Author's Note: *Sigh*. It's finally over. Thank you to each and every one of you, for sticking with this fic. Through the fluff and angst, you've made it to the end.
He loved her. He loved so her so much, he couldn't believe it. He loved her so much, he thought he didn't.
The morning came awkwardly, but they were both used to that. What they weren't used to was all the things they wanted to say. All the important things. They ate breakfast in silence, looking at one another from across the table. She smiled at him when he passed her the milk. He smiled at her when their hands accidentally touched. The next couple of days continued on like so. Some months passed by. Ron and Ginny had been eliminated in the semi-finals and took well to sulking around the house. Ned came by the house more and more often, earning himself a whole half of Ginny's room. Harry and Ron had become good friends with him and Hermione would often have long discussions with him when neither could sleep. They were expecting a proposal from him any time soon.
Harry and Hermione had begun to calm down on their trips out. Death Eaters grew scarce and Hermione started studying to be a Healer. Harry would stay on as an Auror and would try for Minister of Magic in a few years. Life had settled down and developed. Much like their friendship between Harry and Hermione, things had changed. And finally, one night, the entire year and a half blew up.
It was late at night, once again. It seemed as though everything happened at night. Usually in the darkness. In the shadows. Where no one could see them. They weren't hiding. They were just eating dinner with everyone. Ron was out for desert with his latest girlfriend, Erin. Ginny and Ned had gone back to his place. Harry was washing the dishes. Hermione had been watching him all night. It was awkward, listening to the scrubbing and flow of the water.
"You scared me."
He lifted his head up, unsure if she had said what he thought she said. He turned off the water and put down the plate. Usually, it was "I miss you." It had always been "I miss you." It wasn't supposed to be anything else.
"You scared me," she repeated.
He felt his face burn up. He didn't know why. It just angered him. He scared her? How could he scare her? That was ridiculous. "That's ridiculous," he said coldly. He spun around and leaned on the sink.
She was resting on the door frame.
He folded his arms. "I need to talk to you to scare you, Hermione.I spoke to you, what,once every three months through some stupid note?"
"Exactly!" she said back. The conversation was turning into a fight and he knew it. "Youscared me,Harry! Do you even know what you wrote?"
He glared. "I wrote them, Hermione. Of course I know what I wrote. Did they scare you?"
She remained silent, holding her head inher hand.
He was flabbergasted. He was insulted. Scaring her was the absolute last thing he meant to do. "Did they scare you, Hermione? Did they make you lose sleep? Did you fear me?" He meant to ask them softly. He meant to ask them nicely, concerned for her. But they came out harsh.
"Never," she spat back, "You'd never hurt me."
"But I'd scare you." He repeated it, unable to understand how he could do something he didn't mean to.
"But you'd never hurt me."
"But I scared you."
"Yes, you did."
A chill ran over his body. It didn't matter whether he meant to or not. The fact was she was scared. And because of him. His anger melted away. Confusion took over. "Should I say I'm sorry?"
She licked her lips, looking away. "I don't know," she said softly. "It's a bit too late for that, Harry."
He sighed, feeling agitated once more. "Maybe if we had SPOKEN a littleearlier about this-"
"Well, we haven't."
There was a tone in her voice that caught Harry off guard. "Do you blame me?" He asked slowly.
She breathed for a moment. "I blame both of us." She bit her lower lip worriedly. "Don't you?"
"Yes, of course," he said quickly. There was a silence as they observed their nails. He felt the awkwardness creep up upon him. Without a second thought, he began speaking. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I've been such a prat. I-" He stopped, gathering his thoughts, finally settling on what he was really sorry for. "I'm sorry I haven't been strong enough to fight for you." He glanced up and saw her looking at him, tears in her eyes.
She shook her head. "It's not you, Harry." She walked into the kitchen, touching random objects. She was shaking.
"No," he said, ready to make sure she wouldn't take blame. "You said I scared you."
