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Hate and Love by Iloveharrypotter17
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Hate and Love

Iloveharrypotter17

A/N: Ahhhh I'm BACK! :D

Forget what happened in the story since it's been forever? Go to http://brite-city.livejournal.com for Hate & Love recaps!!! (I'll be posting other stuff there as well, but I know you want the story)

Chapter 19: Being There

Don't confuse the people who are always around

With the ones who are always there

Monday, December 1st, 1979

Lily watched Sarah from the corner of her eye. Sarah was writing something, hunched over her desk. Lily couldn't believe how Sarah was acting. It was as if nothing had happened. As if Sarah's dad hadn't passed away. Sarah was acting completely normal which Lily found unnerving and unsettling. She didn't want to press Sarah, but she knew if she didn't get any details soon that she would burst of curiosity.

"I'm fine, Lily," Sarah said, not bothering to look up from her writing. "I can feel you watching me. Read your book. Or go find James. I am capable of being by myself, you know," Sarah laughed. Lily had barely left her side ever since she found out about her father.

Lily sighed and tried to concentrate on her book, but she couldn't help it, she kept glancing at Sarah. She wanted to make sure she was still there and was ok.

Sarah stood up. "I'm going for a walk."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Lily asked, closing her book.

"No, I'll be fine by myself. Besides, shouldn't you be working on the ball?" Sarah asked her.

A look of horror came upon Lily's face. "Oh no. I completely forgot!" she cried. Lily grabbed a few pieces of parchment, a quill, and ink and rushed out of the room, presumably to find James.

Sarah smiled to herself and grabbed her cloak. She crept through the Heads Common Room where Lily was banging on James' door who was, according to Lily, being a prat. The portrait swung shut, muting Lily's shouts.

The hall was quiet and empty. She walked the familiar path down to the doors that led outside. There were only a few people milling about the entrance outside. The weather had turned a bit colder and the sky looked blank, no clouds, no sun, no creatures. She walked around the grounds aimlessly.

"Want some company?" a voice asked. She turned around to see Sirius with his hands in his pockets.

"Sure," she shrugged. She continued her walk and he followed.

"So what are you doing out here?" Sirius asked.

"Honestly? Lily. She's driving me crazy."

"How?"

"She thinks I should be moping about the castle or something because of my dad. I rarely saw him anyways. It's not like there's that much of a different now anyways."

"It-it doesn't bother you?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"No, no," Sarah replied quickly. She didn't want him to think that she was some heartless beast. "I miss him. I miss her. I just don't see the point of making myself feel horrible about it. I do care, I really do. I love them, but life goes on and I don't want to waste it."

Sirius tried to understand, but he wasn't sure if he did completely.

"His funeral is on Saturday. I haven't told Lily yet. I know she'll want to go with me."

"This Saturday? Don't you want her to go with you?"

"She'll feel obligated to go. She didn't really know him. I'd just rather go alone."

"Really? Are you sure?" he asked her. "I could go with you, if you wanted," Sirius offered.

"That's really nice of you, Sirius, but this is something I have to do alone."

"Can't I help you?" Sirius asked.

Sarah stopped and turned to him. "You already helped more than you could've imagined," Sarah said quietly and kissed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We should've had this whole thing planned already," Lily complained. James leaned forward to kiss her on her cheek, but Lily pushed his face away from hers. "It's all your fault, you know. You're too much of a distraction."

"Who, me?" James asked innocently. "Never."

Lily rolled her eyes. "This'll never be done in time. I can't believe Dumbledore chose us as Heads. It should've really of have been done by now."

"Relax, Lil. We'll start right now if it'll make you feel better." Lily nodded. "Ok then. The date is December nineteenth," James said and wrote it on a piece of parchment Lily had brought.

"It'll be in the Great Hall?" Lily nodded again and James wrote it down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sarah took a step backwards. "I'm sorry," she said as she covered her mouth with one hand.

She was usually so good with her feelings. They were there when she needed them. She cared for everybody, but she only let herself get really attached to a few. And somehow, Sirius had made his way onto that list. She couldn't believe her body had betrayed her and let her kiss Sirius Black. He was her friend. Since when did her body start making decisions without her brain knowing?

"Don't be," Sirius replied. He took the hand that covered her mouth and moved it away. He kissed her.

Sarah didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could do and kissed him back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There. We've got the basic outline for the ball. Now all we need to do is take it to Dumbledore and get it approved," James said as he rolled up a few pieces of parchment. "Feel better?"

"Yes," Lily said with a smile, obviously relieved.

"Good."

Just then Sarah and Sirius walked into the room. Sarah smiled at them and went into Lily's room. Sirius was grinning happily as he took a chair and sat down.

"What's with you?" James asked Sirius.

"Sarah kissed me. Twice," he said.

"What?" Lily asked, completely shocked. Sarah had never mentioned liking Sirius. Ever. And now all of a sudden she was kissing him?
"You heard me."

"She doesn't tell me anything anymore," Lily complained. "I didn't know about her mum or dad or any of this. I don't get it!" Lily exclaimed.

"Uh, I'm not sure if I should say anything," Sirius said quietly, all too aware of what could happen when Lily was upset.

"Please do," Lily said sarcastically, "since you've become our resident expert on Sarah lately. Shower us with your wealth of knowledge. What was she doing at seven-fifteen this morning? What's her favorite colour? Favorite place? Favorite cousin? Who does she write to nearly every week?"

