Chapter 1-- The Helpful Hand
Harry tossed and turned as he dreamed.
The late spring air was clean and refreshing. Harry sat quietly in the garden at the Burrow. He had just finished his first week back in classes just before Spring Break.
"Harry?" asked Hermione. "Are you okay?"
"Sure, I feel fine. I guess I am a little quiet. Almost three months in the Hospital Wing without fresh air on a regular basis makes this seem like heaven," said Harry. "You?"
"Harry, Ron's gone with his Dad to see the Quidditch coach in Dublin and I want to talk to you before they get back tonight," she said.
"Sure, go ahead," said Harry with surprise. "Since when do we have to announce that we want to talk to each other?"
"Since I'm going to leave shortly after he gets back, I'm going to spend the rest of the Spring Break with my parents," said Hermione.
"Okay, I'm still not following," he replied.
"I'm going to tell Ron that things aren't working out between us, Harry," she said with a sigh. Her eyes looked tearful and sad. "I just told Mrs. Weasley and Ginny that I have to go get some things taken care of for the summer. I didn't tell them what I was going to do about Ron. Ron deserves the right to tell the story to his family."
Harry looked at Hermione carefully. "Have you thought this out? I mean really thought it out?" he asked.
"Yes, Harry. It is tearing me up inside to argue with him. I know I am demanding, but we are going in different directions. He wants to play Quidditch for Great Britain or Ireland when school is over. I want to train for a position in St. Mungo's."
"How is that different directions?" asked Harry. "You guys are too young to worry about things as if you have to decide your future together now."
"He thinks that we'll be just fine with the separations and that it will do us good," said Hermione. "I disagree. We need to spend time together to figure out things. We have had one thing after another happen the entire time we have known each other. How am I supposed to know if I really love him as a boyfriend if he is gone all the time? And, well, there are other things too."
"Wow, Hermione. It seemed like a sunny day a few minutes ago, but now the forecast is for thunderstorms," teased Harry. "This is a really big deal, Hermione and very sad."
"I'm sorry, Harry. If you were in the hospital still, I would have come to see you right afterward. If I don`t talk to you now, then I will have to wait until after Break is over. I can`t do that. I will drive me crazy," she confided.
"I don't know what this has to do with me, Hermione," said Harry flatly. "This is between you and Ron."
"You don't?" she asked. "You think that I just want to leave here and never speak to you until school. I don't even know what to do now. They are going to put you in the dorm with Ron when you do go back." The tears poured out now and she hugged him. He held her lightly as if he were uncertain of what to say.
"Harry, don't act as if you don't care, please. You know how important both of you are to me. I can't stand to have to make the decision that may separate the three of us forever. Well, you and I, that is," she sobbed.
Harry felt his stomach tie up in knots as she cried. It did bother him in many ways. Some he understood immediately. Others seemed strangely farfetched. He hated to see his friends upset and hurting. He did not want to lose his friendship with Hermione, even if it was now more as Ron's best friend. The others were what would happen if he refused to let Hermione part ways with him as a friend. What would Ron say about that? How would the Weasleys feel about that? He could not let any of that happen.
"Hermione, I can't get in the middle of this. Do you understand that?" asked Harry.
"That's part of what's eating me up inside," said Hermione. "I wanted to tell you something. It may come as a shock to you."
"Okay?" said Harry in a strained voice. Why was she being so melodramatic?
"Harry, I love you," said Hermione.
Harry looked at her and said, "I love you too, Hermione. We're as close as a guy and a girl can get without going out or being brother and sister."
"I don't think you understand," said Hermione. "I am in love with you."
Harry felt the pit of his stomach drop. She was right. This was a shock. "Look, I know you're going through a tough time right now. There is a lot of turmoil for many people now that Voldemort is gone. People are grieving. Things changed for everyone. The one thing that did not change is my loyalty to Ron and his family. I do not know what benefit you get out of telling me this right now, but it is the last thing in the world that I can do anything about, Hermione. I'm sorry."
Hermione looked at him in greater shock than Harry had at her admission. "That's all you have to say. You think that I would come out and say something like, `I'm in love with you,' because I'm distraught." She looked at him hard. "I can't believe I convinced myself to tell you. I thought you would at least…at least remember what you said to me about your feelings. I feel like a fool, but it doesn`t change that I love you."
