The Sweat of a Gladiator
A/N: The Muses demanded a significant detour from where I originally planned on taking this story. It's also fair to say that the positive response I got to the idea of a Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club (TM) helped as well. I didn't see it coming, but I kind of like where the story is now heading.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no money being made, etc. etc.
Chapter Five
"Well then," Luna replied, "guess we now know how Susan and I can get Harry ready while we wait for Hermione's arrival." She then requested permission to start a new student organization. When the Headmistress asked what type of group she had in mind, Luna grabbed Harry and Susan's hand and smiled.
"Why, a Co-Ed Naked Dueling Club, of course."
The Headmistress's face turned a shade of red Harry had last seen under his Uncle's collar. "Miss Lovegood, I hope that you aren't serious," she flustered. "I also expect you to explain yourself."
"Certainly," Luna said matter-of-factly. She looked around the office and furrowed her eyebrow. "This might take a few minutes, maybe there's someplace we could sit?"
The Headmistress waved her wand and five chairs were conjured around her desk. They only needed three, however, as Luna chose to think out her comments whilst pacing, and Susan chose to listen to Luna's comments whilst wiggling on Harry's lap.
"You just gave us a rather detailed description on how the potency of a gladiator's sweat is measured," Luna began. "Did I hear correctly that Harry being a virgin is twice as important as the fact that he's one of the most powerful wizards in the world?"
Poppy thought for a moment, then agreed. "Ten extra points extra for his virginity, but only five points for him being so powerful a wizard and warrior."
"And that sweat generated while he was sparring with either sword or spell would be almost as potent as the sweat generated during sex?"
"Not if he was just sparring, dearie," the hag replied. "The potency is only boosted that high by the excitement and fear that a warrior experiences when he is fighting for his life."
"The muggles call it an adrenaline rush, I think," added Poppy.
"Fair enough," Luna said. "But even if he's sparring, that plus his virginity would be worth more than his virginity alone, right?"
The hag nodded. "Aye, but even with those extra points the most powerful virgin wizard in the world couldn't score a 44, even if the sweat was collected by a virgin while he was battling for his life. There has to be some shagging involved."
Luna nodded, accepting this information while she was pacing with her eyes down on the floor. "I'd like to see the spell equations behind that statement," she replied, "but I'll grant that you are probably right that fighting alone isn't enough." She the looked up, walked behind Harry's chair, and put hands on both his and Susan's shoulders. "But what if we combined sexual excitement or acts just short of shagging with sparring and hexing?"
The Headmistress furrowed her eyebrows. "This is where the naked dueling comes in, I suppose?"
Harry felt Susan's buttocks clench and her hips thrust upwards a bit in his lap. "Oooh, I think I'm starting to like this idea," she said with a husky voice.
Harry shook his head. "I don't think that I do. You'd have to be a sick pervert to get sexually excited while you're hexing somebody, and I don't think that my shield spells would be very effective while somebody was trying to get me off with her hand."
"Or mouth?" Susan added, with a slight lilt of desire in her voice.
Harry looked at Susan. "Yes, or mouth, either. It might work for some a sicko like Malfoy or Bella, but I don't think we need go any further down this path if I'm involved."
"Don't knock it until you've tried it," the hag said with a leer, "You never know just how much of a perv you might be."
Luna interrupted, saying "We're getting a bit ahead of ourselves, I think." She turned to Harry. "Do you trust me enough to at least hear me out?"
Harry looked at Luna warily, then nodded. "Yes, I do. Go ahead, as long as we're waiting for Hermione."
"Thanks, Harry," she replied with a smile. She then turned back to the hag and Poppy. "Is the potency of a warrior's sweat affected by the strength of his spells, or how much pain or damage he inflicts on an opponent during battle?"
Poppy and the hag looked at each other, before the hag shook her head. "Yes and no. There is a very slight boost if the wizard is using more powerful spells during the fighting, but the effect is the same whether the spell scores a hit or is shielded by his opponent."
"So if the opponent's condition doesn't affect sweat potency, why does it make a difference whether the sweaty gladiator is shagging a virgin?"
The hag scowled. "Because the gladiator is taking something away from the virgin…something magical and powerful. Why else would so many dark rituals require virgin sacrifice, or a virgin's blood?"
"You make it sound like deflowering a virgin is a Dark act," Harry said.
"That's because it usually is," the hag replied. "It's only a Light act when the maidenhead is offered in a consensual act involving a witch's true love. And given the number of arranged marriages within the wizarding world…"
"So if I deflower a witch that isn't my true love, it's a Dark act?
"To some degree, yes," the Headmistress said reluctantly. "Raping a virgin witch is a truly Dark act, getting her drunk on Firewhiskey beforehand only slightly less so."
"And deflowering someone that's not your true love, even if it's consensual and done in order to save the life of a friend?"
McGonagall looked at Harry with a pained look on her face. "Why do you think I was so reluctant to go down this path? Why do you think we've been looking for other ways to save Mr. Weasley's life?"
