Unofficial Portkey Archive

Interlude: Cake and Eggs

Author's note: So…this chapter begins only a few hours after the last one ends. I think I should warn you that I consider this one more of an interlude than anything else. Nothing much happens. Tonks has a few funny lines. Ron gets ticked off…but I really don't know why I'm posting it. Maybe it's because it's been months and months since my last update…and well…I dunno. I feel guilty. There. I said it. My writing is fueled by guilt. And Cheetos. And repeated viewings of Far From Heaven.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"Mione?" Tonks's voice rang out from behind Hermione's closed bedroom door.

Some urgent knocking followed, rousing Hermione from her deep sleep and interrupting her rather nice dream about Harry.

"Tonks…?" Hermione muttered as she sat up. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced at the grandfather clock and saw that it was just past three 'o clock in the morning.

"Um…just a moment," Hermione called hoarsely. The knocking continued as she staggered from her bed, stretching and yawning and hoping Tonks hadn't tried another angry bird spell.

Shrugging on a robe, she opened the door and found her incensed cousin still in her wedding dress, tapping her foot impatiently on the hardwood floor, hands on her hips, looking like Principal Pomfrey ready to scold her. Hermione also noticed that there were no swooping birds or screaming husbands nearby, so it was likely that whatever Tonks wanted could've waited til morning.

Hermione yawned again and leaned against the door's frame. "Tonks what is it?" she asked in a tired voice.

"I can't sleep," Tonks said matter-of-factly.

"You can't…what?"

"Sleep. I've been trying and trying and now I think maybe the whole thing was a mistake?"

"A mistake?" Hermione yawned again. "You mean sleeping?"

"No not sleeping." Tonks shook her head impatiently. "I was talking about the birds."

"The birds?"

"Those damn birds!" Tonks pushed past Hermione and started pacing around the room. "First Ron, then the birds, and now I can't sleep. I mean, how do you like that? I didn't even get any cake!"

"Cake?"

"Or flowers. Throwing them, I mean."

Confused, Hermione shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "Tonks, it's three in the morning. Where's Remus?"

"Remus. Bah!" Tonks spat. "I don't know. Who cares? Not me. That's for sure. He can just go off and have fun at the reception. I don't care."

"He went to the reception? Without you? Why would he do that?"

Tonks waved her hands dismissively. "To check on the guests or something. It doesn't matter. It's not like I care what he does or where he does it. He can just go off and have his completely fun reception without me. I don't care. I'm not speaking to him anyway. Especially if I see him there. Then I'm definitely not speaking to him."

"What do you mean 'if you see him there'? Are you going to the reception? At this hour?"

"Of course I am. It's my cake after all. And I'll certainly find something to throw, even if it's not flowers. Maybe a shoe or something. Ha! That'll be brilliant. Hey, maybe I'll just chuck one at Remus. It'll be by accident of course. Because I'm completely serious about ignoring him forever you see."

Hermione nodded. "So that's why you're going to the reception… to show him that you don't care that he went to the reception."

"Exactly. Do you want to come along? It should be loads of fun."

Hermione sighed. "Sorry Tonks, it's much too late for that. Besides, I'm sure the reception's been over for awhile now."

"Nooooo." Tonks shook her head. "My parents' friends drink like a school of fish so I know they'll be out there until dawn. In any case it's my big day and I'm not going to let anyone ruin it. Least of all me. Or Ron. Or evil cardinals."

With that, Tonks spun on her heel and strode down the hallway.

"Oh…um…goodnight," Hermione called after her. With another great yawn, she crawled back into bed, not sure whether the whole thing was some odd unwelcomed dream.

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The Next Morning:

It was odd waking up to a completely silent house. A cardinal was chirping outside and the winter wind occasionally whistled past the window, but instead of enjoying the peacefulness of the house, Hermione couldn't help but notice there was no Lavender laughing down the hallway, or Luna singing in the next room, or Aunt Aurora fretting about breakfast. Only the chime of the grandfather clock accompanied her hairdressing as she sat in front of the vanity and combed through her curly locks.

Who would've guessed I'd actually miss the sound of Lav stomping up and down the hallway?

Smiling at the thought, she slipped into her favorite off-the-shoulder pink dress and took a long last look at herself in the mirror before padding down the hallway towards the dining room.

She'd understood that most of the wedding guests were supposed to spend the night at Godric's Hollow after the reception, but they were nowhere to be seen. In fact, she didn't see a single soul as she made her way down the hallway. The house was perfectly still and quiet, almost eerily so. Only the sound of her own footsteps sounded off the marble floors as she crossed the empty foyer.

The doors to the great dining hall were closed, but she could make out the sounds of movement coming from behind them. She opened the massive wooden doors, and her jaw dropped. The room was packed with a hundred red-eyed, sleepy strangers! They were standing in circles, mingling, or seated at one of the fifty-foot tables laid out especially for the event.

