Harry's Dilemma--Chapter 3
Harry thought about Hermione as he sat quietly. He pictured her face trying to remember every detail. He smiled as her most prominent features jumped out at him. Her bushy eyebrows, larger than average teeth and incredibly soulful eyes filled his heart with joy. He laughed at the thought of how much larger Hermione's teeth had once been. He wondered how this girl had captured his heart so completely. Hermione was the only girl Harry knew that embodied all of the things that intrigued him. She was cute, brazen, intelligent, warm, kind, and most of all, natural.
"So if all this is true, why don't I just go for it?" he asked himself.
Harry shocked himself with that question. He had never asked it before and never considered it. There were some things that you did not question. One of them had always been that Ron and Hermione would eventually get together. Why had it been Ron and Hermione and not Hermione and he?
He got up from the chair and walked absentmindedly toward the Great Hall to satisfy his hunger. At first, he wondered if he was hallucinating because he was starving. He laughed silently as he realized that he was searching for any reason that would help him answer that question.
"Hey, Harry," said Parvati Patil as Harry entered the Great Hall without paying attention to the people around him.
"Oh, hi Parvati," he said. "Sorry, I'm still sleepy from my nap."
"It's okay, Harry. I'm just glad to see you up and around again. We were all worried about you for the longest time," she said politely.
"Yeah, thanks Parvati. I suppose I was worried about me too," he said as she headed toward her group of friends not too far from Ron and Hermione. She turned back and giggled. "Hope to talk to you again soon, Harry."
Harry was surprised that he had made it this far thinking about Hermione and had not yet come up with a plan. It was too late now, they saw him and motioned him over. "Harry, we saved you a spot. Sit." Ron was talking animatedly with Seamus moving his hands in the way Harry remembered they used to do talking about Quidditch strategies.
"Yeah, mate. It was really interesting talking to the Chaser coach," said Ron who turned toward Harry and smiled. "Hey, we thought you faded out on us again. You know that`s how we first figured out you hadn`t fully recovered. You just didn't show up for supper one night and Hermione got worried."
Harry vaguely remembered that part of the story. It was really hard to figure out what were dreams and what was reality still. The dream he had today rang true. The one from the day before seemed a little out of character for both him and Hermione. It was not so much what he said, it was that he could not see Hermione breaking up with Ron and coming to him in desperation. She was too proud and self-assured to need a guy that badly. He just realized that.
"Harry, are you with us?" asked Hermione with a smile. "You looked like you were a million miles away."
"Man, I'm telling you. It's so hard to figure out if I'm dreaming or awake. I lived in between the two for so long, I'm still kind of lost," he said. Again, he surprised himself. Other than the moment he woke up and made the silent vow to keep quiet about things to avoid coming between them, everything around him seemed to be going slower and seemed almost dream-like. He did not feel normal at that moment.
"Are you alright then, mate?" asked Ron rather seriously. "My Dad told me a little about what happened and I'm shocked. It wouldn't surprise me if it's still a few days before you feel right."
"Yeah, that's weird. Things were fine this morning and even seemed okay when I first woke up from my nap. I just feel a little lightheaded right now is all," he said as he looked around at everyone.
"Maybe we should get Madame Pomfrey, Harry," said Hermione. "The last thing we want is a repeat of `Truth or Dare, Harry Style'." She smiled.
"Yeah, who knows what I'll say next, right?" he said jokingly. "Maybe I'm just hungry and eating something will sort this all out."
He straightened himself out on the bench seat to Ron's left and dished out healthy portions of beef stew, egg noodles and corn. He felt better as he ate. He had never experienced anything like that before but the feeling was starting to fade a bit.
As he ate he listened to Ron describe what the Chaser coach had taught him about watching flight patterns of the other players. Harry was intrigued with what Ron had learned in a short visit with the professional team. Once he started feeling better he asked Ron about it. "You know, mate, I was listening to you talk about watching the other flyers. It's interesting. I wonder if he said anything that might help a Seeker. I mean, occasionally someone besides the Seeker finds the Snitch first and I wonder if there are indicators that help with that," said Harry.
