Chapter 2--Awareness Strikes
Harry awoke that Wednesday rested, but uneasy. He knew why they had warned him about the dreams he might have. He had become so accustomed to dreaming of his Mother and Father that he had often simply acknowledged the loss when he woke up and went on about his day. He knew most of what happened the night his parents were murdered now. It was sad how many lives were changed forever.
Even though he was much too young to remember these as his own memories, it did not stop him from having the dreams made up in his imagination of that night. Harry did not want to open his eyes. There were other dreams that night. Some were disjointed and made very little sense. Others seemed to linger. One that lingered was the night he learned Sirius was not responsible for his parents`deaths. Harry knew if he opened his eyes, the tears would stream down his face.
He opened his eyes and to his amazement, the sad thoughts seemed to fade away. He looked around for a second and then swung his feet over the side of the bed. He hesitated. If he wasn`t relieved of the awful hypnotic potion and its effects, he might fall like a drunk to the floor as he had before. Finally, he felt confident that that was not going to happen. He stepped down and found the floor cold on his feet. He was not prepared for that he quickly sat back up on the bed looking for his slippers. He saw them under the chair a few feet away.
"Good morning, Mr. Potter," said the young night nurse. She did not look that much older than he was and it felt strange to have a young woman that age calling him Mr. Potter.
"You can call me Harry," said Harry. "I don't think you want me to treat you like you're way older than me, do you?"
"No, I suppose not, but we're supposed to call all the patients mister or misses unless we're given permission otherwise," said the nurse. "You can call me Nurse Annie if you want. They make us tell the patients to call us Nurse, but I don't mind if you know my first name."
"Okay, Nurse Annie," said Harry thinking how cute this young woman was striving to follow the rules. It reminded him of how he thought Hermione would be in a few years. "What time is it?"
"It's nearly seven, Harry," she said smiling. "I was told to send someone to get Professor McGonagall when you woke up. I will let you have your privacy for a few minutes. After all, I am required to do rounds so I just didn't see you the moment you awoke."
"Thanks for that," he said.
"As you can tell, I'm new. So please let that be our little secret so I don't get in trouble," added Nurse Annie.
"Your secret is safe with me," he said with a wink. "He gathered his robe from the end of the bed and wrapped himself in it as he dashed to the chair to put on his slippers. The walk to the loo in the ward was not far, but there was an open area to cross making the walk seemed longer than it was.
By the time he returned to his bed, Professor McGonagall was standing in the corridor. "Ah, Mr. Potter. How are you feeling?"
"For the moment, I'm fine. I think the mention of my parents may have sparked the dream again, but I'm okay," he reiterated. "It's funny how my mind recreates something I never saw just to torture me."
"We would like you to join the other children for breakfast this morning if you are up to it," she said. "It's time for you to return to a normal life here at Hogwarts. You can find Miss Granger if you like, Mr. Weasley--Ronald--will be returning with his father later this afternoon. As I'm sure you're aware, this weekend begins Spring Break. That will give you some time to acclimate yourself to being active again."
"You seem to be in a hurry to get me back into the flow of things, Professor," said Harry.
Professor McGonagall's countenance changed abruptly from very authoritarian to personal. "Harry, it is hard for me to admit, but what said to me was something that I need to remember. It is why I love being here. I have four hundred children every year instead of only one or two. You are one of the special ones. I know that you need to get back to what will make you happy, because those dreams you had last night are not the last ones you will have. I want you to see how much people care about you before you feel guilty for anything you might remember saying or doing." She said this quietly and with more conviction than he expected.
A moment later, she said, "I was worried for you Mr. Potter." She returned to her more familiar posture.
"Thank you, Professor," he said.
"Now, get dressed and find Miss Granger," said the Headmistress as she left in the direction of the Great Hall.
Harry got dressed and contemplated what she had just said. "I must have been a real prat to some people if she felt it necessary to say that," he thought. He pulled the blanket up to the pillow and tried his best to make it look neat. He knew that Nurse Annie would probably be expected to make it before her shift ended.
"Harry," said Nurse Annie. "Thank you for keeping our secret." She smiled.