She stared in disbelief at the countless wedding guests who were staggering round the room like languishing zombies in the tropics (hung-over languishing zombies in the tropics). A few were eating breakfast at the long tables, but most were standing in groups, sipping on strong coffee or headache solutions. From the looks of the spent partygoers who managed to rise before noon, it seemed the reception had been a wild success--Remus and the house-elves had their work cut out for them in shuffling the conscious guests back to Godric's Hollow and Leveiosing the less-than-conscious ones into nearby inns.

She saw a pair of familiar faces and waved to Tonks' parents who were just leaving the dining room. They blinked at the sunlight pouring into the hallways and weakly returned her wave.

"Good Morning Uncle Ted, Aunt Andromeda," Hermione said cheerfully.

"Not so loud Hermione," Andromeda scolded her, rubbing her head. Hermione noticed they both looked a little green and grumpy.

"Sorry," Hermione said softly. "Are you leaving today?"

"Of course we're leaving today," Andromeda said in a huffy voice. "Imagine, waking up with a head like this and not a drop of sherry in the whole house."

"It is fairly inconvenient," Ted agreed.

"Inconvenient!? It's a crime against humanity! My head feels like it's in a vice, and all they have is pansy root and emerald elixir." Andromeda shook her head, disgusted. "I knew we were in the country but really, this is ridiculous…"

"Worrying about it will only make it worse dear," Ted said comfortingly.

"Believe me, it can't get much worse than it already is. My head feels like I slept with a screaming mandrake in my mouth…"

"Oh Andromeda!" Nora Lestrange came swooping down on them like a giant colorful bird of prey. She planted firm kisses on Andromeda's cheeks and was about to do the same with Ted but he managed to hasten away and disappear into the crowd. Hermione was about to do the same when Nora grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Hermione! Darrrling," Nora cooed as Hermione steeled herself for her aunt's embrace.

"Darrrling, how arrrre you?" she asked in a well-bred tone. "And how is my darrrling cousin Aurora?"

"She's fine, thank you Aunt Nora. We're all doing wonderfully in Meriton."

"Ohhh Meriton! I remember the town. Such a sweet little place. Charming… in a rustic sort of way. Oh I'm so glad you girls are doing better. The last time I saw you was at the funeral." Nora shook her head. "Such a shame. So sudden. Poor darling Jane. Such a sweet girl. It was really the most ghastly tragedy."

Hermione nodded and smiled. "Yes it was. Well, if you'll excuse me I'm…"

"And it must be so hard to watch Nymphadora get married before you do." Nora gave Andromeda a meaningful look. "She's only, what, two years older than you are? And already happily settled." Nora sniffed at the injustice. "And you're not getting any younger you know."

"Actually she's five years older than I am…" Hermione corrected her through gritted teeth just as the jolly voice of her uncle rang out.

"There's our little Herm-ione," her old Cyprus Lestrange said jovially, materializing beside her. "Nora, look how she's grown. Regular little woman she is." Cyprus poked at Hermione's shoulder as if she were some kind of thoroughbred.

"Say, Nora," Andromeda spoke up as she put a protective arm around Hermione, "Where's your brother Rodolphus? Is he still in Azkaban?"

Nora nodded wistfully. "The poor dear man. I'm sure it was all just some dreadful misunderstanding. Nobody in our family has ever been sent to Azkaban prison."

Hermione muttered about how surprising that was.

"I know! I'm sure it was all just ghastly misunderstanding," Nora huffed. "That awful Ministry and their silly new policies about testing Crucio curses on Muggles. As if our elected officials didn't have better things to do than police what respectable wizards do in their backyards…"

"Why don't you run along dear," Andromeda whispered to Hermione. "This may take awhile…"

Grateful to her aunt, Hermione curtsied and hurried away. Soon she found herself completely swallowed up by the sea of wedding guests. Through the clinking of glasses and the murmur of suffering voices, she caught mingled snippets of their conversations as she shuffled through the crowd:

…How did I manage to swallow both sets of keys…?

…Where did this tattoo come from…?

…I think it was a mistake sleeping under that table. My back feels like I've been knocked about by a womping willow…

…I finally found my socks, and no, you don't want to know where they were…

Not wanting to venture a guess herself, Hermione pushed her way through the weary masses. Ducking and weaving through the crowd, she caught Ron's shock of red hair across the room and headed for it. There was an empty chair in front of him and she collapsed into the seat, glad to be out of the noisy throng.

Ron look exhausted as he stabbed at his breakfast with a fork. A more cheerful Tonks and Lupin were sitting next to him digging into own their plates of food.

