The Azkaban Hot Tub Tales by Miranda Aurelia (Blue Lady)
A/N: Unusually longer chapter coming up! ^.~ I was going to cut this into two chapters, but hey, it breaks the
flow.
Chapter 7: The Absolute Scariness that is Harry Potter
Ginny threw up her hands, "How does your girlfriend even stand you?"
"I'm really feeling the love here, mom."
End Part 6
"Oh c'mon, I'm sure I spoil you rotten for the first ten years of your life at the very least."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Well, I'll make sure that I do, so you won't have anything to say, buster!"
"Sounds good to me. By the way, about my girlfriend....her dad can pretty much kill me without lifting a finger. He's that powerful."
"Great," Ginny groaned to Hermione, "My son's seeing You-Know-Who's daughter."
"Hell NO!" Shawn looked disgusted, "That's just…ew…"
Ginny gave a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, the amused expression on Hermione's face remained as it had ever since she had figured out who the blond in Ginny's room was.
"So her dad's not some super bad dark wizard…I hope."
"Hardly. I mean, it's Harry Potter. You don't get scarier than that!"
His mother just stared at him for a second before grabbing Hermione and hugging her tightly. "Our children are going to get married! It's so romantic!"
"Hey! I never said anything about getting married!" protested Shawn.
"You don't want to offend Harry," warned Ginny.
"Duly noted."
"C'mon," protested Hermione, "Harry's not that scary, if at all."
"That's because all his scariness is never directed at you."
"Tell me about it!" moaned Shawn, "When he found out that I was seeing Nina, he threatened to make me
watch all three Lord of the Rings movies without a bathroom break if he ever caught me hurting his
daughter."
Ginny looked suitably impressed. "That's pretty creative."
"That doesn't really fit Harry's personality though," Hermione said thoughtfully, "He's usually not that big on the threats."
The redhead just rolled her eyes. "You obviously aren't around when bad things happen to you right? I mean, he practically mows down anybody in his path when you're in danger!"
"Um, mom, Aunt Hermione wouldn't be around if she were in danger right? So obviously she doesn't know-"
"I get the point!"
"Gee, snappish today, aren't we?" muttered Shawn.
Hermione wrapped an arm around Shawn's shoulders, "Ginny, there's no need to take out your anger on Shawn."
"You're the best, Aunt Hermione, you know that?"
"I'm sorry," Ginny sighed, "I'm still a bit out of it this morning…no hard feelings?" she bit her lip, "Oh my God, what if I'm a terrible mother and all my kids hate me?!"
"Hey, you're a great mom!" Shawn took Ginny's hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze, "You're one of the best moms in the whole wide world, even if you did torture me by making me spend an entire afternoon with Uncle Percy that time when I was eight." He said the last part under his breath.
Ginny gave him a small smile, "You know what? I'm glad I have you for a son too."
Shawn smiled back before he realized that all the sappy feelings were threatening his bad boy image; his smile quickly morphed into a frown as he tried to think of something else to say. "So…"
It was then that Draco, Harry and Ron burst into the room. Upon seeing the three occupants of the room sitting cross-legged on Ginny's bed, all hell broke loose.
"There he is!" yelled Ron, waving a rolled up copy of the Daily Prophet, "Charge!"
<>
"Mom, save me!!" yelped Shawn, throwing himself behind Ginny.
"He's got Hermione too!" added Ron, as an afterthought.
"I can see that," bit out Harry, although he did throw Hermione a questioning look.
"Hey, I get first dibs!" yelled Draco, "That's my fiancée whose room he's holed in."
Then he scowled,
"Ginny, how could you do this to me?!"
"What did I do?"
"You're cheating on me with some kid that looks like me!" whined Draco.
"It could be worse," offered Shawn, "She could be cheating on you with someone who's not as good
looking as me."
"Why you little-!"
"Draco!" shrieked Ginny as her boyfriend tried to reach behind her and strangle their son, "Stop that!"
"Go Malfoy!" cheered Ron.
"Shut up Ron!"
Meanwhile, Hermione calmly placed a hand onto Harry's arm; the latter just pinched the bridge of his nose. "I assume there's a good explanation for this?" he asked wearily.
"He's from the future," Hermione informed him.
Harry paused before his eyes traveled from Shawn to Ginny to Draco and back to Shawn before turning to Hermione. "Oh," he said, lowering his wand.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Ron looked confused, 'A few curses would be nice here!"
"Ron!" yelled Ginny as Draco finally managed to clue in onto the other boy's identity, "You even think about cursing my son and I'll-"
"Son?" squeaked Ron, "How?"
Draco just rolled his eyes, "Didn't your dad tell you about the birds and bees, Weasley? You have a guy and a girl and maybe a bed-"
"La la la la la," Ron covered his ears with his hands, "Not listening!"
"I think he's still repressing," Ginny whispered to Draco, "The Talk was pretty awkward from what I heard."
Draco smirked before he turned to Shawn who was currently very interested in the wallpaper, "Don't tell me you're repressing too?"
Shawn just rolled his eyes, "Mom thinks I'm going to make her a grandma before I reach my eighteenth birthday, what do you think?"
