Belong To Nowhere
Love me love me
say that you love me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
(Lovefool - The Cardigans)
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
AN: I'm really sorry for the delay. I lost someone and...well...these past days have been a little difficult...
Chapter 21: love me
A brief pause allowed their eyes to lock again before Hermione brought their lips together in a sweltering, passionate kiss.
Harry's hands were on her waist, pulling her even closer to him. She leant back slightly, gently nibbling his bottom lip and he let escape a groan before he brought their lips together again. One of her hands moved to his raven locks while the other dropped to his shoulder. His moved slowly over her back and lower, sending shivers down her spine. He trailed kisses down her throat and shoulders. Loping her head back to give him better access, she let the sensations take over her. Their lips met again, and Hermione let out a pleased sigh as Harry deepened the kiss.
When they broke apart minutes later, they found themselves against the wall. Breathing deeply, Harry brought his hand to her cheek and looked into her eyes once more and, without saying a word, led her to the bed.
They lay in the bed in complete silence, only gazing at each other. Harry was on top of her, his fingers gently tracing her features. Hermione had her hands lost in his messy, stroking it suavely. She had a content smile, her eyes shining at him.
Still in silence, Harry leaned down and began to place sweet kisses along her face, jaw line, neck, throat...When his wet tongue went near the collarbone of her button shirt, he lifted his head, and looked at her. Hermione nodded briefly, giving him the permission.
With trembling fingers, Harry began to unbutton her shirt. His heart was beating so fast that he was starting to think that it would jump out from his mouth. He could feel when her small hands let go of his hair and traveled down to the hem of his shirt, and shakily tried to pull it off.
Neither one of them could recall how they managed to discard their shirts, and then the rest of their clothes, leaving them in their underwear.
Maybe it was one of those moments that you really didn't remember exactly what happened, a blur.
Harry had never been like that with anyone else; not even in a dream but despite the shyness he felt good, content. He gazed at the girl in front of him and smiled at her flushed cheeks and her timid eyes.
She was beautiful.
He wanted to say that out loud but he was afraid that if he did so, the magic- everything would disappear.
He then looked at her silently; looked at the girl...that had been his best friend for such long time, the girl that had been always with him, the girl he had given his heart to.
"Love me." He heard her whisper.
"Hermione, are you-"
She put a finger on his lips, making him stop. "Shh...love me, Harry."
*~*~*~*
For the first time in her life, Hermione decided that she didn't want to think, to plan, to wonder. She just wanted to feel that moment, to feel complete, desirable; even if it was only one time.
She knew that she shouldn't be there. She knew she was betraying a friend. She knew that in the end she would be the one to cry.
She knew...but she didn't care.
At least, not at that moment.
Since she was a little girl, Hermione admitted the fact that she would never be the princess, the heroine, the girl who ends up with the hero. Her bushy hair, large teeth, bossy voice...everything in her seemed to scream that she would always be the smart girl, the friend, nothing else.
However, there, in that bed, wrapped in Harry's arms she let herself be loved. She had decided to give herself the chance of a moment of happiness.
She decided to put down all her wards and let him know her greatest secret.
She loved him.
**
"Oh!" he heard her moan weakly as he pushed himself all the way inside her. He looked at her and saw that her cheeks were wet. Oh god, I'm hurting her. However, she shook her head briefly, like she could heard his thoughts. She smiled sweetly and then captured his mouth with her own.
The movement of their bodies began to increase as soon as Harry gained more confidence.
His body was being filled with a wave of new sensations and feelings.
**
It had hurt. However, it was a different kind of pain. It was a pleasant pain, If that could make any sense at all.
She had to be honest, she didn't see fireworks like those silly books that Lavender and Parvati loved to read, but she didn't really care.
When they finished, Harry rolled off her and lay by her side, his green eyes boring into hers. Without saying a word, he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and brought her closer to him.
Smiling, they finally let the sleep come over them, and neither noticed the blue fog enveloping their bodies.
***
In the next morning, Harry woke up with a goofy smile on his face. Eyes still closed, he could remember last night events. Their kisses, their embrace...He and Hermione making love...
He and Hermione had made love.
He had slept with his best (female!) friend...
And he wasn't feeling even a little bit of regret because of it.