Hermione twisted around in her chair and began searching for Harry amongst the crowd. Just the thought of seeing him made her stomach flip-flop, and she unconsciously straightened her dress and patted her glossy ringlets. She knew it was ridiculous, but she'd spent more time than usual charming her hair that morning. Her curls were loosely tied off from her face with a pink ribbon and cascaded artfully down her back. What she didn't realize was that her cheeks were rosy and her eyes had an undeniable sparkle to them. Anyone who didn't know better would've guessed that she was the one who'd been married the night before. However, her becoming blush lost its color when she didn't find Harry.

With a disappointed sigh, she turned toward her friends at the table.

"Good morning Ron," Hermione greeted him with a nod.

"Mafaaghaa" Ron nodded back with a mouthful of food. Despite his healthy appetite, Ron looked just as spent as the other guests.

She greeted Tonks and Remus and surveyed the table, which was set with silver containers full of steaming dishes. Hermione couldn't believe the immense amount of food laid out for them: pitchers of milk and juices, steaming coffee, white pudding, whole hams, mashed potatoes, kippers and a dozen different kinds of breads and muffins. The extravagant breakfast had been prepared in honor of the newlyweds; however Tonks and Remus couldn't have cared less. Tonks was practically sitting in Remus's lap and whispering to him between bites of an orange and white frosted cake. They were too busy gazing into each other's eyes and spoonfeeding each other to pay attention to the food or the people sitting beside them who were trying not to choke on their bile.

"Tonks…?" Hermione asked, staring at Tonks' plate.

"Hmmmm?" Tonks hummed as she licked frosting off her fingers.

"Is that your wedding cake?"

Tonks nodded. "I thought I might as well eat it today, seeing as how it didn't get finished last night." Tonks winked at Remus, who smiled indulgently at his bride.

Looking from Remus to Tonks and back again, Hermione couldn't help but feel relieved that the lovebirds had successfully settled their first marital spat. No one would've guessed that only a few hours ago Tonks was spelling cardinals to take off poor Remus's head.

I should have known better, Hermione thought with a smile. Remus could never stay mad at her. And Tonks doesn't have the attention span to hold a grudge…

"Hey Tonks, would you pass me the butter?" Ron asked, snatching a piece of toast from a basket.

Tonks calmly turned and looked directly at him. "No Ron. I will not pass you the butter. You don't deserve butter."

…Or maybe she's very capable of holding a grudge, at least where Ron's concerned…

Ron looked confused. "Deserve …? What are you talking about? Just give me the butter."

"No!"

"Give me the butter!"

"No!"

"Now!"

"Never!"

"Give it to me!"

"You'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands!"

"Tonkspassthebutter. Tonkspassthebutter. Tonkspassthebutter," Ron began to repeat over and over again. Tonks covered her ears and began humming a tune to drown him out.

"Here Ron, I'll get it," Hermione said impatiently, sliding the dish around the immense silver warming dishes.

"Thanks Hermione," Ron said triumphantly, slabbing a pile of it onto his toast.

"You're not welcome Ron," Tonks cut in. "Oh, and speaking of other horrible things that nobody likes, Hermione, I'll need your help packing this morning. I made a complete mess of my things the other day. My room looks really awful, but I guess I was just saving Ron the trouble of ruining my clothes and making everything horribly stupid."

Hermione murmured an edgy "fine" as she spooned a few kippers onto her plate. The morning was not shaping up to be a good one so far.

Honestly, Tonks and Ron are such unbelievable children. I mean, really. They can't even manage to control themselves long enough to hold a civil conversation at the breakfast table…

"Morning Hermione," a familiar voice said quietly.

Hermione turned around to find Harry standing behind her chair with a barely concealed grin on his face.

Surprised (and suddenly quite happy) Hermione smiled shyly and nodded a greeting. Her smile faded, however, when she realized she hadn't really thought about what it would be like seeing him after all that had happened. Now, staring into eyes of the man she adored, Hermione wished she'd practiced some inane greeting while she was charming her hair for the better part of an hour. Something innocuous like, "Oh hello Harry…lovely weather we're having…I hoped you slept well last night…breakfast looks wonderful…tra la la fa fa."

But no, instead she was blushing and panting and on the verge of stammering a nonsensical reply.

Hermione cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Good morning Harry," she said evenly.

Harry flashed his incredible grin and took a seat next to her.

Endlessly pleased with herself, Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she could handle the whole-being-coherent-even-when-Harry's-just-two-feet-away-and-looking-positively-scrumptious situation.

"Morning Harry. Looks like you've got your hands full with this lot," Ron said, motioning around the room.

Harry gave a slight chuckle and nodded. Hermione noticed that he did look fairly tired. He also smelled like clover and had the most elegant hands of any man she'd ever met…which is completely irrelevant to the conversation…Hermione grumbled.

"You look tired," Hermione said aloud.

"Well, someone had to play host." Harry looked squarely at Lupin, who had the good sense to look a little embarrassed.

