Please Read ~A/N> You know, I finished this chapter up last night, and I was going to save it until next week so you'd have a weekly update, but since some of you doubt my writing style, I thought I'd post this today. Just don't be expecting an update next week...if I get the next chapter done I'll post it. If not, it should be up the following week. My husband is coming home, and I plan to spend all the time I can with him. And to those of you that compared me with Twitch E. Littleferret...even though she's a friend of mine and one hell of a writer, the comparison is completely unfair. I've been writing H/Hr fanfic now for over two years, and if you were one of my loyal readers, you'd know that I put H/Hr through utter and complete hell in some of my other stories. Just because there's one bad chapter doesn't mean that I'm going to revert to doing the same thing throughout the entire story. I have my own, unique writing style that I am damn proud of. This story has a very complex story line, and no one falls in love and never goes through any rough patches. Ever. Love is something that has to be worked for and nurtured...if you want lust and passing fancy, this isn't the story for you. To those of you that read my fics faithfully and believed in my faith in our couple, thank you. And the Ball promises to be very...interesting indeed. Now, I'm off to go get my husband! Happy reading :)
The rest of Hermione's Monday was pure hell. Not only had she been ignored by Harry, Ron, and Dean in the rest of
their classes that day, but at dinner they had been downright rude. She had sat next to Ron, hoping to talk to him
about what had happened, when he had gotten up and moved to sit next to Luna at the Ravenclaw table. When Lavender and
Parvati had seen what happened, they had come to sit by her immediately, hoping that she would tell them the sordid
tale of why the guys were mad at her. And when Harry had walked in, she had tried to get him to talk to her, but Seamus
had walked up at that time and sat down next to her. Giving up, she had told Seamus that she needed to lay down for a
while before her private lessons that night and left, her head hung low.
After going up to her room, she closed the curtains around her bed and had a good cry, letting out everything she'd been feeling since before the Quidditch match two days ago. Things had seemed to be going so well with Harry, where had everything gone wrong? Then she thought back to the events of the morning...waking up in Harry's arms, Ginny's confrontational manner, Seamus upsetting Harry the way he had...if she didn't know any better, she'd think that Ginny and Seamus planned the outburst this morning, but they wouldn't do that...would they?
Looking at her watch, she realized it was time to meet Firenze in his classroom for her lesson. Changing into comfortable clothes, she grabbed her wand from her bedside table and made her way down to the common room. As soon as she stepped off the last stair, Seamus walked up to her and asked, "Where ya goin'?"
"To my lesson," she replied, feeling annoyed with the attention he was showing her all of a sudden. Looking around the room as inconspicuously as she could, she didn't see Harry anywhere and stifled a sigh of disappointment; would she ever get the chance to explain herself? "See you later," she said off-handedly to Seamus, who stood watching her leave with a strange look on his face, unnoticed by everyone but Ron.
Watching as Hermione walked through the portrait hole and out of sight, Ron walked up to Seamus and asked, "What are you up to, Finnegan?"
"What do you mean? I'm not up to anything," he replied quickly, giving Ron a guarded look.
"You'd better not be, because if you do anything to hurt Harry or Hermione, I'll curse you into next week."
Seamus stared at him for a moment before shoving by him, walking over to where Dean was sitting. Ron stared after him, wondering if he had ulterior motives for asking Hermione to the Ball. He had always been a little jealous of Harry...was this his way of getting back at him?
~*~
Hermione walked into Firenze's room, her shoulders slumped from the weight she felt she was carrying. Sitting in one of the chairs, she waited for Firenze to join her, and was surprised to see Remus walk into the room with him. She was even more shocked to see Harry walking behind them, looking everywhere around the room but at her.
"Hello Hermione," Remus greeted, smiling at her.
"Ready for your lesson Miss Granger?" Firenze asked. When she looked at him, she could see in his eyes that he knew she was troubled.
"Hi Remus," she replied, trying her best to smile back. Turning to Firenze she said, "I'm ready, but why is Harry here?"
"You didn't tell her you would be here tonight?" Remus asked, looking at Harry, confused.