"Fine then," Sirius replied hotly, "I won't tell you." He got up and left.

Lily sighed. "That went well," she said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She leaned into James, but he didn't wrap his arms around her like he normally did.

"Sirius is my best mate, Lily. If he can get Sarah to talk, then let him, even if you can't. you should be happy that she's at least talking to someone. Sirius does care you know. You're not the only one who does," James said sternly, almost as if he were scolding a little child. He got up and went into his own room, leaving Lily all alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tuesday, December 2nd, 1979

Lily walked into the Gryffindor common room and scanned the room, looking for a head of black hair. She found him in a chair, near the fire and she walked towards him.

"Hello Lily," he said, not looking up from whatever was in his hands.

Lily jumped a bit. "Hi Sirius," she replied. She looked over his should and saw he held the map. No wonder he knew it was me. She sat down across from him in an unoccupied chair. James hadn't been unkind to her, but he was being a little standoffish and this was the only way she knew how to fix it. "What are you doing?" she asked him.

"Searching for Peter. He has something of mine, and I need it back," he said, still looking at the map.

"Oh," she replied. She wondered if she should come back later when he wasn't so preoccupied, but then she remembered James and her courage rose. "Listen Sirius, I'm really sorry about what I said the other day." He looked up at her. "I guess… I'm just not used to Sarah telling other people things before me. I was hurt, but it's not your fault."

"It's ok Lily. It's not your fault either. You're just protective of her. I'm not going to hurt her, you know."

Lily nodded, "I know. But even if you did, it would be good for her." Lily paused for a moment and added quickly, "Not that you should though."

"What do you mean?"
"Well, she really hasn't said anything about her parents. Does she talk to you about them?"

"Not really. I only found out about her dad before you because I managed to stumble upon her first and she was only out side because… well…" Sirius said uneasily.

"Because of what? Tell me."

"Because of you," Sirius said. Lily raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "She said that you were driving her crazy because she wasn't moping like you thought she should be."

Lily put her head in her hands. "I'm a horrible friend. No wonder she doesn't tell me anything, not when I'm trying to make her do something she doesn't want to do."

"You are a good friend, Lily. I think she just needs her space. But if you need a replacement best friend, I'd be happy to fill in for a little."

Lily laughed. "I think I'll be alright. But thanks. Good luck finding Peter." She walked up to the 7th year girls dormitory to find Lane and Cassidy inside. They were sitting on Lane's bed just talking.

"Hey Lily," Lane said when Lily entered.

"Where's Sarah?" Cassidy asked.

"Nice to see you too," she said. "I don't know where she is." Lily sat down on the bed with Lane and Cassidy.

"Sorry, but she's always following you around," Cassidy said.

"She does not, we're friends and we walk places together," Lily replied.

"Anyways," Lane said loudly, "what brings you here Lily?"

Lily shrugged, "Just wanted to see how you guys were. I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in awhile.

"That's because you haven't," Cassidy said nastily, "you're always with Sarah or James. You never even make time to talk to us anymore."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Lily said.

"That's alright Lily," Lane said and smiled at her.

"Yeah we're just second-rate replacements for Sarah," Cassidy retorted.

"Would you shut up?" Lily exclaimed. "I came to talk, not have you try and bash my best friend! You're so ridiculous. I don't know what's going on with you anymore." Lily shook her head and walked out the door.

Lane turned to Cassidy, "What is going on with you? Tell me now."

Cassidy sighed and looked down. "I don't know. It's just everything it seems. I don't know what's going on with Remus and me. It seems like he's always too busy or something else is going on and I never get to see him. It's not fair."

"Cass, it's ok. School has been a bit busy lately, it's not his fault. I'm sure it'll work itself out."

Cassidy smiled at her. "Thanks Lane."

"Of course Cass, that's what I'm here for."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, December 5th, 1979

"What are you doing?" Lily asked as she entered her room and saw Sarah putting clothing into a bag.

"Packing," Sarah replied.

"For what?"

Sarah turned to face Lily. "I'm leaving tonight to go home. My dad's funeral is tomorrow. I'll be back Sunday."

"What? His funeral? Do you want me to go with you?" Lily offered.

Sarah smiled but shook her head no. "I'd rather go alone."

"Is Sirius going with you?"

"Nope," Sarah said as she continued to pack.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?" Lily asked again.

"I'm sure."

Lily was about to say something else, but decided against it. Instead, she sat down at her desk and started her schoolwork.

After about half an hour, Sarah placed her bag on the floor. "Thank you for being so good about this," Sarah said as she gave Lily a hug.

"Of course," Lily replied. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Lily darling," Sarah said and with that she left.

A/N: Apologies all around, 'cept junior year is exceptionally hard, I have no time, and I have no idea where I want this story to go right now, if I want to end it soon or let it go on for a bit yet.

I'm excited for the next chapter as most of it is written already (::GASP!::). And for all you diary haters/non-likers/non-understanders, there's some in the next chappie but I think you'll like them a whole lot more by the end of it (well, let's hope so at least).

Well I've got nothing else to say (surprisingly) except I want to thank all of you for sticking around since I haven't updated in half a year. God I just want to bash my head against a wall for making you wait this long. I promise if you'll stick around and put up with my infrequent updates, it'll be worth it in the end.