Lupin cleared his throat. "I suppose I wasn't much use last night. But I'm trying to make up for it now."

Tonks whispered something sly to him that made him blush and Ron pretended to gag.

"It's a lovely breakfast Harry," Hermione spoke up over Ron's retching noises.

Harry nodded and surveyed the table. "Well, as much as I'd like to take credit for it, Remus was the one who arranged for everything."

"You'd think Remus might actually want to eat it then. Instead of pawing at Tonks," Ron grumbled.

Remus ignored him, or maybe he didn't understand Ron through the gobs of mushy toast in his mouth. Instead he got up to go say good morning to a few guests that had staggered in. He whispered something to Tonks, who beamed at him and blew him a kiss goodbye.

"Dear Merlin…" Ron averted his eyes from the oh-so-sweet sight. "Aren't you two supposed to be on your honeymoon?"

"This is our honeymoon," Tonks answered absently, her eyes following Lupin as he crossed the room.

"No, I mean, aren't you supposed to go away on your honeymoon. Someplace that's not here. A place far away from people who want to keep down their breakfast."

Tonks shot him an annoyed look. "After last night Ron, I really don't expect to you keep down anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think she's still upset about the wedding," Hermione explained, keeping her voice low.

"Last night? Why? What happened at the wedding?" Ron asked, scrunching up his face, trying to remember.

Harry chuckled and Hermione braced herself as Tonks glared angrily at Ron.

Ron still looked confused. "Come on guys. What happened?"

"Much stupid-ness," Tonks spat, staring squaring at Ron.

"Huh?" Ron asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing Ron. You had a little too much to drink last night." Hermione shot a "be nice" look to Tonks.

"Ha!" Tonks scoffed. "Yeah right. A 'little' too much to drink. Maybe 'a lot' too much. How about 'the house-elves-are-still-steam-scrubbing-the-wheels-of-the-carriage' too much."

"Oh that's a load of bollocks," Ron said, incensed. "For your information, Nightingale, I hold my liquor like a lumberjack."

"Yeah, a lumberjack spewing vomit," Tonks snapped back, gathering up her coffee and toast. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish my breakfast up in my room lest Mount Idiot Boy here erupts again. Mione, if he passes out again, just feed him to the dogs. You might have to hose him off first. They won't eat things that have puked themselves to death."

"What do you mean 'hose him off'?! Hey get back here!" Ron cried as a fuming Tonks strode out of the room.

Meanwhile Harry looked like he was trying not to laugh and Hermione was feeling nauseous. She looked wearily at the pile of kippers in front of her and pushed her plate away, deciding to just to keep to her coffee.

"That girl is nutters," Ron mumbled bitterly, his mouth full of toast again. "Dogs indeed. Harry doesn't even own any dogs."

"I'm sure we'll have packs of them running around here before the day's out," Harry muttered, remembering the cardinals from last night. Hearing someone call his name, he muttered 'excuse me' as he got up from his chair, but not before catching Hermione's eye and flashing her another heart-stopping smile. She stared at him as he headed towards a group of guests. It was only when he disappeared into the crowd that she realized her mouth was hanging open.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Ron said around his bacon. "Are you headed back to Meriton?"

Hermione quickly closed her mouth and turned back to Ron. She nodded, but couldn't hide her disappointment at the thought.

"Yes, I'm leaving," Hermione sighed sadly.

"You don't look too happy about it," Ron said downing his tea.

"I don't?" she asked with a fake smile.

"Nope." He wiped his mouth with his napkin and dug into his eggs. "You know, you could probably stay on here for a few more days. No one would care."

Hermione shrugged. "As nice as that sounds, I'm afraid I have to get home. Tonks and Remus are going to Grimmauld Place, and I can't possibly stay here without them."

Hermione gave another sad sigh but tried to mask it with a smile. She felt a sad ache at the prospect of leaving Harry-there was no telling how often she'd see him when she got back to Meriton, and the thought of not being able to see him for weeks at a time made her scant appetite disappear entirely.

"Wow. You're really upset." Ron interrupted her thoughts. "Didn't think you'd miss Tonks that much. Lord, I didn't think anyone would miss Tonks that much." He had a 'girls are weird tone' to his voice. "But you know, there's a chance they won't leave til tomorrow. The weather's still pretty lousy. 'S not a great day for traveling."

"Maybe," Hermione said forlornly. She shook off her gloomy thoughts and silently scolded herself. So far, she was doing a horrible job of acting like a normal-not-in-love-witch. If Ron, a wizard with the emotional depth of a teaspoon, could sense her reluctance to leave Godric's Hollow, then surely the rest of the houseguests were bound to notice as well. She needed to get of out there before she did something silly like burst into tears or blush like an idiot whenever Harry came round again.

"Well, have a good morning Ron," Hermione said as she rose from the table.

"What? You're not going to eat?"