"What am I supposed to do, Hermione? Kiss you? Or, say I'm in love with you too?" asked Harry. "This family is the only thing keeping me sane. You are what's keeping me sane…well, at least until now. Hermione, did someone give you a love potion or something? Don`t do anything because of me. You`ll regret it. I want to chase girls and be free. You don`t want someone like me."
Harry woke up with a start as Nurse Pomfrey came into the room and touched his forehead. "How long was I out?" he asked. Madame Pomfrey gave him a glass of water and a small vial of potion to drink then left smiling at Hermione.
"Several days, this time Harry," said Hermione sitting next to his bed.
Harry's stomach turned. Her expression said that she was not being completely truthful, but why would she lie? He remembered the dream as if this was part of it. "I didn't talk in my sleep, did I?"
The softness of her hand in his drove him to distraction. Ever since late November, he had been passing in and out of consciousness. There were wizards adept in potions, curses, charms, and every other field of magic trying to diagnose what had happened to him. A month after the final battle with Voldemort, he collapsed at the Ministry gala where he was going to speak.
"Harry, you're perspiring again," said Hermione. "Is that normal Nurse Pomfrey?" The nurse was coming back with a cool compress for Harry's forehead.
"No, of course not. He has just woken up. I'll be back in a few minutes to see if it subsides after trying this," said the Poppy.
"Sure, thanks. Still no idea what's going on?" asked Hermione. Nurse Pomfrey's face turned rather surly.
"I'm sorry. I should know better than to ask that," said Hermione. Nurse Pomfrey walked away looking angrily at Hermione about her pushiness with regard to Harry.
"Where's Ron?" asked Harry.
"His Dad and he are looking into places to stay in Dublin if he makes the Quidditch team there," said Hermione. "You don't remember that he was going, do you?"
"Why didn't you go with him?" asked Harry. The dream made him uneasy.
"Who was going to look after you here?" asked Hermione. "You must be crazy if you think I could bear to let you be alone when you woke up. You know what happened the last time."
"Yeah, that was pretty crazy," said Harry. He had gotten out of bed and collapsed on the floor barely able to stand on his own. The night nurse found him crawling to the nearest chair to try to prop himself up. "They still haven't told me why I was so out of it. How long ago was that?"
"Two weeks, Harry," said Hermione. "You don't remember anything?"
"I don't know what day it is today. You were sitting right there the last I remember," said Harry. He did not understand why he felt both uneasy and incredibly safe when she was close by. "Thank you, Hermione."
"It's March 27th, Harry. Tuesday, March 27th. You have been through a lot, Harry. We all have been through a lot," she said. She stood up stretching a little and then sat back down. "Sorry, I've been sitting in that same spot for hours."
"Have they come up with at least a theory about what's happening? I saw Nurse Pomfrey's face. It either meant: don't ask in front of me or that you have been driving her nuts asking," said Harry.
"Harry, it's a bit of both. There are theories, but they will not tell me officially so she gets angry when I ask or mention it. They won't tell anyone," said Hermione.
"Who is they?" asked Harry.
"The Remus Lupin, Professor McGonagall and every other adult you, Ron and I know," said Hermione in a disgusted tone. "You would think that after all we have been through together, they could let your best friends know what's happening."
"Are you kidding me? They won't tell you guys. If they did, they might as well gather all three of us and tell us," said Harry grinning. "I'm too tired to be angry. So remind me to be right pissed when I feel a little better."
Hermione smiled. "I have some of your homework here, Harry."
Harry was starting to wake up a little. "You have to be kidding me. I've been going to classes?" He looked at Hermione carefully. "You're having a go at me, aren't you?"
Hermione slowly smiled. "Yes, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Nurse Pomfrey and the other medical people here seem to think that you should try to get around as normally as possible though when you are awake. That is why I am here. They want someone with you all the time. You'll still sleep here though until they figure it out."
"So, I will start classes soon?" asked Harry.
"Only if you want to, Harry," said Hermione. "I told them that I would go to your classes with you while you recover to help you make up your work. Most of mine will be repeated if I study for magical nursing like I plan, so it's no problem."