The discussion of the technical aspects of the role of Chasers, Seekers and Beaters stretched on for over a half an hour. Harry couldn't help but look at Hermione sit patiently as Seamus, Dean, Ron, Harry and Ginny went over every detail.
He tried to keep focused on the discussion, but most of it did not apply to the Seeker. Once a match started, he was actually involved in an almost separate game of cat and mouse with the other Seeker. Once he had tuned out of the Quidditch discussion, he focused on Hermione again. Was she really interested in all this technical talk about angles and eye-hand coordination? He doubted it, but it intrigued him to wonder what she was thinking about. He found it ironic that he was tuned out too and thinking about her. Was she thinking about Ron or homework? Those seemed to be the most likely things she would be thinking about.
"Harry, did you flake out on again?" asked Ron.
"Yeah, mate. Sorry. It's just way to in depth for a simple Seeker who risks death in each match to save the team," he said poking fun at himself and the fact that the rest of the team had to score fifteen times to get as many points as he would by catching the Golden Snitch.
"Oh yeah, another elitist Seeker. Typical, they're always thinking of nothing but how important they are and how unimportant anyone else is," said Seamus tossing a wadded up napkin at Harry with a smile. "But Ginny has proven time and again how important the Seeker is."
"Hey, watch it. I'm not like that. I just wish I had caught it against Ravenclaw last week," she lamented. "I can't believe I let that dork distract me long enough to fly past it. I wanted to hex him when we landed after the match."
"Yeah, I know the feeling," said Ron. "Last match was the worst I think I've played since I first started. We still almost won though."
"Harry, are you going to come back so I can become a Chaser again?" asked Ginny.
Harry was shocked that she spoke to him. She had not spoken to him since the day he told her it was over and would never work. She seemed to have taken it well at the time. She wished him luck and kissed him on the cheek. He had done the same. He heard much later that she had cried for days. He had felt a twinge of regret because she was a lot of fun both as a friend and a girlfriend. He missed the laughter she used to bring with her witty comebacks and audacious style. That seemed to change, but Harry knew it was only around him. She was seeing Neville now and it seemed things were going well.
"Do you guys want me to comeback?" asked Harry. "You seem to be playing pretty well on your own."
"Harry, we hate that you get all the attention, but the bigger picture is more important. We want to kick ass in the House Cup competition this year," said Seamus. "Ron is a awesome as the Goalkeeper now and Ginny is more suited to Chaser. She`s the best flyer at Hogwarts if you don`t play. So if we have the best two flyers on the same team, we would be brilliant."
Dean started it and Seamus picked up on it. Then, reluctantly, Ron joined in after being prodded by Hermione. "Harry, Harry!" Soon the chant was table-wide. "Harry, Harry!"
"Okay, okay. If the Nurse and Professor McGonagall say I'm cleared, I'll play," said Harry. He did not want to ruin their fun reminding them that just a little while before he was lightheaded and nearly incoherent.
"Woot! Woot!" said Seamus a second later. Just as the chant for Harry had done, the raucous Gryffindors welcomed Harry back as their greatest Quidditch player in recent memory.
Harry looked around and saw the other tables staring at them. He knew they were worried. He was not sure he would make that much of a difference. He had not played competitively in a very long time. Nevertheless the excitement they showed for his comeback made him feel good. He looked over and saw Hermione smiling at him. Ron smiled but did not seem as happy as the others.
As supper wound down, Harry realized that there was another change that he would have to get used to. Hermione and Ron were going to take off to be alone. He was not sure how to react as he listened to them. "Ron, I'm just going to have to make sure Harry knows what to do for homework, then we can go."
"Okay. Wasn't he in the same class with you? Are you responsible for his work too?" asked Ron.
