A/N: Sorry it took so long. I've had company all day, literally, and couldn't spend more than a few minutes at a time on it. Thanks for all the reviews. You all are simply incredible!
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Hermione awoke the next morning to find herself on the floor of her room. She recalled the night before only too well; the aches in her chest and her eyes were testament to the fact that it hadn't just been some horrible nightmare. He'd really said it. He'd really told her that he didn't love her.
Even the thought of him sent a pain through her and caused the dry sobs to start up again. She picked herself up, wandering into the bathroom. She soaked in the tub for a while, until she remembered the last time she'd been in a tub, with Harry, and suddenly found that she couldn't stand to sit there any longer. She climbed out quickly, drying off and dressing and trying not to think. They were due at Ron's soon, and she supposed she would have to go, although she really didn't want to see Harry at the moment.
She put it off as long as she could, then crossed to his room to knock on his door. He didn't answer. She sighed, agitated, and walked down to the front desk. "Excuse me," she asked the girl behind the counter. "Have you seen Mr. Potter this morning?"
The girl nodded. "Oh, yeah. He checked out a little while ago. Are you Miss Granger?"
"Ch-checked out?"
"Yes, ma'am. About-I don't know-two hours ago, maybe. He left this for a Miss Granger."
Hermione took it, her hands shaking. "Th-thank you," she muttered, starting back toward the stairs. She went back to her room, shut the door behind her, and opened the letter. A set of keys fell out of it, and she laid them carelessly on the table beside her. She had to take several deep breaths before she could focus enough to read.
Hermione,
I won't bother apologizing again, because I know you don't want to hear it, even though I could never say it enough to make it up to you. I thought it best to just go. Tell Ron I'm sorry I couldn't stay long enough to see him today. I doubt he'll mind.
I didn't want to leave you without something to drive, so I rented a car for you, in case you want it. If you don't, just tell the girl at the desk and she'll have someone come and get it.
I'm sure you won't ever want to talk to me again, so I won't bother you. I just can't let you go without at least saying Thank You. You're one of the few people who have always been there for me and I owe you my life for it. I'll miss you forever. Please, take care of yourself.
Harry
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Ron answered the door, looking only slightly better than he had the day before. His eyes were red, his skin pale and blotchy. When he saw her, he frowned. "What's wrong with you? You look terrible. Where's Harry?"
She felt the sobs building up again and only just managed to bite them back. "Can-can I come in?"
"Y-yeah, of course. Come in. Hermione, what's wrong? Where's Harry?"
She couldn't hold the tears back this time. They came rushing out of her, along with the whole story of what had happened the night before, and she was almost surprised, when she'd finally finished, to find that she had somehow made it into Ron's living room and was sitting on his couch. "I'm so stupid," she sobbed. "I'm so fucking stupid! I should have known!"
Ron was staring at her, his mouth open. "Hermione? You and Harry-you slept together-again?"
"It was stupid, I know it was stupid. But I thought-oh god, Ron, I really thought he loved me. I didn't think he would-not again. Oh I was so foolish."
Ron seemed almost hesitant to get near her, and she could understand why. "Well, it wasn't smart, that's for sure," he hissed, shaking his head. "Where is he?"
She shrugged, sniffling. "I don't know. London, I guess. Or headed to London, anyway. He-he can't Apparate anymore."
"I can," Ron spat. "And he'll be damned lucky if I don't Apparate straight to his bloody apartment and kill him as soon as he walks in the fucking door!"
"No, Ron. Don't. Please. It's-it's not worth it. It was-my fault."
"Like hell it was!" Ron roared. "He knew how you felt about him. He used you, Hermione. That little prick used you and you can't just let him get away with it!"
She shook her head, wiping her eyes on her shirt. "Ron, honestly, just-let it go. I wanted to be with him. I made the choice. Now I have to-live with it. Besides, he thought-he thought it was just because of the spell, you know? I think he really thought that the spell had made me fall in love with him."
"That's another thing he should be killed for," Ron grumbled. "He's a fucking moron if he thought that was going to work."
"What are you talking about?" Hermione sighed. "It did work, Ron. That's why he doesn't have any power left. He gave most of it to me."
Ron shook his head. "Not that, the other part. Trying to keep me from being there. I was there. Who the hell do you think took out the Lestrange bitch?"
Hermione gasped, her eyes widening. "Y-you were there? You killed Bellatrix?"
Ron blinked at her, nodding. "Well, yeah. You didn't think I would miss it, did you? Hell, Harry may have been a total arse, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to stand up and do my part."
"Oh my god. But-you never told me."
"I just assumed you knew."
Hermione almost laughed, although nothing seemed very funny to her at that moment. "He was trying to protect you."
"Yeah well, fuck him. I don't need his protection." He sighed, slumping down onto the couch next to her. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"You didn't know about the spell?"
"No. I feel like I should have, but I just-didn't."
"So you, um-you 'sacrificed' me just to make Harry happy?"
Hermione sniffed, feeling a lump rise in her throat. "I-I guess I did. God, Ron, I'm so sorry. I didn't-I didn't want to hurt you, I just--."