"She's been a little busy with Seamus Finnegan lately. I didn't have the chance," Harry snapped, dropping into the chair next to him.
"Seamus Finnegan? What does he have to do with this?" Remus asked, looking from Harry to Hermione.
"Harry's upset that I agreed to go to the Halloween Ball with Seamus, and he's been pouting about it all day," Hermione replied, shooting a dirty look Harry's way.
"I'm not pouting!" Harry yelled, standing up quickly and walking up to her. "After last night and this morning, I guess I thought things were different. I suppose I misconstrued the things you said, stupid me."
"Maybe if you would have asked me first, I wouldn't be going with him!"
"Maybe I was going to ask you last night and got a little sidetracked!"
"Maybe if you hadn't attacked him, I wouldn't have said yes!"
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Wait a minute!" Remus yelled, stopping their arguement. "Harry, you attacked Seamus?"
As the two of them stood glaring at one another, breathing heavily after their shouting match, Harry turned to look at Remus and replied, "It wasn't on purpose, he was trying to start a fight and I ended it."
"Well, I guess if a bloke is going to ask the girl you were going to ask to the ball, the best way to stop him is to attack him," Remus said sarcastically. "Honestly Harry, that's something I would expect Sirius to do, but not you."
Harry stared at him in disbelief, thrown off by the sarcastic tone of his voice. "But, I was just...he was..."
"Yes Harry, I know. You were only doing what you thought was right," Remus said, cutting him off. "It's what you always do...you just never think it through completely before you act. You let your emotions control you, and if you don't learn to control them instead, it may just be your downfall."
Harry stared at him, feeling as if he'd just received the worst scolding of his life, when really Remus was just telling him the cold, hard truth. "You're right," Harry replied slowly, realization dawning on his face.
"I don't mean you should shut yourself down emotionally," Remus added, not wanting Harry to close himself off completely. He would need his emotions to defeat Voldemort, but he also needed to learn to control them or else Voldemort would take advantage of Harry's weaknesses and kill him before Harry had a chance to even cast a spell.
"And you, Miss Granger, will need to help him keep that control," Firenze added quietly, bringing her out of the thoughts she'd been lost in. "You will be by his side, and your job will be to keep him calm during the battle so that he can use all of his magical abilities to defeat Voldemort. You musn't cause him more emotional confusion, because if you do, it could bring about his death."
Hermione closed her eyes tightly as a vision of Harry being killed by Voldemort played out in her mind, over and over again, until she felt like she would scream. As her eyes burned hot from unshed tears, she lay her head on her arms to hide them, willing them away until later when she was alone in her bed. She could hear Remus and Firenze talking to one another queitly, and she knew they were discussing whether to postpone the night's lesson. As they talked, Harry walked up next to her and lightly putting his hand on her shoulder he asked, "Are you okay?"
'I'm fine," she replied, sniffling and not looking at him.
He was quiet for a little bit, leaving his hand on her shoulder, and she found his touch very comforting. She heard him take a deep breath right before he quietly said, "I'm sorry I attacked Seamus the way I did today. It wasn't right, and I acted like a jealous git. I'm sorry."
The tears did come them, hot torrents that burned her eyes as they fell. She lifted her head to look at him, and saw that his eyes shone with sincerity and apology. Without thinking, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely, wishing that she could somehow go back in time and redo this whole day again.
As she hugged him, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and hugged her back, closing his eyes at how wonderful it felt. After sleeping next to her last night, being away from her the entire day was torture; everytime he was near her all he wanted to do was touch her, or hold her, and the fact that he couldn't was hell. He had let his emotions rule his actions all day long, and instead of being as close as they had been that morning, they were almost back to acting the way they had the first day they had met. Hugging her tighter, he kissed the side of her head and whispered, "I'm so sorry," in her ear. He could feel her body shaking from the sobs she was trying to keep in, and he started to rub her back, hoping it would comfort her.
Remus cleared his throat, causing them to seperate, but Harry still kept his hand on her back. "Firenze and I have discussed it, and we both agree that we should reschedule this lesson for Wednesday night."
"I have Quidditch practice tomorrow, so that'll be alright," Harry said.
