BELONG TO NOWHERE
"Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time" (Damien Rice- Older Chests)
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Thanks Acoustics1220 for the beta!! You rock!
Chapter 19: Crossing the Line
"Sirius, leave them alone," Remus said.
"No! We…I …need respect in this house!" the old Animagus said. Remus chuckled. "And I forbid you, Remus Lupin, to laugh!"
Sirius´ bedroom
"Oh, Hermione..." he moaned against her mouth.
"H-Harry…I-I can't…We can't…" she said trying to let go of him.
Harry broke the embrace and stared at her. "W-What?"
"We can't…we can't go on with this, Harry," she whispered, looking away.
"No, Hermione…you can't possible say that you feel nothing…"
"This isn't a matter of what I feel or not, Harry!" Hermione said a little stronger this time. "Do you think everything's gonna be okay just because you decided to snog me?! Is this the way that you think that everything will be alright? You hurt me- you say terrible things to me and then- and then you just kiss me and bam everything is fine again?!"
"Hermione-" Harry stared at her, dumbstruck. "I-I said I was sorry...You said- I thought you had forgiven me."
"It isn't a matter of forgiveness, Harry! Yes, I can understand your actions but still it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I was always your friend, Harry! Always! And you just jump to conclusions! You shouted to the whole bloody Great Hall that I was a traitor!"
"Hermione-"
"I always did everything for you- and Ron. Everything! But- I don't know- I'm beginning to think that-" She stopped, taking a deep breath. "I'm tired of always giving, Harry."
"I wish I could take back everything I did- everything I said- but I can't. I can't go back and change what happened. I could pass hundreds of years asking forgiveness but it wouldn't be enough."
"Harry…"
"I didn't kiss you to make you forget- or forgive me. I kissed you because I have this bloody feeling inside my chest. I kissed you because I can't think of anything else but you! I desire you, Hermione! I want you- this kiss..."
Oh god, what she was supposed to do? To say? She wanted to kiss him again and repeat over and over how much she loved him- but she couldn't. It was all a big mistake. She knew she would be hurt again in the end. He belonged to Ginny.
"Harry-this-this kiss. I don't know what happened...you were confused-we were confused-"
"You kissed me back, Hermione! You hugged me back! I heard…I felt your moans…your kisses…against my mouth…my skin…"
"Harry…"
"Did you feel this way when Dean kissed you? Did you?" he asked, his green eyes boring into her.
"Harry…this isn't about Dean…" She never felt so naked- so vulnerable.
"Yes, this isn't. It's about you and me! It's about how we feel about each other!"
"Harry, Ginny…"
"I don't care about Ginny!" he cried angrily, shaking her shoulders. "I want you! Please, Hermione…"
"She's the right one for you…she can…make you happy…" she whispered almost inaudibly, as she was trying to convince herself of her words.
He cupped her face in his hands and asked, "Tell me…tell me looking in my eyes that you don't feel the same way about me. Tell me that you didn't love me."
"Harry, you are confused," Hermione tried to say.
"No," he said firmly. "I have never been surer of anything in all my life. I tried to deny it, Hermione. I tried to think it was only an attraction but I know it isn't the truth! I am in love with you." He took her hand.
Hermione looked at him surprised, her heart beating very fast. "W-What did you say?"
He smiled shyly at her. "I am in love with you," he whispered, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips.
Before she could say anything, the bedroom's door suddenly opened and Sirius entered, breathing hard. Remus and Tonks were with him.
"Stop this right now!" Sirius cried, his face red. "I don't want-"But then he stopped. Hermione's feelings were a little different now. She was confused, sad. "What happened?" His voice was calm now and he looked concerned. The smiles on Remus and Tonks faces had also disappeared.
"Sirius," Hermione whispered. Harry remained silent. She looked at him and then at the old Marauder; a realization coming into her mind. "Oh. The bond...you felt-" She blushed and he nodded.