"Hermione, since when do you need Arithmancy and Ancient Runes to become a nurse. You take those because you like them. Don't give me that? I don't want you to give up your favorite classes to baby sit me," said Harry.
"So which do you think I care about more, Harry? You or the classes?" asked Hermione hurt tone. "Honestly, Harry. Why do you think I sit up until midnight every night?"
Harry felt her hand tighten on his. It had become so commonplace to feel her touching him that he did not notice. He remembered the dream. It could not be the past or she would not be sitting here. He was sure of that. He had never had a dream of the future that he knew of unless it related to Voldemort. He felt uneasy and was tempted to pull his hand back, but could not force himself to do it.
"Because you love me," he smiled shyly. He knew that was why, but not like in the dream. That was crazy. He realized that dreams were sometimes ridiculous. That was how he was going to treat that one as just his overactive imagination.
"That's right and don't you forget it, buster," smiled Hermione. "Ron and I are both worried about you. Well, everyone is." She paused. "I'm sorry Harry I don't mean to seem melodramatic. It's just weird the things that have happened when you're awake sometimes." She blushed.
Harry was surprised at her reaction. She pulled her hand away and stood up again. "Is everything okay, Hermione?"
"It's just weird Harry. I cannot let you go without knowing what I know. I was trying and the heck with them if they get mad at me for telling you," she said. "You have a form of amnesia, Harry. They are pretty sure the magic causing it is reversible though. I`m not sure why they haven`t done anything though. They needed someone be with you so that they can observe you and report all the symptoms."
"So, you're here on an assignment," said Harry. "No wonder you don't leave." He smiled. "It's okay to admit it, Hermione. I know this must be difficult."
"Harry, they ask me because I refuse to leave, not because they sent me here," said Hermione. "You wouldn't understand in your current state, but that's okay."
"My current state? What wouldn't I understand?" said Harry.
"Never mind, Harry. I'm tired and starting to talk about things that are too hard to explain," she said in a nervous voice. "Let's just say that some days over the past few months, you have behaved strangely and you don't remember. It's better that way, I suppose." She looked sad.
"I'm not a werewolf, am I?" he asked trying to lighten the mood.
Hermione giggled. "Well sort of. You do not remember some of the things you do when you are awake. Most times you wake up completely normal and others…well, let's say it's been interesting."
"You aren't going to tell me, are you?" asked Harry.
"Tell you what?" said Hermione pretending not to understand.
"You know. You're not going to tell me what I did," said Harry.
"That's right and don`t ask please. I shouldn`t have said anything at all. Nurse Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall think that one day you're going to remember on your own and you'll even know why you acted the way you did. If I said anything it would only be what I saw and that might upset you," said Hermione.
"Come on. It couldn't have been that bad," said Harry.
As if on cue to relieve Hermione of the need to explain, Nurse Pomfrey returned from her office. "Alright you two. It is time for you to get some rest, Miss Granger. Go back to the dorm and get some rest. We'll have one of the staff nurses look after him until you're out of class tomorrow. You really should do something else though. It's not healthy to sit here for hours at a time," said the nurse in a kindly tone.
"Harry, she's right. I have to go. I'm starting to tell you things I shouldn't because I'm so tired. I'm not thinking," said Hermione. She came to his bedside and kissed his forehead. "Good night, Harry."
Harry could not remember a time when Hermione had kissed him good night. She had hugged him in welcome and maybe she had kissed him on the cheek in excitement over one thing or another. This was different. He was sure she had never shown him that kind of affection before. "Good night, Hermione," he said not commenting on it.
Nurse Pomfrey seemed to be preparing some mixture on the dressing table in the corner of his cubicle. "Harry--Professor McGonagall and Remus Lupin will be down in a moment to talk to you. I shall leave you alone for the moment. Is there anything you need?"
"An explanation?" said Harry confusedly. "Why are they coming at midnight?"
"I'll leave them to explain it, Harry. I will be back when they arrive," she said without offering further comment.
Harry was perturbed to the point of exasperation. He had no idea what was going on. He was sure that pressing the issue with Nurse Pomfrey was a waste of time. She was kind, but very stern when pressed. He would just anger her and increase his frustration. Finally, ten minutes later, he heard three voices coming down the corridor. "Remus, are sure this will work?"