"Only for the first day or two," said Hermione. "You know what it's like when you miss a few days. Well, he's missed half the term."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right. I just want to get back to what we were talking about earlier, you know," said Ron.
Hermione smiled. "Sure, I understand. Just be patient though, okay?" Hermione turned to Harry. "Harry, you remember we have to do twelve inches of parchment on the concentration factors affecting Transfiguration and other unspoken spells, plus…"
Harry listened carefully as she went over the assignments. He loved how passionate she was about her studies. It felt weird to listen to her now. He used to hate the way she would badger them about doing their homework. He supposed that she always felt that they disregarded the work because she would do it if they had trouble. He bet that she had started feeling used.
"Okay, well, I'll try. I think I can get the writing portions. I know how to do the spells and stuff. I hope you're going to read over the report for History of Magic before I turn it in though. I'd hate to have the trolls fighting the goblins in a Quidditch pitch in Bulgaria, you know." He smiled.
"Oh, Harry that's so wrong," she giggled. "You work on it. I'll check it tomorrow before we go to class." She turned to Ron. "Okay, Ron. Let's go. Bye, Harry."
"Take it easy, mate," said Ron. "I'll probably catch up with you later or tomorrow morning.
It'll be nice for you to get back to the House soon though."
"Yeah, it kind of sucks being separated. The way I felt earlier, I understand why though," said Harry.
"Hey, Harry?" said Ron.
"Yeah," replied Harry.
"If you start feeling bad again, send someone to the library or to the Potions classroom to get us. We want to make sure you're okay, mate," said Ron.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks for that," said Harry glad for Ron's concern.
Harry understood why they did not invite him along. He had never invited them when he was with Ginny. It was a nuisance to have someone else around if you suddenly got the urge to snog or just talk intimately. He missed that part about being with someone. He liked hanging out with the guys talking about farts and big boobs to make the time go by. Yet nothing could replace the softness of a girl's hand. That was something he would always remember as soothing. He often wished he had finished what he'd started with Ginny the one and only time things got really heated. He was glad now that he had not. He wondered about Hermione and Ron.
He felt an odd fluttering in his stomach as Ginny's face was replaced with Hermione's in that memory. He realized that was why he could not go for it with Hermione. With Hermione, he would not stop. He was sure that she would drive him crazy with her smile and he dared not imagine what it felt like to touch her skin under her shirt or caress her thigh. He had such fond memories of the few times they held hands over the past few months and that was enough to know. Her laughter had held him together when wanted to scream in frustration wondering if he'd ever have a normal life again.
He got up from the table to avoid looking at anyone who might see his misty eyes. He did not want to commit himself to anyone at this point in his life, but he knew could never leave if he promised Hermione that he loved her. It was a promise he would be bound to forever. As long as he never said it, he would be okay. He was not sure that he could stand her domineering, know-it-all attitude, but he knew he could never replace her sensitivity and kindness. He just was not ready to make that kind of commitment.
He walked back toward the Great Hall feeling a lonely. He was not sad, but he missed the chatter of Hermione and Ron even if they were going at each other about some silly thing or another. He wondered if he could actually ask someone like Parvati out. She was really pretty and he knew she liked him. After all, wasn't that the reason he didn't want to commit to Hermione? Wasn't it because he wanted to fool around and have fun before he settled down? He thought of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley having children just a few years older than he and Hermione were now. He thought of his parents being just barely into their twenties. He wondered how Hermione and Ron could be considering a life like that.
Before he knew it, he was standing beside his bed looking at the book bag filled with the stuff he hated most about school--homework. He looked around the room for a spot to write, then he remembered the little room off the side of the Hospital Wing where there were tables and chairs. He would slip into that room where it was quiet.
By quarter-past ten, Harry was tired and nearly finished with the writing portions of the homework. As much as he hated it, he found that he knew a lot more than he first thought. He even stopped to think of how proud Hermione would be that there was at least something on the parchment to work with. He stretched when he finished, put his things back in his bag and walked back toward his bed.