"Bond?" Harry asked confused, his hands still holding hers. "What are you talking about?"
"You didn't tell him." It wasn't really a question.
Hermione shook her head. "No, Sirius."
"Can you please explain what's going on?!" Harry cried annoyed. So many things had happened in the last hours, so many changes...First, his late Godfather had simply returned from the death. Then, he had just confessed to his best female friend that he was in love with her. Then he actually kissed his best female friend! Oh bugger!
Sirius took a deep breath and began to tell everything to Harry: the book in Bill's apartment, Dean's drawing, the phoenix, the ritual, the bond...
Harry was listening to everything without say a word. "So, that's why Dean knew about the blue phoenix," he thought, still feeling the jealously towards his classmate.
"Oh, so you too are bonded now," Harry finally spoke up after listening to Sirius, trying to sound casual. The young wizard didn't know how to feel or what to say about that.
Sirius and Hermione were bonded. Bonded.
Oh Merlin, what did that mean? Did it mean that Sirius and Hermione had to...? Harry closed his eyes, sighing painfully.
Sirius would probably have to marry Hermione. His Godfather would be marrying the woman he loved.
But, what about Dean? Dean was her boyfriend, right?
"Harry?" Sirius' voice brought Harry back to reality. Tonks and Remus exchanged a look.
"Harry," the werewolf said, "this bond between Sirius and Hermione...isn't what you're thinking." He glanced at Sirius, who exclaimed, "Yeah, it isn't a love bond. It's only a friendly bond. Hermione and I don't have to marry or anything like that! Merlin, I'm old enough to be her father!"
"Oh!" Harry looked visibly happier now. Hermione couldn't help but giggle a little. He looked so cute! She stood up from the bed.
"Um, there's another thing that I need to tell, er, show you," she said, and suddenly a wave of nervousness flushed through her body.
"What? What is it?" Harry asked curious. Everything looked a little brighter by then. Sirius didn't have to marry her! Okay, okay...She was still dating Dean but...Oh, boy, they have kissed! No, better! They have snogged! And the young man was feeling in a way he had never felt before; and he knew she had felt the same (even if it was her whom broke the kiss). "What do you want to show me?" he asked again.
She smiled nervously at him. "This," she said before transforming into Star.
"Oh my bloody Merlin!" Harry cried, totally shocked. "Y-You...You're Star!" She barked and wagged her tail at him. He laughed but then raised an eyebrow. "But then...Ron...Ron knows, doesn't he?"
She transformed back into her human form. "Yeah, he knows," she replied. "Um, Harry?"
"Yes?"
"Y-You aren't mad, are you?"
"Why would I be mad?"
"Oh well...Star...you know...you thought she- I mean, I, mean, she was...you know..."
Harry smirked at her. "Hermione you're rambling." She smiled shyly at him. "But, yeah, I know what you mean." He ran a hand trough his messy hair. "Yeah, I thought she...you...was a real dog. A very cute one, might I add." Hermione blushed crimson. The adults grinned and rolled their eyes. "But I can understand why you couldn't tell me and-"
"Miss Granger! Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice interrupted him. She had just entered the bedroom. "Professor Flitwick had to return to Hogwarts. Some issues with the Ravenclaw's Prefects."
"Professor, what about Harry and I?" asked Hermione. "When will we be returning?"
The Headmistress nodded appreciatively at her most brighten student. "That's exactly why I came here," McGonagall replied. "Professor Flitwick and I had a talk and we decided that you and Mr. Potter should stay here for a couple of days."
"But Professor!" Hermione complained indignantly. "We have classes! The NEWTS!" Remus, Tonks and Sirius shook their heads. Harry just grinned widely.
"Miss Granger, I'm sure that a couple of days won't be a problem for you and Mr. Potter. You can spend this time revising your lessons."
"B-But what about DADA? It's almost all practical!" The Headmistress pursed her lips, fighting back the urge to groan. "And I lost a lot of classes this year, ma'am!"