"I'm not hungry, thanks." Hermione eyed the grandfather clock across from her. "Besides, I've promised to help Tonks pack. I'd better be getting upstairs."

"Tonks and Remus are headed off around noon, right?"

Hermione nodded.

"Thank Merlin for that. Least I'll be able to eat lunch in peace," Ron said, relieved. "Hey, are you going to finish those kippers?"

"Help yourself Ron," Hermione replied as she pushed her plate towards him.

She took a last sip of her coffee and made her way through the sea of partygoers. As she closed the doors of the dining room behind her, Hermione took a calming breath before heading upstairs. It was no surprise that Tonks needed her help packing, she was rubbish at folding and shrinking spells. But what didn't help matters was that she even worse at keeping out of the way. Trying to sort clothes in front of Tonks was like flashing a red cape at a bull--Tonks just had to fiddle with them or cast spells to make them do loop-de- loops or dance or toss themselves onto Hermione's head. Although Hermione wanted to spend time with Tonks before she left for Grimmauld Place, helping her pack was definitely a chore Hermione wasn't looking forward to.

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"So we're standing there, or actually I'm standing there and Remus is pacing around the balcony yelling about those stupid birds again…"

An hour later, Tonks was recounting her argument with Remus while Hermione was sorting through the mess she'd made of her clothes. All twelve of Tonks' suitcases had been opened and their contents flung to the four corners of her guestroom. Why exactly Tonks had made such a mess of her things, Hermione couldn't say. When she'd asked, Tonks had launched into a detailed account of her fight with Remus at the reception:

"…I mean, there we were on a balcony of the Waverly Hotel, the new Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Alone. By ourselves. At our wedding reception. Was he on his knees, declaring his undying love for me? Or quoting Keats? Or undressing me with his teeth? No. He was yelling at me. He. Was. Yelling. At. Me. His bride! The light of his life. The soft glowing candle in his dark cave of bachelorhood. And he's yelling at me. Everyone knows you don't yell at a candle. You could accidentally blow it out and then where would you be? Lost in a dark cave. Probably until you get eaten by a bear or a pirate or whatever it is that lives in caves."

"Uh huh," Hermione muttered absently as she started to organize another pile of clothing. It hadn't escaped her notice that Tonks had spent the last forty minutes folding two pairs of skirts.

"And I looked adorable," Tonks assured her. "Really. Mrs. Neddlemark did a great job on my dress, don't you think? What with the sleeves and the color and my hair. I was one big beautiful turquoise flower just waiting to be plucked, and the plucker was just standing there yelling at me. Some bridegroom. It's not like I hit him with a frying pan or threw a coat rack at him. You'd think the man had never been attacked by birds before…" Tonks fell into a thoughtful pause.

"…All right, maybe that was a mistake. Cardinals are mean buggers, and not a seasonal choice for a bird at all. I'm actually a little worried about them. I mean, I don't know how they'll take to the climate here. Hopefully they'll be okay. Of course, I couldn't have been the first person to make that mistake with a bird curse…"

Hermione nodded in agreement, wondering just how Tonks managed to get her yellow sweater stuck on top of one of the posts on the canopy bed. The rest of Tonks' clothes were floating in an orderly line, charmed to fold and neatly place themselves in the open trunks scattered about the room. However, a few choice articles were making things difficult. Articles like that yellow sweater.

Frustrated, Hermione hitched up her skirt and climbed on top of the bed. After tugging on the sweater for a minute, she realized that the stubborn garment had one of its arms wrapped around the bedpost and was holding on for dear life. Sweaters were especially bad about not wanting to be packed up. She'd never handled a really cooperative one.

She grabbed its sleeves and untwisted them from around the bedpost. "Why did you unpack this thing in the first place?" Hermione grumbled, interrupting Tonks' story. "I mean really Tonks, why did you unpack anything at all? You were only here for two days and look at this place," Hermione motioned around the clothes-strewn room. Tonks' wildly colorful wardrobe was plastered over every conceivable surface. It amazed Hermione that anyone could make such a mess in such a short period of time, even Tonks.

"Oh that," Tonks replied matter-of-factly. "I needed to find something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. And it's not as though I packed my clothes exactly those categories. It took me a really long time find the lot of 'em."

Evidently, it had taken a whole lot of mess-making too. Tonks didn't seem so concerned with straightening it up though. Instead she was finding loads of amusement in watching Hermione wrestle with her clothing.

"This isn't funny Tonks," Hermione muttered as she tried to push the stubborn yellow sweater into a carrying case. What made matters worse was also having to grapple with the escaping folds of fabric that were trying to crawl out of the suitcase at the same time.

"I think it is," Tonks giggled as she watched Hermione fight with the garment. The sleeves were gripping either side of the suitcase, refusing to budge no matter how hard Hermione shoved it.