"No, I owe you the thanks," he said as he walked toward the Great Hall.
He noticed that the Great Hall was still nearly empty. He figured out quickly that maybe it was still very early. Without a second thought, he walked toward Gryffindor Tower. His legs ached as he climbed the rotating staircases. He knew it was because he had not done much walking the past few months. He was surprised how the lack of activity was affecting him. He got to one staircase from the top when Hermione emerged from the portrait hole.
"Harry, hello," she said in surprise. "I just got word that you would be going to classes today. What are you doing up here? I was supposed to meet you in the Great Hall." Her voice was animated and happy unlike Harry had seen in many years. She sounded like the fourteen year old that greeted him after the second task at the Triwizard Tournament. "Wait right there. I'm coming down."
"Okay," he said laughing. "You seem to be in a good mood."
"You have no idea how many mornings Ron and I hoped we would see you coming up these stairs to meet us or that we would find you in the Great Hall," she said joyfully. "I feel bad that Ron missed it, but he'll be back later today."
"Why didn't he wait until the break to go to look for a place to stay, Hermione?" he asked.
"It's sort of an interview too, Harry. The team is back from Europe for the rest of the week and then goes back on the road next week. Therefore, if he was going to meet the coach, he needed to go this week or wait until after the break. You really inspired him, Harry," she said. "I hope it goes well for him. They interview young players like Ron very carefully these days. It is tough on them to be alone when they go on the road I guess. It takes a special person to do it."
"How do you feel about all this?" he asked.
For the first time, there was a crack in Hermione's upbeat attitude. "I'm happy for Ron, Harry. How am I supposed to feel? He might be on the road for three weeks at a time and then back for a week and then gone again. It will be a lot to get used to."
"I guess I didn't think of all that," said Harry. "I hope you're not mad at me for getting him started on all this." He looked at her as they walked, but she did not look back. She kept walking with her bag over her shoulder and her eyes straight ahead.
"No, Harry. I am not mad at you. You did a great thing for him. He is happier than he has ever been. You helped us both. You made it clear to us what our dreams and goals were," she said without any of the previous excitement in her voice.
Harry knew he had hit a nerve somewhere, but he had no idea why. He needed to get her back to the excited girl she had been a few minutes before. "Hermione, I am so glad to see you outside of that stupid hospital wing. I don't love school, but it should be more interesting than feeling like a zombie all the time."
Hermione laughed. "Yeah, and my bum won't be sore from sitting in the same position all the time either," she seemed to brighten up. "You have Professor Slughorn first today, Harry. What a cheery thought that must be." She giggled again. "He will no doubt reconvene the Slug Club in your honor."
Harry smiled. "That old fraud is quite a piece of work, isn't he? He had the answers to so many things to help find the Horcruxes and kept silent out of fear. What you said was funny, but I don't have much use for him myself."
"You and me both, Harry," said Hermione. "He is a brilliant Potions Master though. We can both learn from him."
"I suppose," said Harry. They had just passed through the huge doors and into the Great Hall. Unlike fifteen minutes before, the place was now a hive of activity. Harry had not been back to school as a student since last year as far as he knew since it was temporarily closed down last summer. It was reopened in January, he knew that. The rest of what had been going on was a blur. He noticed the changed atmosphere immediately. The Slytherin table was full, but it was different. The dark cast that seemed to be on every face was gone."
"Wow, the Slytherin's look different," he said to Hermione.
"Yes, they do, don't they?" she replied.
"On second thought," he said. "They still look snooty and arrogant even if they seem less threatening." He laughed.
"Yeah, noticed that too, did you?" said Hermione. "At least they don't call anyone mud blood anymore."
They had finally reached the far end of the table near the teacher's table. It was a place reserved for the seventh year students in Gryffindor. Each house had a similar spot for those about to graduate. He sat across from her and noticed the stares almost immediately.
"Hermione, did I kill someone while I had amnesia?" he joked. He was not going to say anything about what he had learned until there was some privacy and he could tell Ron at the same time.
"No, Harry, but you have had a habit of being very blunt with people and that's why they stopped letting you come to the Great Hall for meals until you were feeling more yourself. It was rather frightening sometimes," she said. "Don't worry. Just think of it as if you are walking through the lion's cage at the London zoo. If they get loose, you're dead in seconds." She giggled.