"Stop!" she cried, picking up a teapot. She shook it at him, the cold tea spilt all over his shirt. "You never did anything wrong! It was me! It was all me! I was so scared! I was so scared to lose everything I almost lost during the War; I pushed all my thoughts away! I was acting stupid!"
Harry's shirt was soaked and the teapot was now empty.
She looked at his shirt, then at the pot. She sighed, unbelieving what she just did. She placed the teapot down on the counter, sighing. "I've gone and messed everything up, haven't I?"
He shook his head and began to wring his shirt free of the tea. "No. No, Hermione, come on."
"No!" she shouted at him, eyes watering, "I've ruined everything! Ruined my friendship with Ron, ruined my friendship with you-"
"Stop," he said quickly, "Don't you dare. We're both to blame for what's happened between us."
"Who are you kidding, Harry?" she asked. "I've chosen to ignore you all these months. I've ruined…." She sniffed and said loudly, "absolutely everything." She put a hand to her eyes and cried for a little while longer.
Harry walked over to her and took her in his arms, without thinking twice.
She fell onto his shoulder, ignoring the cold feel of the tea pushed up against her stomach, and cried. "I never meant to hurt you," she squeaked, "Please forgive me. Please. Please, Harry. Please forgive me."
There was no doubt in his mind. "I forgive you, Hermione. I forgive you. You're the one who's always been here for me."
She scoffed and ripped her body away from his, crying over the sink. "You're wrong. You're so wrong, and you're stupid to want me back. I…I don't deserve you, Harry."
He couldn't believe it. She was saying absolutely everything he felt.
"Hermione," he said firmly. "You are…"
She turned around, sniffing.Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Her tears covered her face in a sheet of water.Her shirt had a small circular wet spot from his tea-covered shirt. Lines were present around her eyes because of her squinting to prevent more tears to escape her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling to quickly, it was nearly a blur. If she had wornmakeup, they would have formed together to make long black lines below her eyes.
He sighed at the sight, losing track of what he was going to say. "You're beautiful." He finished, unable to think of anything else.
She shook her head and turned around, rolling her eyes.
He walked over to her, took her arm and spun her around. Then he kissed her. He kissed her as hard as he could. He kissed her and put all his emotion into it. His jealousy for Ron. His envy for Ginny. His desire to be Ned. His love for Hermione. He spilt it all onto his lips, wanting her to understand. But he couldn't think when she was kissing him back with the same energy. The kiss wasn't an intense kiss like their first one. It wasn't a delicate kiss like their second. It was meaningful. A kiss of emotion. A kiss of love. A kiss of complete and utter adoration.
"I love you," he cried slightly when they leaned away and rested their foreheads against each other. "I love you." It rolled off his tongue so easily. He felt his chest twist with each time he said it. But he loved that feeling. "I love you." He started to laugh. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you, Hermione. I…I love you. I can't even describe what I feel for you, Hermione Granger." He looked into her eyes.
She looked back into his. "I love you." She said just as easily. "I'm so sorry."
He tried to say something but she shushed him with a kiss.
"I love you. I felt it when you kissed me. But I was with Ron. I was with your best friend, Harry. And I loved him. I loved Ron so much. But…" she licked her lips and sighed in embarrassment, "Never the way I love you."
He smiled and they stared at one another for another short while, savoring the sweet moment they had been waiting for months.
She broke the silence with a whisper. "You scared me."
He sighed in shame. "I'm sorry. I was being so stupid. I was so blinded. I can't believe some of the things I've done. I stop thinking of them and pretend someone else did it when I think back."
She stayed silent, swallowing his words. "I loved you. And I hated what I was doing to you. I tried to take…" She licked her lips and let a tear fall. "I tried to take the easy road." She started crying again. "I don't deserve you."
Harry kissed her tears away, whispering "I love you" after each.
"I love you," she said, gripping his waist tighter. "I tried to make it work with Ron but I realized it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to him, to me and especially not to you."
