Unofficial Portkey Archive

A/N: Not an action fic, just warning you before you start; most of it revolves around Hermione's thoughts (written in italics but you probably know that already from my other writings, lol).

Please try to keep up with Hermione, or else you will be lost in the fic, and I wouldn't want that, would I? When I reread it, it helped me to hear her thinking in my head.

Down the hall, paid the toll

- Part One of the Alternative future -

The telly was on, the news. Same shit, different day. Sports section, maybe he'll be on, they won the World Cup after all.

-... for the second year in a row, England took home the World Cup. It is only fair to point out that the past...

I can't believe that the news is all the excitement I get... and the sports! Unbelievable! Things were way too quiet for her taste. She had wanted this for so long and now it was just... boring, and lonely. Separate paths, I only get to see you once a month, and nothing. But then again, you were always good at hiding everything...

-...quidditch star, Harry Potter, managed a...

Her eyes focused on the screen and she huffed. Pathetic.

-... that maneuver had never been achieved in Quidditch, I must add...

Why do you always have to be the first and the best?

After the war had finalized, things had changed drastically between them, and even with all the pschology books she'd read, she had never really got it. When was the last dance, the last kiss, the last goodbye, I don't know.

He appeared in the report, all smiling and proud. He looks happy at least, does he ever think of me? Probably not.

She sighed and turned the telly off, not even listening to what he was saying. How long has it been? I can't really remember. She stood and took her cup of tea.

Though she was pretty much addicted to coffee, at nights, when she wasn't working, she would rather have a cup of tea with some milk. The soothing of the soul, she thought as she smelled the liquid.

Into the bedroom, the bed perfectly set, the pillows in their right places; everything in her dresser was ordered either by size or by product line or nature. She remembered how chaotic it was when he'd lived there and laughed. Great Merlin! That was so annoying! She laughed again.

On the armchair in the corner sat her briefcase and she smiled. She couldn't say she wasn't successful; neither could she legitimately state she wasn't happy. She had all she'd ever wanted, an international award included. She liked her life, but sometimes melancholy sat on her heart like a veil that fell every now and again. I imagine you can't let go so easily after things like that...

The calendar. December the 20^th, Christmas craziness was an everyday issue already; it didn't bother her that much anymore; not after the past two weeks at least. Their monthly reunion would be in a couple of days; they had reserved in one of the fanciest restaurants in the whole of London and for a couple years now, each of the trio had paid an equal share of the check.

Sand coloured, silk, last Christmas' gift, right from China. The material was so soft and cozy on her skin... just like his touch. Wonder if he's still dating... what was her name again? Rebecca. She seemed nice enough, I guess. Pretty Snoopy socks, it was already cold at this time of year...

They would be exchanging presents and she wondered if she should have gotten something else for each. I wonder if they expect it... She shoved her slippers off and lay on the bed, pulling the sheets above her body, staring at the ceiling. I s'ppose it's good to remember every now and then...

The lights went off and she drifted to a peaceful sleep; the kind of sleep only memories could leave...

Wand-alarm. Grunt. Bloody hell, I hate these days. She entered the shower. How I hate the cramps! She would have to be in a good vibe today. Cup of Caramel Macchiato. Big meeting with the bosses and gathering with the boys. She finally got round to dressing and starting her day.

Couldn't have gone worse. She got yelled at because one of her assistants mismatched a number and all the presentation was disastrous. Do I have to do it all myself? Sulking down the hall after yelling at poor Paul. A message in the desk. Good Merlin! I'll be alone with him for over an hour!

That can't be too bad, can it?

Home at last! Getting ready for tonight. Fancy restaurant, pretty dress. Green maybe? He always liked the green one. End-of-day shower and getting dressed. I think I look beautiful; she laughed at herself and took her purse, along with the guys' gifts to apparate near the restaurant.

He was already sitting on the table, a glass of red wine sitting on his right side. He never got that one right, Hermione couldn't help the smile that crept to her lips despite the horrible day. He's always looked great in a tux. She walked down the hall to the Dining Room and Harry stood, a sweet smile on his face and a look she had always loved. God, he is handsome!

