The Sweat of a Gladiator
A/N: Pensieved memories are a great way to clear up reviewer questions…
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money being made, etc. etc.
Chapter Four
When Harry and Hermione returned to her father's office they discovered that Tonks had joined the group. "Headmistress asked me to come fetch Harry and Madame Pomfrey," the young pink-haired witch said. As one of the Aurors assigned to the protection of Hogwarts, and one of the very few that the Trio had trusted with access to their secret hideaway, Tonks was quite used to being a go-between.
"Poppy has already returned…the hag is back, and apparently there's a contract to review. McGonagall also wants an opinion on how much time Ron has left, but she won't let the hag anywhere near him unless Poppy is there."
"Oh, well that makes sense," Hermione replied. She then turned to Luna and noted, "You should go back as well. If there's enough time, you could practice using the blade and sample bottles. Maybe see if Susan would be willing to practice as well, just in case."
"So Susan is going to be the back-up virgin?" Luna asked.
Hermione nodded, while her father asked, "What's this about a back-up?"
"Roger, dear," Emily replied, "as much as you might think that this is some contrived way to rationalize your daughter having sex, this is all about saving that nice young man's life…if Harry, here, comes inside Hermione before Luna collects enough sweat, they will need Luna and another virgin to act as the back-ups."
Roger turned towards Harry and squinted slightly. "This keeps getting better and better for you, eh?"
Harry shook his head and said rather gravely. "I assure you, sir, that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that your daughter is the only woman that I need to deflower today."
Mr. Granger' face turned a bit red as he considered both the logic and absurdity within that response. "So will it be Luna or this other girl if that isn't the case?"
Hermione ears perked up at that question, realizing that Harry and she hadn't talked about that in her mum's office. "Harry, I know that you might not want to answer, but we should have that contingency covered in advance."
Harry looked at both Luna and Hermione for a moment, then said, "Well, if that has to be the case, then,…all things considered….Luna, would you…I mean, only if necessary, and not all the way to, erm…completion, but just until we got the sweat we needed for Ron?"
"Of course I would," Luna said with a smile and some moisture in the corner of her eyes. Hermione reached over towards Luna with reassurance, and motioned for Harry to join them in a group hug.
"Assuming," her father said a bit snidely, "that Harry could recover in time?"
Breaking the embrace, Hermione turned towards her father and replied, "I'm quite sure that won't be an issue." When she saw her mum cock an eyebrow, Hermione turned to her with not-so-hidden pride and noted, "Only took five minutes."
Mrs. Granger snorted out a smile and asked, "With or without the prostate massage?"
When Hermione replied "without," Harry asked what a prostate was and how it was massaged. Roger Granger, who had been looking over at his wife in shock, told Harry that if he didn't know that it was best left that way.
"So," Tonks said, "now that we've established that Luna is the maidenhead of honor, we should get going." When Hermione told Tonks that they hadn't visited the chemist yet, Tonks told Harry that she'd stay behind and make sure that Hermione made a timely and safe return to the castle.
"Not," Tonks added, "that I think she'll be dragging her feet, or anything."
When Harry asked Mr. Granger if he still needed the pensieve, Roger replied that he'd send it along with Hermione. He did, however, sign the parental consent form and gave it to Harry for delivery to the Headmistress.
"You be good to my little girl, Harry," he said, as he held out his hand.
Harry shook Roger's hand and assured him that he would. Harry then gave Hermione a hug and a chaste kiss, telling her to meet them just outside of the Room of Requirement. Finally, taking Luna's hand, he side-apparated her to the gates of Hogwarts Castle.
Hermione noted that her dad seemed to be more comfortable with the situation than he was earlier, and asked whether that was due to something her mum said, or something within the pensieved memory. When he smiled and hit the rewind button on the remote control, Hermione assumed that he was going to go back to the point in time where the images of two cute potential grandchildren appeared. But he blew by that moment, and instead stopped the memory at a point when Harry and the three teen-aged witches were talking outside of McGonagall's office.