Obviously, he hadn't planned- or even, expect- that it would happen. A snog? Perhaps. A kiss? For sure. But make love...
He sighed deeply, feeling her naked skin against his bare chest, hearing her soft breathing. That night would change their lives forever. There wasn't any going back anymore. They had totally crossed the line.
He couldn't deny that he was a little concerned for her- for her safety. Being only his friend, Hermione had already lost so much and now-
But he wasn't about to let her go. It had been so difficult to convince himself- to stop the denial;
Merlin, how he loved her. How it was suddenly so clear in his head- he had always loved her. He was just too blind to realize that.
Maybe he should thank Dean Thomas, he wondered. His classmate had made him feel so jealous- so- immensely- ridiculous. But also made him realize his own feelings towards Hermione; made him realize he didn't see her only as a friend.
Yes, he should thank Dean Thomas.
But he also had to talk with Ginny...
Ginny.
Harry couldn't understand why she had lied to him. Evidently, he wasn't stupid to not know that she still had feelings for him- but lie? Invent all those stories about Hermione and Dean?
She even insinuated that Dean had gotten Hermione pregnant!
Why? Weren't they still friends? Confidants?
Why?
His first thought was to tell Hermione about that- Merlin, he even wanted to send a letter to Molly and Arthur telling them about Ginny's lies but-
But then he remembered that he had almost lost Hermione for doing something like that: jumping to conclusions without even listening to what she had to say- to explain.
Ginny had been his girlfriend. She was Ron's little sister...their friend.
Harry decided he wouldn't tell anyone about her lies. At least, not before he had a talk with her.
He would give her a chance to explain.
He was giving her the benefit of the doubt.
******
Hermione woke up feeling cold- and warm. She chuckled mentally at the absurdity of that statement
However, it was exactly how she was feeling.
She knew that Harry was already awake- she could tell by his breathing- but didn't say anything. She wanted to stay there, in silence, feeling his naked skin.
Naked.
God, they were naked. Nude. There wasn't even a thin sheet covering their sweaty bodies. If someone decided to enter the bedroom...what a view!
But she didn't care. Yes, the chilly wind of the morning was making her cold but the memories...everything that had happened the night before...Harry...
Harry made her feel warm.
'Merlin, Granger, you are too cheesy!' she mused. She had never been a girl of passion- she had never thought (really) about love...
But now...
She had made love with Harry. Harry. She smiled thinking about what had happened. She had never been so impulsive- so... illogical. She had let him take her without hesitation.
She loved him.
Hermione had never wanted to admit it to herself, maybe afraid- afraid what the other would think; what the others would see- but mostly afraid of herself; afraid to not be able to control those strong feelings.
She had been afraid that he didn't love her back.
Merlin, she loved him. She loved him as she had never loved anyone else in her life. And looking back, she could see how she had been silly- how all that time- all the fear about not been good enough...not doing the best...
She still had a lot of issues to deal with. A night of love wouldn't be able to heal all her insecurities but it was- at least- a start.
*
Love me
Everything had been wonderful...even the pain. It was almost magical.
Hermione sighed, letting his smell invade her senses.
She was happy. She was finally happy.
The young witch didn't know how much time had passed until she felt Harry moving. Leisurely, she opened her eyes.
"Morning, luv," he said with a smile that could make the coldest heart melt; he had already put his glasses on.
"Morning," she replied shyly, her cheeks a little flushed.
Making random figures with the thumb of his fingers on her arm, Harry asked with a soft whisper, "Did-did I hurt you?"
She shook her head briefly. "No, Harry, you were wonderful," she whispered back, her body shivered slightly.
"Are you cold?"
"A-A little," she said, and with a movement of his fingers, a white sheet appeared and covered them.
"Thank you," she whispered, still shyly. "Wandless magic is an amazing thing."
"Yes, it is," Harry said absently, his fingers let go of her arm and began to caress her nipples, making her shiver again; this time, not because of the cold. "But not amazing as you. God, Hermione, you are gorgeous."
She looked down, timidly. She wasn't habituated to hearing those kinds of things. She still didn't feel totally deserved of these kinds of compliments. "No, I'm not."