His chin hit his chest when he saw Hermione sitting quietly in the chair across from his bed. He stopped short of the area where the moonlight streamed through the window. She turned to look out toward the corridor as if she expected him to return soon. Her shadowy profile stuck in his mind as she sat in the dark. He could make out the curvature of her face and the lines of her neck. His heart quickened as he took in the defined curves of her breasts against the white curtains. As beautiful as she looked at that moment, he sensed that there was something wrong. There had to be something wrong if she was there at this hour. He wanted to be careful not to jump to conclusions or make more out of things than he should. He took a deep breath and prepared for the fright he would surely cause.
"Hermione," he whispered as he crossed in front of the window.
"Oh shit, Harry. Where did you come from?" she said jumping from her seat and covering her mouth quickly.
Harry laughed. "I knew it. It didn't think you'd say that though. I knew I'd surprise you," he smiled.
He could see the traces of tears in her eyes. As he got closer he saw that they were red and puffy as well. "What happened, Hermione? This can't be good."
"I'm sorry, Harry. I know I shouldn't be here. This will just make things worse if anyone sees me here and you're not on your deathbed," she said. "Knock on wood."
"Yeah, be careful what you say," Harry said with a chuckle. "Come on, we can go where I was doing my homework."
He almost regretted taking her hand and guiding her to the little anteroom between the Great Hall and the Hospital Ward. She took it willingly. "You know what would happen if Ron found out we held hands twice in the same day? I think his eyes would explode out of the front of his head and his hair would actually light on fire," she said giggling.
Harry could see the picture in his head and had to laugh. "Who's he more pissed off at, you or me?"
"You, but it's not about the stupid rumors. He lives in your shadow Harry. It's not fair to either of you. People make you out to be this icon because of Voldemort. Because of that, it demeans anyone around you as if they had no part in it. I don't care, because most of the time I was so scared I nearly peed my pants," she said giggling. "But Ron was pretty brave standing with you and no one remembers that. Now, the Cannons what him to try to recruit you for Seeker. So, he came back to rumors ranging about us. Then everyone makes a big deal that you're back to play for Gryffindor. Then, I explain what I want to do with my nursing studies. He lost control and started yelling at me. I couldn't do anything but listen." The tears poured from her eyes as she sobbed.
Harry wrapped his arms around her holding her to his chest. "Hermione, I'm sorry you kind of get pushed aside in so many things. You're pretty wonderful for the way you handle them though," he said. They stood like that for several minutes until the Hermione could gather herself.
"Yeah, I don't feel wonderful. I want to make Ron happy, but it's not like we thought it would be, you know?" she said stepping back and wiping her eyes. "By the way, thanks. It was nice to have someone to lean on for once."
"You know I'm here for you. If you didn't, you wouldn't have come," said Harry.
"Harry, when you're ready to settle down, you'll make someone pretty happy I should think. Of course, the way you go through girlfriends you could be fifty by the time that happens," she smiled. "Then again, fifty for a wizard who lives to a hundred-eighty is young."
Harry laughed. "Yeah, but at fifty I can't chase the eighteen year olds anymore." He felt guilty making such a comment in an attempt flirt with her.
"Why would you want an eighteen year old? We're so fucked up, we drive you crazy now. Why would you want one at fifty," she said shaking her head.
"Well, if you were in my shoes and looked at eighteen year old girls, you'd know exactly why," he quipped.
"Ah, yes. The hormones of the oversexed, young adult male. Don't I know what that's about. I don`t suppose it changes much as you get older, but that worries me," she lamented.
"I don't know quite what to say about that. Seems like if I say anything at all I'm in trouble," said Harry with a sly grin.
"Yeah, good idea," she replied. "So you don't think I'm horrible I want to set the record straight. We haven't done it. We've come a few times, but I'm not sure I'm ready to become Mrs. Weasley."
Harry laughed out loud.
"Harry? What are you laughing at?" she said in a hurt tone. "I don't know if I like that at all."
