out of a chicken wrap so he just resorted to nodding.
I drummed my fingers on my plate for a bit and restlessly looked around the room for nothing in particular.
"Lily, stop that. You're making me nervous," said Peter, putting his hands over mine to stop my tapping.
I jumped at his touch and stopped looking around and blushed. "Sorry. Where is everyone? Why's it so… not crowded?" I asked, pulling a plate of toast and peanut butter toward me. One of the things that I love about Hogwarts on Sunday is that they serve breakfast until 12:30. And as it's just a little past noon, all of the wonderful breakfast foods are out along with the lunch stuff.
"I know that Remus is still sleeping and that James is awake, but we don't know where he is. He was gone by the time we woke up," said Peter, neatly cutting up his chicken.
"Lily, what are you doing?" asked Sirius, looking incredibly interested in my food.
"Banana toast. What do you think?" I said, rolling my eyes. After peanut buttering my toast, I had taken bananas and began to cut them into slices, placing each slice on top of the peanut butter until two whole pieces of toast were completely covered.
"Can I try one?" asked Sirius eagerly.
"Yeah sure. But make one for yourself. Oh, have either of you seen Kate or Sophie around?" I asked, jumping around in the conversation, if you could call it that.
"Kate recently left with that Ravenclaw boyfriend of hers. I haven't seen Sophie. What about you, Pete?"
I noticed that Sirius's normally well-groomed appearance seemed almost… off kilter. He had some stubble growing and his light blue eyes looked dull and tired.
Peter shook his head.
I shrugged and turned back to my toast. Mmmm…. Banana and peanut buttery goodness.
"Li-ly. Help me," whined Sirius, squirming in his chair like a little kid.
"Padfoot what the hell did you do?" asked Peter.
Sirius had somehow missed the piece of bread and had peanut butter smeared all over his clothes and a banana was half smushed on the plate. He had a sheepish look on his face and smiled shyly.
"I… made a mess?"
Peter tutted and the food disappeared with a wave of his wand. With another wave and a 'scourgify!' Sirius was as good as new.
I felt my mind wandering again, getting lost in a misty haze of thought and unanswered questions, mostly about the MIA. "Here you are," I said, handing him my other slice absentmindedly. I looked up at the ceiling again and got up to go.
"You're leaving already? But you've barely eaten anything," said Peter.
I smiled at him, touched that he was worried about me. "Nah, I'm okay. I wasn't that hungry anyway."
"Lil, are you okay? You seem a little out of it," said Sirius, looking concerned.
My face in my inner monologue smirked. Am I okay? No not really. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine," I smiled. "See you later, kids." And with that, I made my way out of the Great Hall.
I listlessly began the trek back to Gryffindor Tower, restless for some reason. I looked out the window again, surveying the weather. Damn. If it weren't raining, I could've gone outside and flown for a bit. Or I even could've gone running. Yeah, I kind of feel for a run… But it's raining. Damn. You know, I'm sort of in the mood for a nap. Yeah, that's it. A nap sounds good right now. I think I heard some footsteps behind me… Anyway, the only thing that I want right now is to take a nice, long nap. Yeah, that sounds good. I want my bed… Or maybe a bubble bath? I wouldn't mind soaking in the tub right now. I could use those purple bubbles and then the ones that play music when they pop. Oh wait… I already took a shower. Oh well. I guess I'm taking a nap. Heh, good. I'm still kinda sleepy.
"Lily?"
Remus and I should probably change the password soon. I'll have to talk to him later about it. When we both wake up, of course. Oh! Someone just grabbed my hand.
"Lily darling, are you okay?"
I turned around and looked up into Nate's concerned face with glazed eyes. Funny. So many people have concerned faces when they're talking to me. I blinked. "Yeah. I'm good," I said. I made a face at the sound of my voice. It sounded really distant and just so not mine when the words came out of my mouth.
"What are you doing right now?" asked Nate, falling into stride along with me.
I shrugged and stared unseeingly ahead of me, not quite in the mood for anything. "Nothing really. I sort of want to just go back to bed."
"Can I come with?"
I stopped and stared at him blankly. "Huh?" I sound like such a genius. And the MIA is recruiting me? Pssh.
"Can I," kiss, "come," kiss, "with?" kiss.
"Oh. Y-yeah. Sorry Nate. I'm really out of it," I said, resting my head against his shoulder as we continued to walk.
"You want to talk about anything?" he asked, looking down at me.
I shook my head. "No, not really. I'm good."
We walked on in silence, Nate lightly running his finger tips up and down the side of my body, knowing that he's tickling me. When he pressed down a little harder on a certain spot, I turned and pushed him into an alcove behind a statue of Bartholomew the Unlucky, who was being harassed by a small group of fairies.
"Lily, what-?" but I cut him off, kissing him deeply. It didn't take him too long to react and soon his hands were pressed against my skin, his fingers kneading in small circles.
When we got to the common room, random groups of people were scattered here and there, playing chess or reading magazines to pass the time.
"Ignore them. They won't notice a thing," I said, when Nate opened his mouth.
He shrugged and stroked the left banister of the staircase three times. They shuddered a tiny bit and then we made our way upstairs.