He nodded, understanding it all too well. But there was one more thing he wanted to know. "And my letters?" His voice cracked as he said it.
She blushed when he mentioned them. "No one's ever said such things about me. Or to me. I…" She bowed her head and smiled, as if remembering each and every one of his words. "I tried to respond many times, Harry. But I couldn't. It was so hard. I didn't know what to say."
He nodded and swallowed tightly. He understood. Well, no, he didn't. But he was trying to put himself into her shoes and feel how she felt.
She bit her lower tongue and gripped his waist. "Do you forgive me?"
He sighed seriously. "I love you." He said. He waited for a while, making sure she knew that. "I love you and I always have. And after everything that's happened and what will, I'll always love you." It was his turn to bite his lower lip. "But a lot's happened. And I can't say things will go back to normal after tomorrow morning."
She nodded, understanding.
He smiled. She always understood. She looked at him with sad and comprehending eyes. "You don't forgive me?"
He was surprised at how at ease he was with her, inches away. "No." he said truthfully. "But I will. We need to give it time."
She nodded, understanding. "I feel the same way. You scared me, Harry. Your sudden intensity. I was so overwhelmed. You…"
He sighed.
"You scared me."
He nodded his head and closed his eyes. "I'm so-"
She silenced him with a kiss. "Shh. Don't. We're both sorry. We need time to forgive. I understand. You understand. That's all we need."
He smiled. "So where do we go from here?"
She thought for a moment. Then she smiled and took his hands in hers. "We won't. We'll continue being best friends. We'll cuddle. We'll make eye contact. We'll talk. We'll tease. We'll laugh. We'll love one another."
He moved their hands from side to side, as if a little boy. He smiled bashfully. "So we'll just be best friends?"
She smiled, a twinkle in her eye. "Yes. Nothing but."
He kissed her cheeks, her forehead and her nose. They weren't going to be lovers. They might consider it later on. But for tonight, for tomorrow, for as long as they could, they would be close best friends. They would love and trust one another, slowly re-building their friendship.
"You smell like Green Tea," she giggled a few moments later.
He laughed and hugged her tighter. "So do you." He sighed contently for the first time in months. "I love you, Hermione Granger."
She grasped some of his bangs and covered his scar. "I love you too, Harry."
<?>~1 Year Later~<?>
He stood there, looking into Hermione's eyes. Ron kept on poking his arm, flashing a paper at him. He finally registered what it was and shook his head, pushing Ron's hand away. Hermione was confused. He smiled and her worries disappeared. He took her hands in his, kissing them.
"I don't need a paper anymore." He said confidently.
She smiled sweetly.
He smiled back, always happy to see her happy. "I don't need anymore papers. I don't need anymore glances. No more glances of 'I miss you.' I'm ready to say what I feel now. Because of you." He paused, trying to think of what she was, really. He smiled when he thought of it. "You are a treasure. You are…gold. People who are lucky enough to know you, have you in any way, should never, ever, let go."
He sighed, happy he would never let her go.
"You're oxygen." He continued, not even thinking anymore. "You are oxygen. You are essential to life." He took a hand out of hers and put it on his chest. "I cannot breathe without you. I don't just want you, I need you. It hurts when I look at you. I can't look at you because it hurts. When I think about you, it hurts. It hurts so much; I think I'm going to burst."
He felt something tickle his eye. "I love you." He whispered. "I love you and it still hurts because I feel even more than that. I love you. I love you. I love you and I don't care what questions that raises. I love you. You are exceptional."
She was crying.
"Exceptional," he repeated, making sure she would understand. "I swear that no one," he paused. "No one. Will ever see that the way I do."
And with that, he slipped the golden band around her ring finger and pulled her into a kiss. They barely heard the applause.
~*~END~*~
Dedication: This chapter and entire fic is dedicated to *someone special* out there.
I want you, I need you,
I miss you, I love you.
And even after three years,
I still choose you.