Harry put a hand under her chin and lifted her head, making them eye to eye. "Yes, you are," he said firmly, his green eyes boring into hers her. "You are not only amazing and gorgeous- you are everything. You are my everything."
"Harry-"
"Shh...let me finish...please." He cut her off and she nodded. "Last night- last night was the most amazing night of my life. I've never felt this way...so complete, fulfilled. I realized that you gave me so much and I..." He sighed. "You brought Sirius back; you almost died...And what did I do? I said those terrible things, I-"
"Harry-"
"I hurt you," he interrupted her. "Maybe- maybe thousand years will pass and my apologies will never be enough. That's why I'm giving you the only thing that matters-"
"Harry, I don't want any-"
"I'm giving you my heart, Hermione Granger," he said quietly, eyes shining.
"Harry, I don't...what?" Her eyes opened wide as the tears began to fall.
"I'm giving you my heart," he whispered, his own tears falling now. "I love you."
"I love you too, Harry," was all Hermione was able to say, her heart beating fast against her chest.
Maybe there was- still- a lot of things to talk about and think about, but she didn't want to - not right then, not now.
There were no planning, no thinking; no explanations- no doubts.
There were only them.
"I love you," he repeated over and over, breathing heavily. He began to kiss her hair, her forehead, her cheek, her mouth, and her neck. And she kissed him back.
Lips locked, Hermione pulled him down on top of her, her nails scratching his back with uncontrollable desire. ????.
Harry broke the kiss and gazed at her, his eyes darkened. She had never seen so much love, passion, lust- desire.
They looked at each for a few moments, without saying a word, until their mouths met again.
If the night before had been gentle and tender, now... Now it was almost hard and rough.
She pulled up her legs, tightening them around his waist as they pounded against each other, in a frenzy frenesi.
There was still so much to be said, to be solved- but she didn't care. They didn't care. All she could think about was the feel of his skin against her own.
She knew that she'd never wanted anything or anyone, more than she wanted Harry at that very moment.
She loved him. And he loved her. For now, that was the only thing that really mattered.
***********************
The Next Day
Hogwarts
Ginny Weasley was hiding behind a pilaster, trying to overhear the conversation between her brother and his girl friend. Since the night before she wanted to know what the hell was going on! Why Harry and Hermione hadn't come back from Hogsmeade? Why Ron seemed, actually, happy about it?
She knew that the kiss she had given Harry had been a mistake but...she wasn't about to give up- not yet, not ever. She wasn't a bad person but Hermione Granger was beginning to tire her.
"I'm really glad that Harry, now, knows the truth," Ron was saying. Truth? Truth about what? "I just hope that he didn't start a new pity party."
"No, he won't," Luna replied, her hands stroking his red locks. "I think that's exactly why Professor McGonagall wanted them to stay there." There? "He and Hermione had a lot to...talk about."
Ron laughed lightly. "Yeah, talk. You know, I thought I would never say this- but I am really hoping that they finally stop being so bloody blind
and snog each other senseless!"
I can't believe you, Ronald Weasley! You are my brother! You are supposed to be on my side!
"Yeah, they decidedly need a good snog!"
"Yeah, they need it-" He sobered up. "Especially Hermione...you know how much I love her, don't you?" Luna nodded. "She is much more than a simple friend, a sister. And I am not implying anything sexual, mind you. At first sight, she looks so tough, so strong but...deep inside she is just a little girl, our little girl. Harry and I would be nothing without her." He took a deep breath. "She gave up of too much. I just want to see her smiling again, a real and happy smile."
Luna looked a little concerned at her boyfriend; she didn't need her empathic powers to feel the angst within his words.
"Ron-"
"She gave up a future family for Harry," he said barely audible.
"I don't understand, Ronald."
"Hermione can't have children, Luna. There was an-an attack, let's say and..." He couldn't go on.
Crying quietly, Luna threw herself in Ron's arms.
And from her hidden spot, for the first time that day, Ginny Weasley smiled gleefully contented.
Hermione Granger was a failure.
++++
So, that's it- basically a love scene. I hope you liked it.
Oh! And did you see the title of book seven? Deathly Hallows...Um, I think it has something to do with Godric's Hallow/ Godric Gryffindor...
Thanks to Acoustics1220 for the beta. :)
Happy Holidays!