"Oh, that reminds me Mione, if you ever get married to Harry, don't get mad at him and send evil birds to attack him. It only makes whatever you're fighting about worse. Trust me on this."

"What… what do you mean?" Hermione stammered, losing her grip in the sweater long enough to let it crawl under the bed.

"I mean evil birds don't solve anything. You were there. You saw how Remus reacted. Believe me, if you want to have a half-way decent wedding night, avoid conjuring up birds or bats or other wingy flying things."

"What makes you think I'm going…going to marry Harry," Hermione tried to sound as indifferent as possible to the idea.

"Oh, fine. Ron then. If you marry Ron, make sure you don't conjure up birds to attack him." Tonks lowered her voice. "But if you do get married to Ron, please please please bring something for me to throw up in during the ceremony. Because, really. Ron? Husband?" Tonks shivered. "Icky."

Secretly relieved, Hermione sighed and turned her attention back to the sweater, which, of course, had gone under the bed.

"…Anyway, back to me," Tonks continued her story. "So when stupid Remus does stop yelling at me, I open my mouth to apologize, and guess what happens? I start shouting. And I don't mean speaking loudly or arguing passionately. I mean shouting. I don't even know what I'm saying. So I tell myself to stop it. 'Stop shouting,' I tell myself, but do I listen? No. That's just like me. A big beautiful flower who never listens."

"Right. Listening is good," Hermione echoed wearily, looking under the bed for the runaway garment.

Tonks nodded earnestly. "I know! Listening is good! Gods Hermione, you sure are smart. Because that's exactly what I needed to do. Listen. But do I listen? No. It's like the one thing I should've done, I didn't. It's like that Muggle story about Cinderella. If she'd just gone home by midnight, she wouldn't have lost her shoe. But did she listen? No! And so she lost perfectly good slipper. All because she didn't listen."

"Uh huh."

"So I'm screaming at Lupin and he's yelling at me and…just you know what happened next?"

"Oh I don't know…more birds maybe?"

Tonks shook her head triumphantly. "Nope. I just jumped into his arms and kissed him."

Hermione looked up and laughed. "What? Just like that?"

"Yup, just like that, and you know what else? It took him a second, but then he kissed me back! I think it was the dress after all. You know, what with me looking adorable in it and everything."

"It's very possible," Hermione smiled.

"Very possible? Absolutely possible. Remus is a red-blooded man after all. Show a little skin, a little bosom, and they all turn to putty." Tonks grinned. "Well, not putty. Quite the opposite in fact."

"Tonks!" Hermione cried.

"What? I'm married Mione. I have to tell you about these things. After all, it's my duty and so forth. It's very important that I pass on my marital knowledge to you poor innocent single girls."

"Not at the moment it isn't. Are you going to help me sort through any of this?"

"Oh Mione," Tonks sighed. "Poor, sweet, single Mione. Someday, when you're grown up, you'll realize that marriage is much more important than packing and cleaning and so forth."

"I'll take that to mean you won't help." Hermione huffed. With a flick of her wrist, she Accioed the sweater, which came flying out from under the bed into her waiting hands.

"Poor girl," Tonks said pityingly, watching her cousin wrestle with the still-struggling sweater. "You're so good with sweaters but so bad with men. How does that happen?"

"What do you mean I'm 'bad' with men?!" Hermione snapped, quickly tossing the sweater into the case and latching it shut.

Tonks tisked-tisked. "You know the saying, 'always the bridesmaid never the bride.' Well…that bridesmaid is you."

"Now look here Tonks, I've only been a bridesmaid once and it's a good thing I was or else Remus would've had his eyes pecked out."

Tonks waved off her point. "That's just the unmarried resentment talking. Wait til I get you a husband. All that old-maid bitterness will just flow out of you like warm honey."

"Old maid!" Hermione cried. "Tonks, I have no interest in hearing your views about marriage, especially not after the way you acted last night. And now you expect me to just stand here and listen to you as you go on and on about goodness knows what and all the while you…"

Poor little sad Mione, Tonks thought, studying her cousin and ignoring her stern speech about all her unwelcomed marriage advice. If only she'd get married. Then she'd stop acting all bitter and silly and so forth. Of course there's no one she's really serious about at the moment. Marriage-wise that is…" Tonks smiled as an idea came to her. "Of course, there's always Harry. Hmmmm. Harry. Now there's a thought. He does have wonderful hair, and it'd be awfully merry if he got engaged to Mione. Remus and I could spend summers here at Godric's Hollow, and they could spend their winters at Grimmauld Place. It's really an ideal sort of match. They would make a smart couple at that…" Tonks paused to shoo away a floating dress that was passing over her.

"…Now is that settled?" Hermione asked, hoping that Tonks would take her warning about unsolicited advice to heart.

"Absolutely settled Mione," Tonks said firmly, again batting at the dress that was hovering over her.

Hermione sighed. "Tonks, leave that dress alone."

