Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Safe Harbour
Chapter 10: To Change a Life
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Prepare yourselves for this one people; it's what I've been warning you about all along…
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Previously:
"Hermione…" Harry started, giving her a strangled look- a look that he had practically mastered in the past few days. The time had now come, where he honestly felt there was no more getting around their inevitable last option.
"Hermione… we can't keep her."
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The colour drained from Hermione's face, and the blood in her veins immediately ran cold. Harry's words were running through her mind on fast forward; she could only relate 'we can't keep her' to one act, and that act had never been an option for them.
Abortion was completely out of the question.
"Harry what are you talking about?" she asked, hoping he would rectify himself. Did he even know how callous his words made him seem?
Harry started shaking his head, to keep his entire body from trembling, "She'll always be in danger with us. We both know it."
Instantly, Hermione narrowed her eyes, "But you just said you'd do anything to protect her!"
"I would! Even if that means staying away from her."
If it was possible, Hermione's face went even paler. "I don't understand," she whispered, even though she was starting to get a pretty good idea.
Harry looked at her with disturbed eyes, "She'll be in constant danger with us, but we both refuse to hand her off. Aborting is completely out of the question, but there is something else…"
"What else?" Hermione whispered. She'd asked the question, but she honestly did not want to hear the answer.
Harry took a deep breath before he spoke, "Adoption."
Hermione's heart stopped. She sat immobile on the couch, staring at Harry, the shock written all over her face. Harry was starting to fidget next to her as a result of her silence. The idea of adoption only came to him during the car ride home from Dr. Hammond's office. Harry didn't want to acknowledge what adoption really meant for them, but he was starting to resign to the idea that it was the only way for their daughter.
Hermione's shocked expression had started to turn into an accusing glare, "I can't believe you… after all you went through as a child, you want to subject our daughter to the same life?"
Harry was surprised at her cold tone, so he quickly started to defend himself, "Hermione listen to me- it doesn't have to be that terrible. This is a big country; I'm sure if we put her up for adoption when she's born that someone or some couple will want her. This way she gets the normal life she deserves."
"You think she'll get a normal life?" Hermione cried in total disbelief, "What about when she starts to show signs of magic? Or worse, what if they come for her when she's older? And how would we even get away from them long enough to put her up for adoption?! They'll notice if I'm suddenly not pregnant and I don't have my baby!"
"We can fake your labour," Harry started, completely undeterred. By this point, he was convinced that this was the only way, "Surely they'll follow us to the hospital for her… but we can fake it! We can get the doctors to say you miscarried! And then we can sneak out and leave!" Harry finished breathlessly raking his hands through his hair. He almost seemed happy…
Hermione was having trouble processing everything, "Wait- fake my labour? And get the doctor to say that the baby died?"
"Yes! And then we sneak out of the hospital. We can catch a plane that takes us somewhere far away…" Harry trailed off, with a wistful, yet agonizing look on his face.
Hermione began to shake her head as his words started to piece themselves together, "But Harry, if we do that, they'll give up. They'll think she's dead!"
"Exactly," Harry nodded, "Their mission would be ruined."
Hermione didn't share in his confidence. However, her heart started to pound at the prospect of something else, "But if we leave, that means we can still keep the baby!"
Harry visibly deflated, "Hermione…"
"What?" she asked, quickly frowning at his pessimism.
"They'll always be able to track us down. The only reason they know where she is, is because she's still in you."
Hermione bit her lip, "But… but…" It was like no matter how hard she tried, she was constantly shot down and denied. She had never wanted anything more than she wanted her daughter. She couldn't understand why anyone or anything would want to strip her motherhood from her.
Harry sighed, reaching for her hand, "If we keep her, then they'll know that we tricked them. They'll try to hunt us down again."
"So we're fucked over either way?" Hermione finally burst, tears streaming from her eyes, "Even though she's our daughter, we can't keep her and raise her like proper parents should?"
Harry felt like a heartless bastard for making her cry like this. He understood why she couldn't completely grasp that adoption was the best solution. He wished he could keep denying it too. However, denying their problem wasn't realistic. If they wanted any chance at saving their daughter's life, then they needed to take a proactive approach. And right now, that meant calming Hermione down.
"We- we can have more, Hermione."
