Ginny went up to her room and got into bed. She was relieved that she finally had permission to sleep all day long. She knew she was failing life, but kept promising herself to hold on for the baby. The sad truth was it was the only thing that kept her going.
Her mum entered the room and snapped Ginny out of her dark state of mind. Ginny couldn't remember when her mind had developed the shadows of depression, but knew she was getting accustomed to the bad thoughts.
Mrs Weasley handed Ginny the tray of food that consisted of toast, applesauce, and carbonated lime drink. She watched as Ginny ate the food slowly and noticed that her daughter was acting differently than normal. Her movements were slow and her eyes were droopy, but she wrote it off as the fatigue of pregnancy. After Ginny was done with the food her mother administered a potion that would help the baby, the potion was mostly nutrients. Then she left Ginny to sleep.
Ginny lay there wondering if the spell she put on her uterus to prevent harm from the Muggle drugs also prevented the potion from helping, but for some reason she didn't care. She was tired of being alone and should have all the energy to care about the person in her womb, but just couldn't summon the feeling to worry. Draco left in an effort to help her, but all it did was tear the last bit of her heart apart. Sinking into the morbid thoughts, Ginny went into a fitful sleep filled with screams and green lights flashing everywhere.
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"Where did she go?" he wondered, pacing around his room. Draco had gone back to check his room, only a couple hours after he had left. While he knew not being around her was the best for Ginny, he also knew the state she was in.
Draco had gone to McGonagall and told her he had to deal with some things at home and had promised to keep up with his studies. She had taken pity on him. Knowing that he had gone through so much in the past months helped her put past dislikes for the student behind her.
He had not lied to the Headmistress since he was putting the finances and businesses his parents had left him in order, but he was also getting Ginny out of his system. At least he thought he could. It seemed that for once a girl had grown on him. When in the past he was in it for the shagging, now he was in it for another organ of his body he hadn't even known could function properly anymore.
His parents had never been the endearing, loving type. They had married for the purpose of pureblood and social status, and could barely stand each other. Lucius had treated his wife as just a person to birth the heir and to plaster a smile on her face at social events for the sake of the business. Besides that, he could've been married to a log and would still feel the same.
Draco always thought he'd be the same way. He had never known love, just the urge to follow the family's way and to look like he deserved all he had. Even being the fruit of his mother's womb hadn't earned the affection he should have had from her. He was an accomplishment of a goal that had been set for her and that was all. Her mind was on other things like parties and the type of beverage that Draco was consuming at the moment.
He paced around his room until he reached the drinks again and refilled his glass. Draco had lost count a few laps back and started to swerve on his path. Surely something bad couldn't have happened to the girl that held his revived heart. He would've been notified by someone if she was in any harm, right? Draco decided to sit down and gain his thoughts. If Ginny was to leave Hogwarts where would she have gone?
As if answering his questions, the Manor's house-elf Apparated into his room informing him that Mrs Weasley was using the Floo Network to try and contact Draco. All thoughts shifted to the worst as he trekked to the study's fireplace. Sure he could have Apparated, but arriving splinched wasn't exactly intelligent.
"Is everything all right, Molly?" Draco asked urgently as he arrived to the fireplace. It had taken him months to start addressing her casually, but seeing that she was the only true mother figure he had ever had he had agreed to call her Molly.
"She's all right Draco. She has come to stay at home for a while, and I have you to thank for it," Mrs Weasley said.
Draco was confused by the statement. Was she really thanking him, or was she being sarcastic and he had made a horrible decision. Why was his mind so cloudy?
Seeing the boy's confusion Molly said, "Don't be worried, I'm happy she's here. It looks as if she hasn't eaten a bite in months and that is not good at all for her or the child."
"She has informed you then?" Draco asked, trying to control his slurring.
"Yes, she has told me the arrival of her and Harry's child will be in six months, and that you left her after promising to help."
Draco sighed and fell back onto his arse on the floor. "Molly, I did it for her own good. I will help her through everything, but that's after she gets help for her depression. All I do is help her drown it, I've never been strong with facing things head-on."
"Oh sweeties I know, I know. I know you'd never hurt her, and I agree with you. She has so much on her plate with Harry's death and the pregnancy. I'm afraid I've lost my optimistic glowing daughter. For once, I don't know what to do."
Draco was taken back. Did she really back up his decision to leave? Was Molly Weasley really stumped with what to do? He thought it could be that he had drank himself into a dream, but the cracking of embers was all too real. "What if I write everyday?" he finally spoke up. "Just so she knows I'm there and that I just want her to get better."
Molly's eyes lit up. "Oh Draco, that's a brilliant idea. She needs someone's support and love."
Draco nodded at the finality of his help. "I'm staying here for a while so if anything happens, Merlin forbid, floo immediately no matter the time."
Mrs Weasley said all right and ended the connection. Draco fell back to lay down on the Oriental rug and wondered how many drugs Ginny could be doing if she was home, surely she would run out eventually.