"Oh, nice. Just brilliant. I have absolutely no idea who I've offended," said Harry.
"Well you offended me you git," said Seamus with a good-natured pat on the shoulder. "But mates don't know how to hold a grudge. The next time I want your opinion though, remind me to shoot myself with my wand first." He laughed.
Harry did not know what to say. "Sorry, mate. I don't remember."
"Well, of course you don't. Most of us understand that," he said. "The others, they're going to come around, you'll see."
Before long, Dean Thomas, Parvati Patil, Neville Longbottom and surprisingly, Ginny Weasley greeted Harry warmly. Seamus did a good deal of the talking and explained that most of his housemates understood that what had happened several weeks had been explained as well as it could be by Professor McGonagall.
"Yeah, Harry. It took a bit of convincing, but we finally got the picture. I guess it was something to do with a curse or something, I guess. Is that right?"
Harry had to play along for the moment. It was the first time he had heard anything of the sort. He did not make the mistake of confirming Seamus' story, but he did tell them it was something like that. "Well if it wasn't a curse, it was after I pissed all of you off." He said smiling. "I sincerely didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings."
"Mate, we're guys. It is hard to offend another guy, but sometimes the truth makes you look at things you're happy not to see. I needed to see that I was a bit rude to people all the time with my cheeky jokes and such. I never fancied myself as `a prat who made people squirm just for the fun of it.' Those were your words. It's just not something someone says to your face without trying to pick a fight," he said. "If it were anyone but you mate, it would have been ugly."
Harry hung his head. "Mate, what was I thinking to tell you something like that so tactlessly? I'm sorry," said Harry not apologizing for the idea but the way he said it.
"Well, at least you admit you meant it," said Seamus. "It would have been hard if you denied you felt that way now."
Harry understood that. He was going to have to be careful about changing what he said. If someone had been offended and he was wrong, he had to admit it. If he were right, he had to stand by his words. He was glad Seamus was the first to confront him. "Seamus, no hard feelings?"
"No, mate. Good mates tell things as they are sometimes. I just needed to grow up a bit," he said somberly.
Harry noticed that many of the others were listening carefully. Harry was not about to make a statement to all of them at first and then an idea came to him. "Look, if I offended any of you please come talk to me when you feel like it. I do not want to have bad blood between us. I'm not perfect either." He left it at that.
"Are we ready to go to class, Hermione?" he asked. He noticed her looking off in the distance much like many of the others.
"Did I say something or do something to you too?" asked Harry without thinking about the consequences.
"No, not really Harry. Nothing like that. It was just that you were very up front about things. You told me I should do what makes me happy. I sometimes do things that make others happy before I do things for myself. It is a rather annoying habit of mine. Then I try to make them do it my way because I'm frustrated," she said. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, Harry. I should not be saying these things. You made me see a lot of things differently."
"That sounds ominous," he said. "I hope I wasn't harsh like I was with him."
"Harry, if you had been harsh, do you think I would have sat there with you for hours?" asked Hermione. "Ron and I learned more about you in the last four months than we knew in six years, almost seven now. We have talked about how we can help you see the same things in yourself that you saw in us. Whatever happened to you were both a blessing and a curse of sorts I guess."
"How do you mean, Hermione?" asked Harry as they got up and started walking toward class.
Her eyes kept forward again. She would not look at him as they walked. Then she stopped and turned to him. "Harry, I cannot answer your question right now. You will understand one day I hope. I really hope that Nurse Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall are right when they told Ron and me that you would remember everything one day. Until then, I cannot say. I do not want to repeat the words and let the feelings that were attached or showed through be lost. You have to do that yourself."
Harry was confused. She was so sweet. He saw so much potential in her. Ron was going to be a very happy man to have her if they could keep things going. "Well, I just hope I didn't do something stupid."
"Harry, nothing you did was stupid. It was hard to understand sometimes, but it was not stupid," she said. "We have to find something else to talk about. I never knew until now how hard this would be."
"I did do something," said Harry. "I'm going to regret it, aren't I?"