Hermione wiped the tears from her cheeks and in a voice raspy from crying she said, "That'd be better. I don't think I'd be able to concentrate tonight."
"No, I don't think you could either," Firenze agreed. "Hermione, I need to speak with you for a moment, alone."
"Harry, why don't we go into the hallway and wait for Hermione?" Remus asked, giving him a pointed look.
"Alright," Harry said, looking from him to Hermione. "I'll wait for you outside."
"Okay," she replied, giving him a slight smile. As she watched them until they left the room, she turned back to Firenze and asked, "What has you so concerned?"
"Your abilities are becoming stronger, that is good," Firenze replied. "But I don't think that a relationship between Mr. Potter and yourself is a good idea. It's effecting both of your emotional states, and that can be dangerous."
"Harry and I have become close," Hermione replied. "So close that I am almost completely emotionally connected with him. Isn't that what I was supposed to do? That way I will always know how he's feeling and how his emotions affect his actions?"
"Yes, but Mr. Potter is becoming very...fond of you."
"Firenze, after the weekend we just experienced together, I can truthfully say that I am very fond of him, too." When he looked at her quizzically she confessed, "I spoke to Lily this weekend, along with my mum again when I was in Elysian, after I was hit with the curse Saturday. She admitted to me that she was also a Soul Guardian...James' Soul Guardian. She told me everything that happened the night she, James, and Ancelin were killed, and she led Harry and I to her Notebook. We went to Harry's aunt's house to get the Notebook, and Lily was there. Firenze, Harry got to talk to her, to hug her, and he got to finally say goodbye. This is a step in the right direction, now we just need to read Lily's Notebook to see if there's anything in it to help us defeat Voldemort and Damien."
After a few moments silence, in which Firenze contemplated everything she had just told him, he asked, "If the two of you share such a fondness, what happened today to cause a rift between you?"
"This morning at breakfast, Ginny Weasley brought up something that started trouble. When Harry and I tried to leave before the situation escalated, Seamus misguidedly confronted Harry. His protective instinct kicked in, as did his wandless magic. But, there was something else...there was a darkness about him that scared me."
"A darkness?"
"I've seen it before, in another student here. I think I may know what is causing it." When Firenze just looked at her, she cleared her throat and said, "While reading 'Hogwarts: A History', I read that during Harry's second year here, a ghost of Voldemort's memory as Tom Riddle possessed Ginny. The first time I saw her, she had a greyness around her aura. It wasn't a lot of grey, just a thin band, but it was present none the less." Taking a deep breath, she looked from Firenze to the window just over his shoulder, shrouded in darkness and admitted, "Today, both times he confronted Seamus, the grey appeared in his aura as well. But it's not permanent like Ginny's is, it comes and goes." When she became quiet, he calmly waited for her to continue, knowing what she was going to say next was very upsetting to her. "I think," she started slowly, "that they each have a small piece of Voldemort in them. With Ginny, she has a bit of a dark side to her already, so that piece of him inside of her feeds off of it. With Harry, there is no darkness, his soul is pure...except when someone threatens something or someone he cares about. That gives that part of Voldemort inside of him a small window to take over, and it let's the darkness out to play, so to speak."
"So what everyone suspected about his scar is true?" Firenze mused. "That night, instead of killing him, Voldemort put a small part of himself inside of Harry."
"And now, I have to find a way to get that part of Voldemort out of him," Hermione replied. "Otherwise, if he defeats Voldemort in battle, he'll die anyway since that part inside of him is tied to Voldemort's life force. I'm just hoping that Lily's Notebook has something in it that will help me find the answer to saving Harry's life."
"You must trust in your abilities to save Mister Potter, Hermione. Hope is an empty ambition that leads to falsities that will only hurt us all in the end...most of all, you."
~*~
After her crying spell while talking to Harry, and then her talk with Firenze, Hermione was emotionally and physically exhausted. She walked out into the hallway and found Harry and Remus immersed in what seemed to be a very serious discussion. Harry looked up at her and asked, "Oh...ready to go then?"
