Chapter 4: I Missed You, Despite Myself
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Whenever dawn turns to night
And the dreams sing their song
In the daylight forever,
To You I Belong.
-To You I Belong, by B*Witched
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A/N: Should've done this earlier, but this goes for all previous chapters and all following chapters, I own none of the Harry Potter characters, nor am I making a profit off this story or any of my other ones. Purely for entertainment purposes.
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Remus and Sirius sensed the tension and decided to give Lily and James some privacy to talk. They left for the kitchen, closing the door with a small click. James and Lily were silent for a while, until James broke the silence.
"So, Lils, how have ya been?"
"Ok, you?"
"Ok." They were silent again. James noticed that Lily wouldn't really look at him and that she was holding back.
"Lils, why are you looking like you're afraid of me?"
"I am afraid of you. I'm afraid you're going to yell at me."
"Why would I yell at you?"
"Because of what I did to you. I left you, turned you down."
"So? It's been two years, Lily, I haven't been dwelling on it."
"That's good, because neither have I."
"You've met so many American people, that you've forgotten us back here."
"If that were true, then I've accomplished what I tried to do."
"You wanted to forget everyone? I've never thought you heartless, Lils, but I'm starting to."
"It's not like that. It's just…you know what, it doesn't matter, all that matters right now is that I'm back for now." James raised an eyebrow in question, wanting to get more explanations out of her, but instead he said,
"I guess you're right." James looked towards the kitchen door, and sensed they were being listened to.
"Wanna go for a walk?"
"Sure." They went outside, and started off down the sidewalk.
"Can I ask you something, James?"
"What?"
"Was there ever a time in those two years I was gone, did you miss me?"
"Yeah, I missed you, despite myself. I didn't want to. But…you left me, so what do you expect? Did you miss me?"
"For a while I did."
"Was there ever a time where you regretted leaving?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I just…don't."
"You don't sound like the same person any more, Lily. I don't understand it."
"I've changed, James. I can't believe that you would think I wouldn't. There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't regret leaving England." James stopped walking and so did Lily.
"You regret nothing?"
"Nothing."
"Not a single thing?"
"Not a single thing."
"So you don't regret not seeing Isabelle?"
"That's a different issue."
"No, it's not, it's all tied together. How does it feel to know that the last time you spoke to her, you two were yelling at each other? You don't regret not seeing your parents, you do know about the near death experience don't you?"
"What near death experience?"
"They were in a car accident, Lily, they almost died." Lily's jaw dropped.
"How is it you know this and I don't?"
"You never returned any letters or phone calls, so they thought that maybe I would be able to contact you, but if you wouldn't talk to them, you sure as hell wouldn't talk to me." Tears were coming to Lily's eyes, she couldn't believe that happened. She walked away from James, and he followed her.
"You're just lucky that they are still alive and you have another chance to see them again. Lucky that the last thing you ever say to them was goodbye, without an `I love you mom and dad' or anything. Did you ever think of that Lils? What would you have done if they had died? Isabelle already died, you never got to say goodbye, and the last thing you told her was to go to hell before storming out the door…"
"STOP IT! SHUT UP!!" Lily screamed, clamping her hands over her ears. She screamed again and collapsed on the sidewalk and broke into tears. Right there was when James realized he went too far. He meant to make Lily feel guilty, but not to take it that far. He knelt down on the sidewalk next to her and pulled her up into his arms. It had been so long since he held her, and it felt like that's what had been missing for two years.
"I'm sorry, Lils, I didn't mean to take this that far." She pulled away from him quickly and crossed her legs putting her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.
"When did you become so cruel, James?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose control like that. I'm sure Remus told you about my parents getting killed, and you know, the last time I saw them I was storming out of the house ticked off because they were concerned about me. Two days later they died. I never got to say goodbye. I don't want that to happen to you, Lils. When your mom and dad get back from their cruise, talk to them, whether you're here or in the States." Lily nodded, her head still in her hands and the tears rolling down her face. She sniffled, and James stood up, and offered his hands to Lily to help her up. She placed her hands in his and he pulled her up. They didn't say a word as they walked back to the house.
A/N: Kinda short I know, I'm sorry, but here's another chapter for ya, regardless of the length. Oh my God, I can't believe how many people reviewed!! I love you all for reviewing; keep it up, I love reading what you guys have to say. Let's go for 30 reviews at least for the next chapter, love ya all, and TTYL!!
Husker-fan-2006
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