"Harry, no. Now stop it. You're making it worse," said Hermione. "Just focus on class and let things go for a while. You were never awake long enough for us to have this conversation until now so it makes it a little hard to get used to you not remembering things."
Harry had to honor Hermione's wishes unless he wanted to tell her the truth about things. He was not prepared to do that now. It was obvious that Hermione had handled whatever Harry had said differently than most people. On the other hand, as he was told, even his inclination to say what was on his mind had limits where she and Ron were concerned. Either way, he was making things difficult for her by continuing to bring it up.
"So what are we talking about in class today?" asked Harry.
"We are going over experimental potions. Professor Slughorn put out a survey at the beginning of the year to see what interested his students most, since we in the seventh year will only get the equivalent of a half year of study. We're up to the theory behind using mind control potions," said Hermione. "If you ask Professor Lupin, chocolate does the trick perfectly." She smiled.
"I suppose he's right. Chocolate always worked for me," said Harry. Harry decided that maybe these potions classes would give him some idea of what happened to him. After all, Fred and George started out with the idea to relieve Ron's anxiety of speaking to large groups of people. He shivered as he thought of the way it had turned out. "Shouldn't that be more of a Dark Arts subject?"
"Well, at first he didn't want to do it for that very reason, but lots of us said that we wanted to know about them because the rumor was that you were under the influence of one," said Hermione. "So, in a way, you inspired the next subject."
Harry shivered again with the irony of it all sinking in.
"Harry?" asked Hermione. "You aren't getting a chill, are you? That`s the second time in a minute you did that."
"Yeah, it's funny how it happens at the weirdest times without any good reason," said Harry not letting on that the whole situation that made him shiver. "I'll be fine though. No worries."
As usual, Professor Slughorn was very proficient at teaching the brewing of potions, but fell miserably short of the mark describing the effects of the potions and their antidotes. Harry was sure that several times during his lecture, the Professor had looked directly at him. He had no reason to believe that Professor Slughorn knew anything, but Harry was suspicious.
Throughout the day, Harry tried desperately to figure out why Hermione was so emotional about the times he was "hypnotized". He had obviously not offended her, but he had to have done something to create such emotion. Finally, his last class of the day was with Professor McGonagall. They were working on transfiguring a human into a mouse. Harry felt somewhat lucky so he volunteered to be the guinea pig.
"I'll do it," said Harry with a smile. "I think I'm the luckiest guy here so I should be safe."
His classmates laughed. "That-a-boy, Harry," said Seamus. "Let Longbottom have a crack at him and see if he still feels lucky."
The roar of laughter made Professor McGonagall smile for the first time that Harry could remember. "With all due respect to Mr. Longbottom, he should be last. Our test subject may be in no condition to continue if we were to do that."
Neville blushed. "But I'm doing so much better. The last time it only took two days to get Dean back to normal," he smiled obviously playing along with the joke. "I agree. I still need work and we don't want to send Harry back to St. Mungo's just yet."
Hermione smiled and pushed Harry to the head of the class. "Go, Harry. Good luck, you have no idea how bad we've been at this."
Suddenly Harry did not feel so confident. "Err, ah…what are you talking about Hermione?"
"I'm just kidding silly," she smiled. "It will be fine."
Each of Harry's classmates took turns changing him to a mouse. He had the weirdest sensation each time. Once he could have sworn he had a hankering for cheese, but he was returned to human form so fast each time, he could not be sure. "Can you do that again? I want to see what type cheese I wanted." He looked around for their expressions. "Just kidding guys, come on."
Everyone laughed again. Hermione smiled at him when he came back to his seat. "Harry, I wish Ron could have seen that. He would have paid a million galleons for a picture of you scurrying around as a mouse."
Harry smiled. He loved how she was always thinking of him and Ron. She was unselfish. She was very caring and open with those she cared about most. Harry had a sense of calm and satisfaction when he thought about Hermione in situations like this. She radiated kindness that overshadowed the bossy and argumentative tendencies most knew people associated with her.
"I'll bet. I don't think if he were here I would have volunteered for just that reason," he smiled.