"Hermione," Roger said, "you know that I want nothing but the best for you. Since your mother and I trust your judgment so much, well…most of the time, what we want will overlap what you apparently want." He then hit the "play" button.
Hermione cringed, having put two and two together. She watched silently, and considered whether, given what had happened just a few minutes previous, she was disappointed that Harry wasn't there to see what he had missed the first time…
Having just admitted that she'd been shagging with Dean Thomas, a teary-eyed Ginny stepped on to the moving spiral staircase and disappeared from view.. Hermione and Luna then turned to each other and smiled, with each thinking about the absurdity of the situation that they were in. Hermione turned and asked Harry which of the two he wanted to shag, and Harry replied, "Hermione, as if you needed to ask." He then gave each of the two girls a hug, turned, and opened the door to the Headmistress's office.
Perhaps too focused on the mission to remember his manners, Harry walked in first, rather than step back and hold the door for the two girls. With his back turned, Harry wasn't in a position to see a smiling Luna as she turned and gave Hermione a "thumbs-up" gesture. And he certainly couldn't see Hermione as she pumped both fists in the air, silently mouthed a triumphant "YES!" and did a three-second long happy dance.
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The magical wards that protected Hogwarts Castle made a port key departure much easier than a return. Since there had been other times when the Headmistress needed Harry in her office while he wasn't near a floo location, the quickest and safest means of travel had therefore been thought out in advance.
Harry and Luna appeared directly in front of the closed gates of Hogwarts with a small pop. He immediately drew out his wand, summoned a miniaturized Firebolt that was hidden within the landscaping in front of the walls, and enlarged it to normal size.
"Bugger," Harry said, after a second summoning spell came up empty. "Somebody forgot to put the other two back." He mounted the broom, turned towards Luna, and said, "Sorry, but you'll have to ride double with me."
Luna smiled as she swung her leg over the broomstick in front of him. When Harry reached around to grab the broomstick with both hands he was forced to wrap Luna in a tight embrace. She leaned her head back against Harry's shoulder, ground her bum back into Harry's crotch, and purred, "That's okay, I don't mind at all."
"Minx," Harry scolded with a smile. He then kicked off the ground and flew straight towards the unwarded window of the Headmistress's office.
They found her alone with her thoughts. Sitting on her desk was a gold collection blade and two dozen empty vials. Next to the blade was a small stone disk that had a centered circular indentation. After welcoming them back, the Headmistress took the consent form from Harry and informed the two that the hag was presently in the infirmary with Madame Pomfrey. She then showed how the sweat collection system worked.
It wasn't all that different from what they used in herbology, so it didn't take long for either to catch on. The collection blade was actually more like a flattened funnel that was open on one side. The dull edge of the funnel served as the blade; when it was scraped against the skin any sweat collected up onto the blade would fall down into the funnel spout. Each of sample vials, which attached to the base of the spout with a sticking charm, had an invisible one-way cap; fluid could be drawn in, but couldn't spill back out, even if the vial were held upside down.
Harry asked about the stone disk and was told that it was a calibration device of sorts. When a fluid-filled vial was set into the indentation and the right charm applied, the disk would evaluate the strength of the fluid and replace the magical cap with a solid one, with the measured result inscribed on the top. The Headmistress said that the disk could also be used to identify potions, and that Poppy had used it to confirm that the hag's antidote was indeed what Ron needed.
The Headmistress suggested that Luna might want to practice collecting some "normal" sweat while they waited for Hermione. When Harry indicated that he wasn't sweating at the moment, the Headmistress suggested that he quickly work one up. Harry blushed as he stole a glance at Luna and asked how exactly the Headmistress wanted him fulfill that request. McGonagall smiled at Harry's question, and gave him a choice: calisthenics inside of her office, or flying down over the Quidditch pitch.
The back of Harry's Firebolt cleared the windowsill in a flash.
Luna informed the Headmistress that they wanted to ask Susan Bones to be their back-up virgin, and suggested that if she agreed she should practice sweat collection as well. Shaking her head in resignation, McGonagall wrote out a quick note requesting Susan's presence in her office and gave it to Luna, with word that Susan was currently in class with Professor Flitwick. When Luna left, the Headmistress was once again alone with her thoughts.