"Hey! It started it! I was just sitting here, minding my own business when the skirts all fluttered in my face."

Offended by the accusation, the incensed dress descended onto the bed and sat stubbornly on the edge, crossing its sleeves over its chest, refusing to budge.

"Great," Hermione groaned, rubbing her head. Grappling with laundry was certainly not how she wanted to spend her last few hours at Godric's Hollow. She kicked a shoe out of her way as she approached the gown. "Come on, up you go," she said as she took the dress by the elbow and let it to an open suitcase. "In with your friends. Come on. In you go." She helped the gown crawl into the suitcase, relieved when it didn't put up a fight.

"Honestly Tonks," Hermione said as she wiped her brow.

"Honestly nothing," Tonks said dismissively. "You have to get married."

Hermione started. "Married? What…did you not hear a single word I just said?"

"In all honestly Mione, no. I mean, I heard you, but I was much too busy thinking about marriage and love and all the things you've missed out on in life. It's so sad really. Here in a house with the man you're supposed to marry and all you can think about is luggage. It's just so… tragic."

"The man I'm supposed to marry? Tonks what are you talking about…?" Hermione trailed off. The whole of the morning had been one long confusing mess. Tired, aching, and just plain fed up with Tonks and all her insensible conversation, Hermione had finally had enough.

"You know what Tonks? You're right."

"I am?" Tonks sounded pleased.

"Yes. You are absolutely right. It is tragic to be helping you with the mess you've made when it's so obvious I should be out getting married. You're right. Thank you. Your powers of logic astound me. I'll just join you for tea later. By then I'm sure to have bagged a husband."

"Well you don't have to be rude about it."

"Me rude?" Hermione said, incensed. "You have been impossible all morning."

"But only because you won't listen to reason…"

"Reason? Tonks, the day you start spewing reason is the day I eat that hat."

"What? This hat?" Tonks asked calmly as she picked up a green bonnet at her feet and threw it squarely at Hermione. It hit her in the shoulder and unceremoniously bounced off her and hit the floor.

"Oh!" Hermione cried as she countered with a silk puce wrap. Before they knew it, they were throwing piles of clothes at each other.

"Hey that's my…" Tonks started, before a violet beret landed square in her face, "…favorite beret."

"Well, it's not my fault that you leave it lying around…along with every other piece of clothing you own."

Tonks countered by throwing a slip at her. It landed on Hemione's head, covering her face and getting its ribbons got caught on the buttons on her dress.

"You look good like that Mione."

Hermione shouted a muffled curse.

"You sound good too. I think you should wear all your slips like that."

"Oh you!" Hermione cried, trying to untangle herself from the garment. "…I swear …someday I'm going to turn you into a farm animal!"

"You'll have to catch me first. Ha ha!" Tonks laughed gleefully as she danced around the room and shouted about being a "moving target."

Hermione managed to free herself just in time to see a concerned Remus rush in.

"What's all the noise? What are you two doing?" he asked, amazed by the mess that surrounded him.

"Packing," Tonks said innocently.

"Really?" He kicked a dress out of his way. "Because it looks like you're doing the exact opposite."

"Well, Mione here's no help."

Hermione threw the slip on the floor and bit back an unpleasant comment about her dear cousin…my dear, sweet, joking, incorrigible, funny cousin, Hermione muttered over and over again, trying to convince herself of the fact as she stormed out of the room.

Lupin watched Hermione rush down the hallway until she disappeared round the corner.

"What on earth have you done to Hermione?" Lupin asked sternly.

"It's not me," Tonks insisted. "It's love that's done it. Hermione's getting married."

"Married!? To whom?"

"I haven't worked that part out yet," Tonks said thoughtfully. "But I'll need more than a handful of hours to figure it out. If there's even that. Knowing Mione, she'll probably hole herself up in the library until we leave. Do you think Harry would mind if we stayed on a few more days?"

"I have no idea. After your behavior last night, I was surprised he didn't make us sleep in the yard."

"Great! It's settled then. Now I just have to make sure Mione doesn't muck it up."

"Muck what up? Tonks, what are you talking about?"

Tonks shushed him. "Leave everything to me. I've got a plan. And it doesn't involve bridesmaids."

"Bridesmaids?"

"You know. Being one. Forever."

Tonks blew him a kiss as she headed out the door, intent on finding Harry. Left alone, Remus looked around the messy room, wondering just what the force of nature he'd married was up to.

------------------------------------

Determined to get as faraway from Tonks as she could, Hermione hurried into the foyer, and found herself in the middle of a chaotic, rowdy mass of partygoers. She slowly worked her way through the crowd, getting jostled and pushed herself in the process. A shove here, a jogged elbow there--the hallway was so packed with people loading up their carriages that Hermione wondered if she'd ever find her way back to her room. It seemed every single guest had one thing on their minds: getting away from Godric's Hollow as quickly as possible.

