James' Kiss
"So, James, when do think that you will have time for my next lesson?" Lily whispered to him while they sat in the library. It had been a week or two since James and Lily had come to their unusual and widely speculated agreement. They were currently sitting side by side in the library, working on one of their many assignments. Sirius and Alice had joined them, but only to spend time rather publicly snogging. James glanced over at her, his quill hovering above the parchment on which he had been writing an essay.
"Um, well, we can skip the Hogsmeade trip on Saturday," James whispered back as he looked at the librarian stalking among the book. Lily was looking at her, as well and threw an empty gum wrapper at Sirius and Alice. The two parted just as the hag passed within sight of their table. To her, it looked like they were all working diligently on school work.
"All clear," Lily murmured, sending Alice crashing back into Sirius' arms with such force that Lily wondered how they managed to keep their relationship so innocent. Lily turned to James. "I can't skip Hogsmeade. It is the last one before the Halloween Feast and I promised Professor McGonagall that I would escort the third years."
"Right, the feast," James said thoughtfully as he scratched his forehead with the feather end of the quill. He glanced at his watch and then snapped his stuff back into his bag. "Let's go now. I bet the pitch will be empty"
"James, really," Lily laughed as James swept her belongings into her bag. Lily didn't protest further and the two left without another word. Their departure went wholly unnoticed by Sirius and Alice.
James and Lily stood alone on the pitch, his broom in his hand. Their bags were tossed to the side. Lily had her jacket pulled around her tightly; her skirt lashed at her knees as they stood in the vortex of what seemed to be a rather windy, blustery October day. James had been right. In this weather, no sane person would be caught outside, or on the pitch. The wind alone threatened snow, and the icy blasts froze breath on contact.
"This is suicide," Lily exclaimed as James held the broom out to her. She took it reluctantly. "I didn't realize it would be this windy."
"No better time to learn how to fly really well," James said as he stood next to her. Lily shrugged and placed the broom on the ground a few feet from her. She walked back to her point of origination and glanced over at James. She didn't care that he was staring at her so intently.
"Accio Broom," Lily murmured softly, coaxing the broom into her outstretched hand. The broom jumped off the frozen terra firma and into her hand, fighting the wind that seemed determined to throw it off course.
"Good, you are a pro at summoning brooms," James said. He was careful to stay far enough back incase she decided to spin around again with the broom in her hand.
"Correction, I am a pro at summoning your broom. No other broom listens or comes to me," Lily said as she held the broom. Without the threat or worry of James asking her out, Lily found herself actually enjoying and relaxing in James' company. They even shared playful banter and a few good laughs. For the first time since they met, the two of them were getting along brilliantly.
"I guess my broom just really has taken to you," James said grinning. Lily laughed and nodded in agreement.
"Perhaps it hopes that one day I will summon it in the middle of the night and fly off to some unknown island with it," Lily teased as she held the broom in her hand. It seemed to hum at her words, as if it really understood what she was saying.
"Brooms can have dreams," James said grinning as he walked closer to Lily. He was an arms reach of her. "Ok, let see if we can get you flying."
James dictated to her proper stance with the broom and Lily tried not to over think the fact that she was wearing a skirt and had James' broom between her knees. He touched her hands, adjusting her grip. Finally satisfied at her stance, he told her to kick up off the ground and hover just a few feet. Lily, eyes closed, did as he said. She waited, not feeling a change.
"Did I do it?" Lily asked with her eyes tightly closed.
"Open you eyes, Lily," James called. "You can't fly properly with your eyes closed."
Lily opened her eyes to find that she was a good ten feet off the ground. She leaned forward and she flew. She laughed as she did some circles in the air. She was finally flying. She touched down on the ground near James, careful not to crash his broom. Lily was thrilled, and even more excited that James looked at her with such over whelming pride. She ran at him, broom in her hand, tossing it aside as she threw herself into his arms.
