A note from the author: I don't know if disclaimers are needed here, but just in case--I don't own them. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Okay, so I know chapter one was just posted an hour or so ago, but I don't like to give just one chapter to start out. I think readers need more to go on, so I'm putting chapter 2 up as well. I have a great deal of this story written, but may still be slow updating, as I have a lot of other projects going as well, and I proof-read and edit all my stories several times over to make sure it's all good, which takes a while.
Also, sorry about the font size on the last chapter. I should probably fix that. I had no idea it would upload that way. :D Sorry. Okay, so here's chapter 2.
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She knew who was at the door as soon as she heard the knock. She had actually expected it sooner. She pulled open the door and looked at him.
"You don't really think it was a mistake, do you?" He was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking both irritated and abashed.
"Of course not."
"Then why did you say it?" he asked, leaning against the door frame. "Just looking to hurt my feelings, were you?"
"Come in, Harry, please?"
He followed her into the living room where he slumped into a chair. He was looking more than a little pouty, which was right where she wanted him. She sat down across from him, summoning a bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen. "See you finally got the hang of summoning glasses around the walls instead of into them," Harry muttered, and she laughed.
"That only happened once, thanks very much. And no, I wasn't looking to hurt your feelings. I meant to piss you off."
"Why?"
"Because it's the one way to get you to talk."
He looked even more irritated, but shrugged. "Yeah, okay. But I'm still not going with you to see Ron."
"Fine. What about us? Are we allowed to talk about that?"
"What about us?"
"I don't think it was a mistake, Harry. It wasn't the smartest way to go about it, I suppose, but it wasn't a mistake." She drew in a deep breath. "I never had feelings for Ron, not really. I never cared about him that way."
"And me?"
She felt her cheeks grow warm. "I-well, I-," she paused, trying to arrange her thoughts. "Let's just say that it was a lot more likely that I could have-well, back then I could have-had feelings for you."
His eyebrows quirked slightly, but he just nodded. "But not for Ron?"
She shook her head, then shrugged. "Well, maybe for a while, during 4th year, you know. But-it was just a-passing thing. A little crush."
"That's all it was with me, though, right? Just a crush?"
She started to say that, yes of course, that's all it was. She couldn't, though. She had told herself she was going to be honest with him, and she had to do just that. "Actually, it was-a little more than that. At one time, you know."
Harry's eyes widened just the littlest bit. "Was that-around the time that we--?"
"Went to bed together?" she asked, laughing slightly at his hesitation. "Actually, yes."
"Before or after?"
"Before. I felt like that before we slept together."
"Did you still feel that way when--?"
She steeled herself and nodded. "I did. And for a while after, too."
He groaned, shutting his eyes and dropping his head back against the chair. "You should have told me that."
"I know."
"That would have changed things."
"Which is why I didn't tell you."
He looked at her again, then looked away, his jaw clenched. "I didn't know. It wasn't fair, to either of us."
"But it really was, Harry." She popped the cork on the wine and poured two glasses, leaving Harry's on the table just across from her. "We both got what we wanted, what we needed out of it."
He turned his glare back on her quickly. "And what exactly did I need, Hermione? You're so clever, what was it that I got out of it?"
"Comfort. Love. An escape."
He gave a harsh laugh. "You're way off."
"Am I?"
"Yes, you really are. I wasn't-I wasn't just using you."
"I didn't say you were," she countered.
"You said I slept with you as an escape. Because I needed someone to comfort me. That sounds, to me, like you're saying I used you as a means to an end."
"That's not what I meant, Harry. I didn't ever think you used me. You needed me and I was more than happy to oblige." She blushed, taking a sip of her wine. "I don't think it could have helped you had it been anyone but me."
He sighed, shaking his head. "But you-you should have told me, Hermione. I thought we both felt the same way. I thought it was just-friends, you know? It would have changed things."
"I know."
He was quiet for a long moment, staring at the glass of wine in front of him. "What if," he said finally, not looking at her, "I had decided that once wasn't enough?"
"Then I'd have been there for you every time."
"And that's fair to you how?"
"It didn't matter, Harry. I loved you." The words were out before she realized it and she hurried on to break the tension that rose afterwards. "I would have walked through fire for you if need be. You gave me a part of yourself that no one else had, and that was more than enough."