"Oh, Hermione, let me explain. I can't see me as Mr. Weasley either. I thought about that and what I want in life. I just can't figure out how I could ever do what you and Ron are doing," said Harry without thinking.
"What exactly would that be, Harry?" asked Hermione testily.
"What I mean is, I don't know if I can get so serious with someone right now and start planning a future that includes making a family. My parents started young, you know? I don`t even know what that would be like. The Dursleys were certainly no example." he said.
"Yeah, he's already asked me to marry him once," she said out of the blue. "I know that Ron regards making a family an important part of his future. I do too, but it's scary at eighteen to think of having kids by twenty or earlier."
"He asked you to marry him, did he?" responded Harry trying to hide his surprise and displeasure at the news.
"It was kind of comical really," said Hermione. "It was right after I told him what you said. You know what I'm talking about." She paused as Harry nodded sheepishly. "I thought so. Well anyway, I think that was his way of saying how much he cared for me. It was such a crazy moment. It also turned into an attempt to get laid." She started laughing.
She turned away blushing. "Harry, I'm so embarrassed. Don't think I'm horrible. I'm not really making fun of him, but when a guy is excited it's hard to hide it if you're touching each other." She turned back toward him still flushed in embarrassment.
"Oh, don't worry. There are plenty of times we wish we could sneak up on girls and all of a sudden be ready to go. It's happened to me. All of a sudden, the girl freezes and gets this kind of `oh my God' expression," he said laughing.
"Yeah, the first time that happens it`s a shock. It passes though because if things are right you begin to feel kind of sexy too. But that time, I felt like he wanted sex no matter what. I could have been ugly as sin with a six-inch mole on my forehead and he would have said anything to get my clothes off. That`s not romance, Harry. And, for that to happen at the same time the guy asks you to marry him… I had to push him away and tell him to go finish himself off or take a cold shower."
"Ouch," said Harry not wanting to laugh at Ron's misery. "You didn't say it like that, did you?"
"Yes, I did. I was scared more than anything. I don`t want some guy poking at me like a mad man the first time I do it. I mean he was really going for the kill. I'm not afraid to do it really, but not like that. So when he settled down and controlled himself, I told him that it was difficult when we had so many emotions going on to think clearly and that I needed time," she said. "Then I told him that marriage was something that would have to discuss a while after we graduated. That was another sticky subject tonight."
Harry really was not sure he liked all that detail and was shocked how candid she was. He never guessed that she would be so open about her sexuality. He let out a sigh of relief when she finished.
"What was that?"
"What?" he asked innocently.
"You know what I'm talking about," she challenged. She looked at him without blinking. "Oh my God, you don't."
"No, I don`t," Harry said innocently. "Did you hear someone coming?" He listened carefully for the sound of a prefect checking the snogging places around the castle.
She giggled. "No, there's no one about, Harry. Now I think it was cute, but confusing."
"Hermione, stop. Just tell me," said Harry getting anxious that he'd done something to embarrass himself.
"I don't know what to say, Harry. It's just kind of weird to think that Ron might be right." Hermione looked at Harry and smiled. "He thinks you're hiding a crush on me. It's part of what makes him angry with you. Are you?"
He wanted to avoid answering. His mind flashed a dozen ways to answer--some of them physical and others not. He knew he was caught. "You make it sound like we're third years, Hermione. I don't think I would call what I feel for a girl now, a crush." He still had not answered and he knew it. He could not say the words that got to the core of his feelings. He had said them to Ginny. Last year, he had no idea he would be alive today. He was ready to live life like it would end tomorrow. He hadn't meant them then the way he would have to mean them now with Hermione.
"Okay, let me put it more directly, if you're going to play word games instead of answering. Do you have feelings for me that exceed friendship? I won't put words in your mouth."