"You really were in love with him then," Ron muttered, his ears growing red. "It wasn't just a crush."
She shook her head. "No, it really wasn't. I loved him, Ron. I-I still do."
They were quiet for a long moment, then Ron finally choked out, "I suppose it would-be stupid of-of me to think that you're just going to-get over it?"
Hermione laughed softly. "Don't think I wouldn't like to. I don't think it's going to be that easy."
"He lied to you, Hermione. He lied to you and he used you. And he performed a spell on you, without telling you! I can't believe you aren't upset about that!"
She shook her head. "I was. When he first told me, I was ready to jinx his bollocks off, but-he did it to protect us, Ron. He cared about us so much that he was willing to do whatever he had to make sure that we were safe."
"He fucked you, broke my heart-broke yours too, if you haven't noticed--all for the sake of some stupid spell that he didn't even know would work," Ron snapped. "He took the only girl I had ever loved because he wanted to keep me safe? It's fucking idiotic! Who is he to say what we do and don't get to do?" He jumped to his feet, pacing across the room, scrubbing at his eyes with his sleeve. "He could have asked me, you know? He could have asked me and I would have told him--." He stopped, sniffing. "He didn't do me any favors, Hermione. Fucking bastard."
"Ron-Harry meant the best. I swear he did. He may have gone about it the wrong way, but he was trying to do the right thing."
Ron turned to face her, scowling. "Wh-how can you defend him? Look what he's done to you!"
"Because, my feelings aside, he really was doing what he thought was best."
"Does that include coming on this trip with you just so he could screw you again? Because he did, you know."
"He did not!" Hermione huffed. "He came with me to talk to you!"
"Yeah and he stuck around to do it, too, didn't he? You cornered him, Hermione, and he ran like a fucking rabbit. He's a coward!"
"He's not!" Hermione gasped. "How could ever think him a coward?"
"He isn't here, is he? If he wanted to talk to me so much, why didn't he come back here today?"
"Because of me, of course! He knew I wouldn't want to see him, so he decided to-."
"Run," Ron finished for her. "The git can stand up to Voldemort but he can't look you in the face and tell you the truth."
She frowned. "He did tell me the truth, Ron."
He scoffed. "Are you completely sure of that? Because I'm not."
"W-well, you wouldn't be, would you? A-and you didn't s-see him last night. He was-."
"Stop it!" Ron yelled, throwing his hands into the air. "Stop bloody defending him! He's being a total prick, Hermione, and you know it! Now, for fuck's sake, admit it!"
She frowned. "Ron, he's not!"
"He is! Maybe he didn't steal you away from me just to be an arse, I'll give him that. Maybe somewhere, in his misguided little head, he thought he was doing right by you. But this trip? You told him before you left that you had been in love with him, didn't you? He had to know that you wouldn't go to bed with someone if you didn't love them! Even he isn't that stupid, Hermione." He started to say something else, then stopped, taking a deep breath. "Look, I know I'm not exactly a genius, and I'm nobody's first choice for a discussion about emotions, but-you've got to admit that he's being a jackass. Stop defending him. You're not doing anyone any favors by sticking up for him."
"I-I'm not sticking up for him, Ron. He hurt me. I-I know he did. I just-there has to be some reason--."
"What if there isn't? What if it turns out that he was just in it for himself and he doesn't give a damn about you?"
Hermione felt the tears start to well in her eyes again, and she stared at him in shock. "But-it couldn't be, could it? He-This is Harry we're talking about. He-doesn't have it in him to be-like that."
"What if he does? What if we were wrong all these years and he's really a selfish prick?"
She sobbed, shaking her head. "Why are you saying this?" she cried.
"Because you aren't," he choked out. "You-you can't just ignore the fact that maybe he-doesn't love you. You're trying to find the answer to a problem that may not exist."
"B-But you-you don't know that! You can't--."
"I don't know anything," he said softly, "but I think maybe you should admit, now, that it's a possibility." He shrugged slightly. "I just think that if you don't acknowledge it now, and it turns out to be true-it's going to-it's going to crush you, and I can't-I can't live with that."
She shut her eyes, feeling as though the whole world was about to crash in on her. It can't be true. It can't be! Harry wouldn't-he would never-couldn't possibly! No it isn't true. Not Harry. Not--. But the little part of her that had already thought of this, no matter how hard she'd tried to ignore it, was still thinking it. She knew it was possible. Maybe he just didn't love her. Maybe he had never loved her.
"Oh, god," she whimpered. "Oh, god Ron, what if he doesn't? What if he doesn't give a damn about me? I-I--." She broke off, the lump in her throat nearly choking her. She let it go, didn't even try to stop the tears this time. She cried again, harder than she had even the night before, longer than she'd ever remembered crying in her life. It could have been a few minutes or several long hours before she stopped, but she cried until she couldn't cry anymore.
She thought she heard Ron crying along with her. When she finally managed to calm down, however, he was sitting beside her, his hand on her back, staring at the floor. "Better?" he asked quietly.
She sniffed, wiping her eyes and sitting up straight. "Well-yeah, actually. A bit anyway."
"Good. What's say we go get some dinner? I bet Madam Rosemerta would be glad to see you."