"Yeah," she replied, noticing the strange look on Remus's face, one that was mirrored on Harry's. "Is everything okay?"
"Just fine," Remus replied, smiling at her. "I'll see you two Wednesday night, and hopefully we can get some training done."
"I'm sorry about tonight," she said, feeling terrible that she'd lost control the way she had.
"I understand, Hermione," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Everyone has bad days...I have at least one every month that I know is coming."
Thinking about how terrible his transformations must be on him every month, Hermione looked at him sympathetically and said, "You're right. Hopefully tomorrow will be better."
Remus looked at Harry then, the two of them sharing that look again, and looking back at her he replied, "I hope so too. Goodnight you two."
"Good night," they both replied in unison.
As they started walking down the corridor toward the Gryffindor common room, Harry took her hand in his and asked, "Could we take a walk outside? There's something I think we need to talk about."
"Sure," she replied as an uneasiness settled into her stomach. Concentrating on him, she saw his aura appear and she stifled her gasp as she saw that the greyness was back. Closing her eyes, she willed it away and when she opened them again, it was thankfully gone. Knowing that whatever they were going to discuss would not be good, she let him lead her outside as her mind wandered to what it could possibly be.
Harry led her down to the lake, the two of them walking around it slowly, and after clearing his throat nervously he said, "I know that I upset you today with the way I reacted to Seamus, and I want to tell you again how sorry I am." When she opened her mouth to say something he stopped her by saying, "Please just hear me out first, before you say anything." She nodded her head and squeezing his hand a little harder, she walked next to him, waiting for him to continue as the knot of dread in her stomach grew. "After everything that happened last night, and waking up to you this morning, I thought that we had grown as close as two people could...I thought that I had finally found someone who would want to be with me for who I was. So when I walked into the Hospital Ward this morning and found Seamus holding your hand, the two of you standing so close together...I felt sick." Focusing again, Hermione saw that the darkness around Harry was growing and she unconsciously tightened her hand on his again, knowing for sure now that whatever he was going to tell her was terrible. "Hermione, after I stormed out of the Ward, I ran into Ginny. I still don't know what possessed me to do it, but I asked her to go to the Ball with me."
"Is that all?" Hermione asked, letting a breath out that she hadn't realized she had been holding.
"Is that all?!!" Harry replied, letting go of her hand. He stood there, staring angrily at her and then said, "So you don't care that I'm going with Ginny to the Ball? It doesn't affect you at all? When I found out you were going with Seamus, I wanted to kill him!"
"Harry, I'm so sorry," she replied quickly. Taking hold of his hand again, she waited for him to look at her before saying, "Of course I'm upset that you're going with Ginny, but I agreed to go with Seamus first, and I don't expect you to just go alone. Now that I think about it, I'm a little angry and upset, but you did it out of anger and spite. Didn't you?"
Harry just stared at her for a minute, making her a little uncomfortable with his scrutiny, and the next thing she knew he buried his hands in her hair and kissed her. The kiss stole her breath away; he was putting all of his feelings for her into it, and the intensity of it made her knees go weak. When he pulled away, he kept his hands in her hair and stayed so close that their noses were almost touching. Looking into her eyes again, he said, "I asked her because I was angry and wanted to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. You don't know how much I regret it now."
"I think I might, actually," she replied, sounding a bit breathless. During the kiss, she had tapped into her empathic abilities and the feelings that she felt coming from him made her want to cry. It also made her want to run to Seamus and tell him she couldn't go to the Ball with him...but it was too late for that now. They each had dates, and it wouldn't be fair to break them off because of something they had both done out of spite and anger. They would have to go with the ones they agreed to go with, and spend the night apart, agonizing at seeing the one they cared so much about in the arms of another.
"Would you come back to my room with me?" Harry asked. Hermione could feel her eyes widen at his question and he quickly added, "I meant so that we could finally read my mother's Notebook. Sorry, that came out wrong."
She laughed then, feeling all the angst and drama from the day drain out of her finally. "That sounds like a good idea." As they made their way back to the castle, hand-in-hand again, Hermione looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes and said, "I was going to take you up on your first offer anyway."