Inexplicably, Harry found emotions coming to the surface that he had repressed for a long time. He fought the urge to do what Ron had done. He wanted to say he loved her and go for the kill. He felt silly as his eyes itched with the tears as they formed. It was love, frustration and fear. "What am I supposed to say? I can't say the obvious words, Hermione. If I could, I would have said them that night at the fire. I would be at your feet right now, pledging my undying adoration and doing things that might ruin our friendship forever. So, you`re going to have to take it as a yes with no explanation." That was the best he could do as he realized that he had explained while trying not to.
She smiled sweetly and choked back a tear of her own. "You could have just said, yes. I am very flattered that you feel so strongly for me. I guess I always knew you were a poker player at heart. You've kept a straight face all this time."
Harry wanted her to leave and he wanted her to stay. He gathered himself. "I'm fighting the instinct to cheat on my best mate and kiss his girlfriend with the intent to commit great emotional harm," he said flirtingly. "Hermione, I know you don't some shallow guy who is more about the chase than wanting to catch a girl for any length of time. I couldn't commit to you for dinner on next year at this time, but I could promise that I'd love to spend a night alone with you. That's not how I want to think of you. I hope that comes out as a compliment about how special you are to me. I don't know if it does or not." He walked a few steps away to avoid the temptation to touch her.
"Harry, I appreciate that you're trying instead of hiding like an emotional loser or making it out to be a joke," she said. "I think I should go. I shouldn't have put you on the spot. It was cruel to think that it would be no big deal to you. I guess I just got used to us flirting and didn`t see the real thing behind it all."
He felt a sudden urge to explain himself again. "Hermione, I can't say it. If there is one thing I can't do, it is use those words without meaning them. And, that means that if I say them, I have to mean them and I would mean them, if I said them to you. It would screw up my plan to be ….damn, I'm rambling. See what you do to me," he admitted. "Don't go, please?" He never wanted to beg a girl to stay before.
Hermione walked toward Harry and put her hand in his. She kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, Harry. That doesn't require a response. It's just how I feel at the moment. I'm lucky. Ron's a wonderful guy with a lot of problems right now. Surprisingly, you are a much more sincere than I suspected." A tear wet her cheek.
Harry did not understand what she meant by that. "Excuse me," he said.
"Harry, everyone including me is fooled by this aloof persona you project. Girls find you irresistible because they want to find out what's behind it. Some guys secretly hate you, because you can flirt with the girls like you did today and think nothing of it. And under it all, there is this passion for life that is sexy and lovable." She was crying now. "I shouldn't be saying any of this. I love Ron. I really do. Except that the way you made me feel just now by opening up even just a little confuses the hell out of me. I really do have to go."
Harry could not let the moment pass. He looked in her eyes, came closer and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed him softly in return. He felt the excitement that came with a first kiss, but held back the desire to press further for the moment. It did not last long.
"That was nice," said Hermione gathering her composure as if she had to face the world without a trace of emotion. "But on that note, I'm going to go. If I stay, I think we will regret it."
"I think you're right," said Harry. He put his hands on her hips and kissed her again. He wanted to do it again while running his hands across her waist and bum. He could not look in her eyes without thinking of how much he wanted her. He wanted to scream. She pushed him away gently and took a deep breath.
"Do you want me to take your homework and look it over, Harry? I don't think I'll be sleeping anytime soon," she said in a breathlessly sexy voice. "I will probably be up for a while. I don't think I can sleep." She repeated her self nervously.
"Me neither. Stay," said Harry.
Hermione shook her head. "I have to go, Harry. Believe me, under different circumstances I would stay."
"Kissing you was a bad idea and I'm sorry." He opened the book bag and handed her the rolls of parchment he had written.
She took them brushing his hand lightly. "No, it was nice. I'm glad we kissed and kept it simple. Much more and we would have reason to feel guilty," said Hermione. "That would ruin it. I'm the one who should be sorry. Look, I really have to go before I decide I don`t want to and we go places neither of us are ready to deal with."