"Yes, we know what is causing it now," said Lupin. "It would be rather humorous if the truth had been told months ago. Now, we must simply try to undo what has been done. We tested the two of us with the antidote and it worked both times. It will be fine."
"Hi Harry," said Remus as he stepped through the door.
"Hello, Mr. Potter," said Professor McGonagall. "I'm sure you overheard us in the corridor. We have a solution to your illness, if you can call it that. I am sure that you have many questions. Let Professor Lupin explain and then ask them if they still remain."
"Harry, what has happened to you is a very potent form of hypnotism. Conventionally, it begins with the typical relaxation techniques and a post-hypnotic suggestion. Having said this, there has been research done in the magical community that could make the relaxation period almost instantaneous through the administration of a very potent potion. This apparently is what happened to you. There is more to it than that, however, and that's what made it hard to determine what happened until now," said Lupin.
"So, I was slipped a potion of some sort," said Harry. "But how could it go for months like this?"
"That's where it gets interesting. Who do you know that tests their experiments on live human beings?" said Lupin looking out the window into the night sky.
Harry thought for just a second and it hit him like a bolt of lightning. "Fred and George Weasley."
"Precisely, Harry. Before you get angry with them, you were not the target, or at least they deny it now. They had targeted their brother Ron the night of the Ministry gala. Ron is not even aware of it to this day. As a matter of fact, Fred and George only confessed to recognizing the possibility that it happened to you too last week when they heard someone talking about your symptoms when they came to visit you," said Remus. "It is fortunate that things happen as they do, for it could have continued for a very long time."
"So, what happened?" asked Harry as he felt both relief and anger. He was angry that nearly four months of his life was nothing more than a few snippets of memory. He did not care whose fault it was. It was frustrating. "Please. Tell me why I have thought I was going crazy. Who else knows?"
"Okay, one thing at a time. First, you have to understand the purpose of it. Ron was to speak that night and introduce you to the Ministry guests. It was a great honor for him to be asked. He had never done anything like it before. You remember that much I think, don't you?"
"Yes, I remember him talking about being so nervous he could be sick when he thought about talking in front of so many people," said Harry. "I also remember he said he'd get through it because he wouldn't miss it for the world. So how does this have anything to do with it?"
"Well, for once, his brothers actually wanted to help him, not embarrass him. Therefore, they concocted their version of this hypnotic potion and an antidote. They thought that giving Ron the ability to speak what was on his mind would help his confidence. The problem was that somehow, both you and he got the potion. How exactly it happened at that point no one knows. We are sure though that something went horribly wrong. That is what must have happened given the months of symptoms," said Remus.
"What?" said Harry. "This is ridiculous. Who gives someone a potion without realizing it?"
"I still have not determined the veracity of their story at this point. I wonder that myself. I do know that they seemed more than willing to help now. So, something has changed. In any case, the antidote causes dreams or induces a dream state similar to the hypnotic potion, only it's purpose is to counter act it. Unlike physical inducements for hypnosis, there are no controls for the antidote. Put more simply, the hypnotic suggestion was this. "When you feel the anxiety beginning to build say, `enough', and it will relieve it immediately and allow you to say what is on your mind freely. They told Ron that that was the secret. He would have done anything at that point to make sure that he didn`t stammer through it. So, that`s what he did."
"Okay?" said Harry. "That's it. The word `enough' was a trigger. What if you heard the word five times in a conversation. Would you switch in and out of the hypnotic state. That's hard to understand."
"No," said Remus. "It's actually pretty ingenious. The only person who could activate it was the person themselves. It is something that when combined with stress, gives the drinker instant relief and clarity. Do you remember what he said that night?"
"Oh, yeah," said Harry laughing. "Ginny wanted to kill him afterwards from what I hear. Hermione even had a few choice words. I remember that from the first day I was awake again in December."
"Yes, he alluded to the two of you being the typical randy teenagers unable to satisfy their hormones and wished Hermione would be the same way," said Lupin. "He said he was glad you two had parted ways before he became an uncle."
"Professor Lupin, please," said Professor McGonagall with a scowl.