I was relieved to see that both Georgie and Grace's beds were empty when I closed the door behind us. I kicked my shoes off and then climbed into my bed, holding the blanket up to let Nate slide in. He removed his shoes and then his t-shirt before getting under the blanket and closing the curtains around us. We looked at each other for a second, our faces getting closer and closer. Nate tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and kept his hand on my cheek, guiding my lips to his…
I woke up a couple of hours later and snuggled into Nate's body. He put his arm around me and tilted his head so that it rested against mine.
"What time are you going to leave?" I asked groggily, rubbing my eyes.
He sighed. "I should probably get going soon. My friends are going to start wondering what happened to me. And I have a Heads meeting with Dumbledore in about half an hour…"
"What time is it?" I got up and supported myself on my elbows, reaching over him to grab my watch off of my bedside table. I sighed and then propped my head up on my hand. "Fuck, it's only like 3 o' clock. What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?" I said, yawning.
Nate smiled in that cute little way of his and ran his finger down my nose. "You know, you're gorgeous when you wake up. And you have the most adorable little look on your face while you sleep."
I smirked. "You watched me sleep? Nate love, that can be either really cute or really creepy. And you're joking. I look like shit when I wake up," I said, gathering my hair and bringing it over my shoulder.
"Nah, I think that you look good. Anyway, I should really get going," he said. He got out of bed and put his shirt and shoes back on. "I'll see you later, Lily," he said, kissing my forehead.
I sighed and lay back down, going back to my lethargic and spacey mood.
A couple of minutes later, the door opened again and I lifted my head to see Kate walking in.
"Hey. Was that Nate that I just saw leaving?" she asked, coming and sitting in the spot that he had just left unoccupied.
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Wait, you guys got back together?"
I nodded. "We got back together yesterday in Hogsmeade. We've been up here for the past like three hours."
Kate made a face and then jumped up. "Wait, can I sit here? Ew."
I rolled my eyes. "It's perfectly fine. We didn't sleep with each other. We just slept. And trust me when I tell you this Kate, you'll be the first to know when I lose my virginity."
Kate relaxed and then got into bed with me, readjusting my blanket so that it covered her as well. "That's good to know," she said, and then became quiet.
"You okay there?" I turned over onto my stomach and hugged my pillow.
"Yeah, I guess," she said shrugging. "I was just with Seth."
"So then shouldn't you be all happy and lovey dovey and whatnot?"
"Eh," she said, noncommittally.
I frowned. I should ask what's up with her. "What's up?" I rolled my eyes to myself. Major brain fart right there. And again I ask myself: the MIA is recruiting me? Pfft, yeah okay.
"You know, there's something weird going on here. You and I both have four letters in our name and both of our boyfriends have four lettered names too."
I propped my head up on my hand for the second time that day to get a better look at Kate's facial features. Her normally sparkling grey eyes looked kind of dull and her brow was creased ever so subtly with a frown. "If I tell you a secret, will you tell me what's going on? I know that something's wrong, Kate. You're my best friend and I should think that after knowing and living with you for like 6 years, I would know when something's eating at you, so don't try to change the subject. Do we have a deal?"
"But nothing's eating at me!" I made a face at her and she sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you what's going on. Now, what's this secret of yours?"
I looked around the room to make sure that no one was here or listening and dropped my voice to a quiet whisper. "You know how I went to McGonagall and told her that I wanted to join the MIA?"
Kate nodded and her eyes flew to mine.
"Well, she said that I would have a good chance getting a job there. She said that I wouldn't have anything to worry about and that I was in the right classes and everything."
Kate frowned. "Lil, I already know all this."
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, yes I know, you fart. Anyway, yesterday I got an owl from the MI bloody A. The director scheduled an interview on Saturday to meet me."
Kate squealed and sat up, her head just narrowly missing a collision with mine. "Shut up!" she shrieked excitedly.
"Shut up, you idiot! No one's supposed to know. I'm not supposed to have even told you," I hissed.
"Oh, sorry," she said, her voice dropping down to a whisper again. She lay back down and looked up at me. "Are you going to get in trouble for telling me, then?"
I frowned. Hmm. I didn't think about that… Ah. "No, I'll be fine. He only said that he asks me to not talk about it. It wasn't like a direct order or against any type of protocol. So I should be okay."
"So what do you think you're going to talk about?"
"See, that's the thing. I really have no idea. I've been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon and the only thing that I've come to that makes sense is that they're recruiting me. But the only thing is that I'm still in school and it's not like I can just up and leave to go train, you know?"
"Ooooh, so that's what's been eating at you. I knew that you were being weird. I mentioned it to Georgie yesterday but she just said that you probably broke a petal off of one of your precious flowers or something."
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Georgie's an idiot. Now it's your turn."
Kate made a face. "Do I really have to? Oh, who am I kidding, of course I do." She sat up and drew her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. She sighed. "Where to start, where to start…" she murmured.
I sat up next to her and played with the soft, frayed edges of Binky, my blue and yellow striped baby blanket. I brought it up to my face and nuzzled it with my nose while I waited for Kate to spill.
"Okay, I really don't know how to say this without sounding like an attention seeking brat, but whatever. So you know how Seth used to always be all like cute and cuddly and everything?"
I nodded.