"Well, Hermione, I can help you and Harry with the DADA lessons," offered Remus. "But, why do Harry and Hermione need to stay here, Minerva?"
"Filius thinks it's better. He says he really doesn't know everything about how the bonds will work after the Phoenix's return. He said it would be wise to wait and see if there will be any change."
"That's fine with me, Professor," Harry said. He turned to Hermione. "Hermione?"
"Oh, well, right, it's fine with me too," Hermione replied hastily. Stay with Harry? In this house? Oh, man...Ginny was her friend, she couldn't do that. She couldn't even think about that. And Harry deserved so much more than her. He deserved Ginny. Yeah, Ginny. Ginny was the right girl for Harry.
"Very well, very well," McGonagall said and looked at the two teenagers, raising an eyebrow. "We didn't have any kind of problem when you two stayed here alone in the last summer break. I hope it won't change by now."
"Of course not, Professor!" Hermione blushed deep red. "W-What happened a few minutes ago was a silly mistake. It won't happen again."
Harry looked sharply at her, his green eyes filled with sadness. He felt like she had just slapped him in the face. The others shifted, uncomfortable. Not quite believing on what they had heard.
"Mr. Potter," the Headmistress spoke, trying to break the tense atmosphere. "I have borrowed something from you. I think Miss Granger is guarding it." Harry looked quizzically.
Hermione, however, seemed to have understood what McGonagall was talking about.
"Oh," said the brown haired witch. "It's in my bag. Sirius, can you please-?" She indicated a bag that was on the table.
"Sure," Sirius said taking the bag and giving it to Hermione. "Here it is."
Hermione got the bag from Sirius and opened it, taking a piece of parchment. She handled the old paper to Harry.
He knew exactly what that was. "The Map!" he cried, grabbing the map. "You took it!" His voice was a mixture of surprise and accusation. He couldn't believe Hermione had stolen his map!
"No, Mr. Potter," McGonagall spoke out. "It was me. Miss Granger was only guarding it.
We couldn't risk the possibility of you having any kind of knowledge about Mr. Black's return."
"Right, I'm sorry, Professor," Harry apologized. I can't believe that McGonagall touched my things!
"Fine then. So, I think it's all set. I must go," the Headmistress said. She was about to leave when she stopped and spoke again, "Oh, I'll inform Mr. Weasley about today's events." Harry nodded.
"Professor," Hermione called, "please, let Dean know that I'm alright. I went to Hogsmeade with him. He's probably concerned."
Harry groaned loudly. Ignoring Harry's sounds, McGonagall nodded her head, saying, "I'll inform Mr. Thomas that you are alright."
Hogwarts
Gryffindor Common Room
Ronald Weasley was beginning to panic. Something had happened. He knew. He felt that something had happened.
He didn't worry when Harry and Hermione didn't return with them from Hogsmeade.
"They are probably settling things," he had thought with hope. But then they also hadn't shown up at dinner Ron had a nasty feeling that his two best friends hadn't returned to the castle.
And that uneasy sensation had turned more evident when even he realized that even Luna looked concern.
"You should talk to McGonagall, Ronald," Luna had said, her eyes not dreamy.
"She wasn't in the Great Hall," he said simply. Luna nodded and then replied, "Let's go to her office."
Then, to his surprise (and horror) he and Luna found out that neither McGonagall nor Flitwick were in the Castle.
Something happened.
So, Ron was there in the Common Room, pacing worriedly. It was in moments like that that he wished that Luna was a Gryffindor so she would be there with him. He knew she was the only person in the whole world that could calm him down.
He was lucky to have her.
However, at that moment she wasn't there with him. He was alone. Well, not really alone. Ginny was there too, asking tirelessly where Harry was, what happened to Harry and if Ron knew something.
"I don't know, Ginny," was his reply.