His eyes had widened noticeably. "Hermione, I, uh-I wasn't a--."
"I know you weren't. I knew about you and Parvati. She had a big mouth, you know. And I knew about you and Susan, although I never really heard whether you'd actually slept with her or not, just that you two had something going on. I'm sure there were others that I didn't hear about, too."
He blushed. "Well, I-you know. So then what did you mean by, part of me that no one else had?"
"If you still needed to be with me after what they'd given you, I figured-well, I never heard about anyone else after me. Not until we left Hogwarts, anyway. I just thought that maybe I had truly given you what you needed, and that meant a lot to me. Please don't tell me if that wasn't the case, I really don't want to know."
He swallowed hard, but looked her straight in the eye. "It was. I never thought of it before, but yeah, after you I just-I was okay."
She quirked an eyebrow, smirking. "Okay? I was hoping I'd done better for you than just okay."
He laughed, chewing his lip. "It was-I think we were-pretty good together."
Hermione tried hard not to think about it again. She had fantasized about it sometimes, when she was alone and-needy. Now, she forced the images to the back of her mind. "I'm glad we finally talked about this."
He glanced up, his smile fading slightly. "You still should have told me."
"Are you going to harp on about that? It was a long time ago, Harry. I made the decision not to tell you, and I'm still-well, I don't regret it."
Harry reached for his glass and took a long swig of the wine. "Parvati talked about me after--?"
Hermione snorted, covering her mouth with her hand. "Constantly. I heard all the details at least twenty times."
Harry paled slightly. "A-all of them?"
Hermione knew what he was worried about. Parvati had been his first, and things hadn't gone perfectly for him. "Relax, Harry. She was very-complimentary."
"Complimentary?"
"Yes. She said you were very-um, attentive, and sweet. And," she blushed, "passionate."
"She said I was passionate?" Harry looked slightly more hopeful.
Hermione giggled. "Well, you were a bit-uh, enthusiastic."
"Enthusiastic?"
"Mm-hmm. You know, you were very, um-eager."
"Eager." He was now looking anything but enthusiastic and eager. "You make me sound like a puppy."
She rolled her eyes. "You're a bit rough, Harry."
He blushed. "Oh."
"Not that I minded. I was-Well, it was great, you know. A bit-shocking, I suppose. But nice."
Harry took another long drink of his wine. "You sure know how to sweet talk a guy, Hermione."
She laughed. "Honestly, Harry. Parvati wasn't complaining, and neither am I. We both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves."
He gave a begrudged laugh. "Well, that's something."
"What-what about you? Did you-enjoy yourself?"
He looked at her, an expression of disbelief on his face. "Well, yeah, of course. It's not hard for a guy to enjoy himself."
"But was I-good?"
He laughed, nodding. "You were fine, Hermione, honestly."
"Fine?" she asked, a little insulted.
"Oh come on, Hermione. I mean, you got the job done, right? I didn't expect you to be spectacular, since you hadn't had much experience, so you were really-better than I-What?"
She was blushing furiously.
"What, Hermione?"
"Harry, I hadn't-I hadn't had any experience. I'd never done more than-well, a little kissing. I-I thought you knew that."
Harry had turned rather pale. "I thought that you and Viktor had--."
"No! No, I kissed him once or twice but-no. Not even close."
"You were a-you hadn't ever?"
She shook her head. "I honestly thought you knew."
"I didn't."
"Well, it's no big deal, really. It's good that my-first time was with you, right? Someone I care about and trust."
Harry was shaking his head again. "I shouldn't have-I just-I didn't know."
"Harry, please. It was a long time ago. It's no big deal." She sighed. "Don't regret it, please. It meant a lot to me."
"I don't-I don't really regret it, Hermione. I just-there were things I would have done differently, had I known."
"You mean, you wouldn't have done it at all."
He looked at her, taking another drink of wine. "No. I-Maybe. I don't know."
"Well, either way. It's done now." She tried not to sound too bitter, but if Harry's wince told her anything, she didn't accomplish it. "Can we talk about Ron?"
"No."
She sighed. "Harry--."
"No."
"He misses you."
"He told you that?"
"Well, no. Not so much. But I can tell he does."