"He was always all PDA isn't such a bad thing and I'm-going-to-hold-your-hand-as-much-as-possible, you know? I used to love it. It made me feel special, as corny as that sounds. But then randomly, like completely out the blue, he's all distant and just so not what he used to be. If I hold his hand in the halls, he just doesn't grip back. He used to always do this cute little squeeze thing. Basically, I just feel like he doesn't look at me anymore. He doesn't give me the same attention that he used to. Now he's always thinking about like Quidditch or fucking Belgium. I mean, if it were school, fine, I can totally understand that. We have a lot of work to do, so whatever. But we usually do it together. I just… ugh, I don't know," said Kate, leaning her head back against the headboard.
I sat for a while, mulling all of this over in my head. My hypothesis is that Seth's gotten sick of Kate, which is totally impossible, since Kate is one of the sweetest and nicest people that I know. Either that or he's cheating on her and I don't want to be the person to bring that up. "Is that… Is that everything that you know, or is that everything that you're willing to admit?" I said slowly.
Kate frowned and then moved so that her head was resting on my lap. I lightly brushed my thumb over her eyebrows, mimicking the soothing motions that my mother used to do to me when I was a little girl.
"I… I'm not quite sure," said Kate uncertainly, her eyes fluttering open and looking at me, asking a million questions.
"Listen, I think that you should take a nap. You look absolutely exhausted and you're completely stressed out from all of this. I'll wake you up in half an hour with a bowl of ice cream and a brownie, okay? I'll ask the house elves to make it exactly how you like it. What do you think?" I asked gently, continuing my thumb's movements.
Kate smiled up at me and held my hand for a second. "You're the best Lily, you know that?"
I smiled. "Just go to sleep."
I stayed with Kate until she dozed off, doing everything that I could to comfort and soothe her. Once I was sure that she was asleep, I carefully eased her head onto a pillow and put her cat, Mittens in her arms. Mittens purred contentedly and then put her nose against Kate's. I smiled to myself and grabbed my camera. That's such a birthday card picture.
After retrieving my notebook and a pencil, I trotted downstairs and parked myself on a couch in perfect view of the portrait hole and everyone in the common room.
I listened to the conversations around me with half an ear while I sketched a second year's profile or the chess set in front of me. Apparently, Lara from Hufflepuff is dating Ross from Slytherin, which is such a scandal among the 4th years, especially since Ross just recently dumped Lara's best friend, Lydia. Then Bryce the 3rd year is supposedly failing Potions and Transfiguration, so McGonagall has to meet with him especially, just so that he won't fail out of Hogwarts. I perked up a little when I heard my name being mentioned by a group of 5th years, but then brushed it aside when I realized that they were only talking about me tutoring Simon Harrison. Which reminds me, I should probably find him later to schedule our next meeting.
The buzz of conversation stopped and was immediately replaced with excited whispers. I looked up to see the portrait of the Fat Lady swinging shut and James Potter walking in. But the thing is, he was dripping wet and stark naked, save the rubbish bin lids that he was holding in front of and behind his crotch.
As he walked by me, I raised my eyebrows and smirked.
"You don't want to know," he grumbled, on his way to the staircase.
The second he left, the group of 5th year girls all began giggling like idiots and talking about James.
"Oooh, did you see him? I could just die!"
"I wish I were those lids…"
"I wonder if he knows my name?"
"My god, no one has ever looked that sexy wet."
Despite my previous history with James, I felt a little smug about knowing that I know him personally, instead of just as James Potter, Quidditch Genius and Sexy Intellect. And I couldn't help but agree with the last girl who spoke. James may be rather lanky and scrawny, but he has muscles in all of the right places. And they aren't like body builder gross kind of muscle. They're just big enough to be defined and ogled at and incredibly sexy. My musings were interrupted when the subject himself clunked down onto the seat next to me, propping his feet up on the table and disrupting the chess game, earning a series of tiny voices cursing and yelling at him.
"Sod off," he said grumpily, toweling his hair off. "What?" he said, looking at me.
I shrugged and smiled innocently. "Nothing, nothing."
James slumped and sighed, his hair sticking out in every which way. "Whatever you say, Lily dear."
I propped my legs up on his lap and began to draw James's face. I've never noticed how nice his cheekbones are…
"Well isn't this a sight for sore eyes?" asked a very disheveled and disgruntled Remus, coming into view.
"Hey mate. Sleep okay?" asked James concernedly.
"Yeah I guess," he said, shrugging.
"Hey Rem," I said, pausing my activity, "I think that we should-. Actually, never mind," I said, when Remus's stomach grumbled very conspicuously. "You know what? Why don't you go and get something to eat and then we'll talk later."
"Yeah," he said, nodding slowly. "I think I'm going to do that. See you later, Lil. Oh and Prongs, we need to talk," said Remus, giving James a pointed look.
"Yeah. As soon as Padfoot and Wormtail get here."
"Kay. Later, you two."
I frowned and shook my head, following Remus out with my eyes. I heard that group of girls sigh as one and had to restrain myself from chucking a pillow at them. I really don't think that I was that hormonal last year. But the sad part is that I probably was. Ugh. "He looks dead on his feet," I said frowning. "But he's been sleeping all day!"
"Lily," said James quietly. I turned back to him and leaned my head in when he beckoned me closer. "Last night was the full moon."
"Ooooh." Everything clicked now. Remus waking up at 4 in the afternoon, looking completely zonked, ravenous, wounded, etc. Yep. It all makes sense now. But come to think of it, James, Sirius and Peter look exhausted too… But why…?
"You know, you're really good at that."