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After she had ended the connection Molly sat down to think. She had already owled Arthur to tell him what was going on, and they agreed to have a family meeting that weekend to get the boys' help. Minerva had been told the situation and she was fine with Ginny's break since she barely had gone to class as it was. Now Molly just had to help her daughter through the cloud of morbidity surrounding her.
Deciding she had to do something, Molly went up to Ginny's room to check on her and found her sleeping peacefully. Molly then went down to furiously clean the Burrow to keep her mind off of things. After all, redheads were not only runners, but avoiders.
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Ginny had heard her mum coming and had quickly put the book under the bed and feigned sleep. Thank Merlin for this old house and its squeaky stairs, she thought. Making sure the coast was clear, she pulled the book out that had the uneven lines lain on it. She picked up the pen barrel and blew the lines. Ginny leaned back against the pillows and sighed; if Draco wasn't going to help her escape she would just do it herself. Ginny let her mind wander into the darkness it had become.
Harry sat on the bed and put his shirt back on eyeing Ginny sitting at the entryway of the tent, smoking a fag.
"I really wish you wouldn't smoke those horrid things Ginny. They're so bad for you," Harry said wanting to say something to the girl he loved.
Ginny looked at Harry and smiled. "We all die one day Harry; I'll just do it with less stress on me, and blacker lungs."
Harry had to admit he loved her cheek. Even in the face of death she could crack a joke. "There are other stress relievers though, love." Harry said walking over to Ginny and sitting behind her.
Ginny giggled. "Baby, we already did that."
"I know, but then why are you smoking? Did it not help?"
Ginny leaned back into Harry and kissed him. "No it's not that, honey. It's like a cherry on top of a sundae of stress relief, a fag is."
Harry smiled and kissed his girlfriend despite her tasting of an ashtray. Their kiss was interrupted by a clearing of a throat next to them.
"Mum will kill you to see you smoking, Ginny," Ron warned his little sister. He shook his head at the sight. It was like Ginny was born after generations of not having a Weasley witch just to warn them of her rebellious streak. "I was told to tell you that we are leaving soon."
The couple sighed and leaned into each other as the reality of the war flooded back to them. It was only a month in and they were still exhausted, Harry from the battles, and Ginny from the thought of Harry not returning one time. She had begged him for a while now to let her fight but he held firm to her just tending camp and doing busy work for the war.
Harry got up and helped his girlfriend to her feet. "I'll be back soon, love," he said and pulled her into a kiss.
Ginny nodded and watched with a solemn expression as Harry and Ron walk away from her.
"Leaving you behind again?" A smooth voice said from behind her.
She looked at the owner of the voice to see Draco leaning coyly against the tent bar. He wore the trademark Malfoy smirk and walked the couple of steps to her.
"I wish he'd let me battle. He has everyone else out there with him, even Hermione. I proved myself in the Ministry just as everyone else, maybe more, but he still won't let me fight," she sighed with pain in her eyes and sat down to light up another cigarette. Then she looked up at Draco and offered him one from habit.
Taking a cigarette and lighting it, he joined her on the ground. "Well obviously not everyone can go Ginny," he stated with obvious chagrin.
"He still doesn't fully trust you though. I mean you could make it easier if you were nice to the guy that didn't let you go to Azkaban or be killed. Plus, whenever he returns from battling you're talking to me which doesn't help the situation. But me, I'm his girlfriend and probably the best hexer around."
Draco put his arm around Ginny and pulled her into a hug. "He doesn't want to lose you Ginny. Even if you're the best hexer around, he, for some reason, wants you around to perform those hexes on him."
Ginny smirked and took a drag from her fag at the thought of her hexing Harry. She shook her head of the thought and looked curiously up at Draco. "Why is it when you're around me I have mean images of Harry in my mind? And why are you so nice to me of all people?"
Draco smirked at the redhead and took a drag. "You look at me like a human Ginny. Everyone but you and your mum look at me like I have boils on my face. I have no idea why you have mean images around me though, maybe it's your conscience."
"Or the Imperius curse Draco," she stated firmly, but laughed at it still.
"I don't know what you mean Ginny, stated Draco as he laughed at the obvious effect he had on her.
Ginny laughed again at Draco's effort to bring some light into her steadily darkening world. She shook her head at him and laughed out, "You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm with Harry when you're the one who makes me laugh like this."
Draco was taken back by the comment and looked down at the girl that he held in his arms. "Watch what you say there Ginny, or I'll have to sweep you away."
At this Ginny looked up at Draco and smiled. It really wouldn't be that bad to be with him since he was always there for her, he just wasn't the one that took her to bed each night and kept her up worrying all day. Suddenly her body took a mind of its own and the next thing she knew she was kissing Draco. Everything slipped away while their lips met, but it didn't last long.
"Ginny, I was just joking. If it wasn't for Harry I wouldn't be alive right now." Draco stated, while inside all he wished for was that he could have her.
Ginny snapped back from the flashback of the first month of the battle. Almost everyday had went along the same line, just without the kiss. Then for a little while she had the boy that made her laugh like no one could. The one person that could bring a light into the dark world that she lived, and oddly it wasn't Harry it was Draco Malfoy. No matter what he had done for the Order and for the living's lives he was still looked down upon. No one knew what exactly had happened with him and his parents, just that he had somehow survived. When everyone else didn't trust the boy, he was the only one that she could trust.