-I know you don't like to wait -he smiles and pulls out the chair for her, sitting down next.

-Glad you do. It's good to see you. -He looks down for a split second and back up at her. She notices, no one else would.

-It is.

-Saw you on the news… -he blushes a bit. Amazing how after so long, he still blushes for that.

Conversation is distant, they are not entirely confortable.

-Yeah, me too. -The both laugh at the idiotic comment.

-Ron is going to be late. He's doing great, isn't he?

-Yeah, the department is lucky to have him.

-But they wanted you... -he looks away again and takes a hand to the back of his head. He doesn't like to talk about that, I know.

-Yeah, well. What can one do...

He called for the waiter five minutes ago, and he looks up to see him coming. I'm making him more unconfortable, great.

-Pac Pow Hen, right?

-Indeed, kind sir -Hermione tries to lighten the mood. He hasn't forgotten what I like to eat here.

Harry smiles at her and turns to the waiter. -So, Pac Pow Hen for the lady, and I will have...

-Pekinese Duck, right?

-Yes, Pac Pow Hen and Pekinese Duck. And a teapot of Jasmine, please.

The waiter nods and walks away. An awkward silence falls.

-So, how's the league?

-It's all right. You know, training, games, a couple monthly meetings with the other owners…

-And Rebecca?

Harry looks up, taken aback, and looks down again. -Not with her anymore.

-Oh! Sorry to hear that, you looked good together.

-That was the problem, we only looked -he looks up and smiles innocently- that was all she was... we ran out of subjects soon, and she wasn't that good...

-All right, enough information!

He laughs and looks down. -Sorry.

-Never mind.

-What do you know of Ron? How is he doing with the Heading?

-It's good. We were out the other day, he got a little wasted and... well, you know him. He talks.

-Told you about the position again, huh?

-Yeah, had to tell him again. I don't want that.

Another awkward silence falls.

-Guess he never forgot they asked me to be there first… -he says quietly, alack of anything else.

I can't believe we have nothing else to talk about... it didn't use to be like this. She thinks with sadness. Guess I'll have to follow up with this.

-You know Ron… but he is happy, he's done great. He and Luna are about to celebrate four years already.

-And we are both going to die alone -Harry jokes, but it doesn't feel as a joke to her at all. He realizes and tries to fix it. -What happened to the bloke you were dating? Blacksedan?

-Baksetzen, -Hermione laughs- Remember McLaggen?

-Ugh! How could I forget him? He drove me crazy!

-He was pushy, wasn't he?

-He wasn't nice to you, -he says before he can stop himself and makes a double take. Hermione can't help but smile. -Yeah, he thought he was the captain, always wanting me to do the things he wanted and tell…

Hermione sees his blushing and decides to put him out of his misery. This last Freudean failed-act made her feel good. -Well, Sam was like that.

-Poor thing! -Harry laughs along.

-He always wanted to drag me to his mates' wild parties and things. At 28! Can you believe that?

-And you hate parties.

-Yeah, I would very much… -Hermione continues and stops when hearing Harry's voice saying what she was about to say.

-You would very much prefer a small reunion in…

-In a friend's house, indeed, -she says. He never took me somewhere I didn't want to go.

-Never did that… except that time of the gala.

-And I hated you for it!

-But you had a great time in the end. And you didn't come out as stuck up- he stops and continues before Hermione can protest. -which you would have if you hadn't come.

-Not true!

-Of course it's true! Again, but you had a great time, didn't you?

-Because I was with you! -Crap! Did I say that out loud? Apparently so… she thinks when seeing Harry look towards the kitchen, to the waiter bringing the Jasmine pot to the table.

Silence.

Merlin! I'm getting tired of the silences!

When the waiter is gone, Harry serves some to Hermione, smiling shyly at her. -You did that to me more than once to if I remember correctly. -He tries to move the conversation forward.