"Yeah, I'll bet not," she grinned. "Professor, I'll be the victim next. I mean subject so Harry can try." She winked at him knowing the laughs would come at Harry's expense.
"Yeah, Harry. Be careful, don't turn Granger into a cockroach or something worse," said Dean jokingly.
Harry smiled. "Are you ready for this, Hermione?" he asked quietly.
"Sure, you'll do fine," she said.
Harry was nervous but happy that she had confidence in him. He raised his wand and did the incantation silently as he expertly waved his wand. Hermione was immediately transfigured into a swan. Harry smiled. "I had to make her into something better than a mouse," he said. "Is that good enough?"
Professor McGonagall smiled. "That was very good, Harry. It's too bad Miss Granger can't see herself." The Professor changed Hermione back into herself. "Well, Miss Granger. Harry managed to turn you into a very beautiful swan."
"Really?" she said with delight. "I missed it. Harry?"
"I just made you into something that reminds me of you," he whispered.
"Potter?" asked Mrs. McGonagall who never liked whispering or passing notes in her classes.
"Oh, I just told her that I wanted it to be more spectacular than a mouse," he said slyly.
"Well, it was that," said the Headmistress. "We will do the same next time. We will go for a larger animal transfiguration."
Harry felt Hermione's hand take his. "Thanks for saying that Harry. That was very sweet." Her warm touch reminded him of how lucky he was to have his two best friends.
"I'll bet you're anxious to see, Ron," Harry said to Hermione as they left the classroom still holding hands without realizing it.
"Of course, Harry," she said nonchalantly pulling her book back up with both hands to free her hand from Harry's at the mention of Ron`s name.
He had not realized it, but he was the one who would not let go. He felt a twinge of disappointment to lose physical contact with her. He shivered again. "Wow, what is it about this corridor that makes me shiver?" he said covering up his reaction. He had no idea what was causing him to feel this way.
They chatted about the day and contemplated what Ron might have learned. "So, you never said. Are you going to be happy about a move to Ireland if that happens?"
"Harry that is something Ron and I are going to have to discuss. I'm not sure I want to go too far from here right now because my studies are here, but if he needs me I might," she said looking at Harry carefully. "I just don't know yet. There are other factors too. If he's gone a fair bit, why would I go there just to be alone while they are out of town?"
"I can see your point there," said Harry. "I think you guys can work it out though."
"I hope so. It's hard when there are so many things we both want to do," said Hermione.
They walked along the final corridor from the rotating staircase and stopped at the portrait. "I keep forgetting that I'm staying in the Hospital Wing."
"Six years of coming back here is a hard habit to break," said Hermione. "Just as you get used to it, they'll have you move back too."
"Yeah, I can see that already," said Harry. "Well, it was nice walking you up anyway. I enjoy talking to you, you know that. I am going to come in and say hi to Ron. I just wanted to say that before we went in."
"Well, you know I feel the same, right?" said Hermione.
Harry left her question unanswered. They walked into the Common Room where Ron had a few of the younger Gryffindors sitting at a table listening to him about his trip. Seamus and Dean entered just behind them. "Ron, how did it go, mate?" asked Dean.
Ron's face was all smiles. "They offered me second alternate as Goalkeeper for this season," he beamed. "Okay, second alternate is not great, but I haven't graduated yet. That allows me to stay in school and join them in the summer when the Quidditch schedule slows down for the World Cup, but we`ll still be gone a lot. Hermione, that means that we have plenty of time to figure out what we want to do between now and then. Isn't that great news?" asked Ron.
"Yes, it is. Congratulations," she said smiling. She gave him her customary kiss on the cheek in public. He offered his knee and she sat on it as he kept talking.
"Hermione, they are going to pay me almost as much as my Dad makes at the Ministry," he added. "Wow, I can't believe it. I couldn't go on about it like this with my Dad, because, well, I had to act all responsible and stuff." They all laughed.
Harry listened to the schedule for the summer. It was going to be hard for Hermione and Ron to decide what to do. The first month and a half after Ron joined the team would be mostly out of Great Britain and Ireland completely. Even magical travel would not be practical as an alternative. He had to be with his teammates to become part of the team.