James felt like he couldn't breathe, the way his chest contracted sharply as Lily's arms encircled him. She was screeching something he didn't understand, the words lost on the wind but the excitement was infectious and understandable. Lily had flown.
"I am so proud of you!" James cheered as Lily drew back a little bit. She was crying a bit, thrilled that she had finally accomplished something that had eluded her all these years.
"Thank you so much for teaching me," Lily said as she remained in his arms. "I can fly!" She was practically bouncing on her two feet in excitement.
"You did all of the work," James said. He would have said more but Lily, for some unknown reason, had decided that she would press her mouth against his.
Where as before, when Lily was hugging him he felt like his chest was contracting sharply, all from a hug, the kiss was much more intense. It was a chaste kiss, but to James it felt as if someone had kicked the wind out of him. He couldn't believe she was kissing him. He was so tempted, his mouth aching to open and encourage her to explore the joys of proper kissing. He flushed as he felt parts of his body begin to betray him.
"Wow," James said as he pulled away, breaking the kiss. He grinned at her, trying to keep the mood light. "I guess I am a good teacher. I hope you don't do that to all of your teachers. I imagine Professor Slughorn wouldn't mind, but it doesn't seem like something Professor McGonagall would appreciate."
James had meant it as a joke, something to lighten the air between them but Lily was biting her bottom lip frowning. James turned his back to her and bent down to pick up the broom, hoping to let the awkward moment pass. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he wouldn't let a single kiss ruin his chance of spending an entire Christmas Holiday with him. He mounted the broom.
"Let me take you for a ride," James said. He watched her still frowning, but not looking at him. He tipped her chin back to make Lily look at him. "Hey, it's alright, ok?"
"Yeah," Lily said quietly. She didn't make a move to join him on the broom.
"Trust me, Lily," James murmured as he jerked his head toward the back of the broom. Lily hesitated, but then joined him on the broom. She naturally wrapped her arms around James' waist, her fingers digging into his sides.
"Don't go too high," Lily warned. James nodded and his hands went to her hands.
"You have to loosen your grip a little otherwise I might pass out," James said as he pried her fingers from his sides. She loosened her grip slightly. James could feel her body against his back, pressing into him with each breath, and for a moment he thought that this was more problematic than her kissing him.
James took off from the ground, Lily's grip tightening on him but not so much that it was uncomfortable. He grinned to himself as she tucked her face against his broad back. They were maybe forty or fifty feet up off the ground, and despite the gusting winds, James held the broom steady.
"Are your eyes closed?" James inquired as he looked out at the sight.
"N-n-no," Lily lied with her eyes firmly clenched shut.
"Open your eyes, Lily," James coaxed as his hand slid into one of hers. The wind whipped at them, and ever so hesitantly Lily opened her eyes. Spread before her was Hogwarts as she had never seen it before. It sparkled with the frost of the late October day, the lake choppy with the wind, swirling of chunks of white ice among the mossy green water. The forbidden forest devoid of leaves on most of its trees, the skeleton of branches tickling the other trees as the wind twisted and tormented them.
The castle, with its magnificent landscape brought a sense of familiarity, warmth, and longing to Lily. She had no home except for Hogwarts now, and even her home seemed different. She felt like she had lost so much this past summer, and that no one understood. Severus had been downright cruel to her after her parent's death. He told her without batting an eye that he no longer loved her, and that he didn't want to be with her. Her parents death had made him realize that dating a Mudblood, even casually, could be hazardous to one's health. Especially when the death of her parents was rumored to be the work of Death Eaters, and Snape's rumored involvement with the Death Eaters. Lily fought and lost against a sob.
"Ok, shh…we'll go back down," James said as he began to head to the Quidditch pitch.
"Its n-not that," Lily sobbed as she buried her face against his back. He landed gently and Lily pulled free of her death grip on James.
