Unofficial Portkey Archive

UNTIL MIDNIGHT

Part Three:

"Not yet, not ever"

11:42. They would be gone from his life in less than twenty minutes. The two most important people in his life were packing and he just waited, his look lost in the wall where the picture he had been staring at -for the past half hour at least- hung loosely.

He heard noises of the people moving upstairs in both rooms: the one that had once been his and the one that had been his parents'. Yes, Godric's Hollow was his home now; the place where it had all began for Harry had been the place where it had ended for everyone.

The small island was little from completely wrecked... deserted. His sanctuary, his quiet place, the one he'd dreamed of for so long, but it felt like his prision right now, and it probably was.

A year had passed since his request, and with his recent findings about himself had made his initial determination to dissappear from their lives far gone. He wanted so bad to hold on to them, to her, yet he couldn't, and he wouldn't. They would be gone in ten minutes now and he sat there, waiting; hardly aware of anything but the picture in front of him and the movement upstairs.

Slowly, his eyes drifted to the ceiling and he stared as if he had some sort of x-ray vision to help his will get up from that couch and say what he really wanted. Suddenly, a CRACK of something breaking and Harry jumped, his wand already at hand, and he popped soundlessly out of the sitting room and into James and Lily's bedroom, where the sound had come from.

"What's the-" he stopped when he saw Hermione collapsed, a thin thread of blood coming out of her hands and knees, and Ron holding her tight. Jealousy was the first sensation, and then fear. He quickly knelt next to his two best friends. "What happened?" he asked softly, afraid to touch her. After the last battle, the three of them had ended in really bad shape, inches from the other side, but Hermione had been the most injured and she had only gotten back on her feet two days ago.

There was shattered glass all around her and Ron, and Harry could make out the crystal frame he had given her for her last birthday. Hermione was shaking; her hair masked her face from him, and Ron covered most of her back with his own body. "Nothing, Harry, please go down. We will be downstairs in a couple of minutes," he answered, looking staight into his friend's eyes.

"What do you mean? She's bleeding!" the young man protested, coming closer to the two, but was blocked by Ron's arm and a pleading look.

"Just go now, please, she will be fine."

"Like hell she will!" he started angrily.

"Go!" Ron finally ordered, not leaving much space for discussion on the subject, and Harry dissappeared.

"He's gone, please stop crying. It kills me to see you like that." Harry heard from under the disillusionment charm.

I can't believe he's doing this! Harry thought angrily; he felt so betrayed right now. What did you expect? It's not like anyone knows about this. You barely accept it! A voice responded in his head and he shook it; he didn't want to think things like that... on how stupid he had been. No! The voice responded firmly, you want them to have what you have taken from them!

"I... just can't believe he can be so selfish!" she said between sobs of slow calmness.

This phrase took him out of his raverie. Selfish? How could that possibly be! He wanted them to have a life! Away from all this that had taken more than half their lives and therefore away from him.

"You know that's not true, Mione. He's just trying to do what's best." Suddenly, Harry felt a deep sympathy for his best male friend.

"For whom!" Hermione replied to Ron angrily. "He says he is so good and noble but he's not!" Tears started streaming down her face again, and Ron brushed them away with brotherly care.

"Hermione, stop and think what you are saying. You know that's not what you mean."

"And how do you know?" Harry felt like leaving, he was so hurt by her words that he thought he'd break down at that exact moment, but he didn't; he stayed invisible for reasons he didn't even know.

"Because I know you are speaking with something other than your mind."

"That's not important, we'll be gone in two minutes and I'll never hear from him again."

Ron did not know what to respond to this and he just sighed, falling back and away from Hermione. "I know, it blows."

Up until that moment, he didn't know how much pain human body could take. One would have thought that with so much sorrow, the armor would break and he would collapse or something, but he didn't and only apparated silently back down to the sitting room, with the pictures, all the company he would have from now on.

The twelve o'clock bells started ringing in the old clock in the sitting room. Harry looked up with a blank face. A moment later, they came down. Hermione was all composed and quiet; she sure looked better than he felt at the moment.

"We're ready to go, mate," Ron started forward, to hug his friend and stopped, looking back at Hermione, who didn't say anything.

"You sure you got everything?" Harry heard his own voice from faraway, as if it was someone else's in the next room.

"Yes, everything," he stopped and directed another glance at the burnette, who nodded only barely. "We-uhm... we left a couple of things upstairs, but they are for you," he hurried to say before Harry said anything.

He didn't know how to respond to this; he just managed to get out an "oh... thanks" and that was it.

Ron nodded and hugged Harry hard, not wanting to let go. "Right... you know that this is not our choice," he said unemotionally, as if he had already drowned all of them someplace else.

Harry pulled away and looked deep into his friend's eyes, nodding slowly. "I know, but it's for the best," he whispered. "Please take care," he looked past Ron's shoulder, "take care of her, I beg you," the man said, showing for a split second that same shattered armor he had thought of upstairs.

The redhead nodded and looked down. "Why are you doing this?" he finally asked. "We both know that-" he was cut off by Harry's hand in front of him.

"I haven't done anything but hold you back, it is for the best." He repeated the phrase he'd been telling himself for the past year.

"That's not true!" Ron protested angrily, saying what he really thought of this for the first time in a year. "We are here because we chose to!"

"It's not like you had a choice, Ron."

"Yes we did, we could have gone with all the others that stayed back and didn't fight."

"You couldn't, you were already in too deep and you know it."

"We got there because we wanted, Harry, not because you told us to," he almost spat out.

Lowering his voice, Harry located himself only inches from Ron's face. "Ron! Please! I know you don't understand it, but you'll be grateful later, when you see you've accomplished the life you were always meant to have," he pleaded in a whisper and directed a life saving look at Hermione. "The both of you," Harry finished and looked down for a moment. "I need you to back me in this, all right? I asking you to please do it," he said at last and turned his green eyes at Ron.