Hermione turned quickly to the door. She stopped before opening it. She turned back and smiled. "You see, eighteen year old girls are nothing but teases." She giggled. "I don't know how we're going to face each other tomorrow, but we`ll have to figure it out then. There is nothing wrong with the way we feel, Harry. We have to deal with it. I can`t hurt Ron, but I can't leave without saying how I feel. I love you, Harry. Good night." The heavy door shut leaving Harry with his thoughts before he could say good night in return. He crossed to the door and opened it. She was gone into the darkness of the castle.
"What do I do now? She knows. I've kissed her and it was better than I imagined. Maybe it was because it felt forbidden. Harry, you're losing your focus. Ask Parvati out and fool around. Take the edge off. If you don't, you'll go crazy."
He knew he would not ask Parvati out. The way he felt now, he would take the first girl who gave him a chance and go at her with no remorse. The only exception was Hermione. He would take his time with her. He knew he would not stop short of being pushed away the way she pushed him away just now. He had to get these thoughts out of his head or he would have to do something about the pressure growing in his loins. He knew what he should do.
He picked up his book bag crossed the Hospital Wing to area just beyond the bed. He tossed the bag on the bed. Next to the linen closet stood his broom. He took it and marched toward the front door of Hogwarts. He did not know if the doors were locked at night now or not. If they were, he would take off from the top of the Astronomy Tower. He just needed the wind in his hair and the freedom of flight to clear his head. The doors were locked so he headed toward the tower.
The entire walk to the tower he fought the images of what it would be like to feel Hermione next to him. He hated it and loved it at the same time. He wished he knew what her breasts and bum were like so he could complete the picture. He wanted her in the worst way. He wanted to stop and release his tension, but he hated thinking of doing that to the pictures of her in his head. It was one thing to look at the pictures of girls in magazines and another to fantasize about a girl he loved.
Finally, he was on the last flight of stairs, panting. The physical activity of running the stairs soothed his frustration. The air was fresh as he approached the top. The full moon seemed to smile at him. It that had lit the ward and given him that wonderful image of Hermione and now would give him enough light to fly safely around the grounds. He straddled the broom and kicked off into the cool, night sky.
He made a game of dodging in and out of the huge spires and the ancient bulwark that still reminded him of the medieval wars that prompted the building of castles like this. He passed between the very towers where he had left Sirius to take off on Buckbeak years ago. He smiled and felt a wave of sadness that until a few months ago would have devastated him. He was finally in love. He knew it. It was as bittersweet as the memory of Sirius was. He was happy to be alive.
In the distance, he saw Gryffindor Tower. He had never flown close to the tower before. He aimed his broom for it. The golden curtains that kept the sun from burning into his eyes in the early morning hours were a familiar sight. He looked at the other spire just a few hundred feet from the boys dorms and wondered what Hermione was doing. He knew she could have only been there for a few minutes. He hovered for a few minutes until a faint glow came from one of the windows. He felt an odd exhilaration. He knew it must be Hermione's room. He had the urge to get closer, but the fear that he would be invading her privacy or some other innocent girl's kept him from getting too close. He closed close enough to see the window clearly. The curtain was open. He saw Hermione when she came to the window. He could have sworn she was waving when he sped off into the night hoping he had not been spotted. He could not bear the thought of being a peeping Tom and being regarded as a creep.
He landed on the Astronomy Tower and began waking back. He was satisfied and happy. He knew he would not sleep, but if he did, he also knew the dreams would be wickedly sexual. He knew that part of the night was not over. He thought of Hermione's soft lips on his. He hated knowing that he wanted to feel that again. It meant that he had to risk the loss of his best friend. He hoped it would not come to that, yet he knew the odds were slim. He focused on Hermione's smile rather than the image of Ron's anger. Once he arrived in the Hospital Wing, he was surprised at how exhausted he was. Surprisingly, the let down from all the emotion made him sleepy. He took out his pajamas and slipped into them quickly. He definitely did not want the sleepiness to be interrupted and leave him awake all night. He drifted off into a dream-filled sleep.
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