"You are thinking about your parents," James said quietly. Lily looked at him in surprise. She hadn't written anything about her parents in her diary, not about their death. She hadn't been strong enough yet to think back or to dissection those emotions that lay so fresh and new, despite the few months that had already passed.
"Who told you?" Lily asked as she failed to meet his eyes. Tears were streaming down her face, practically freezing where they lay. She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, eager to erase the proof that she wasn't as put together as she liked to pretend to be. James pulled her against him, holding her firmly in his arms. She tucked her face against his shoulder, as if it was the most natural thing she could do. He stroked her hair.
"It doesn't matter who told me," James told her softly in her ear. "I am your friend, Lily, and you can trust me. I will do everything in my power to protect you from anything and everything I can."
"James," Lily protested as she started to pull back. They were treading on dangerous ground and Lily knew she needed to put a little distance between them.
"I am not breaking our deal," James informed her softly as his mouth brushed her cheek. Lily could feel her heart racing in her chest, her stomach fluttered quite pleasurably.
"James," Lily warned weakly. James' lips brushed her own softly, more gentle than even a sweet spring breeze. She could feel her resolve against him weakening by the second. She tried to draw away again, but found herself pressing in to him. She tilted her head back slightly to get a better look at him. She was biting her lip slightly in anticipation.
For the second time in less than an hour, James found himself pulling free of Lily despite his deepest desires. He knew she would probably allow him to kiss her, but James didn't want to take the risk of what Lily would say or feel when the kiss was over with or a faded memory. He knew that he needed to take things slowly with her, or risk driving her away. He had already waited so long, and he could wait a while long, no matter how his body protested.
"Is something wrong?" Lily asked frowning as she wrapped her arms around her body in a self-induced hug.
"I really like you Lily," James confessed quietly. "You aren't stupid, you know it, too. And while I don't think you are purposefully trying to trap me into doing something to break our agreement, I do think if I continue, I will do something stupid. So, I am just going to go to dinner. Do you want to walk with me?"
"I think I will just sit out here for a few minutes," Lily said shooing him off as she sat down on the cold wooden bench. James nodded and hurried away, his broom in his hand. He needed to get away from her before he did do something stupid.
James and Sirius were sitting in the common room later that evening before James had to go on Head-boy patrol with Lily. While not reading the missing pages of the journal was no big deal, James found it getting increasingly more difficult to keep his head when he was with Lily. James sat in the chair across from Sirius with his head in his hands.
"Why don't you just ask her out," Sirius said quietly as he looked at his best friend. James shook his head.
"If I risk it and she says no to me, then I won't get to spend Christmas with her," James said quietly. He glanced up at the room where there were still quite a few students milling around as it crept closer to bedtime.
"The way you tell it though, she won't say no to you. She seems like she is finally falling for you," Sirius advised him. James shrugged.
"Don't rightly know," James said as he arched his back slightly and sat back. He glanced at the wall clock. He would have to go and meet her soon.
"Everyone knows that it is tradition that the head boy and the head girl end up together. It has been like that every year except for a few rare instances where the head boy was from Slytherin." Sirius said as he sat back to look at James. "But they always did when the both were from Gryffindor."
"I know, I know," James moaned slightly as he stood up and stretched. "I am going to head out now."
"Maybe you should just probe around and see what happens," Sirius said devilishly. James shook his head, laughing.
"We can't all just fall in love and have flings," James said as he began to walk away.
"It's not love," Sirius reminded him as James disappeared through the portrait hole.
Lily was early, as always, and waiting. She had her back to James as she studied a portrait of Madame Svetlana, a well known seer that Lily had been studying in Divination. James watched her for a moment, absorbing how elegant she was even in jeans and a sweatshirt. She had her hand on her hip as the gypsy in the picture seemed to be reading Lily's tarot cards.
"You know, I don't believe," Lily told the portrait. The woman cackled.
