The Azkaban Hot Tub Tales by Miranda Aurelia (Blue Lady)
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Chapter 8: Why one should carry a functional cellphone
A few days later, sometime after dinner, at the bottom of the stairs leading to the Great Hall
"Malfoy, didn't you just head off with Ginny?"
The Slytherin merely raised an eyebrow, "Well, seeing as I just got here…"
Harry looked a bit perplexed by this, "So who was that I just saw heading off with Ginny, Ron and Hermione to the Prefect meeting?"
"I was planning on skipping it," drawled Draco, "But you said that someone who resembled me went off with them?"
"Not just resemble," insisted Harry, "He looked exactly like you!"
Suddenly a thought occurred to Draco, "He didn't…seem a bit crazy, did he?"
"No more than you usually do," said Harry dryly, "Though what was up with that evil laugh of yours? Even Ginny was giving you weird looks."
"That wasn't me, you git!!" Draco gritted through his teeth, "But I think I know who."
Seeing that Harry still didn't get what he was talking about, he sighed. "I got a letter from my father a last week," he explained patiently, "He said that my uncle and cousin were planning something."
"Go on."
"Remember what I told you about Voldie wanting to lure you out of Hogswarts using the Weasel and Granger?!"
Harry just looked at Draco with dawning comprehension, "So if you weren't the one I saw with Ginny and them, that means-"
"My cousin decided to have some fun with polyjuice," grounded Draco, "What I get my hands on
that…argh!!" He cracked his knuckles, "Where were they going, Potter?"
"Third floor."
The two of them exchanged another look before they practically flew towards the stairs.
When they finally arrived on the third floor, both of them were panting like crazy.
"This castle really needs an elevator," grumbled Harry when he finally caught his breath, "And better room service while they're at it."
Draco merely continued his internal monologue as he turned sharply down the left corridor.
Kicking open the first door dramatically, Draco was cut off in his internal rantings (mostly about what he was going to do to the git that dared to steal his good looks) as he spotted them near the windows in the empty classroom. Harry almost smacked into the blond as he abruptly stopped in the doorway.
"What the heck, Malfoy-" Harry's eyes flashed in anger as he took in the scene in front of them. "Hey, let go of them!"
The Draco lookalike was currently holding onto the three petrified figures of Hermione, Ron and Ginny.
That seemed to galvanize Draco into action as he immediately ran straight towards Duke, fire shooting out of his eyes.
"Too late, heros," sneered Duke, still wearing Draco's face, as he continued the countdown, "-and one! So long, suckers!!"
"Hermione! Ron!"
"Ginny!" yelled Draco as both his spell and Harry's bounced off an invisible barrier that shimmered into view after the spells hit it.
Harry and Draco could only watch in horror as the portkey activated and Duke disappeared along with his captives.
The next second, there was a loud bang and a hole had appeared in the wall of the empty classroom.
Draco looked warily from the broken stone to Harry and back again.
"That was a perfectly normal reaction," Harry said defensively, lowering his still slightly smoking wand.
"I would suggest anger management classes if I wasn't so sure that you'd probably put a hole through the ceiling anyways."
"I do not have a bad temper," grumbled Harry.
"Yeah, and I'm not evil."
"You're not."
"Oh yes I am!"
"What was the last evil thing you did? Huh?"
"I warned you about Duke's plan to kidnap Granger and Weasley!" Draco blurted out before realizing that didn't fall into the category of evil at all, "No, wait a second, no, I didn't do that!"
"Yes you did."
"Damn…" Draco moaned, "My reputation is officially fried."
"You can still be a major pain the arse sometimes, if that's any consolation," offered Harry with a
straight face.
"No, that's a job requirement," Draco rolled his eyes, "So what do we do now?"
"Now," Harry began his usual habit of pacing back and forth around the room, "We figure out where your
temporary look-alike took Ron, Hermione and Ginny and charge to the rescue as usual."
"Okay," Draco pretended to look really keen, "So where to?"
Harry opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again wordlessly. "Don't rightfully know," he concluded
ruefully, "Usually Hermione's the one that handles the details; I'm the one that does the charging,
hand-waving and butt-kicking."
"Should have known you'd be all useless without the missus," the blond muttered as he tried to figure out
what to do next.
"Well, since the git just kidnapped my girl as well, I suppose I might as well be non-evil and help Potter get
Granger and the sidekick back." Draco thought, "So I suppose the next thing would be to find out where I can
get a portkey to this hideaway. Hmm, I know…."
Harry's eyes widened as he saw Draco remove a shiny silver object from his pocket, "You have a
cellphone?" he asked incredulously, "They don't even work in here!"
"What's so surprising?" Draco gave Harry an annoyed look as he punched in some numbers, "And for
your information, oh wise one, the school blocks apparition, not cellphone signals!"
Abruptly, he turned away when the person at the other end finally picked up. "Father, is that you?"
Pause.
"What? Voldie gave you a promotion and a raise because he thought Duke was me? Wait a minute, they're dedicating part of the cave network to you too? Wow! That is just awesome! I really should let moronic cousins impersonate me more."
Pause.
"So where are you?"
Pause.
"There's a spare portkey where?"
Pause.
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"Oh…no, how the heck am I suppose to know that you keep your portkeys in the hidden panel of my
desk that I didn't even know about!"
Pause.
"Uh huh, okay. Be right there. You're putting Earl on shoe-shinning duty right? Sweet. You say they're all bowing to Granger? What for?!"
Pause.
"I see. Sure. Bye." Draco concluded his conversation with a snap of his cellphone before turning back to Harry.
Seeing Harry's raised eyebrow, he reported, "Voldemort just got knocked out by the fake disco ball and the remaining Death Eaters so terrified of your wrath that they're treating Granger like a queen."
Harry just blinked. "Wow, I had no idea I was that scary."
"Say, who is your publicist anyways?" asked Draco curiously, "Because I really want to hire them."
About fifteen minutes later…
"I had no idea your stuffed bear was a portkey too; not to mention it's kind funny imagining you with a teddy
bear in the first place, especially one with hearts all over it…"
"Potter," Draco said patiently, "Kindly remove your hands from Gin's Valentine's day
gift…." He paused, "Or what was to be her present."
"Oh...." There was a pause, "Hey, what's this? It looks really neat!"
"You sure you aren't a Dark Wizard at heart?"
"Well, Hermione always likes it when I get a bit rough-"
"Oh puh-leeze! Spare me your twisted bedroom activities!"
"-dueling! She hates it when I go easy on her." Harry rolled his eyes, "Get your mind out of the gutter,
ferret-boy."
"Well, how am I supposed to know?!"
"Did you find the right portkey yet?"
"Like ten minutes ago!"
"Then what are you waiting for?!"
"I'm meditating! Important stuff, you know!"
"Malfoy, you are not a Buddhist-in-training, now move!"
End Part 8
A/N2: Only 1 more chapter left after this! *grins* Coming up: Why does Ron like the Death Eater hideout so much? Does Draco suck at sign language? Do Harry and Hermione ever stop? Should the author get a Segway and where does she park said segway during lectures?!
Does the author need to get the hell off of facebook? She really should.
Speaking of which, I've been thinking of writing a sequel to this fic, only I'm having trouble deciding whether to post it as part of this story or to post it as a new story, ie. do I just add it onto this fic as chapter 10 and so on or as chapter 1 of a new story entry? Any suggestions?