They were a little more randy than those previous.
Luna only needed a few minutes time to run down to the Charms classroom and return with Susan. Luna had already told the Hufflepuff an abridged version of the past hour's events, and Susan had no problems at all volunteering for anything and everything Harry wanted her to do "for Ron and for the defeat of Voldemort."
The flush in Susan's face and the hardening of her nipples when she professed her dedication to Harry's cause didn't escape the Headmistress's notice. Susan's complexion grew ruddier and points even perkier when the Headmistress then asked if she was a virgin. After a few moments time spent explicitly clarifying what it meant to be virginal, a chagrined Headmistress admitted that she could not respond to all of the hypotheticals with any degree of assurance. It took a betrothal spell to provide a definitive answer (producting a halo that was intact, albeit markedly less lustrous than either Luna's or Hermione's).
Harry flew back through the window too late to hear Susan ask (hypothetically, of course) if a girl would still be a virgin if a female roommate enlarged her own tongue and used it as a penile substitute. He had put the Firebolt through its paces, and was breathing heavily. Now that there wasn't any wind to wick away his perspiration, sweat was starting to bead up on his face and neck. He was pleased that Susan was willing to help out as needed, and also thought it a good idea for her to practice sweat collection.
Harry was still panting a bit as he stripped off his shirt and undershirt to expose some practice skin. The two teens were panting a bit as well when his actions revealed a solidly muscular torso and well-defined pecs, built after a summer's worth of exercises and nutritional supplements. Luna immediately attached one of the bottles to the collection blade and started to scrape up Harry's arms and down his back. When Susan pouted and asked when it would be her turn, something clicked in Harry's mind and he asked the Headmistress if there were any restrictions on the number of virginal sweat collectors. McGonagall thought for a moment then said she couldn't think of any, but that they only had one collection device.
Harry reached into his trouser pocket and retrieved his wand and a gold galleon. It took two tries for him to transfigure the coin into a second sweat collector (his first incantation was interrupted when Luna scraped over a ticklish area).
"Very impressive transfiguration skills, Harry," Susan replied, as she added a vial to the base of the new collector and put it to use. "The goblins put some serious protections onto their currency."
"Wasn't that hard," Harry responded. "They're interested in keeping wizards from transfiguring gold objects into galleons, and not the other way around."
Luna had completely filled a vial, and was swapping it out for a second when she said, "Looking pretty dry up top, Harry…think you'll have to show a little more skin."
Harry hesitated until he noticed that the Headmistress had decided to take a second look at the contract parchment, then let out a sigh of resignation as he undid his belt and let his trousers drop to his ankles. Susan and Luna actually squealed a bit in delight as they started to run their blades up and down Harry's muscular calves and thighs.
"Take care how high you scrape, girls," the Headmistress admonished, as she snuck a quick peek at the process. "Wouldn't want any other fluids escaping Mr. Potter just yet."
By the time that Harry had cooled down, the two teen-aged witches had managed to fill three containers. Satisfied with their collection skills, the Headmistress had Harry get dressed and reviewed contract terms with him until Madame Pomfrey and the hag returned to the office.
"Good news," Madame Pomfrey said, when the two finally returned. "The hag helped me put a stasis spell on Ron that buys us a little more time." She turned to Harry and said, "You now have until 12:45, Mr. Potter."
Harry looked down at the muggle watch Hermione had given him for his seventeenth birthday and noted, "That's ninety minutes…good, I was starting to worry about Hermione's return."
"Putting your time to good use, though, I see," the hag said as she walked over to the desk and looked closely at the three vials. "Fresh sweat, Mr. Potter?" When Harry nodded, she took one of the vials, placed it on the stone disk, and cast a spell over the top. The vial was enveloped in a gold globe, which dissipated a few seconds later to reveal a new shiny brass cap on top of the bottle. The hag picked up the vial, read the engraved inscription on the cap, then looked at Harry with a bit of confusion.