"Do you think that Hermione-" Ron stopped pacing and looked harshly at his sister. "Don't you dare finished that line, Ginevra Weasley," he hissed.
Before she could say anything, the Common Room's door burst opened and Professor Flitwick stepped inside.
"Mr. Weasley," the tiny professor said.
"Yes, professor?" asked Ron, his heart pounding very fast.
"The Headmistress wishes to talk with you." The Deputy Headmaster scanned the room and then spoke again, "Is Mr. Thomas in his dorm?"
"Yes, sir."
"Could please call him here, Mr. Weasley? Professor McGonagall wants to speak with both of you."
Ron nodded and ran towards the boys' dorm.
What the hell had happened?
Grimmauld Place, the kitchen
"You didn't look happy, Harry," Sirius said, watching his godson carefully as he sipped his tea. "I thought you would be pleased after I-"
"Oh no, Sirius!" Harry replied quietly. "You can't even imagine how happy I am to have you here. I-I still can't believe it." He ran a hand through his hair and then looked down at the cup of tea on the table. "I really missed you." He lifted his gaze and looked again at Sirius. "So much happened since-since you...you know." The young wizard sighed deeply.
"And I feel bad, you know? I feel because I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be happier. You are back...and Hermione...and Hermione isn't a traitor or anything like that." He smiled sadly. "She forgave me, you know? She forgave me! Even after all those terrible things I told her!" Harry closed his eyes, breathing heavily, as he fought a strong urge to cry. "At least I think she did but I don't know. She forgave me but I don't think she'll ever forget."
"You love her, don't you?" Sirius finally spoke.
Harry opened his eyes and nodded weakly. "But it doesn't matter she doesn't feel the same way," he whispered painfully.
Sirius shook his head. "No, Harry, she loves you."
"How can you be sure?" Harry asked. "Oh...your bond. You can read each other thoughts?"
Sirius laughed without humor. "No, I can't read her mind. And even if I could it wouldn't be fair, don't you think? Thoughts and feelings are a very private thing. I'm talking about what I see, what I feel. I have spent a lot of time with Hermione these last weeks and- and I know she cares about you. Deeply."
"Yeah, she cares about me," Harry muttered idly, "as a friend."
"You kissed today. Was it a friendly kiss?"
Harry's face turned red like a tomato; he shook his head fiercely. "N-No, it wasn't."
"How was it?"
"Amazing," Harry replied with a dreamily smile, "but you don't want me to tell you the details, huh?!"
Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. "Oh Merlin, please no!" He sobered up. "I just want to know if she kissed you back."
Harry nodded, a little shyly. "Yeah, she kissed me back." The young wizard closed his eyes, smiling absently at the memory. He still could feel her touch, her skin against his.
"However, she pulled off me," he said; his eyes opened, the smile vanishing. "She said it was a mistake. You heard her. She said it was a silly mistake."
"Do you think it was a mistake?" Harry shook his head. "She's confused, Harry. A lot of things have happened and-"
"She has a boyfriend," Harry blurted. "She has a bloody boyfriend and I can't do a thing about it!"
Sirius looked skeptically. "A boyfriend? I think you're wrong about that. Hermione doesn't have a boyfriend."
Harry retorted, not even trying to hide his sadness and bitterness, "Yes, she has."
"She should have mentioned it!"
"No one knows." Sirius' eyebrow knit in a questioning expression. "It's kinda ...secret."
"I see. And who is the bloke? Do you know who he is?"
Harry nodded. "Dean Thomas."
The old Marauder looked doubtfully, shaking his head. "Dean Thomas isn't her boyfriend, Harry!"
"Yes, he is!" Harry repeated stubbornly.
"Trust me. He isn't her boyfriend."
"You even told me you saw them kissing!"
"Yes, I saw them kissing. Better, I saw him kissing her. Trust me in this, Harry, Dean Thomas isn't Hermione's boyfriend!"
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That's it- chapter 19...I hope you liked it.
Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed last chapter!