Surprisingly, it was Hermione that blew up at this and Shawn suddenly found himself at wand-point. "So you're just playing around with my precious daughter?" she hissed.
"No!" Shawn said quickly and then he gulped at the slightly dangerous look that had entered his godmother's eyes, "I wouldn't do that, I love her!"
That effectively shut everyone up for the next half minute or so.
"Well," surprisingly, it was Ron that finally broke the silence, "Let me congratulate you on giving an extremely smart reply and thereby preventing yourself from being kicked down the stairs by Harry Potter himself."
"Oh…Uh…Thanks, Uncle Ron."
Draco merely shot Ron an irritated look. "Malfoys do not get kicked down stairs by people named Potter."
"Says who?" shot back Ron.
"Rule #103 of the Malfoy Handbook: Malfoys do not allow themselves to get kicked down stairs or off balconies by people with the surname of Potter," recited Draco and Shawn simultaneously in a monotone voice.
"That's a stupid rule," groused Ron.
"Deal with it."
"Sod off, Malfoy."
"So that's our future son-in-law?" Harry asked Hermione quietly, nodding towards Shawn as Ron and Draco continued to bicker.
"Yes," Hermione smiled, "And believe it or not, I'm actually starting to get rather fond of him myself."
Harry shrugged, "Well, at least we know that he has excellent taste."
"Why thank you Potter-" Draco drawled, catching the tail-end of the conversation between Harry and Hermione, "But it's common fact that all Malfoys have impeccable taste."
Ron immediately doubled over coughing at that remark.
"Oh dear," Draco said in a concerned voice, even though his eyes shone with mirth, "I think Weasley sounds like he's going to kick the bucket soon."
"You wish Malfoy!" spluttered Ron.
"Yeah," Draco looked annoyed, "Speaking of which, where the heck is my fairy godmother? On strike? I mean, there has to be a reason why none of my wishes are coming true!"
"Probably because Ron's been wishing the same thing and your wishes probably cancel each other out."
Draco pouted at Ginny, "But I spend more time wishing for his demise!"
As usual, Draco's pout resulted in Ginny wrapping an arm around his shoulders and giving in to the urge to nibble on his lip, which naturally evolved into a full-blown snogging session.
"Somebody shoot me," muttered Ron as his sister and so-called mortal enemy proceeded to indulge in a long snog-fest.
Shawn suddenly found his shoes extremely interesting.
"You really are serious about my daughter?" Harry turned to Shawn with an unreadable expression.
"Wait a minute!" Draco finally broke off his lip-lock with Ginny, "I thought this was just your average teenage fling!"
"This is where you threaten my manly bits if I even cause Nina shed a single tear, right?" asked Shawn nervously. It didn't matter how many things his father said to the contrary, his godfather was a scary wizard!!
"Don't give him any ideas!" hissed Draco.
"Did you hear about that Death Eater I ran into the other day?" Harry chose this time to remark off-handedly to Hermione, "I don't think he'll ever look at rectangles the same ever again."
Shawn gulped.
"By the way," Harry looked at the younger Malfoy, "I fully expect any grandchildren to be legit."
"Grandchildren!" Shawn was mortified to hear his voice squeak.
"Hey!" Draco glared at his son, "Malfoys do not, under any circumstances, even when threatened by the evil, scary Pothead himself, squeak!"
Shawn scowled. "Your hearing's going out the window, Dad."
"My hearing is perfectly fine! You're grounded!" Draco snapped before turning back to Harry, "Are you nuts? That's my only son you're trying to marry off!"
"I guess if you don't mind your grandkids having my last name…" Harry said, affecting a seemingly thoughtful expression.
"That's it! You're proposing as soon as you get back!" Draco snapped again, this time at Shawn.
"Dad, I'm only fifteen!"
"Well, you should have thought of that before you started having less than platonic thought about Potter's daughter!"
"Hear, hear!"
"Uncle Ron!!"
"Sorry, kid. It's a bad habit of mine."
"You mean aside from the ten thousand other bad habits you have," said Draco dryly.
"Shut it Malfoy."
"And before I forget," Draco ignored Ron and turned to Ginny with an innocent expression, "What was that you said yesterday about not having my kids?"
"………"
****************************************
Meanwhile, Duke was starting to get even more restless and impatient and just generally annoyed. It was…unacceptable, that's what it was! for a genius mastermind like himself to have to await orders like any ordinary death-eater-in-training!!
He glanced again at the short note from his father. Earl had seemed particularly interested in the circular shiny object that Duke had discovered, but it seemed that the Dark Lord was currently 'meditating' á la Obi-wan Kenobi, so now he had nothing to do but wait.
Well, that was boring.
Maybe it was time for him to take a bit of initiative. After all, all future leaders had to have a bit of initiative! (It said so in the Hogswarts Leadership Camp training brochure) and since Duke had been special enough to be one of only five hundred Hogswarts students selected for said Leadership Camp, he figured he had what was needed.
First things first. He needed a plan.
As he tapped his quill impatiently against the table, the abrupt appearance of an owl appearing right in front of him caused him to tip back a bit more than usual and arms flailing wildly, he fell backwards onto the ground with a scream.