"Um, yes. I'd-like that. I just-need to go get-washed up."
She went into the bathroom and washed her face, determining that she wouldn't think about it anymore over dinner. She wasn't helping anyone by being this way, and she wasn't going to keep crying over it. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, then went back out to meet Ron.
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It wasn't easy to keep on a happy face. Madam Rosemerta had greeted her with a huge smile, inquiring if all was well with her. Of course, it wasn't, but Hermione could hardly get into that. Then, with all the subtlety of a semi-truck on ice, she asked, "So where's Harry? I didn't think I'd ever see one of you without the other two tagging right along!"
Hermione had left Ron to make Harry's excuses for him and settled herself at a table near the back. The place looked exactly the same, save that there were very few people in there. She was used to seeing it packed with Hogwarts students. Now, save herself and Ron, there were only two other patrons there. A witch with a pale, pointed face sat at a table in the other corner, and an old, grungy wizard sat at the bar, picking through a bowl of peanuts. Ron joined her a minute later with a couple of butterbeers.
"Sorry about that," he said, sitting across from her. "I, um-I usually just tell her that Harry's busy."
"You didn't want to talk about him?"
"Well, no. I figured that she'd eventually hear the gossip, so I didn't bother. It's incredible she hasn't heard by now."
Hermione nodded. "How's, um-How's your mum?"
He laughed softly. "She's-not happy. I mean, she isn't ready to cut ties with you or anything, but I think you're probably going to get an earful when you see her next." He shook his head, spinning the bottle between his hands. "She always talks about Harry in the past tense. Did you know that? It's always 'Harry was this' or 'Harry had that'. I tried to tell her to stop it once, but--."
"I guess it's reasonable for her to be-upset with him. What we did was-insensitive."
Ron nearly choked on his drink. "Insensitive? Are you trying for an understatement or do you really not get it?"
She frowned. "What?"
"Hermione, Mum was practically planning our wedding. Had we actually ever went on a date, I think she would have booked the hall and everything. And then when you and Harry--." He swallowed hard. "When you two slept together," he said, flinching, "it sort of-well, it was a bit of a shock, you know?"
Hermione frowned. "But why-what made her so certain that we would-get together?"
He blushed. "Probably because I always thought so. I-I thought that you liked me, you know? I figured that, once Harry had done what he had to do, we would be able to-see what happened with us. I didn't know that you were-in love with him."
"I'm sorry, Ron. I just-well, I wasn't even ready to tell Harry at that point. I truly thought that he saw me as just one of--."
"The guys?"
She shook her head. "Worse, actually. I thought he saw me as-a mother hen, or something. And when he asked me to-sleep with him, I was-shocked."
Ron scowled. "He just-asked you? Just like that?"
"More or less. He told me that he'd been-wondering about it and that he was interested. Not in that way, of course. He was a bit smoother about it than that, but the meaning was the same. And I told him I would think about it."
"Wait, if you loved him-what was there to think about?"
She scoffed slightly. "A lot of things, actually. He was one of my best friends."
"One that you were in love with," Ron added, a bitter edge to his voice.
"Yes, true, but at that point, we were still just friends. There was always a good chance it would complicate things."
"Which it did."
"Oh yeah." She sighed. "But, besides that-there was you."
"Me?"
"Well, yes, of course. I knew how you felt about me. I'd known it since 4th year. And I knew that, if I went through with it, if I slept with him, you would probably never forgive us. Little did I know, that was his whole reason for wanting to do it."
"Yeah, the damned spell."
She smiled sadly. "I can't understand why he thought it was necessary. Have we ever given him any reason to believe that we couldn't handle ourselves?"
Ron snorted. "Does it matter? He's an idiot. And worse than that, he's a noble idiot. Did it even occur to him that going up against Voldemort at less than full strength was basically committing suicide? It's a miracle the bastard didn't do him in."
Hermione nodded. "I know. But you know Harry; he just couldn't stand the thought of something happening to us."
"I used to know Harry," Ron corrected, his voice rough. "I have to tell you, I never saw this one coming."
"What, the spell?"
"No. That's the only part that does make sense. It's the rest of it. What the hell happened to him to make him act like he is now?" He frowned, taking a large swallow of his butterbeer. "You don't think that maybe it's because he lost his magic, do you? No, think about it. If anyone ever truly loved to be a wizard, it was Harry. It's got to mess with him that he's completely lost it."
Hermione thought about it, then sighed. "Well, yes, I suppose it would. He didn't seem to be too bothered by it, but then he wouldn't necessarily tell me if he was. I just don't know what's up with him."
"You know, you could try talking to him."
"Yeah, because that went so well the last time."
He shrugged. "Maybe not, but you know you won't be happy until you get some answers. Just-do me a favor?"
She nodded, confused. "Okay."
"Don't-um, don't go to bed with him again?"
She gave him a mock-glare. "Just how stupid do you think I am, Ron?"
He blushed. "I really can't answer that one without getting hit, right?"
"No."
"That's what I thought."
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J See, that wasn't so bad, was it? As always, thank you to HarrynHermione4eva. :D She is a saint!