My heart stopped and I must've jumped about a kilometer out of my skin. I caught my breath and glared at James. "What the hell? You scared the shit out of me."
James grinned at me and shrugged, pulling my notebook out of my hands and inspecting my portrait of him. "You're really good," he muttered again, as he began to flip through the pages and look at my various sketches.
I blushed. "No I'm not. There are barely any finished ones, anyway. Come on, give it back." He handed me my notebook and I ripped out the page that I was working on and held it out to James. "Here. You can keep that if you like. I'll even sign it for you," I said, rolling my eyes. With a big loopy 'xoxo' and my name with a huge flourish, I handed him the folio.
"Oh, no. I couldn't take that. You keep it," he said, putting it back in my hands.
"Well, I can't put it back in my book since it's already ripped out and I don't quite feel like doing magic right now. So I guess if you don't want it, I'll just leave it up for grabs." I shrugged and put it down on the table next to his feet. We both stared at it for a while and then I remembered Kate.
"Hold on one second. I just need to go and check on Kate. Then will you go with me to the kitchens?" I said, getting up and re-tying the drawstrings of my sweatpants.
James nodded and pulled out a battered piece of parchment and a quill and began to write furiously in an illegible code.
I stared at him for a while and then shook my head. He has the weirdest idiosyncrasies. I climbed the staircase and then quietly tip toed over to my bed. Kate was fast asleep and Mittens was curled up in a ball right above her head.
I smiled and had to exercise a lot of self-control to keep myself from going 'aaaw' really loud. I dimmed the candles in the room and closed all of the curtains, just leaving one window uncovered to let in some light. I paused on my way out and held onto a bedpost for support, feeling a sudden bout of dizziness and shortness of breath. I closed my eyes and slowly breathed in and out several times. The air felt heavy and damp as I breathed and I felt my chest tighten. I stood up straight and closed the door softly behind me and then went back downstairs.
"I'm just going to let her sleep a little longer," I told James, sitting down on the couch and propping my feet up next to his.
"Is she alright?"
"Yeah. Just something that's bothering her."
"Ah."
I stared at James's shoelaces on his trainers for a bit and then James stood up, putting the parchment back in his pocket. "Come on. We're going to the kitchens," said James raising his eyebrows at me as if to say 'come on, dum dum. You're the one who suggested the trip.'
"Oh right. Yeah, let's go."
We picked our way over the abandoned footrest here or the sprawled out first year there, eventually getting to the portrait hole and leaving the busy common room in exchange for the cool and silent corridors.
"So do you have any plans for this weekend?" asked James as we went behind a tapestry.
Um, let's see. My MIA meeting? "Nope. Just planning on hanging out."
"You're not going to go to the Quidditch game?" asked James, shock written all over his entire face.
My stomach plummeted. Shit. Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff. The first Quidditch match of the season and I might not even be able to go. Fuck. I need to find out what time my meeting is. Hopefully it's at 3. Please god let it be at 3. "Oh. Are you kidding? Of course I'm going! Why wouldn't I?" I said brightly.
"Great! So do you want to sit together?" asked James.
"Yeah, sure. I just might have to leave early," I said.
"Oh? How come?"
"Oh. I, er, have a lot of- I'm really tir- you know what? You don't need to know why I might have to leave early," I said, flustered and redoing my hair.
James studied me for a second, shrugged and then turned back to the hallway. "Sure, whatever. So it's a date, then."
"Yeah. Wait, what?" Did he just say what I think he did?
James's neck and ears turned bright red, which is something that I haven't seen in years. "Oh. No I just meant that Saturday is a date, you know, the 13th, and we'll spend a portion of that time together."
"Riiight," I said. I turned to the window and disguised my smile at his expense as interest in the weather.
"Lily! Jesus, I've been looking all over for you."
James looked at me and raised his eyebrows, all traces of embarrassment gone.
"Hey Simon. What's up? I was actually thinking about you earlier. I realized that we had to schedule our next session."
Simon nodded. "That's exactly what I was looking for you for. So listen, I have a Charms test on Wednesday and a History of Magic essay due on Thursday. So do you think that we can meet tomorrow? Potter," he said, smiling at him.
James just cocked a brow and I almost laughed out loud when I saw Simon squirm.
A Charms test and an essay. Tomorrow? Pssht. Yeah right. "Actually, can we meet on Tuesday instead? It's just that I have a Prefect meeting tomorrow and I have to do my homework too, so I don't think that I'll have enough time."
"Oh. Okay," said Simon, taking out a pen and writing on his hand.
"But in the meantime, just go over those practice sheets that I gave you last week and practice your wand movements, okay? Anyway, I have to go, but I'll see you on Tuesday," I said.
"Alright. Thanks, Lily! You're a life saver!" he said, and gave me a dazzling smile. Whoa there. I think I just got blinded by the whitest teeth that I've ever seen. He turned and walked towards the way that we came.
"Well aren't you the model student?" said James.
I shrugged and continued walking. "The kid's not doing too well. Professor Flitwick asked me especially to help him out."
"You know that he likes you, right?" said James.
"Romantically? Yeah, I do," I said, smiling. "It's kind of funny, actually, because we both know that I'm way out of his league."
"You're so incredibly modest, Lily. People need to pry for hours just to get something like that out of your mouth," said James.
I rolled my eyes. "I just meant that I'm a year older than him, in a different House and we have completely different family backgrounds."
