Chapter 6: The Hardest Thing is Saying Goodbye
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Whenever dawn turns to night,
And all the dreams sing their song,
In the daylight forever,
To You I Belong.
-To You I Belong by B*Witched
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Monday morning dawned cold and dreary. The temperature was unseasonably cold, the clouds blocked out the sun, and it looked as though it might rain. The weather outside reflected Lily Evans' mood inside. She sat on the window seat in her bedroom, wrapped in a quilt, staring out the window. She woke up that morning feeling depressed, and dreaded the afternoon. She couldn't say goodbye. She shouldn't have to say goodbye. Isabelle was nineteen; she was too young to die. Lily leaned her head against the window, closed her eyes and sighed. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night. She had finally gotten to sleep at 3 in the morning, but a strange dream woke her up.
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Lily was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when someone knocked on her door.
"Come in." The door opened and closed. Lily opened her eyes to see who it was and her jaw dropped. Isabelle stood in front of Lily's desk, a disappointed look on her face.
"Isabelle."
"Hey Lils."
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"Why?"
"To say goodbye, silly. I never got to when I was alive, so I'll say it when I'm dead."
"You found me just to tell me goodbye?"
"And to ease your guilty conscience. I know you've been feeling bad about it lately. I'm not mad at you, Lils."
"You're not?"
"No, I never could be mad at my best friend. And I don't hold grudges." Lily nodded, agreeing.
"It's good that you've made something of yourself in the muggle world, Lils."
"Yeah, it's great," Lily said sarcastically.
"It's not what you wanted is it?" Lily shook her head.
"I don't know what I want anymore, `Belle."
"I think you do, you just don't know it yet."
"What is it?"
"You want what you had in the past."
"Not all of it."
"Don't lie to yourself, Lily."
"I don't love James anymore, Isabelle, if that's what you're referring to."
"Very good smart one. But again, stop lying to yourself."
"I'm not."
"He still loves you though."
"What?"
"James still loves you, if you'd take the time to notice, you'd see it in his eyes."
"He fell out of love with me. Just like I did with him."
"No, you assumed that Lils. Remember what happens when you assume."
"It makes an ass of u `n' me."
"When you left, you broke his heart. But he never stopped loving you. He's never really gone out with anyone since you left. Deep down he thought that someday you'd come back."
"And?"
"Despite your denial, Lils, you still love him too. You know you do."
"So what do I do then?"
"Don't let him go. You did once, and now you've been given a second chance at your relationship. Don't throw it away." She let Lily think for a moment.
"Lils, I must go. See ya later, girl."
"Don't leave, `Belle."
"I have to. I have to be there for my funeral tomorrow." She backed towards the door.
"Oh and Lils," Lily nodded to show she was listening. "You only have so much time in this world. Tell him that you love him before it's too late, because you'll wish you had when you or he is gone."
"What are you implying?"
"Nothing, just something to ponder. He's a Potter, Lils, a sworn enemy of Voldemort. He isn't guaranteed forever."
"How do you know all this?"
"I just do. It's an advantage to being dead, you have all the answers, you know what the world holds."
"What does it hold for me?"
"You have to find that out on your own," She opened the door, and Lily closed her eyes until Isabelle said,
"Lils," Lily's eyes snapped open, "Carpe Diem. Class motto, remember? Seize the day. Bye, Lils, I'll miss ya." Isabelle disappeared, and at that moment, Lily woke up.
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Lily looked at her watch. It read one-thirty. She sighed and got up. Going through her trunk, she found the black dress robes she had brought along for the funeral. She pulled them on over her head, tied the belt around her waist, and with a flick of her wand, her hair was in spiral curls, a few curls framing her face. She put on her make up, her glasses, and her black strappy heels. She cast a charm on her make up to be water resistant, so no matter how much she cried, her mascara wouldn't run. She left her room, and as she closed the door, she looked down the hall, and saw that Remus had just come out of his room also, clad in black robes as well. They gave each other feeble smiles, and went downstairs. Isabelle's funeral was at two-thirty, and they had an hour to kill. Lily sat down at the kitchen table, and stared into space. She was brought out of her trance when Remus said,
"Did you eat anything for lunch?" Lily shook her head no.
"You probably should."
"I'm not that hungry."
"You will be later though…"
"Remus, I said I'm not hungry." Lily said, a little more sharply than she had intended. After she said it, she sighed.
"I'm sorry." Remus smiled sadly.
"No, I understand, I'm sure everyone's nerves are on the edge today."
"I had a dream with her in it last night."
"Good one or bad one?"
"Both. She came back to say the goodbye that I wasn't there for. And told me some things…about James."
"What about him?" Lily didn't answer him, but asked,
"Can I ask you something, promise you'll tell me the truth?"
"I'll make that promise once I find out what you're asking me."
"Does James still love me?" Clearly that hadn't been what Remus was expecting to come out of Lily's mouth. He was silent for a while, then he said,
"He would kill me if I told you Lils."
"Well? Does he?"
"I can't be the one to tell the truth, it's between you and him. You'll have to find out from him."