Hermione listened too. Harry noticed that the more she heard the quieter she became. Ron's exuberance was a good thing, but it also left Hermione nodding yes to things that he had not really asked her. "Hermione, you're happy about this, right?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" she said. "Of course, I am." Her voice did not carry the enthusiasm it had when she first found out.
Ron stopped for a second. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I should have talked to you about all of this first," he said. He looked around at the six or seven people there with him. He looked at Harry. "Hey, Harry? Guys? Do you mind if Hermione and I have a moment alone here? I should have taken the time for this when I first got back."
"Hey, no problems mate," said Harry. "This had been a very long day. I need to get a little rest before dinner anyway. I'll see you then?"
"Sure Harry," said Ron. "Hey, my Dad has a whole bunch of souvenirs we got from the team back at the house. We can pick through them when we get back there this weekend. Anyway, get some rest."
"See you later," said Harry as he walked toward the portrait hole. Ron apologized immediately once everyone had turned to leave.
"Hermione, I just realized that this is what we didn't want to happen. It's my fault," said Ron.
"It's okay, Ron, you were excited. I understand that part. You just have to remember that you can't pretend that I agree with things in front of other people until we actually agree," she said. "So, let's go over this again."
Harry kept walking trying not to eavesdrop but he could not help it. The last thing he heard was about the place in Dublin.
"We would stay just outside Dublin. It is nice there. It's a little muggle village but there are three wizard families who live there quietly too," said Ron.
Harry knew this would have been a sobering conversation for him. He did not want to be separated from his friends. He knew it would happen one day, but today was not a day he wanted to think about it. It took Harry ten minutes to get back to the Hospital Wing and get comfortable. He knew the nurses must hate it when people got in the beds fully dressed, but he was not getting into pajamas for a pre-dinner nap. He kicked off his runners and laid back closing his eyes and focusing on his own breathing. He slowly relaxed until a dream overtook him.
The Common Room was warmer than usual during the late January cold snap. Harry sat with Ron and Hermione at the fireplace. Ron yawned. "Thanks mate. You know I'll have to think about what you said."
He stood and continued. "I'm too tired to think about it now though. I am going to get some sleep. You two stay if you want. I'm done though."
Hermione gave Ron a kiss on the cheek, "Good night."
"Hey, good night mate," said Harry. "Ron, you can do anything you put your mind to as long as you want it bad enough. Look, we beat Voldemort. That should prove it to you."
"Yeah alright. The fact is that, you beat Voldemort and we stood watching in awe," said Ron. "I'm tired mate. I'll give it some thought."
"No, wait. I'm not having that. Do you know how much courage it took to be there? Do you know that you and Hermione were the reason I could not fail? Mate, I know you do not believe you can do it right now, but I do. If you do, it will happen. You can play Quidditch for anyone once you get the right training and practice."
"Alright Harry," said Ron with a smile. "Good night."
Ron disappeared up the staircase. "Why doesn't he believe me, Hermione?"
Hermione was quiet for a few moments then answered. "Harry, relax. You have been so different lately. You used to sit quietly and never tell people what you thought and now no one can stop you. You challenge them at every turn. You`re making as many enemies as friends these days, Harry."
"What are you talking about?" asked Harry.
"Harry, we keep trying to tell you that something happened to you a month or so ago and it changed you. You just never remember what you tell people from one day to the next. Yesterday you almost picked a fight with Seamus. The day before you told Neville his parents would be proud of him if only he'd stop being a wimp and then in the same breathe, you said that he had the makings of a great teacher," said Hermione. "You have no idea what you're saying half the time. With Neville, you tore him down one minute and the next pulled him back up. It`s crazy."
"I said that to Neville?" he asked.
"Yes. I have never seen you like that. Now, today, you have given Ron and me advice to follow our dreams. I'm sure we're not perfect, so why do you let us off the hook." She paused. "I'm not sure I want you to answer that. I kind of like being encouraged for once instead of doing it for others." She giggled.
"Oh, but you are perfect, Hermione. Look at you. You were once a bucktoothed, know-it-all with bushy hair and no tact. Now you're this radiantly beautiful, intelligent, caring young woman who makes me crazy to look at," said Harry immediately blushing a bit. How had he said all that in one sentence?