"Yeah, sure. Okay," snorted James jokingly.
"Prat."
"Cow."
"Sod."
"Bitch."
"Wanker."
"Twat."
"Runt."
"WASP."
"Sloth."
"Sloth?"
I shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, sure. Why not? I decided to try something new for a change." We stopped in front of a portrait and I reached out, tickling the pear. It turned into a handle, which we used to swing the door open. Immediately, the scent of baking bread, sizzling pork chops, fresh fruit and sweet potatoes gently wafted out, delighting our noses with the pleasant aromas of our dinner.
"Master James! Master James! I is not expecting you, sir!" squeaked a tiny little house-elf, tugging on James's trouser leg.
James smiled and squatted down to roughly eye-level with the small creature. "Hi Kizzy. I hope that this isn't a bad time for you," he said, holding her small hand.
"Of course not, sir! Whenever Master James visits Kizzy, Kizzy will always stop her work and say hello! Master James, is Mistress Gabrielle well at the house? Kizzy hasn't been able to visit her Mistress," she said, her ears flapping as she spoke.
Ah, so that's how James knows this particular house-elf so well. I guess that she used to belong to his family.
"She's doing well, Kizzy. She and my dad say hello. Anyway, I want you to meet a friend of mine. Lily, come over here," said James, looking up at me.
Kizzy's huge, blue orb-like eyes turned to see me standing rather awkwardly off to the side during this little reunion. I hesitantly stepped forward and kneeled down next to James, unsure of what to do. I chose to smile at her.
Kizzy squeaked and jumped behind James who was watching our interaction with interest. I looked at him, completely mortified to have elicited such a reaction.
James laughed at the look on my face. "Lily, don't worry about it. Kizzy's just shy. Come on, Kiz," he said, turning to the little elf. She obligingly stepped forward, staring at me with her huge, huge eyes. "Kizzy, I'd like you to meet my friend Lily. Lily, this is Kizzy. She used to live at my house but now she works here when I'm in school."
Shit. James has a personal house-elf. That's insane. "Hi, Kizzy," I said uncertainly.
"Hello, miss," she said, dropping down into a curtsy.
"Oh, no, you don't need to do that for me, Kizzy. Really, I-I'm no one," I said, blushing.
"But you are someone, miss. Master James has told me about you, yes, he has told Kizzy many times. Master James, Miss Lily is very pretty. You did not tell me that she has eyes like a fresh pickled toad," said Kizzy.
I felt my eyebrows rise of their own accord and my cheeks flushed. "What else has Master James said about me?" I asked her, looking up and smirking at James.
James cut in smoothly before she had a chance to respond. "Kizzy, can you do something for us? We actually need to get back to the Tower soon. Lil, what'd you need to get?"
"Oh, right. Erm. Can I have one of those fudgy brownies heated to 60 degrees and a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate shavings and caramel?" I asked, reciting Kate's usual.
Kizzy nodded enthusiastically, her ears flapping as she did so. "Of course, Miss! Kizzy will bring it to you right away, miss."
"Kate's very particular, isn't she?" said James, rocking back and sitting properly on the floor, stretching his legs out.
I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea. She's so picky." I sat back and breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth several times.
"But that's funny because you and Georgie eat everything that comes your way," said James.
I smiled and shrugged. "What can I say? We're growing girls."
Kizzy appeared right next to us, holding a basket in her hands. "Kizzy used her magic, Master James. She used it to keep the brownie warm and to keep the ice cream from melting," she said, holding the basket out to me. I took it from her and thanked her.
"That's perfectly fine, Kiz. Anyway, we have to go, but I'll see you later, okay?" said James. He stood up and then helped me up too.
"Good bye, Master James! Bye Miss Lily!" said Kizzy, blue eyes wide and glowing.
"Bye, Kizzy," I said, waving as we left the kitchens.
"So you have a personal house-elf?" I said, nudging James with my free elbow once we were en route to Gryffindor Tower.
The back of James's neck and his ears turned pink in a faint blush. "Er, yeah. I guess so. She's only 4 years old and she's actually really attached to me, which is why Mum sent her to Hogwarts with me this year. It's kind of awkward, actually."
I shrugged. "If it counts for anything, it doesn't bother me at all. And so that's why she's still so small."
James nodded. "Yeah. But she's going to finish growing this year."
"Anyway, explain to me why you came in earlier with two rubbish bin lids covering the family jewels."
"Oh. Funny story, that," said James darkly. "See, I was in the Library being a good little boy, doing my homework and minding my own business. Then Sirius came along and suggested that we go for a fly. So naturally, I went with him."
"In this weather?" I said, looking out the window.
James shrugged. "It's just rain. Anyway, after we flew back in, I took a shower. And then when I came out, Sirius had taken my clothes and every single towel that was in there with him. I had to walk through the entire bloody school with rubbish bin lids serving as clothing. It was fucking freezing."
"Wait, let me get this straight. You walked through the entire castle with lids as your clothing?"
James nodded.
I snorted. Like, I actually snorted. James started laughing at me and then I started laughing too, reaching out and holding onto the wall for support. I drew in a shaky breath in between laughs but felt my chest tightening. My eyes widened in alarm and I began frantically searching my pockets, before realizing that I didn't have pockets at all. I gasped for air and bent over double, trying to fill my lungs.