"Isabelle said he did. And she told me that I don't have all the time in the world, because he's a Potter, he's not guaranteed forever because he's a sworn enemy of Voldemort."
"She told you all that?" Lily nodded.
"Lils, I don't think that was an ordinary dream. Because it's a widely known fact within the Order that Voldemort is seeking to end the Potter bloodline."
"Why?"
"The Potters are powerful people. A massive threat to Voldemort and his followers."
"Voldemort's out to kill James?"
"He's the only one left." Lily's jaw dropped.
"Don't worry, he's well protected. Voldemort will have to work extremely hard to find him. But I think Isabelle came into your dream for a reason, and you're supposed to figure out what."
"I don't understand."
"I think fate has brought you back here for a reason. That Isabelle died for a reason, like it's part of this whole path of time. I don't know, it's just a theory. Disregard it." But what Remus had said got Lily thinking. Maybe he was right; maybe Lily was on a long path of time; that every event was happening for a reason.
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Hogwarts alumni from two years past all were together an hour later. Many of them hadn't seen each other in two years, others saw each other everyday. All had gathered together to say goodbye one last time to their friend and classmate. Former members of three of the four school houses had come, though everyone knew without question why none of the Slytherins were there, as it was a Gryffindor that was being laid to rest. A series of Isabelle Portman's friends were to speak at her funeral, Remus, Sirius, Alice, James, a few others, and finally, Lily. James sat next to his ex-girlfriend and stole glances at her every once in a while. She never shed a tear, though she looked like she was fighting a battle with herself, trying to keep from crying. While Alice was speaking, James took Lily's hand in his, gripping it firmly, more as a comforting gesture than one of affection. She squeezed his hand back, hoping for the strength to not loose control and start crying. Soon it was time for Lily to say a few words. She slowly got up, and went up to the front of the crowd, holding her head up high, for she heard some people whispering and muttering things about her. She stepped in front of the magical microphone, and cleared her throat and began speaking.
"A lot of you are probably wondering why I'm up here speaking today about Isabelle. Most of you probably are thinking I shouldn't even be attending this funeral. But Isabelle was my friend, my best friend. She was there for me when I needed her, and she sort of understood the reason why I left, and she tried hard to support my decision all the way. We've been through everything together. We talked about everything. She was the only person that knew all the little things about myself. Isabelle was the first person to know about me going out with James Potter in seventh year. Though that didn't last long, because with huge secrets, Isabelle was never good at keeping her mouth shut." Everyone smiled.
"And of course James was never good at keeping secrets either, and he never kept anything from his best friends, so therefore, the whole school knew within the hour." Everyone laughed, Lily looked at James when she had said this, and he grinned, which Lily returned.
"Isabelle was one of those girls that you always went to when you needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. She was an excellent listener, and always knew what to say. She very rarely gave up on anything. She held the record of a continuous amount of time going out with Sirius Black, despite my advice, and the record was three weeks…and she dumped him." Again everyone laughed, mostly the girls who went out with Sirius in school. The more Lily talked, the more the tears filled her eyes, and the more she was getting chocked up.
"And from what I've heard, that record still holds. She was smart, close to the top of our class; she was kind, whenever she had something bad to say about someone…she always had something good to say about them too…she always had advice for whoever asked for it…most of the advice she gave me was…that I should put all James' faults aside and just…just go out with him, and 99% of the time she was right…and most of all, she was a great friend…I've never met anyone that comes close to how good of a friend she was. Those of you who still think I have no right to be here…I feel that I do. Every one of us whose life has been…touched by this witch belongs here today. She was my friend, and still is. And believe me, lately there has not been a day that has gone by that I'm glad I left. But, live more like Isabelle did…help the little people, even if it brings you down too. Take the time and listen…you might mean the world to someone if you do. Be like the friend Isabelle was to all of us…don't hold grudges, and remember Isabelle Portman always." With that, Lily stepped away from the podium and went back to her seat, James taking her hand again. She looked at him and smiled, and he returned the smile. The friends and family of Isabelle apparated to the cemetery, where she would be laid to rest for eternity. As a prayer was said, her body was lowered into the ground. James stole another glance at Lily; her face was expressionless. Her eyes followed the casket down into the ground, and again James could see Lily fighting with herself, trying to keep from crying again. Lily looked around and almost everyone had broke down and let tears fall down their face. But she refused to cry. She felt James take her hand again and give it a comforting squeeze. It seemed as though everything moved in slow motion, like in a dream. Lily only wished it was a dream, that the whole two years was a dream, that she'd wake up, go hang out with Isabelle for the day, and meet James, Sirius and Remus for the evening. But she knew it'd never happen. It was too late; nothing would ever be like that again. Isabelle's words to her in her dream came back to her again. It wasn't too late with James, and she wasn't guaranteed forever. `Ancient history, Lils, it's never gonna happen.'
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A/N: Hey hey, here's another chapter for y'all. Thanks to all of you who reviewed!!! I love you all. Keep it up!!!
Husker-fan-2006
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