His father's owl merely gave him an almost disdainful look after dropping the letter on his head before flying off again.
Duke groaned as the room seemed to spin around as he slowly righted himself. Grabbing the side of the table for balance, he slowly read through the letter. It seemed that his father had the suspicion that Lucius had probably warned Draco about the planned attack at Hogsmeade, and since Draco was now seeing Weasley girl, he intelligently deducted that the boy Weasley would know too and by extension, Potter must know as well. A new plan was needed at once!
Well, Duke knew that he was simply a natural leader; so therefore, it was up to him to come up and implement this new plan!
That is why, after ten minutes of intense scribbling and muttering, he had come up with, not only Plan A, but Plan B as well!
"Oh yeah," thought Duke smugly, "Pure genius in the house!" He rubbed his hands together gleefully, "Now…where did I hide my stash of polyjuice…."
<>
A few levels above….
Draco was still gloating about the fact that his son was here, Ginny was pointedly ignoring him, Ron was trying to get more information out of Shawn and Hermione and Harry were quietly talking amongst themselves.
"I get made part owner of the Chudley Cannons and I get onto Witch Weekly's annual List?" Ron looked rather excited at this.
"Every year, I think," Shawn shrugged, "Though Dad and Uncle Harry still have this pissing contest about who's been #1 for the most years. I think they're kind of tied right now, though I still say it's really weird seeing them on the cover."
"Yeah right," snorted Draco, "With those scrawny arms Potter has?"
"They are not scrawny!" protested Ginny.
"Far from it," Hermione added, then she looked defensive as everyone stopped and stared at her.
"What?"
"Why Granger, I never thought that you'd notice anything that wasn't part of a two-thousand page textbook," said Draco sarcastically.
Harry just looked rather pleased. "Thanks Mione," he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Hermione just blushed.
"Hands, Harry!"
"Lighten up Ron, it's not like nobody noticed all that foot movement under the table with Luna last night-"
"Now that is way too much information," grimaced Shawn.
"I totally agree," said Ginny with a wrinkle of her nose as they neared the top of the stairs.
"Although it's not as bad as-AH!!" Shawn yelped as he stumbled and went flying down the stairs head first.
"Shawn!"
"Wigardium Leviosa!" shouted Hermione.
Shawn gave another uncharacteristic shriek as he suddenly went from flying straight down the stairs to shooting ten
feet up into the air above them.
"I can't look," moaned Ginny as she buried her face into Draco's shoulder.
"I can," exclaimed Ron, "Does anyone have one of those muggle…tamras things?"
"You mean a camera?" asked Harry.
"Yeah, that."
Meanwhile, Hermione gently lowered Shawn back onto his feet, the latter of which was now awfully pale.
"Are you alright?" Draco asked.
Shawn was silent for a long moment, then he broke out into a grin. "That was fun! Can we do that again?!"
Meanwhile, at the underground cavern….
"Where's my headless horsemen?!" bellowed Voldemort.
"Uh, Boss," said Earl cautiously, "You have to be dead to have those…"
"Oh," A thoughtful expression appeared on Voldemort's face, "That is a problem, what with me being immortal and all."
There was a moment of silence.
"Well, why doesn't someone kill me already?!" The Dark Lord finally yelled, "I want my headless horsemen!!"
"Um…do you w-want us to c-c-call Harry P-P-Potter?" stuttered Nott, "I t-think he might be w-w-willing."
"No!" Voldemort turned towards Nott in a rage, "I get to kill him!!"
"Oh yes," Lucius thought to himself, "I hear that Quebec is very nice this time of year. Nothing like taking half a year off from your demented boss to help with the mental healing and all."
Earl cut in smoothly, "Never fear, for my son is currently setting your plan into motion as we speak."
Now Voldemort just looked a bit perplexed. "What plan do you speak of and why wasn't I informed about this plan?"
"It's a relatively new plan. An extremely good one if I do say so myself." Earl said pompously.
"Ah yes, this seems to be a good time to use up those two years of paid vacation time I have saved up," Lucuis continued his internal musings while Earl gave his sales pitch, "I wonder if Narcissa would like a trip to Venice this time of year or maybe even Outer Mongolia…"
"-thereby successfully kidnapping the Mudblood and the Weasel!" finished Earl with a triumphant smirk, "What do you think?"
"Very nice." Voldemort replied rather absentmindedly while admiring his new locks in a mirror. "Do you think green looks bad on me?"
"Well, uh…" Goyle Sr. just looked confused, "Sure?"
"Crucio!"
Lucius didn't even blink as his fellow Death Eater toppled to the ground screaming. He was too busy reviewing his future vacation plans.
End Part 7
In Chapter 8, Duke puts his Evil!Sinister!! plan into action. Will Harry and Draco get there in time? Is Harry's
publicist one THOUSAND times better?! Are Death Eaters scary? Will the disco ball fall on Voldemort? Does the author
need to go on a diet?
Any and all comments welcome. Flames (wah!!) will be used on the Death Eaters to promote healthy living.
See you all next time! =) HAPPY NEW YEAR!