"Who were you doing when this was sweat was generated?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I was flying on my Firebolt."
"No, not what you were doing, who were you doing? You must have been shagging someone."
When Harry restated that he had been riding a broom, rather than a witch, the hag scoffed. "Not possible, must be a mistake." She then tested the strength of the other two vials of sweat, scowling just as much when she read the inscriptions on their caps.
Meanwhile, Madame Pomfrey examined the first capped vial, looked up at Harry, then smiled in realization.
"Harry," she asked, "were you dueling when this sweat was collected?" When Harry said again that he had only been flying she stated, "And you're still a virgin, right?"
That question piqued the hag's interest. When Harry confirmed that conclusion (with no small amount of embarrassment), the Hogwarts nurse smiled in amazement at the hag. "Ten points were added for the gladiator's purity, and just think if he'd being fighting or shagging instead of flying." As Harry asked for an explanation, Poppy showed the vial to Headmistress McGonagall. After drawing in a sharp breath, she said, "Harry, it was true when I said that there are four grades of sweat. But there are also variations within grades that take into account the physical and magical strength of the warrior and what he was doing when the sweat was generated."
"Base score is ten points per grade, with up to nine bonus points per level" added Poppy. "Since you weren't having sex, the highest score your sweat should have gotten was around a 15."
The hag nodded in agreement "Ten for the virgin collection process, and five for being one of the strongest warrior wizards in the world…if you had been actually fighting with sword or spells it could have gone as high as 19."
"Well, what did Harry's sweat score?" Susan asked.
"Twenty-five points," replied the Headmistress, confirming that the same score was listed on all three bottle caps.
"So Harry's sweat scores higher because he's a virgin."
The hag nodded in agreement. "One time event, obviously, but if a virgin gladiator deflowers a virgin while a virgin collects his sweat the maximum score would be…Merlin, it'd be fifty-five! I've never seen sweat grade higher than forty-two."
"Is the difference that great?" Harry asked.
Madame Pomfrey nodded. "the difference is non- linear. A score of 40 is one-hundred times better than a score of 30."
Headmistress McGonagall looked down at the parchment in front of her. "The contract specifies a minimum grade of 44…double pure sweat from a very strong wizard."
"So that means Harry doesn't have to deflower a virgin to hit the minimum score?" asked Luna.
"Or does it mean that we'll have better bargaining power with the world's most powerful sweat?" He turned to Madame Pomfrey. "I know that with all of the hoarding going on that your potion stocks are running low these days, right?"
The Hogwarts nurse nodded. "Almost out of Skele-Grow."
Harry turned to the hag. "Looks like it will be pretty easy for me to give you a 44, as specified in our binding contract. But what would it be worth to have a sample a hundred times more potent?"
As the hag silently tried to place a value on such a rare commodity Harry suggested that Poppy start making out a wish list and negotiate the best deal possible while he was out of the office. Meanwhile, Susan was still working out the processes in her head. "Excuse me," she asked, "but what happens to the sweat already on Harry's skin if he changes activities, or if he switches off from a virgin partner to a non-virgin?"
"What do you mean?" McGonagall asked.
Susan clarifed her question. "If Harry worked up a sweat by riding a broom, then started shagging, would the sweat on his skin immediately after penetration be scored as `broom sweat' or `shag sweat'?"
Madame Pomfrey replied that it was whatever activity caused the sweat to break the skin surface that influenced the score, and that a blend of sweat would tend to produce an averaged score.
Luna nodded her understanding, and got confirmation that sweat produced during wizard duels and magical spell fights was only slightly less potent than the sweat generated by sex.
"Well then," Luna replied, "guess we now know how Susan and I can get Harry ready while we wait for Hermione's arrival." She then requested permission to start a new student organization. When the Headmistress asked what type of group she had in mind, Luna grabbed Harry and Susan's hand and smiled.
"Why, a Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club, of course."
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Next Chapter: Mrs. Granger and Tonks embarrass Hermione at the chemist's, and Harry prepares the love nest.
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