Hermione's eyes turned up to Harry's. Instantly, they took on a harsh glow, "Oh, so that's your answer? 'We can have more'. Like this one doesn't fucking matter?!"
"No that's not what-"
"Because you're wrong if you think that I'll just be able to forget about her like that! So wrong…" Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She put her head in her hands and cried.
"Hermione," Harry started, his voice reflecting how much he didn't want to be the one to say these words to her, "this is the only way we can save her life. Anything else would be too much of a risk." He hated that he had to be the one to hurt her- to make her see. Truth was, he would never have even brought it up if he didn't feel like this was their last resort.
"But I love her so much already!" Hermione sobbed.
Harry swallowed the rock of emotions forming in his throat. He couldn't break down in front of her; he had to be the one to remain as strong as possible "I know, me
too," he whispered, "But putting her up for adoption doesn't mean that we don't love her. It proves that we do."
"What if she has to live in an orphanage? What if nobody else wants her?" Hermione rambled, nearly in hysterics.
Harry helplessly shook his head, "I… I don't know, Hermione. I can't answer that."
A few minutes of silence passed between the two. Harry didn't want to say anything, fearing that it would only set Hermione off more. She was still crying in her spot on the couch, and Harry figured she was about to start spewing off more hate-filled words when she finally opened her mouth to speak.
However, Hermione's words weren't argumentative; they were a sad realization, "This is the only way…"
Harry squeezed her hand in his, "It really is."
Hermione couldn't say anything else. She would never get the chance to raise her first child. Another friend's life was taken away because of something that didn't even concern her. It was all her fault.
…
Hermione sat at the kitchen table later that day, picking at her food in disinterest.
Harry sat next to her, working over their laptop. He had found a few adoption agencies over the internet, and were reading them off to Hermione.
Most of them were California based; Harry had asked her where they should start looking, and they agreed that a heavily populated state, far away from Boston, would be a good idea. Or rather, Harry asked and Hermione said nothing, therefore Harry took it as an okay.
"Um, this one looks okay," Harry said, "It's based in Los Angeles."
Hermione again said nothing, and poked her fork a little more violently into the pasta.
"Oh look, they have parent profiles. Do you want to check some out?" Harry asked, looking up from the computer screen.
"Not really," came back Hermione's muttered response.
Harry sighed, "Hermione, come on. We need to make an effort."
Hermione finally looked up, but only to glare at him.
Harry told himself not to get frustrated, but it was hard when she looked at him with those eyes. She looked at him like he was the enemy. He refrained from rolling his eyes, "Will you at least look at it? If we're going to do this, we should probably do it as soon as possible. Your due date's less than two months away-"
"I know when my due date is!" Hermione cut in quickly.
"I'm not saying that you don't. This is hard for me too, you know…" he finished quietly, looking away from her so that he wouldn't have to deal with another unforgiving glare.
Hermione bit back her nasty retort upon noticing his wounded look. Begrudgingly, she glanced over to the computer screen, "So… what do we have to do- sign up for it?"
Harry gave her a look before answering, "It says that birth-parents can call and set up a formal appointment, but since we're so far along in the pregnancy, and we live across the country, maybe we can call and set something up over the phone…"
Hermione bit her lip and nodded, "Yeah, that sounds good."
Harry noticed the insincerity in her reply, but didn't comment on it, "Should we call then? They're a few hours behind."
Hermione let out an uneven breath and rubbed at her temples before answering rather pathetically, "I guess…"
Harry squeezed her hand once more, before grabbing his mobile laying next to the laptop. He flipped it open and started dialling the number displayed on the website.
As the phone rang, Harry's eyes didn't leave Hermione's.
Finally, a woman answered the other line, and Harry looked away, "Um yes, hello. I'm calling regarding putting a baby up for adoption… Yeah, I'm the biological father…" he glanced up at Hermione before speaking the next part, "Oh yeah, she's consensual… No, she's seven months pregnant… Yeah, we only just decided this would be the right path for us and the baby. We wanted to avoid sending her to an orphanage; we were sort of hoping to find a home for her as soon as possible."
Harry continued talking with the woman, and explained to her that they didn't currently live in California, but were hoping to come to L.A. to have the baby. Harry answered a few more of her questions, and listened as she discussed what the adoption process was and what it needed from the birthparents.