-Only because you were pretty much a hermit back then.

-And you always kicked that out of me, -he smiles- You made it easier, if I have to be honest. Always distracted me when I was getting overwhelmed, -he adds with melancholy Hermione fails to see.

-You would have run away so many times otherwise.

-We had good times, didn't we?

Hermione stares at him and nods, no words to reply to this. Too many things in her head.

-Mione?

She shakes her head. -Right! Yes, we did.

-Sorry, didn't mean to…

-It's nothing, I just got distracted. -Big fat liar, she calls herself. I still don't understand.

-It was for the best, remember?

-What? In which reality? -her cover starts to fall.

-You, me… our lives?

The subject is getting there. And I am sure he is going to brush it away as soon as it gets a bit complicated, she adds annoyed.

-The lives we had planned you mean?

-The lives we had ahead, I mean.

-Of course. A flat bought, moving in together almost as soon as war was over, jobs near home and near the ones we loved… I know. -You look away, clear of the damage.

She looks at his profile, looking outside, hoping to see Ron's car pull over near the restaurant. Anger starts to flare inside of her.

Harry turns to stare at her. -Are you in your days, Mione? -he asks out of nowhere.

-What? -she asks, taken aback.

-You get angry all of a sudden.

Now she is getting angry. -All of a sudden? Not likely, Harry. -Apparently, he got the indirect.

-That was just a dream, -he responds calmly to the unfinished subject.

-It was our dream.

He stays quiet for a moment. -It was the dream of three teenagers that knew nothing but each other, Hermione.

-It would have been great, -she says coldly.

-For a while only…

-Why? What failed, Harry? - Hermione asks, finally unable to contain herself, craving for some answers and knowing that the moment Ron got there, the subject would be forgotten.

-Nothing, we just had to find our ways.

-Apart? Were we holding you back? -her eyes start to get over bright, between pain and irritation, her will is failing her.

At that moment, Harry starts to lose pose as well; he realizes he is hurting her. -No! I never wanted us to be apart…

-But?

-What do you mean but?

-There is always a "but".

-Well, there isn't.

Doing an enormous effort, Hermione calms herself and tries to lead his thought into what she wants to hear. -Then, what was it?

-I told you back then Mione, you and Ron.

-No, you didn't Harry.

-You said you knew. -For the first time, the subject of the promise Harry made them take ten years ago was coming up.

-Right, I was just trying to be supportive. And still, you were the one to break the promise, remember?

-I…

Nothing to say now, huh? You know I am right

-I couldn't…

-And then you backed away.

Hermione saw Harry flushing; he always did that when under pressure

-I realized why I'd asked you to leave in the first place.

-And why was that, huh Harry? -she defies the man she loves so much. This is it, really.

-We knew nothing, you had to go your way, and so did Ron.

He sticks to his story. Ugh! So stubborn! -That is so not true, and you know it, Harry. If you are trying to fool me, you know you're in to losing side.

He searches his head desperately for an answer and finds none. He sags. -It was just too much -he tries urgently to continue and for a moment; she sees in him a flicker of doubt as to what to say next.

-Too much what, Harry? -I know I am pushing. He hates to be pushed.

-Please stop, Hermione. -Harry says quietly, regaining his composure once more.

Is it too late? Nothing to salvage.

-No, Hermione! Please don't think that.

-What? -she asks, taken from her concentration to not cry. She realizes. -Harry Potter, don't use your mind-reading thing on me!

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…

Silence again.

-Well? Is it? -she finally asks.

-Is it what?

-Too late? -Silence. He is blank… I guess that is a "yes".

-I… -Nothing to say. - No, it's… -the waiter comes with their food

The meaning to our words of love has disappeared.

* * *

A/N: The first idea came to me from "Friend or Foe" by T.A.T.U., and you probably recognized a few lines from the song in the fic. R&R please!

Here is the link for the original story: http://fanfiction.portkey.org/index.php?act=read&storyid=5803

Document created with wvWare/wvWare version 1.2.7

-->