Author's Note: I have to tell you guys. You just rock! I've received 50 reviews today alone! That is simply incredible, to me anyway. So, because you're all so damned cool, and because you've stuck with me for this long, I feel I owe you a little something back. I put my heart and soul into this chapter, and I really hope that comes through.
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Hermione settled herself into her room, then paced around, waiting. He needed time. And space. He needed room to think. He'd be fine. She'd just surprised him and he needed to think it over. Once he had time to think about it, everything would be okay. He was just-distracted, obviously. That would also explain why he'd chosen to stay, not in Hogsmeade, but it the next Muggle town over; a little town they'd passed through on their way to Ron's. He just hadn't been thinking.
She waited two hours. It was as long as she could stand. She crossed the hall to knock on his door. He didn't answer. She wondered briefly if he was in there and just ignoring her.
Then, the inn's owner, a tall, thin older man with thinning gray hair, came up the stairs. "Excuse me," she said, walking over to him. "Do you know if Mr. Potter is in his room?"
The man shook his head, eyeing her carefully. "I saw him leave a while back. Think he went to the pub across the street."
She sighed, thanked the man and went back into her room to get her coat. For Harry, there were two kinds of drunk. There was happy drunk, in which he was obnoxious, giggly, and loved to hug, grin, and fall down a lot. Then, there was broody drunk. It was pretty much like broody sober, except that he still fell down a lot and was more aggressively cranky than normal.
She was certain that tonight would be a broody night. She hurried across the street and up to the door of the pub where she steeled her shoulders and took a deep breath before entering.
The pub was dim and smelled of stale peanuts and beer. She glanced around, trying to catch a glimpse of Harry. As there were only three people in the bar, save the barman, he wasn't hard to spot.
He was sitting at a table in the back, which confirmed her suspicions of brooding, and was slumped down in his chair, his head in his hands.
The barman gave her a suspicious look, then glanced at Harry and nodded. It wasn't hard to figure out which occupant she had been looking for, apparently.
She marched over to his table and sat in the chair opposite him. He didn't look up. "Go 'way," he muttered.
"I want to talk to you."
"I don' care. I don' wanna talk to you. Go 'way."
"Shut up, Harry. How much have you had to drink?"
He lifted his head just enough to glare at her through his fingers. "Sod off," he snapped.
"That much, huh?" She sighed. "Are you over it yet or do you have to pass out first?"
He glared at her, as much as he could glare with his eyes practically swimming in their sockets. "Leavemelone," he slurred, then dropped his head again.
"Not on your life. Granted I can't very well talk to you in this state, but I'm certainly not going to watch you get so drunk you can't make it back to your room." She pulled some money out of her purse and motioned to the bartender. When the man approached, she motioned to Harry. "What's his bill up to?"
"He paid it," the man snorted. "Good thing you came after him. I was about to cut him off anyhow."
Harry laughed loudly. "No you wouldn'ta. There ain' no one in here. I'm your bes' customer at the mo'."
The barman glared at him and Hermione reached over and seized his arm. "Harry, shut up," she hissed. "Get up and come on."
He jerked his arm away from her. "SOD OFF!" he shouted, nearly tipping his chair backwards. "Get the fuck away from me!"
The barman had apparently dealt with enough angry drunks in his time. He stepped over and grabbed Harry by the back of his shirt, dragging him to his feet. "You don't treat ladies like that, boy!" he snarled. "Now, are you going to let her take you somewhere to sleep it off, or do I need to pound some manners into you?"
Harry's was dangling a few feet from the floor, his hands scrabbling at the barman's arm. "Geroffme! Let go!"
"Are you going to behave yourself or not?" the man roared, and Harry winced.
Finally, realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere without promising to be good, Harry nodded. "Yeah, all right. Put me down."
The man dropped him back into his chair with a loud Thunk. "Good then. Shut your mouth and get out of my bar."
Harry scowled at the man's back as he went back toward the bar, then turned his scowl on Hermione. "See wha' ya did. Ya got me kicked out."
"You got you kicked out. Come on. Let's go."
"Don' tell me wha' ta do!" Harry snapped, then cowered as the barman looked at him again. "All right, I'm goin'." He stumbled to his feet and shot her a look. "I don't want to talk to you."
She followed him to the door, waiting until he was outside before grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. She took a quick glance around to make sure no one was near them, then waved her wand quickly in front of him and whispering the charm.