Harry listened quietly while she told him that he could still make an appointment, and then in the meanwhile look at potential parents through the website profiles. Apparently, some of the couples were still in transition of being evaluated, and since this was a pretty urgent situation, it'd be best if they chose a few.
"Alright, thanks. We'll be seeing you soon then." With a final farewell, Harry hung up
the phone and let out a much bated breath. That was the hardest phone call he had ever made in his entire life.
Hermione gave him a curious look, "What do you mean 'see you soon'?"
"They said that with how far along you are and with how long it can take to arrange parents, that it'd be best if we got out there as soon as possible."
Hermione nodded dully, "When's the meeting?"
"Friday morning."
She frowned, "This Friday?"
"Yes."
"Shit, that is really soon," Hermione muttered, looking away.
"The lady said that if we're put on priority, then we can stay in the agencies facility until the baby's born," Harry said.
"Oh that- that's nice, I guess."
That factor didn't make Harry feel that enthused either, "Yeah. But in the meanwhile, she said it'd be best if we started to check out the profiles on their website. Get an idea of who we want…"
Hermione nodded, turning her head so that she was staring down into her lap. Harry had a feeling she was staring at her stomach, so he moved to place a hand over her belly, "This is the only way she'll be safe from them. We have to keep telling ourselves that."
Hermione shrugged lifelessly, "That doesn't make it hurt any less."
"I know," Harry whispered, unable to argue with her on that.
A few silent moments passed between the two before Hermione shifted in her seat,
"Well, we might as well take a look…"
With a heavy sigh, Harry and Hermione turned to the computer that was displaying their forlorn reality. Together they browsed through the site, and through all of the profiles with bright pictures of smiling couples. They were all pretty positive for the most part. Obviously, the financial support needed to take on an infant was a big concern for them, so both Harry and Hermione wanted to make sure that their potential candidates were living comfortably. What they couldn't decide on was whether or not they should go for a single couple, or for a couple that already had children. Harry wanted their daughter to be a part of an actual family, but Hermione thought that it would be better if the couple could dedicate their full attention to the baby.
"Oh look, this couple already adopted an older girl from New York," Harry pointed
out, glancing over the picture of a smiling, blond haired couple holding up a tan, brunette baby.
Hermione bit her lip, "I guess that seems okay. What do the parents do?"
Harry started to read, "Jordan and Belinda Johnson, both 35, been married for ten years. Jordan's a fire-fighter and Belinda is a flight attendant."
"A flight attendant and a fire-fighter?" Hermione repeated sceptically, "So basically they're never around?"
Harry pursed his lips, "No, I'm sure that they're around. I bet they take turns staying home with their daughter while the other's at work."
After a few moments, Hermione shook her head, "Let's keep looking."
"Fine," Harry muttered, trying to keep his patience in check. He scrolled past a few more profiles before he stopped at another picture, "Oh, here's one you'll like. Ben and Kirsten Cooper, 30, live in Newport Beach. Ben is a personal financer, has his own company, but works from home. Kirsten plans various charity events around town, sponsored by Ben."
Hermione glanced over to the screen. Nearly a second had passed before she actually found herself looking in interest at the beautiful couple. Both had fair coloured hair, and big smiles. They were embracing in the picture as the sun set over the ocean behind them. For all intent and purposes, they looked perfect.
"Wow…" Hermione mumbled, almost sadly.
"Yeah," Harry agreed quietly. He couldn't help but look enviously at the man in the photo. Ben Cooper seemed to have everything he wanted; the woman he loved, happiness… and if he was lucky, a new baby girl. Harry had never been more jealous in his entire life.
Silence had engulfed the couple as they both stared unwavering at the photograph.
Finally, Harry cleared his throat, "So they sound pretty financially stable."
Hermione nodded, "Yes. They'd probably have plenty of time to dedicate to a baby."
"He looks like he'd be a good dad," Harry mumbled wistfully.
Hermione turned to look at Harry sitting next to her. His eyes were locked
despairingly on the computer screen. He looked like he was falling apart on the inside, but he still made it seem that he was confident that adoption was the right thing to do.
"I don't want to look anymore," she said suddenly.
Harry turned to her in surprise, "You don't? Do you like them?"