She got up and walked to her window and threw it open. She climbed onto the sill and sat on it with her back against the frame and lit her cigarette with no other thought. If her mum was to smell it or walk in to see her smoking she'd have a fit, but that strange feeling of not caring about anything flowed through Ginny again. For her entire life she cared about what everyone said or thought. She always went out of her way to make everyone happy. Harry had told her not to fight and she agreed until just a week before the final battle. Her mum always told her to live life purely, no sex before marriage, don't smoke, don't drink, and no drugs or anything that would make your mind not natural. For a while she followed her mum's rules, but a couple of years back she found a pack of fags in Fred and George's room and stole them to see how they were. After all, what could be so bad about them if her brothers smoked them? Her first cigarette had been heavenly, after the coughing had surpassed. After she finished the pack she approached her brothers and told them to buy them for her or she would tell their mum about their smoking. Her brothers saw that as her first stroke of rebellion.
When she started smoking she started dating. She went around with a few guys around Hogwarts before she finally started dating Harry after years of longing for him. It was love that she felt for him; she knew that when he broke things off at Dumbledore's funeral, nothing had ever hurt like that pain before. Of course the break-up didn't last long. He came around during his breaks between searching for the Horcruxes and always ended up in her bed cuddling up. Only when he destroyed the last Horcrux did they finally make love, knowing that the war was full-blown and that the chance of death for either of them was exponentially higher than before. After their first time it became quite a hobby for them, being their escape from the real world. Sex was her first great escape. She would sit in the windowsill and smoke a cigarette and stare out at the moon or the trees and just think about how the world was going to change so much. When she was in Harry's arms though she didn't think about how the world was going to change because she thought that at least she had the security that things with Harry were going to stay the same no matter what. Once again reality came crashing around her when she was left alone while he fought and when he came back from fighting he was almost an empty shell of the man that she loved.
Then Draco walked into her world one day. They had been travelling for about a week when Draco had found their camp and walked up limping and bleeding. All he said was that he was sorry for everything he had done wrong and that Voldemort had killed his parents and almost killed him. He cried, Draco Malfoy had cried, and it had softened Ginny's heart to him. While he was healing she nursed him. She brought food to him and reapplied his bandages and gave him potions when it hurt too badly. They talked, which was a very surreal welcome for Ginny since no one talked to her - she was too young and there were more important things to do than to entertain a small child. A small child of the age of sixteen, that is… It never could make sense in Ginny's mind how they put those things together. Draco didn't see her as a child though and he told her of the realities of the war. He told her of some of the battles that he had been in, and had explained to her what had really happened the night that Dumbledore had been killed. He didn't hold back from her, and she appreciated that above all else. She still loved Harry, but the Slytherin Prince was somehow wiggling his way into her world, and her heart.
"Draco…" Ginny sighed as she exhaled the smoke from her lungs. She missed the one person she could talk to. In some portion of her mind she thought that if she said his name or wished hard enough, he would come to her. She was tired of wishing and dreaming though, all it did was hurt when reality came back. It always ended up with someone dying, or leaving, or her being pregnant. "Pregnant…" she sighed again.
As if to answer her wish an owl had come flying at her windowsill. She held out her arm for the owl to land on it and she took the note that was attached to the bird. The owl flew off without giving Ginny the chance to give it a treat or anything and Ginny looked down at the letter. She knew the handwriting. Letting herself drop off the sill back into her room she walked over to her bed to lie on it. Carefully she unrolled the parchment, wondering what more bad news he could give her today.
My dearest Ginevra,
I know you are so confused right now what with me leaving,
but I swear to you that I will not be gone long and you are with me
in my heart and in my mind. I had to sort some affairs out, and I had
to give you some space to heal rightly. You see, with me being there
you didn't have to acknowledge the pain you felt from losing Harry
or the realisation that you are in fact pregnant with his child. With
me being gone you cannot escape reality. While I know you think you
have stolen the way to escape you will soon run out of the
supplies and I will not provide anymore for you so for your best interest
you should stop now before getting in too deep. This is out of love for
you, Ginny. I have loved you for many months now and I thought you
should know that, maybe it'll make some things easier. I will not be
gone long though, and I will write everyday even if you don't respond.
I love you Ginevra Molly Weasley. Remember that when you pop them
or snort them, that you don't need that to escape, you'll have me when
you finally accept life as it is now.
Love with my all,
Draco.
Ginny huffed at the note and crumbled it up. She took her wand and lit the note up in flames so that no one would find it. All that went through her mind is that if he really loved her he wouldn't have left her like he did. Her hand travelled to the bump that was her child in her womb and she carefully rubbed it. You're the only one that hasn't let me down yet, she thought to her belly. Carefully she slid the book back out and she finished the lines she had cut. Really she didn't need to blow anymore since she was so high already, but she wanted to hurt Draco like he had hurt her. No matter what he said she didn't need to stop the drugs, she just needed to stop being let down by people so she wouldn't have to do them.
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