"James," I said, and gasped, taking in only a fraction of the air that I needed.
"Shit. Lily! Shit," cursed James, his laughter immediately dying.
"Hospital Wing," I wheezed.
James snatched up the basket of Kate's food and gathered me in his arms before sprinting down the hallway.
I started choking and coughing, my chest getting tighter after every second that passed. Tears ran down my face as I gasped for the air that I knew wouldn't be coming.
"Hold on, Lily. Hold on," urged James desperately. He kicked a wall and it slid open. James sprinted through it and raced down the hallway.
I began to see little white lights popping in front of my eyes and I coughed and gasped at the same time.
"Lily. Oh god, please. Just hold on for two more seconds," whispered James, holding me tighter to him.
"James," I gasped. "Please."
James skidded to a halt in front of the wooden doors and kicked them open with his feet. "Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey!" yelled James, running in and gently setting me on a bed.
"What is going on, Mr. Potter?" she scolded, coming out of her office.
"It's Lily! We were just talking and she-"
But Madam Pomfrey was out of sight and James cursed. He looked up at me with a terrified look on his face. His hazel eyes darted around the Hospital Wing, looking for something that could help me.
I began to dry heave and I gasped and wheezed, slowly losing feeling in my legs.
Madam Pomfrey ran out of her office and handed me my inhaler. "Come on, Miss Evans. Open your mouth," she said, guiding my hands.
I put my inhaler in my mouth and pressed down on the little bottle, sucking the medicine in. The tears streamed down my face as I closed my mouth and held it in. I shook my inhaler with unsteady hands and gasped again, this time getting a little more air.
"Once more, Miss Evans."
"Can't you do anything to help her?" cried James. "You can re-grow bones but you can't give her air?"
I puffed on my inhaler and then looked at James, shaking my head.
"Asthma is much more complicated, Mr. Potter. Now, if you are going to behave like this and disturb my other patients, I will have to ask you to leave," said Madam Pomfrey sternly.
James looked around the Hospital Wing at the empty beds and opened his mouth to protest, but I caught his eye and shook my head. James closed his mouth and dropped his shoulders.
At last, my breathing began to stabilize and I collapsed against the pillows, dizzy and weak from the lack of oxygen for close to 10 minutes.
"Would you like a sleeping potion, Miss Evans?" asked Madam Pomfrey, holding her hand to my forehead as she handed me my after-attack potion.
I shook my head and swallowed the orange liquid. I took a long, deep breath and felt my lungs filling with oxygen. I closed my eyes and leaned back even further into the pillows, breathing deeply after every other breath.
"Oh my god. Lily. Why didn't you tell me that you have asthma?" asked James, sliding a chair close to me.
I opened my eyes and smiled at him, and then pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. "I didn't think that I'd need to tell you," I said quietly. I drew in another breath and continued. "I haven't had an asthma attack since the first week of school, anyway. The potion that I just took prevents that from happening three times as effectively as my inhaler."
"You have no idea how scared I was. When I saw you, doubled over and gasping like that… My blood ran cold and I didn't know what the hell to do with myself. I didn't know what was going on and I didn't know how to react."
I smiled. "It's fine. You didn't know that I have asthma and that I was having an attack. You did what you should have done and I can't thank you enough for that. And besides, what you just saw wasn't as bad as it can get. I had an attack last year around the time of the O.W.L.s and it was so much worse."
James shook his head and rested it against my shoulder. "I can't imagine what that would be like." He suddenly sat up straight and looked at me in horror. "Oh god. That happened because of me. If I hadn't told you the story, you never would have laughed and you would've been fine!"
I rolled my eyes and sat up straight, crossing my legs under me Indian style. "James, listen to me. You did everything that you should've done and you did it perfectly. You brought me to the Hospital Wing right away and that's the best thing that you could've done. Your story isn't necessarily what triggered the attack. I've been having a hard time breathing all day and it was really only a matter of time before I had an attack."
Madam Pomfrey came around the cloth partition and looked at me.
"I think that I can leave. I'm just going to stay for another 5 minutes, but I'm okay now," I said.
She nodded and gave me my spare inhaler back. "Here you are. Just incase you'll need it on the walk back. This castle really is far too big. So many things can happen in its hallways. Well, Miss Evans, if you'll need anything, I'll be in my office."
I nodded and thanked her.
James looked at me wide-eyed. "She's just going to let you off like that? No need to stay overnight? No endless prodding and poking?"
I laughed and shook my head. "No, none of that. She's been familiar with my case since first year and she knows that I know how to handle myself after an attack. I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous for the next three hours, nor am I allowed to get up from my bed once I get in it." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.
James immediately stood up and turned around. "Hop on my back, Lil. I'm not going to let you risk another attack like that."
"James, turn back around, you twat. I don't need a piggy back ride."
"Yes you do. Now shut up, stop complaining and hop on."
I rolled my eyes. "Aye, aye, captain." I jumped on his back and wrapped my arms and legs around him. James held on to my thighs for support and began to walk out of the infirmary. My stomach fluttered and I rested my cheek against his shoulder, sighing.
"Bye, Madam Pomfrey!" he called out as we walked by her office.
"Bye, dears," she said distractedly, waving from her desk.
"James, I feel like such an idiot," I said into his shoulder as we walked through the halls.
"Lily, shut up. You're not allowed to talk until we get you to bed."