"You needn't believe," Madame Svetlana crooned as she tapped the deck of cards in her hand. "It's all here, and whether you believe or not, it is the way it is. Death haunts you child, it stalks you. Everyone you care about dies because you care…"
"That's quite enough!" James shouted at the portrait. He had come to Lily's side, wrapping his arm around her shoulder protectively.
"Ah… the hero," murmured the seer as she checked her cards. James grabbed the edge of the frame and gave it a swift shaking, much as one would do to an Etch-a-sketch. The seer was shaken from her frame and into the frame of another portrait.
"Well, did you see that coming?" Lily snapped at the gypsy and the two of them walked away. The seer laughed and glanced at the cards.
"Ah, the doomed lovers," she whispered with her eyes bright with tears. "The hero, the womb, the serpent, the sword, it is all here in the cards."
"You didn't need to shake her frame," Lily chastised lightly as they continued to walk the corridors. James hadn't moved his arm from her shoulder, and while it had not gone unnoticed, Lily hadn't made a motion to have him move it either.
"I hate that crap," James said simply as they walked. Lily tapped the tapestry with her wand, sending two fifth year Hufflepuffs running for their dormitories.
"I am not a fan, either," Lily said as they continued down the corridors.
"Aren't you taking advanced Divination?" James asked with a raised eyebrow. Lily nodded and laughed, leaning against him a little.
"Yeah, it is my slacker class," Lily said with a smirk. "I know I seem all prim and proper, like Suzy-Schoolgirl but I do goof off and slack off as well as the Marauders."
"I highly doubt that," James challenged. He wasn't smiling, just walking. He was fighting demons inside of him. Half wanted him to pin her to the floor and show her just how a Marauder takes care of a woman, while the other half were telling him to put some distance between him and Lily before he did something stupid. Lily glanced at him a little uneasy and made the choice for him, ducking out from under his arm.
"I will check these restrooms," Lily tossed over her shoulder as she headed into the girl's lavatory. James checked the boys quickly while Lily walked around the girls. She stopped in front of the enchanted mirror.
"What are you doing?" She asked herself. The mirror shrugged and smiled. It didn't say anything, just gave her the thumbs-up. Lily groaned and exited the lavatory.
The two of them walked side by side in awkward silence while they continued to make their rounds. Occasionally the silence was broken by the greetings of one of the prefects, but other than that, there was a calm silence that usually engulfed the school at this hour. Lily was tapping her wand against her hand, almost as a rider would tap a crop against her hand.
"So, do you think that you will go to Hogsmeade?" Lily asked as they walked. James shrugged.
"Its getting too cold, you know, to be trudging to Hogsmeade," James replied. He sounded a little tired and a little annoyed.
"Hmm. Couldn't you just use your map to take a secret passage?" Lily asked as she looked inside a coat of arms. James' mouth fell open in shock and Lily threw him a dazzling smile over her shoulder.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," James lied quickly. Lily grinned and shrugged.
"It's none of my business," Lily said as she slipped her hand into his. He tensed up at her touch out of fear of what being in contact with her body would do to him.
"No, it isn't," James agreed as he pulled his hand free. He looked at her a moment, sorry he had replied in such a rude way. She looked a little hurt by his words and actions.
"Well, I think we are done here," Lily forced brightly. "I am tired, so I am going to head to bed. You want to walk me back?"
"Sure," James sighed. He didn't sound like he really wanted to and he knew he was coming off like a jerk.
"So, when do you think I will be ready for Quidditch?" Lily asked as she tried to break down the wall James seemed hell bent on putting up between them.
"What?" James asked incredulously. "You just learned to fly."
"I was joking," Lily said as the amusement slipped from her voice. "What is up with you tonight?"
"I am just tired," James lied. Lily pursed her lips in doubt but said nothing more. The two walked back the rest of the way in silence and didn't even exchange courtesies before heading off to their separate dormitories. Lily had lain in her bed a long time, wondering what was wrong with James. Just when things were looking good between them, James shut her out.
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