Harry was quiet for a minute, swishing the very little bit of wine left in his glass. "I can't forgive him for it, Hermione. I forgave him when he didn't believe me about the Tri-Wizard Tournament. I tried to be sympathetic with him."
"As you should have done. He couldn't help but be jealous, Harry. You've always had something-well, something more than he has. Money, fame, girls-I know, nothing that you would have ever asked for if you had to get it the way you did. I'm not saying anything about you, Harry, honestly. You're just-well, to be honest, you have a lot going for you."
"Such as?" Harry asked, looking thoroughly testy.
"Well, and don't you dare tell Ron I said anything of this or I'll jinx the hell out of you, you're just naturally more-talented. You're better at magic, you're smarter, you're-better-looking. You are, not that Ron is ugly, of course. You're just more dashing than he is. You're just-well, you have more going for you."
"He didn't have it so bad, though."
"Had it not been for you and his brothers, he would have been okay, sure. But you and Charlie and Bill-you always overshadowed him. It wasn't your fault, but you did."
"So I'm supposed to make it up to him for the rest of my bloody life?"
"No, Harry, no you aren't. You can't just write him off, though. You were too good of friends to let this come between you."
"That's just it, Hermione. Evidently we weren't, because it has. We haven't spoken to each other in three years because of it."
"Doesn't that mean anything to you, Harry? Doesn't it bother you?"
Harry frowned. "Not anymore. Hermione, you heard what he said. Do you have any idea how much that--?"
"Hurt you? I do, to an extent. It was wrong of him, Harry. He was hurt too, though. When Ron gets hurt, he wants to make everyone else hurt too. It's not a good way to handle it, but there it is. Can you even imagine what it must have been like for him?"
"It had nothing to do with him!" Harry snapped.
"Of course it did, Harry. Even if he hadn't had a crush on me, it still would have concerned him. We were his two best friends. When three people are as close as we were, and two of them get together, what happens to the third?"
"We didn't get together. We--."
"Slept together, Harry. We had sex. We did something so intimate and personal that you can't even name it. Which, coincidentally, is a little childish of you. But that's beside the point," she hurried on when he glared at her. "The point is, we had something between the two of us that he won't ever have. And, to be honest, he wanted it more than you did. He thought he'd lost out to you again."
"It wasn't a bloody competition."
"I know that, stop snapping at me. To him, though, it was. He wanted money, you had it. He wanted fame and recognition, you had it. He wanted the Tri-Wizard glory, you had it. And you didn't even want any of it, which made it even worse. He saw exactly the same thing happening with you and me. He wanted me, for a long time, and you got me. And-well, to him anyway, you didn't even really want me."
Harry rolled his wine glass between his hands. "That's not true."
"Harry, it doesn't matter. He thought it was. He's not always reasonable, we both know that. Look at how he found out. All we were doing was kissing, and he immediately assumed that that meant we'd slept together."
"Which we had."
"But he didn't know that. He just assumed we had. That's not reasonable."
"So I'm just supposed to forgive everything he said to me because he has this huge character flaw which is in no way my fault."
"Would you stop?" she groaned, exasperated. "It's not just about you, Harry. It's about Ron and me too. I sincerely doubt that you'll do anything just for him, so I'm going to be totally selfish. Do it for me, Harry. This whole thing has hurt me more than you can even imagine. I still want to be friends with both of you. I don't want to lose either of you because of this. I can't keep on like this, though. It's tearing me apart."
He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I know it's hard for you."
"You can fix it. I know it means sacrifice on your part, and I hate to ask you to sacrifice anymore than you already have, but-please, Harry. It would mean the world to me."
"That's blackmail," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "It's very, very unfair."
"Does that mean you'll do it?"
"I guess so."
She grinning, standing up and crossing to put her arms around him. "Oh, Harry, thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She kissed his cheek, then pulled him back into a tight hug, flopping down onto his lap.
Harry, despite his irritation, laughed. "All right, Hermione. Calm down. I didn't say I'd marry him. I'm just going to go with you and try to talk to him. If he doesn't go for it, I quit. Deal?"
"Yes, absolutely. Just-thank you for trying. It's going to work, I just know it."
Harry kept his arms around her, letting her bury her head in his shoulder. She wondered, briefly, how long she could hold him like this before he suspected something.