Poppy stood and put a hand on the Headmistress's shoulder for support. "Harry, you must think of it in terms of lesser of evils. Would you say that killing a sentient being is a Dark act?"
"Sure."
"And if you and Miss Granger were ambushed by Death Eaters, and the only way to save her life was to kill her assailant, would you do so?"
"Of course I would."
"And would you feel bad about it afterwards, even if the Dark act of killing was the only way to defend her life?"
"Of course I would…I mean, I'm pretty certain I would."
"I have no doubt you would," said the Headmistress. "That is the difference between us and the Death Eaters. You would willingly shoulder the burden of taking another's life, and live with the regret that came with that Dark act, because it would be the lesser of two evils."
Harry thought for a moment, finding it hard to believe that having sex with Hermione would be evil in anyway.
"Look on the bright side, Harry," Luna said. "If Hermione is your true love then you have nothing to worry about."
"Yeah," Harry replied, "and we'd have so much time to figure that out in advance, wouldn't we?"
He thought for another few moments and then turned to Luna. "Well, as long as we're looking at choosing between paths painted in varying shades of gray, maybe we should flesh out the naked dueling idea."
"I agree," said the Headmistress. "Miss Lovegood, would you move the discussion along, please?"
Luna nodded. "Harry," she asked, "I know you wouldn't get off on inflicting pain on others, but is it possible that you might get aroused if your partner is getting off on the pain that you are inflicting on them?"
Harry took a minute to work through the semantics. "Just what kind of hex are we talking about here?"
The fact that Susan started to squirm and clench on his lap during this process suggested that she had figured it out before he did. He was therefore not really surprised when she responded.
"The spanking spell?" she asked expectantly. When Luna smiled and nodded, Susan squirmed even more. The busty blonde then asked, "Headmistress, may I ask another hypothetical question?"
McGonagall furrowed her eyebrows for a moment, then dropped her head down onto her hands and told her to proceed.
"Let's say…hypothetically of course…that a virgin female gets off on spanking."
"What?"
"Erm…this hypothetical girl, what if she knows from previous experience that, well…that the quickest way to a mind-blowing orgasm is for her to play with herself while somebody slaps her round arse bright red?"
Harry choked out a cough while the Headmistress admonished, "Miss Bones, such language!"
"Sorry Headmistress, but we are pressed for time…should I take the time to think of more delicate phrasing?"
The Headmistress sighed deeply, and then caved. "Oh go ahead, Miss Bones…just try to be a little less colorful, please."
Susan smiled brightly. "Thank you, Headmistress." She turned to face Harry. "Does the thought of that, or the thought of witnessing that, excite you, Harry?"
Harry looked at Susan sternly, and said through slightly clenched teeth. "I'm quite certain that you can feel the answer to that question, Susan."
Susan squirmed just a bit and then replied (rather cattily), "Well of course, silly boy, but I thought a verbal response would be more appropriate than showing the others the rather pointed non-verbal response that you're giving me."
"Oh, well thanks…I guess," said Harry, with no small amount of embarrassment.
"So, this hypothetical girl," Susan continued, "she wants to enjoy that kind of painful bliss again, but the roommate that helped her the first time doesn't want to be caught, erm…red handed…by their other roommates."
Luna interrupted Susan, saying, "So this hypothetical girl explains her problem to a hypothetical sixth-year Ravenclaw friend, and they go to the library and research a way to dampen down the force of a stinging hex and localize its effect to a small area of skin, right?"
"Now Luna," admonished Susan, with a smile, "this is my hypothetical story. If you want to talk about how this hypothetical Ravenclaw tested the modified stinging hex on her friend's bum to great satisfaction, and how they renamed it `spell-spanking', and how the Ravenclaw girl is fond of secretly spell-spanking her friend at odd and embarrassing times and places…well, you'll just have to wait your turn."
"Fine," said Luna, "so I imagine you'll end your hypothetical story by saying how the spank-spanked witch gets off on getting secretly whacked to the point of messy gushy orgasms while she's in public places like the library or Great Hall, right?"
Susan sighed a very happy sigh, and simply said, "Oh Sweet Merlin yes."
Luna smiled, and said, "I thought so."
There was a moment of silence in the Headmistress's office, as all of its occupants took a few moments to catch their breath.
"Yes, well," the Headmistress finally said, "I'm glad that this is only a hypothetical. So your point, Miss Bones?"
"Well," she said coyly, "I was wondering if a hypothetical Harry might get some sort of hormonal response if he were taught this hypothetical hex and used it to spell-spank me silly?"
"Spell-spank you, or a hypothetical student?" Poppy asked, with a partial smile on her face.
"Either."
Susan turned to Harry then smiled. "Never mind, I think I know the answer, and let me say, there's nothing hypothetical with how the response is being phrased."
Harry looked down, his face completely crimson by this point, and asked, "And just how potent would my sweat be if it was collected by one virgin female while I was sexually aroused by spell-spanking a second?"