"You're worse than my dad," I muttered.
We awkwardly entered the Gryffindor common room and James took me up the stairs, using the trick that Nate used hours ago. He opened the door to my dormitory and slammed right into Kate who was dashing out of the room.
I reached out and grabbed the threshold, keeping James and I balanced as my legs tightened around his waist.
"Oh my god! Lily, I just got an owl from some 4th year who saw you being rushed to the Hospital Wing. I was just about to go and see you," said Kate, following James as we walked to my bed.
"Kate, I'm fine. You know the drill. I'm not supposed to get up anymore. Thanks, sweetie," I said as I hopped off of James's back and got back into bed.
James nodded mutely and sat at the foot of my bed while Kate crawled over me and sat down.
"Well, we brought you your food," I said, holding up Kate's basket.
Kate waved her hand dismissively. "After your asthma attack, I think that you're the one who needs it. I can just go to dinner anyway."
I shrugged. "If you insist," I said, and pulled out the brownie. I dug my spoon into it and just melted at the taste of it in my mouth. That's some freaking good stuff right there.
"Lil, I feel really guilty about leaving you, but do you mind if I go and get some dinner? I haven't eaten all day," she said, resting her hand on my arm.
I waved her away with my spoon. "Shoo. I don't want you here anymore anyway. Go eat, you stickly girl. And James, you can go too."
"Kay. Bye Lee," she said.
"Bye Kavs."
"What are you still doing here?"
"What did you guys just call each other?" we said at the exact same time.
"Sorry, you go," said James.
"What are you still doing here? Don't you want to go to dinner?" I asked, crossing my arms and leaning my head back against the wall.
James shook his head. "Nah, I'll just stay with you. Besides, I'm having dinner brought to us."
My head lifted so fast that I almost got whiplash. I winced and held my neck. "You're doing what?" He's having dinner brought to us? When the hell did he have time to arrange for it?
"I asked Kizzy to bring us dinner," said James shrugging. "Anyway, what'd you guys call each other?"
I smiled and took another bite out of the brownie. "Oh yeah. Kate calls me Lee sometimes, which are my initials. Well, my middle initial is 'M' but it's hard to say 'lme,' you know? And Kate's initials are K-A-V-S, so I call her Kavs."
James frowned. "I don't understand you guys, but whatever."
"Yeah…" I said.
We sat and stared at each other, the situation sinking in. James just carried me through half of the castle as if we've known each other for years and now we're sitting on my bed like a pair of young lovers. We were both at a loss of what to say, so we kept on opening our mouths and then closing them. Needless to say, it was incredibly awkward.
There was a sudden crack! and James and I both jumped out of our skins, looking around for the source of the sound. I immediately relaxed, however, when I saw little Kizzy balancing a huge tray laden with two plates of everything that's at dinner.
"Kizzy brings the food like Master James asked, sir! Where does Master want it?" squeaked Kizzy.
James looked at me and raised his eyebrows.
"Um, you can just set it here on the bed, Kizzy," I said, after looking around. Eh. I'm too lazy to slide off the bed anyway.
"If Master and Miss need anything, just call Kizzy. Kizzy will wait," she said.
"It's okay, you can go back to the kitchens and eat," said James, taking his shoes off and sitting properly on my bed.
"Oh Master James, you are too kind to Kizzy! But Kizzy will go and do as Master James asks. Good bye Miss Lily!" said Kizzy. With another crack! she was gone.
"You know, I've never been in here before. It's kinda weird," said James in between bites.
"Really?" I looked around and frowned. No one's bed was made except for mine and Kate's (that girl's the best… she must've done it for me earlier), a lone shoe stood in the middle of the floor and someone's bra was sticking out of its drawer. "Well, it's not exactly at its best state right now… It's just that on Sundays we don't usually…yeah…" I said and shrugged. "It's a lazy day, what can I say?"
James laughed. "I like it, though. It's really…different from mine."
"Well I hope so. I don't think that you guys would have a bra hanging out," I said. I grabbed my wand and muttered a few choice words. Immediately, the bed linens began tucking themselves into the bed frames, lost articles of clothing and accessories were returned to their homes and the weird smell that was previously hanging in the air was replaced by the normal smell of the combination of all of our different perfumes. "There we go. This is how it usually is."
"It smells… really nice," said James, leaning out of my bed to get a better whiff of the air. "Oh my god, I can't believe this. It's incredible. I'm honestly baffled right now. Jesus. Lily, would you mind if I moved in? This is just… Wow."
I laughed at the look on his face. He was actually completely bewildered. "You'll have to check with the girls first, but I'm sure that you'd be more than welcome." Oh man, this pesto's really good. And I wonder what kind of dressing they used in the salad… Balsamic and something else. Olive oil, perhaps?
"And it's not as…girly as I thought it'd be," said James, chewing thoughtfully on a pork chop.
I raised my eyebrows and shoved some more of this incredible pesto into my mouth. "Freally? Whad youf epec?" I said through it. I made a face and swallowed. "Sorry. What'd you expect?"
"I'm not quite sure. I guess that I just expected there to be tons more pink and teddy bears and make up or something."
"Well, look around. We all have stuffed animals, Georgie's crazy about pink and all of our make up's in the bathroom. So ha," I said triumphantly. "What's yours like? Dirty clothes in piles everywhere, Quidditch posters galore and accidentally torn up books all over the place?"