"Ah yes, sorry. That was a poor choice of words," said Lupin. "I apologizeto you, Harry. I got carried away."
He paused. "Ah, I remember where I was going with this. Once he had finished introducing you, he sat down and you took the podium. You'd passed out within the first minutes of your speech. In all the commotion, no one ever recognized how similar the two of you acted, in words and deeds that night until now. You were very frank and at ease, which at the time, was amazing and quite surprising as I look back. You do not seem to be a person who would have a lot of aplomb on the big stage giving a speech under those circumstances."
"Professor, really, this is all nice to hear, but what's wrong with me?" asked Harry. He was interested but much more interest in knowing how he had gone into a vegetative state several times in four plus months.
"Sorry, Harry but you need to understand this. You somehow drank the antidote first. It counteracts the hypnotic potion. Apparently, the hypnotic potion becomes volatile when taken in reverse order in a short period Or rather, the antidote does. One's purpose is solely to relieve the anxiety. The other's is to return the body to normal function and flush the other potion out of your system. Taken in reverse, it formed a part of the hypnotic sequence that spun out of control. Whatever made you go into the hypnotic state would also trigger the sleep state sometime in the relatively near future. Occasionally, it can leave you feeling drunk and disassociates you from the reality of the world around you for quite some time. That is what happened the last time that we know you went into the hypnotic state. You fell to the floor and they found you scrambling to sit down much like a drunk," said Remus.
"So what now?" asked Harry. "Well except for going and torturing Fred and George. That will be the first thing I do." He tried to sound like he was joking.
"So, I've been going in and out of this dream state for four months because of this interaction. It's hard to believe that it could last that long," said Harry.
"Well, there is the problem. The twins thought there was only one antidote brought with them that night. The hypnotic effects persisted in Ron's case for only a little while. How it happened remains a mystery. Personally, I think they were afraid to be caught. It is the first time one of their experiments had consequences that everyone could see. I think they tried to cover it up, but I can't prove it without Veritaserum and it's illegal now," said Remus. "I think they meant to help you the same way, but got the potions reversed. The dream state does not take effect immediately. It occurs naturally the next time you go to sleep, except when it is mixed with the hypnotic potion in the wrong order."
Harry sat quietly planning his revenge on the twins. For the first time, Harry found their irresponsible zaniness to be too much. It had cost him. His mind returned to something Hermione said earlier. His behavior had been strange or odd over this time. How? "Okay, now. Tell me how it has affected me for the last four months."
"That's Professor McGonagall and Nurse Pomfrey's area of expertise. I have only met with you once since that night until now. I was not pleased with our encounter, but now that I understand it I agreed to come," said Remus.
"It has been a very hard thing to follow, Harry. Given that you do not remember entire long stretches of time, we told Hermione that it was best that you thought you slept continuously. You did not, but you slept a lot and it became impossible to predict how long you would remain awake. There is a Muggle malady known as narcolepsy that we believed might have been the cause, but we ruled it out quickly," said Madame Pomfrey.
"Really?" said Harry. "How come I don't remember those times?" said Harry.
"The antidote caused you to go into that dream-state, Mr. Potter," answered Professor McGonagall. "If we had known of the antidote, we could have stopped the cycle. Hypnotic subjects often do not remember the circumstances around the time they are hypnotized."
"So, did I make a fool of myself?" asked Harry.
Professor McGonagall looked at Madame Pomfrey and Remus for help, but none was forthcoming. "No, Harry. Unfortunately, you became very frank with everyone. Sometimes, you were very tactless in your approach to their personal situation or problems. To give you an example, you told me that my fascination with staying at Hogwarts for all these years was a regret at not having my own children. You added that you and your classmates were substitutes for those children and that I had become bitter because of it. As you can imagine, I was taken aback. I was hurt, quite frankly."
"Harry, you did the same to Tonks and I," said Lupin. "The only ones who seemed to not suffer the indignity of your wit and criticism were Miss Granger and Ron."
"That is quite right. Apparently, Miss Granger and Ronald Weasley were the only ones you had not offended enough to make them wary of being around you," said Professor McGonagall. "That is why you are here in the infirmary and not in your dorm. While many of your fellow students have reason to be angry at your candor, some of them are grateful for your encouragement. The one thing I can say with certainty is that all of them agree that there is something wrong for you to be acting this way. We decided that keeping you apart from them and under observation here was best."