"Good question," said the Headmistress. "And one whose answer could be calculated, correct?" She then looked at Luna and Poppy, who both nodded.
"There wouldn't be enough time for them to complete the calculations," the hag said.
"Then you could help them, I imagine," said Harry.
The hag paused, then asked, "What's in it for me if I do help?"
Harry shook his head, then asked dismissively, "Does this whole sweat collection business work on any wizard?"
"Sure," the hag replied, "but the sweat would be worthless. Has to come from a strong warrior-wizard to have value in a potion."
"And what's the criteria for separating out the wizard-wheat from wizard-chaff?"
The hag didn't want to answer, so Poppy did it for her. "The wizard has to be strong enough to at least cast a corporeal Patronus."
"Really?" asked Harry. "Isn't that interesting?" He returned his gaze to the hag. "Tell me hag, just how many of the wizards in Knockturn Alley are strong enough and smart enough and have enough happy thoughts stored to cast a corporeal Patronus?"
"Only a very few," the hag replied quietly.
"And how many of these few are virgins?"
The hag snorted. "None, I imagine…shagging is how they get the happy thoughts in the first place…but I dare say that goes for any wizard that can cast the spell, regardless if they are a Light or Dark wizard."
"Yes, I imagine you are right," said Harry with a smile. Sensing that standing would no longer embarrass
him, he scooted a reluctant Susan off of his lap and stood. "So do you think I'm unique?"
"Almost certainly."
"What if I told you that I know of at least two other male students in this school that can cast a corporeal Patronus?"
The hag gasped. "And they are virgins?"
"I'm pretty sure they are, at least in the strictest sense of the world."
"Then I'd say that you are sitting on a gold mine of sweaty teen-aged boys."
"Yes, I'd say so too," said Harry. "Quite an economic opportunity for someone of your…vocation. It's too bad, then, that one of these other two wizards will die unless you provide him with an antidote."
"You mean that boy in the infirmary can cast a corporeal Patronus?"
Harry nodded. "Quite a friendly little terrier…not that you'd ever see it if he dies."
The hag looked at Harry shrewdly. "What are you proposing, boy?"
Harry reached over and grabbed the contract that was sitting on the Headmistress's desk and ripped it in half. "A business partnership, of sorts. You give us the antidote to cure my friend right now, then help work out the math on this spanking option. I'm sure that when Hermione arrives that she can help as well. Tell me…how long will it take for Ron to recover once the potion is administered?"
"Only four or five days, I believe," said Poppy.
"Great," said Harry. "If it turns out that we can create a 40+ sweat sample without any shagging going on, we will provide you with five vials of that 40+ sweat within the next week. If, on the other hand, there really isn't any way of reaching that potency without shagging, then you will be provided two vials of triple pure sweat within the next week."
"Triple pure?" Susan asked.
"Sweat collected by a virgin while a virgin wizard-warrior is shagging another virgin."
"But you can only lose your virginity once," noted Susan.
"Yes, and so can Ron."
The hag scowled a bit. "And you can guarantee that this other boy would be willing to donate his sweat under those conditions?"
"Harry can't guarantee that," Luna replied rather spiritedly, "but I am pretty certain that I can."
Harry turned to Luna and said, "Thank you, Luna." He then turned to McGonagall and asked, "Headmistress?"
The Headmistress took a deep breath, closed her eyes for two seconds, then nodded. "The most important thing is for Mr. Weasley to be given the antidote as soon as possible. It's a deal with the devil, but with terms that I doubt that Mr. Weasley would mind meeting if need be."
Harry turned to the hag, who was busy working out the angles. "And the third wizard?"
Harry snorted. "Is not part of current negotiations. It's either one in the hand or two in the bush."
"So to speak," added Susan.
"But you leave open the possibility of a longer-term arrangement?"
Harry nodded.
The hag moved her head to and fro for a few moments, then reached into her bag and pulled out the vial of antidote. She tossed it to Harry, and then said, "It's a deal."
Harry let out a deep sigh then handed the antidote over to Madame Pomfrey, who bounded out the door towards the infirmary.
The hag wrinkled her warty nose at the thought of handing out the antidote without something firmly in hand. "You should have been sorted Slytherin," she told Harry.
Headmistress McGonagall straightened up and said proudly, "I'm certain that the Sorting Hat knew what it was doing when it placed Mr. Potter in my house."
"Hem, hem…" came a voice from the corner of the Headmistress's Office.
Everyone turned in surprise to see the well-patched wizard's hat moving about on its perch.
"Perhaps I would have done so," the Sorting Hat noted dryly, "had I been placed on his other head."
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Authors Postscript: There is an old custom in Japan that people do everything they can to settle old debts in December…very bad luck to have that debt carryover into the new year. In that tradition, I'd like to take a moment to thank all of the portkey.org authors, readers, and reviewers that have made my experience on this site so rewarding the past year, and to acknowledge the support and encouragement that you all have provided. Couldn't have done it (and wouldn't have) without you. Best wishes for you and your this holiday season, and for a very happy new year.
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