He was sober in a second, and angrier than she had ever seen him. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?" he shouted, stepping back from her. "I paid good money to get pissed and you took it away from me!"
"Because we're going to talk and you have to be sober for that. Now, let's go back to the inn." He started to argue, but she poked the wand in his chest, and glared at him. "Don't think I can't do some nasty things to you just because you're my friend. Don't think I won't either," she growled as he eyed her skeptically. "Go, now."
He huffed, but stormed off across the street and into the inn. She followed him, giving an apologetic smile to the owner as Harry blew through the lobby and up the stairs. He unlocked his door and started to shut it behind him, but she shoved it back open, pushed him away from the door and slammed it behind her.
"Sit!" she snapped. He ground his teeth but slumped down onto the bed. "Now, you let me know when you've calmed down enough and we'll talk."
He dropped his head into his hands, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I'm as calm as I'm going to get," he muttered.
"Fine. What's your problem?"
He sighed, then swallowed hard. "Have you ever heard of Bonnigi?"
She frowned. "What?"
"Fredrico Bonnigi."
She thought about it a minute. "Bonnigi." Where had she heard that name-oh, right! "Yes, he specialized in bonding spells, right? He invented the theory that a bonding spell could be used as a precursor to transfer of magic power. It was really quite an ingenious-wait, why are we talking about this?"
"I--I performed that spell. On you. On us actually."
She blinked. "What?"
"Seventh year. When we-slept together. I cast the bonding spell on us."
"You-what?"
"I c-cast a bonding spell-on us."
"Wh-But, Harry, that's-impossible. Bonding spells are only valid if both people involved make-a mutual sacrifice." He didn't answer, probably knowing that her mind was already working on the answer. "Oh my god. Ron."
Harry sniffed softly. "Yeah."
She gasped, her mind reeling. "Oh, god. You-A bonding-spell. And I-we-both of us gave him up."
He nodded. "As long as you were willing to give him up, for me, you didn't even have to know about the spell."
"So you-you didn't--. But, I don't understand. Why?"
"To protect you." He stood up, walking over to the window. He raised a hand to the frosted pane of glass, tracing a pattern with a shaking finger. "I did it to protect you. I-I knew I couldn't send you into the fight without doing all I could to protect you. And I knew you'd never stay behind willingly, nor would I be able to drive you away, as I had done with Ron. I had to do something."
"So you-what?"
"I transferred some of my power to you."
"How?" she frowned. "W-Wouldn't I have-known?"
"Apparently not. I was-afraid you would figure it out, but-you never did. I just kept giving you a little at a time. I didn't really need to practice my spells as much as I said I did. As long as you were on the receiving end of them, even if you were shielded, each one took a bit of my power and gave it to you."
She shook her head. "But-it's-that would mean that you--."
"Partially drained myself, yeah."
"Oh God," she muttered, shaking her head. "H-How much?"
"I gave you a good bit. And when Voldemort died, the bit of him that was in me went with him. All told, I lost-almost all of it."
She gasped. "All of it? You mean, you don't have-any magic left in you?" She shook her head. "No. No, that isn't right. You have to have some. I've-I've seen you do-some."
He nodded. "Some, yeah. But it drains me. I can barely do a summoning spell without needing a nap afterwards." He moved back over to the bed, dropping onto it as though he was exhausted now.
Now it was starting to make sense. "That's what happened to you the other night," she sighed "You did the spell to melt the snow and it-wore you out."
"Yeah. I'm sorry I let you think it was something more than that, but-I couldn't tell you the truth. I didn't even want to tell you now, but-I can't lie to you about it anymore."
She sniffed, shaking her head. "I don't-I still don't understand. Why are you-why did you do it? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Would you have let me do it if I'd asked?"
She thought about it a minute, then sighed. "No, of course not. You could have been killed, Harry!"
"I had to do it. I couldn't let you go into that fight without knowing I'd done everything I could to protect you. If something had happened to you--." He shook his head. "I had to."
"So you-you slept with me because you-we had to make a sacrifice. For the spell."
He nodded.
"And you knew that-that Ron would be a mutual sacrifice for us. That we would both be giving him up by-being together."
"It was the only way."
"You-you needed me for a-for a spell? Just for a spell?"
"I'm sorry."
She shook her head, feeling her temper flare. "Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear that you're sorry."
He swallowed hard, but nodded again.