Harry felt horrible. He wondered how much he had said and to whom. "Well, I take it that you have the antidote and I can get my life back?" he asked with an empty feeling in his stomach. He wondered what he could have said again.
"Yes, but one of the effects of this antidote is that your dreams may be vivid and almost surreal. For most people, that would be discomforting. For you, it could be horrific since it may mean recalling the night with your parents and so on. We wanted to make sure that you were aware of the consequences. I did a short experiment with Tonks and I the past two days to see how it works. It was unpleasant for Tonks. I have yet to feel those same effects. We think that Ron's dreams came over a period of time and that mine will too," said Remus. "Tonks remembered everything that happened while under the hypnotic effect the very next day. I do not look forward to it myself for obvious reasons. Ron suffered through days of regret for his comments. It took several days for him to remember them. It was difficult for him to understand why Hermione and Ginny were angry until then."
"So, I might wake up tomorrow and remember everything that's happened, or it may come over the next few days," said Harry. "Is that right?"
"Harry, you have been under its spell, so to speak, for four months. Things might come quickly or it may take a very long time for you to remember," said Nurse Pomfrey. "That is why you will remain here for observation for a few nights. We fear that you may feel very uncomfortable around people for a while."
Harry did not want to waste another moment. He could feel the anxiety building and he was getting angrier at his predicament. He could not change what happened, but he wanted it to stop. "Okay, well what are we waiting for?"
"We want you tell us you understand the risks," said Professor McGonagall. "You will remember the situation tonight. Of that, I am sure."
"You know what, that's just like you people. You never worried about withholding things from me before until it was useful for you to tell me. Go ahead, Harry has no choice. We'll tell him when it's convenient for us. Professor Dumbledore did it. Remus, you did it about my parents. I'm sick of it. Will you please, just give me the damn antidote," said Harry angrily.
"Harry, just so that you know. That is how direct and tactless you get under the influence of the hypnotic potion. We haven't pointed it out before because it is often not present unless you really get into a stressful situation. It is as I thought, for you, stress alone caused it. What you thought or felt when it triggered I cannot guess. It will be nice not to hear your every thought in the future," said Remus.
There was a very long silence as Remus walked to the window again. "Harry, I must apologize. We care for you. We must be fair and tell you that you must not forget that there was many times that you have encouraged people as well. How the stress element worked then, I have no clue. Had I taken your comments correctly a few months ago, I might have seen them as encouraging. They were not always angry outbursts. Arthur and Ron are acting on one of those. You told Ron that he should follow his dream of playing Quidditch. He has changed for the better because you made him face his dream and go for it. Do not think that everyone got the wrong end of your insight. Your memories may be both good and bad."
Harry felt a pang of guilt. "I'm very sorry for being a bit out of line there," said Harry ashamed for losing his composure.
"Mr. Potter, drink this," said Madame Pomfrey. "Do it quickly because it is possible that this outburst could cause a return to the dream state. That would delay the administration of the potion."
Harry took the cup and drank it down. He remembered this taste. "I remember this," said Harry. "Seriously, it tastes like apple juice and some other fruit. I drank it on the way out of the Burrow. I don't remember how I got it though."
"Well, Harry you can think of that as you rest," said Lupin. "Listen to my voice and shut your eyes. Concentrate on peaceful thoughts. We will step out soon and let you go to sleep. We are giving it to you now mixed with another sleeping draught. It will make you sleep even though you may not be tired. Otherwise, the effects might take a while leaving you to contemplate the worst and we don`t want that for you. We do have your best interests in mind, Harry. When you awake, you should feel normal." Remus, the Headmistress and Madame Pomfrey left the cubicle quietly to let Harry drift off to sleep.
Harry was aware of Lupin speaking to him. He barely heard the three of them leave. He wondered how Hermione and Ron had managed not to hate him. The dream he had earlier in the evening began to weigh heavily on his mind. Had he actually said that to Hermione? Was that what happened? Slowly, those thoughts fade as sleep overcame him.
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