Hermione looked at him hard. Harry could feel the tension. He knew he had said too much, but it was how he felt. Why couldn't he stop himself? "I'm sorry, I got carried away, Hermione. You are though. You have become what any guy would die to have for a girlfriend. Ron is the luckiest guy here. If he weren't your boyfriend, I'd drop everything and make it my business to make sure you knew how I felt." He felt warm and flushed. "I don't feel so good, Hermione." He collapsed.
Harry shifted in the bed in the Hospital Wing still napping and still dreaming.
He lay awake in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts feeling groggy and confused. He heard Nurse Pomfrey. "Miss Granger, you can see him for a moment then you have to leave," said the Nurse.
"Harry, are you alright? You scared the hell out of me?" Hermione asked. "Ron had to go to bed. He'll come back with me in the morning."
"What time is it? What happened?" asked Harry.
"You started perspiring while you were talking to me late last night and then you said you didn't feel well. You collapsed. I thought it was something serious, but it was just one of those sleeping spells again. They're going to keep you here until they figure this out now I think," said Hermione brushing Harry's hair away from his eyes.
Harry could feel the odd sensation of dizziness subsiding. "I don't remember a thing. I'm sorry if I gave you a scare."
"Harry, we've been worried that you haven't been yourself for quite sometime. You have not fallen asleep like that since the night at the Gala. You did. You scared me," she said caressing his hand. "Even though you don't remember, thanks for what you said last night. It meant a lot to me."
"What did I say?" asked Harry.
"You just told me that you thought I was a really amazing girl. Well, not in so many words. I don't think you meant things exactly the way you said them, but the point was clear and I thank you for that," said Hermione.
"You won't tell me what I said, will you?" asked Harry.
"No Harry," said Hermione. "I talked with Professor McGonagall and she said that one day you might remember the important and really meaningful things you've said and done. If you never remember, it will just be something you said without thinking. We all do it, but you`ve made a career out of it lately." Hermione giggled.
"We all hope you can remember so we can find out what you really meant, I guess," said Hermione.
"Why do I feel like it's not all good? I hate this and I can't even be sorry for anything I say because I don't even remember saying anything at all." He paused. "Do they know what's wrong with me then?"
"No, I'm sorry Harry. I wish they did too," said Hermione. "Look, I need to go before Nurse Pomfrey gets mad and makes it harder for me to stay with you."
Harry felt a little more normal and noticed how haggard she looked. "Have you slept?" asked Harry.
Hermione giggled. "That's the other reason, Harry. No, not since they brought you here. Well, maybe a nap in the chair, but that's all."
"Hermione, get out of here," joked Harry. "I'm fine. You are going to make me feel guilty if you get sick. Now go." He smiled. "Thank you, Hermione. You're sweet. I cannot imagine just saying something to you simply to be nice though. I think I would always tell you what I really felt."
Harry noticed the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Thank you, Harry" She left as the tears started streaming down her face.
Harry awoke with a start. His chest felt heavy lying there. He sat up and looked around. "I couldn't have done that. I've tried to keep those thoughts about her out of my head. I don't even think of them to keep myself from doing something stupid. Holy crap. What did I do?" he thought.
All he could think of was how shocked the look on her face was when he said that he would do everything in his power to let her know how he felt. What was it? Was it surprise? Embarrassment? Whatever it had been, shock described it best. "I can't let her know I remember. I would have to confess. I can't lie to her."
He yawned. A moment or so later, he got up picked up his runners and sat down in the chair. The whole thing ran through his head again. He could only shake his head. He knew she was taking care of him so well because she felt sympathy for his feelings toward her. He was glad that he knew now. He realized that the dream of the other day was the way he would have to react to her if she did something stupid like break up with Ron for him. He knew he wanted her to care for him too. It was not that he did not care for her enough. He cared for her too much by his standards. He was not ready for a relationship with someone. He wanted to fool around and be a randy seventeen-year-old boy. He would never do that to Hermione. She could never think of leaving Ron for him. Not now, not ever. He loved his friends too much to come between them.
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