"For it to be a sacrifice, Ron had to know. Right?"
"Yeah."
"So you-you had to make sure he found out?"
"Parvati told him that she thought there was something going on between us. He came up to find out."
"You knew he would be there."
"Yeah."
"Oh my god. And he had to walk away from us to make it work."
"It wouldn't have been a sacrifice if he'd forgiven us. It wouldn't have worked."
She felt her mind whirling, trying desperately to grasp any thought that went by. "But-he's still my friend."
"Maybe, but he's never really forgiven you. And I had to make sure he wouldn't ever forgive me either. For more than one reason." He cleared his throat again. "I couldn't let him go into that fight either."
"What?"
"I don't know why, but I think that he'd have died that day if he was there. I c-I couldn't let that happen." He sniffed again. "I had to make sure that he wasn't there."
This clicked into place fairly well considering how busy her mind was with everything else at the moment. "You drove him away. You said you knew you wouldn't be able to drive me away too. I should have-guessed. I should have known."
He sat back, staring at the floor. "I've been trying to fix it. That's what I've been looking for-a way to reverse it."
"You want your powers back."
He winced. "Not just-not just that. I think that-there may have been a-side-effect to the spell."
"What side-effect?"
"Bonding spells can cause-problems. Erm, feelings, you know? They can-make you think that you're-in love with someone when you're-really not."
She started to say Yeah, so? Then, it hit her. "You-you think that's what's happening with me?"
He swallowed hard again. "It-could be."
She shook her head. "It isn't," she snapped.
"You don't know that."
"You don't think I know what I'm feeling, Harry? I love you. Yes, I'm very, very pissed off at you right now, and you have a lot more explaining to do, but-I know how I feel about you. I loved you before the damned spell." She broke off, taking a deep breath. "It wasn't the spell."
Incredibly, his face fell, and he looked even more defeated than before. "Oh."
She felt her heart thump unsteadily in her chest. Something was very, very wrong here. "H-Harry? What--?"
He flinched at the sound of her voice, his lips pursed tightly.
"Harry, why-why are you telling me this now?" Her voice came out in a whisper, and her hands began to tremble in her lap.
He swiped furiously at his eyes, and she could see that he, too, was shaking. "I-Hermione, I--." His voice gave out, and a few tears slipped out of his eyes. "God, I'm sorry," he cried softly. "I-I don't want to hurt you. I- I really don't. I would never--." He broke off, trying to bite back a sob that still struggled its way out of him.
"Harry? W-what is it?"
He took a deep, trembling breath. "I don't-I don't love you."
She felt like she'd been hit. "What?"
"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry. I-I wish I could say that I do, but-I can't lie to you anymore. I just-don't."
She stood almost mechanically. "Oh."
"Hermione, I'm--."
"Don't!" she snapped, anger warring with her tears, both winning. "Don't tell me you're sorry! I thought-how could you--? You slept with me! You acted like-all this time, you've acted like you-loved me! You were-just using me?"
He gasped. "N-No, Hermione! I didn't-I could never---."
"You did, Harry! You used me in school and you've used me on this trip! I don't mean anything to you, do I? Nothing but a convenient shag? You bastard!"
He shook his head. "No, that's not true. I care about you, Hermione. I always have!"
"You care about me? Oh, that's just wonderful, Harry! Unfortunately, I love you, and you knew that!" she screamed, her hands clenching into fists, her tears streaming, unimpeded, down her cheeks. "You absolute prick! I love you and you-How could you do this to me? How could I have let you do this to me?"
"Hermione," he started, stepping toward her. He reached one hand up to her face, moving to wipe her tears away. She flinched away from him, her hand raising on it own and smacking him across the face.
"Don't touch me!" she cried. "Just-leave me alone!"
He stepped back, his hand moving to his own cheek, and he dropped his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
She turned and hurried to the door, fumbling a few times with the knob before she could get it open, running back across the hall to her room. She had just enough presence of mind to cast the silencing charms on her room and a locking charm on her door. Then, she sank to the floor and began to scream.
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If this didn't make you cry, then I totally and utterly failed. L I know, I know, I'm cruel, I'm evil, I'm vicious…but it had to happen. It's called rock bottom.
HarrynHermione4eva: DUCK! :D I'm sorry, I couldn't wait. I just couldn't. I'm so pathetic.
Let the raves begin *shakes head and braces self*