Hermione shook her head as she shrugged, "No, I just don't want to keep looking right now. I'm tired; I want to go to bed."
"Oh, alright," Harry said, going back to his quiet tone.
Hermione got up and started to walk out of the kitchen. She was just about to head into the hallway when she turned around and found Harry looking back at the computer.
She sighed, "Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you like them?"
Harry swallowed, taking another look at the photo of the happy California couple, "Um yeah."
"I guess I do too. I think they're the ones."
Harry could hardly believe his ears, but at the same time he didn't want to question her. He simply nodded, "I'll call the social worker back then."
"Then come to bed?" Hermione asked, "I won't be able to sleep alone."
Harry nodded, "Yeah."
With a final look, Hermione turned and walked out of the kitchen as fast as she could. Tears had started running down her face again, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel comfortable letting Harry see her cry.
A few second later, Harry heard their bedroom door close. With a heavy sigh, he reached once more for his mobile. The line rang twice before the woman from earlier, Lisa, picked up, "Adoption Connection, this is Lisa."
"Hi, this is Jason Meyers. I called about an hour ago," Harry said, introducing the fake name he'd given her the first time.
"Oh yes, Mr. Meyers," Lisa greeted in recognition, "Was there something else I could help you with?"
"I just wanted to let you know that my girlfriend and I found a couple that we liked," Harry started, mentally preparing himself for the rest of the conversation.
"Really?" Lisa asked surprised, "So soon?"
Harry shifted nervously, "Yeah, we both feel pretty strongly about them."
"You know Mr. Meyers, I understand that there's a sense of urgency, given how far
along your partner is, but there really should be no rushing these things."
Harry was somewhat taken aback by the woman's sincerity. It wasn't like Lisa was handling things like a business transaction; she seemed to really understand that their was a person's life tangled up in the middle of this.
For a brief, nano of a second- Harry was tempted to agree with her warning and hang up. However, the heavy weight in his heart kept him rooted to the seat, holding the mobile to his ear, "Yeah I get that, but we really liked them, and you said it could take a while to sometimes sort things out…"
"Of course Mr. Meyers," Lisa replied courteously, "I just wanted to let you know that there are other options."
"Yeah thanks," Harry muttered.
"Anyway, what were the couple's name?"
"Ben and Kirsten Cooper," Harry answered quickly- not excitedly, or eagerly; just quickly.
Lisa's response was strangely enthusiastic, "Oh the Cooper's?"
Harry frowned, slightly confused, "Uh, yeah. From Newport Beach."
"Of course," Harry could hear some typing over the other line as Lisa carried on,
"Well fortunately the Cooper's have been with us for about a year and a half now.
Their status has already been updated as fit parents. Now what that means, is that the agency has done a series of interviews and background checks with the Coopers, and they've passed all of them."
Harry nodded, relieved to be hearing this, "Oh, that's good. So they'd be willing to do this so soon?"
"Well, we'd have to get in contact with them. They have already been chosen by a birth mother a few months back, but they ended up pulling out the day the baby was born…"
That last part made Harry's eyes narrow, "What? Why?"
"Well, just how birthparents want to feel comfortable with their pick of adoptive parents, they, as well, need to feel sure and comfortable with the baby they're taking in as theirs." Lisa spoke so smoothly, that Harry was instantly comforted. If the Cooper's had already turned down a baby once, then they probably wouldn't feel the need to do it again. Right?
"Oh, I guess that makes sense."
"So should I put in a call to Mr. and Mrs. Cooper?" Lisa asked.
Harry took a deep breath before answering, "Yes."
"Alright then, I'll put in for them to get notified. We'll probably be able to get back to you sometime tomorrow with their response," Lisa replied again in her optimistic tone.
Harry wondered how someone who worked in such a field as adoption could always be so bright and happy. He appreciated her tone before, but now it seemed almost overbearing. It almost seemed like the cat who ate the canary was giving him a Cheshire grin and telling him to come back again some time soon…
Feeling like he was about to throw up, Harry quickly gave Lisa his mobile to reach him by before hanging up. He didn't feel at all good or comfortable with what he had just done. However, deep down he knew that he had to put his own selfishness aside and think of his child. This wasn't about him, this was about her. She would appreciate this one day.
Maybe.
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