"But why?" he asked like a little boy unwilling to listen to his mother.

"Please, I can't do this without you," he said in a voice that sounded so vulnerable it was almost painful.

The young man stayed quiet for what felt like an eternity and then nodded heavilly, hugging Harry again. "I love you, mate. Take care of yourself," he finally said and went out. "I'll be waiting outside, Mione," he told the girl, maybe in hopes that she would talk Harry into sense, but given the situation, it was highly unlikely.

Harry walked towards Hermione, doing his biggest effort to not run and hold on to her forever and ever. He had only just found out, and they would have to leave; he had asked them to leave. It wasn't fair, and he was a stupid ass for not seeing it before. But now it was too late, and he would have to continue on with this; it was the best for them, and he loved them, he kept on repeating to himself.

Finally, he got where she was and managed a smile he was sure she made out in less than a second. "So, this is it... you're off to your new life," he tried being excited and making her excited, but knew it was a pathetic attempt.

"Oh, yeah, brilliant. My new life," she forced a pitiable shot at a smile too.

"Listen, I-" have loved you for so long I don't even know and I don't want you to leave, but I kind of don't have a choice, so please work with me on this... "Thank you for everything, I am glad you are finally all right," he said out loud and leaned in to hug her and smell her hair one more time, but she pulled away instinctvely, as if he were going to break her with one touch. "What's the matter? Are you hurt?" he asked and regretted it a second later.

"Am I-" she laughed. "If I am hurt? No, not at all, you're just taking away a piece of us because you think it is better this way. Yes, I am perfectly fine with it," she said sarcastically.

Why can't you see that I love you! "I didn't know you were the sarcastic type..." was what he said.

"Maybe I wasn't till two minutes ago," she became more and more angry.

"And maybe, just maybe, you are being incredibly hard headed, don't you reckon?"

Hermione stayed silent, glaring at him, a facade of stone that fell a moment later and she took a hurried step towards him. "Why are you doing this, Harry? It is not right!" she said, her eyes getting overbright. "All those promises, that we were always going to be together, were they hollow?" she rested her hands on his chest, wanting to hit him hard or just touch him.

"What are you talking about? I have NEVER lied to you, Hermione, not once! Why can't you understand this is the best for you, for us!" he said, his hands on her arms, barely keeping his voice in check, hanging on for dear life to the resolution not even he believed in anymore.

She pulled away abruptly and pushed him. "I don't know who you are anymore!"

"And you think I do? That is why you need to leave. You need to find who you are, and so do I."

"But we're not us without each other! We can be us again!" she pleaded and each word that left her mouth killed a little bit more of Harry, but she just couldn't see it.

"You know that is not possible, we're not the same people we were seven years ago, and guess what, that's not about to change!" he didn't even know what he was defending anymore; all he could focus in were the crystal tears daring to make their way down such a strong person's face.

"Fine, Harry, we are already out," she said, gathering herself with dignity and throwing her small bag over her shoulder, walking out. She stopped at the door and rested a hand on the frame, only barely turning around. "At least we got something straight," her voice broke for a moment, but she continued quickly, "and you won't hear from us again, I promise that," were her last words and she dissappeared into the darkness outside, where Ron was waiting for her to apparate away and out of his life.

He watched her go, his head not even processing what she had just said. He had to bite his bottom lip to keep the tears from his own eyes. The young man just looked away and then went upstairs, unfeeling, empty, barely holding himself together.

When he got to his room, there was a small box on the bed. He pushed his feet forward and slumped next to the box. Peeking inside, he saw three things: a picture, a ring and a small round object with runes along the sides.

Harry frowned; he recognized each of these objects. He picked up the picture; it had been taken little over a year ago; the day of his party, when he had condemned the three of them. He couldn't even begin to describe how much he hated himself right now for that stupid request and vow he'd taken. Yes, he was selfish, what the hell! He shook his head and moved on to the next object.

It was the Flogoscone he'd given Ron the day of the final battle, when they had to part ways; one to save his friends and the other to face Lord Voldemort. "Be safe," he had said as he tossed the item at his friend. "As much as I can, mate" Ron had responded with a nervous smile. Finally, Ron had left the opposite way of Harry with an "I'll give this to you to keep you safe when I'm gone and you are on your own". And he had returned it now.

Harry's eyes started itching and he took a breath to calm himself, but it was pointless, for the next object was a complete "I feel totally betrayed" statement: it was the ring Harry had given Hermione on the Yule Graduation Ball last year. A "Merry Christmas and farewell school" present. Harry had spent over a month looking for the perfect gift for her, and when he saw her face when she opened it, he knew she was the one. And she was returning it now.

His hands stopped responding, the ring and the Flogoscone fell to the blue carpeted floor and he watched as each of the objects rolled away from each other, far from his feet. He stared. What the hell am I doing? Is this really right? His eyes burned with the tears he had only cried two or three times in his wizardring life. They are leaving, forever. I have successfully sent away the two people that have kept me going all these years, and I have successfully assassined the love she might have once had for me. He told himself, unable to stop his eyes' crying.

If you let them go, this will be it, there is no turning back. "No!" he said resolutely, "it isn't time yet... ever," he added and stood, wordlessly urging both objects on the floor to his hand and holding them tight between his fingers. They must be getting to apparition point, he thought and hurried downstairs, taking his wand in the way.

At some point in the past ten minutes, it had started pouring; making it difficult for Harry to see as he ran down the path he had so many times in the previous weeks. "Wait!" he screamed to the night, somehow hoping they would listen to his cry and wait, not that he could ask as much at this point.

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