James opened his mouth and paused. I saw this little thought bubble form above his head and I imagined a dorm with a similar set up to ours, but with broken furniture, a huge heap of dirty clothes in the corner, Sirius jumping up and down on his bed with a monkey, and a parrot squawking and flying around Remus's head as he attempted to do his homework under more piles of clothing.
"Actually, no, not really," he said.
The parrot squawked one last time and then fell over as the thought bubble popped. Damn. That would've been funny.
"We do have our fair share of posters, but we're pretty neat. Especially Sirius. He's completely anal about being organized. He actually has rubber gloves and a bucket filled with cleaning supplies in his trunk, which he uses every Wednesday to clean the dorm," said James, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Huh," I said thoughtfully, chewing on a ligament from my pork chop.
"Anyway, you guys have so many pictures," he said, staring at the wall that Sophie's bureau is pushed up against.
"Oh, yeah," I said. Back in second year, we'd decided to put every single picture that we've taken with each other up on the wall, mixed with a few of our personal pictures with family. The nicer ones we keep in photo albums or in frames on our bedside tables. "That wall's been in the making for four years now. I actually have to put a bunch up. I got a couple of rolls developed yesterday when we were in Hogsmeade," I said, glancing at my night table.
James followed my gaze and got up to look at the pictures in the silver frames. I stood next to him, picking up a picture of Kate and I taken on the very first day of school. Kate's hair was in braids and mine was pulled back in a ponytail and we both looked so young. We stood with our arms around each other, grinning and waving. We'd first become friends when we walked through the barrier at the same time and Georgie took the picture when we stepped off the train.
"Who's this?" asked James, picking up a frame.
I looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Aw, that's my puppy! That's Ringo. I got him for Christmas in second year. He was only 5 months old when I got him and he was the most adorable little thing that you'd ever seen. Look, here's another picture. That's Ringo with Elliot, our family's dog and Socks who my mum got for my dad after his old Spaniel died."
"I never knew that you were so into dogs," said James, reaching into his back pocket.
"Oh, are you kidding? I love them! If I could bring Ringo with me to school, I totally would. I always feel so bad when I leave him after every break," I said, running my fingers over the picture.
"Look, this is Zoë," said James proudly, holding out a picture for me. It was a black and white picture taken of James, who looked to be around 8 or 9 years old with a Labrador puppy licking his face. A young Sirius suddenly wandered into the picture and began petting Zoë enthusiastically and pushing her away when she tried to give him doggy kisses.
"James, she's beautiful," I breathed, admiring her glossy coat. "And I had no idea that you knew Sirius for so long! How old were you guys here?"
"We were nine when that picture was taken, but we've known each other since we were… seven, is it? Bloody hell, it is. We've known each other since we were seven when Sirius's dad brought him to the house when he had lunch with my dad. Of course, now Sirius and Mr. Black don't talk to each other because his father's a bloody spineless sod who won't stand up to Sirius's bitch of a mother, so their relationship now is infinitely different from what it was when we first met," said James angrily. "Sirius only stayed as long as he did because of his dad, but he never defended Sirius against his mother. Sirius finally realized that he was never going to do anything like that, so he left."
"Oh," I said. I felt as though I'm intruding on Sirius's personal life. I know that he told me that he ran away from home like last week, but he didn't tell me all of this. And also it's not like I've really known him that well for that long…
I put the empty tray on the floor and lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. A shift on the mattress alerted me to James's presence next to me.
"Hey," he said, turning to face me.
"Hey," I said back, looking at him. I furrowed my brow and studied James's face. I pushed his bangs away, but then shook my head when I realized that that wasn't what I was looking for. "Ah," I said quietly. I took his glasses off and looked into his eyes. His pupils were tiny pinpricks because of the bright lights and his irises swirled around them, a myriad of different colors, but always coming back to hazel. I looked deep into his eyes, searching them for something. I lightly ran my finger over his eyelashes and suddenly felt a jolt of electricity run through my body, just like what happened at that party a couple of weeks ago.
Two little boys, one older and one younger, ran around a garden chasing after a butterfly… a blonde woman cradling a baby while the older one stood on his tiptoes and peered at the baby's face…three boys flying around on brooms and chasing one another…four little girls walking down the corridor with their arms all linked together…
I was jolted back to reality and suddenly felt a little dizzy. I furrowed my brow, confused about what just happened in what must've been two seconds. I stared at James again and felt whatever it was that I had just witnessed quickly slip out of my memory's grasp. I suddenly felt light headed and happy.
James stared back at me and poked the tip of my nose with his fingertip. I giggled and then rested my head against his shoulder, curling my legs up to my body.
"Our dogs should meet one of these days," said James, playing with a ribbon that I'd tied around my wrist.
I nodded. "That'd be fun." All of a sudden, a yawn escaped my lips and I sighed contentedly.
"I should let you get to bed," said James quietly. "It's been a long day for you. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
I scooted back to my pillows and pulled the blankets out from under me and snuggling under them. I know that I haven't brushed my teeth but I'm suddenly just way too tired.
"Night, James," I said.
"Night, Lily," he said. He pulled my blanket tighter around me and kissed my forehead.
The last thing that I saw before drifting off to sleep was James blowing the candles out and then being framed by the light coming in from the hallway.
…
Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out, then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
…