Hermione couldn't understand why everyone was in such a rush to leave. The Quidditch Regionals weren't for another few days, nor was there a sign of an impending blizzard or a freak monsoon. Short of that, Hermione would've wagered that the guests would've wanted to stay for what promised to be an excellent lunch.

She pressed past people who were shouting about their luggage or complaining about the crowds or arguing about whether it would rain later. Hermione wondered if she'd get to see her Aunt Andromeda and Uncle Ted off, but beyond that, she wouldn't mind if the whole noisy lot of them suddenly vanished into thin air. The entire morning had been one unholy mess, and she thought it best just to shut herself up in her room before she summoned a flock of angry birds.

Hermione was halfway through the horde when she suddenly felt a strong hand grip her waist. She turned her head and caught a glimpse of messy black hair out of the corner of her eye.

"Harry?" she asked, startled. By way of an answer, his hand lowered to the small of her back.

"Hello luv," he whispered over her shoulder.

"Oh…um…hello."

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly. Even from across the room, he could see she looked pale and miserable.

"It's nothing. Nothing really," Hermione replied with a tense smile. "But Tonks is just…well…she's just Tonks."

"So…you're not staying then?"

"Staying? No, of course I can't…you know I can't...."

He grimaced but didn't say anything as he gently guided her to another the hallway. She let herself be led into a room that looked to be a private study. The walls were lined with books and a pair of overstuffed sofas were sitting in front of a cozy fireplace. There was a writing desk with several opened letters on it, but it was too dark to write since the curtains were drawn and the only light in the room was coming from a few candles on the mantel and the crackling fireplace.

"But why not?" he asked suddenly after closing the door. "Tonks said you were."

"Were what?"

"Staying."

Hermione shook her head. "I can't. It's out of the question."

Harry stepped forward and cupped her cheek. "But… Did I do something?"

"No! No, of course not Harry," Hermione assured him as she gently moved his hand away. "But you know I can't stay here without Tonks and Remus."

"Tonks and Remus? But they're not leaving."

"What!?"

Harry grinned. "Tonks came charging up to me and said that they were staying on for another few days. She also said something about bridesmaids and sweaters, but I didn't quite follow that part of it."

"Oh, well…you'll get used to that. About Tonks I mean," Hermione said thoughtfully. "But do you think it's true? Are they really staying? Tonks was so excited to see Grimmauld Place… I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to leave today."

"Does it matter?" Harry asked, raising her chin to meet his gaze.

"What…what do you mean?"

"You're here. That's all that matters to me." Harry cupped her cheek and lowered his lips to hers.

"Harry!" she exclaimed, pushing him away and eyeing the door.

"What?" he asked softly, tightening his grip on her.

Her breath caught in her throat as he ran his fingertips over her shoulders. "Someone could …oh…um…someone could come in at any second."

"I've locked the doors," Harry muttered as his lips found her neck.

"Oh…well…that was…um…clever of you…" she trailed off as one of his strong arms snuck round her shoulder.

Before she could finish, he pressed his lips to hers. Her desire rose rapidly and she shuddered as a heady pulse overtook her. Her mind was racing, and only sensations registered: his warm breath against her ear, his lips on her throat, his hands gripping the small of her back, his hips nestled against hers, his hands catching in her hair. There was an intensity growing building between them as their caresses became rougher and more desperate. Her body felt like it was on fire. Even after he pulled away, she found she had to hold onto his collar because her knees were buckling.

"You can't leave me. Not yet," he whispered in her ear.

"No?" she asked absently as he kissed her temple. "Oh…um…well… then I'll have to send for my things…I… I only brought enough clothes for two days…"

"I'll buy you a whole new wardrobe if I have to," Harry planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

"That's not likely to attract attention is it?"

"I don't care about attention. I care about keeping you here for as long as I can."

"Is that so?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes it is," he replied with a grin. "Now you make yourself comfortable here and I'll clear out the rest of the guests. It shouldn't be too hard. I've locked up the liquor and they're bailing like rats from a ship."

"So that explains it." Hermione shook her head. "You know you almost caused a stampede."

He grinned. "It did work, didn't it? Now the house will be empty by noon and I'll have a chance to show you the village."

"Sounds lovely."

"An hour then?"

"An hour," she agreed.

He gave her hand a quick kiss before heading into the hallway. After shutting the door behind him, she took a seat on the sofa. Her head was spinning and her lips were tingling and she couldn't believe she had a whole week with Harry ahead of her and, even more incredibly, that Tonks was the one to thank for it.

Although she felt overjoyed at the prospect of staying, she was still curious as to why Tonks suddenly changed her mind.

I wonder what she's up to, Hermione murmured. I suppose I'll find out soon enough…I only hope whatever it is, I can find a counterspell for it…