Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Safe Harbour
Chapter 14: Distorted Happiness
---
However, his smile disappeared when he saw where Dr. Chan's hands were concentrated. His heart stopped as he looked into the purple, and dead looking face of his daughter.
---
Harry couldn't recall how many minutes had passed after Dr. Chan clipped and tied the umbilical cord, and then rushed the baby over to the corner of the room. His eyes followed their actions deftly, but that was all he had strength to pay attention to.
He missed Hermione's cries of help, and the frantic shouts of the doctor and nurses. He didn't even notice the different utensils being handed to Dr. Chan- he only saw her hunched over the baby, moving her arms in a hurried fashion.
"Harry…" Hermione pleaded for the twentieth time. Harry finally heard her, and turned to see her crying her eyes out and pointing towards the crowd.
His eyes followed her direction, and he didn't even think twice as his feet began to lead him over. He pushed through two of the nurses, trying to get a glimpse, "Wha-what's wrong with her?"
"Sir, please stand back. You're in the way," one of the nurses said quickly, pushing
Harry back slightly.
Harry took a step back, but other than that he didn't budge, "Tell me what's wrong with her!"
The nurse who had pushed him turned around and gave him a nasty glare, "Look we're trying to figure that out! Please, just stand-"
The man's voice was cut off by a sudden scream. A hoarse, faint scream- but definitely a scream. It was the most beautiful noise Harry had ever heard in his entire life.
Everyone in the room turned their head in the direction of the noise; the noise of his daughter's cries.
Harry again didn't even recognize his movements as he pushed once more through the crowd. His heart swelled, and his voice thickened with emotion to the point where his Adam's apple could only bob up and down repeatedly as he looked down into the lively face of his beautiful, crying daughter.
She was small, but that was okay to him. What mattered was that she was here. She was safe.
"Harry!" Hermione cried again. Harry looked up to her and immediately frowned as he saw Hermione trying to struggle out of the bed.
"Hermione, don't get out of bed," Dr. Chan ordered gently. Hermione, drenched in sweat and tears, fell back onto the uncomfortable hospital bed in a huff.
"Let me see her…" Harry heard her whisper desperately.
Harry turned back around, ready to wheel the cart over so that Hermione could see their baby, but stopped when he noticed Dr. Chan and a nurse gently wrapping her in a towel. Once they were finished, the two walked over to Hermione and handed her the baby.
Hermione quickly wiped away any rampant tears and loose strands of hair before reaching out to receive her little baby. Dr. Chan eased her into Hermione's arms and then stood back with a pleased look as Hermione feasted her eyes on her daughter for the first time.
Hermione instantly saw that her hair, slicked down to her head, was a light brown in colour. She noticed that she had quite a lot of hair for a premature baby, and with a smile noted that she must've gotten that from both of her parents. Next were her eyebrows, and again Hermione was pleased to see they were traced just like hers.
By now, she had stopped crying and her eyes were squinting upwards. Hermione's smile grew as she looked into the eyes of her daughter, tinted blue from birth.
Suddenly, Hermione's face fell. She remembered reading that it could sometimes take between 4-6 months for a baby to stabilize their natural eye colour, due to how much melanin they're exposed to or something like that. More tears welled up in her eyes at the thought that she would never get to see what colour her eyes were.
At the sight of Hermione's crumpling face, the baby started to mimic her. Her face twisted up and Hermione noticed the tears about ready to spill over.
"No, no…" Hermione mumbled, gently wiping a tear off her cheek, "Please don't cry."
Much to her surprise, the baby seemed to calm down, only letting out a few high-pitched gurgles. She started to wiggle a bit, and raised her hand blindly in the air.
Hermione, acting on instinct, reached forward and slid her finger in the middle of her daughter's formed fist. Instantly, she clamped onto her finger.
"It'll be okay," she whispered, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her
forehead. Hermione was just beginning to start examining her daughter's face again when she heard Harry's voice.
"Can I hold her, 'Mione?"
Hermione froze. She wondered if he would ask again if she pretended that she hadn't heard him. Maybe it was worth a shot.
'He doesn't even deserve to. After all, it's his fault that you're in this situation. He was so keen on giving her up, but now that she's here, he wants to hold her?!'
Hermione closed her eyes and tried to clear away her demonic thoughts, 'He's her father. He has a right to-- and plus, it's not like we'll be getting the opportunity to do so later. Our time is limited.'
'Yeah, and whose fault is that?'
Harry frowned as Hermione was quiet for a moment before abruptly shaking her head. Just as he was about to question her on it, and ask to hold the baby again, she looked up to him. The look in her eyes was unlike anything he'd ever seen. It was ineffable to describe beyond that.
"Hermione…" he spoke again, this time more beseechingly.
Harry watched as she bit her lip, glanced down at their daughter one more time, before shifting. He instantly came forward and reached out as Hermione carefully lifted her up to him.
"Be careful," she instructed as Harry finally got hold of her. He thought her instruction was unnecessary, but didn't say so. He was too busy staring into the face of his baby. A swirl of emotions were consuming him; he found himself wondering what his parents were thinking when they first looked at him. He even wondered what Hermione's parents would say, or what the Cooper's would be thinking, had they been here.
Harry's face soured at the thought of the California couple. He knew it was only a matter of time before he would be forced to call the agency about their unexpected surprise. Was he ready to say goodbye yet?
"Do you two have a name?" Dr. Chan asked walking towards them from the corner of the room. Harry and Hermione looked away from their baby for the first time, and realized that much of the medical staff had cleared off. It looked like Dr. Chan and her assistant had been cleaning up the corner of the room while Harry, Hermione, and their daughter got in their first few minutes of bonding.
Harry turned back and gave Hermione a questioning look. To be honest, they hadn't settled on a name. They'd looked through the books, but so far nothing had been set in stone. Ever since the knowledge of a potential prophecy, their world had been turned upside down. Name-picking had been pretty low on their list of priorities over the past few days.
"Um…" Harry sounded, trying to get some suggestions out of Hermione. However, she stayed quiet, her eyes having fell back to their baby.
Harry sighed. He knew he might as well be truthful with the doctor. She was bound to find out eventually…
"The thing is," he started, in a different, more serious tone, "We- we weren't planning on keeping her."
Hermione knew it was stupid, but she wished that Harry didn't have to say it in front of the baby like that.
Dr. Chan's eyebrows immediately furrowed, "You mean you're giving her up for adoption?"
Harry nodded, "Yes."
Dr. Chan's narrowed eyes glanced back and forth between Harry and Hermione, "Did you already have an agency set up, or are-"
"No, we have!" Harry rectified defensively, "That's the reason we flew down here, was to meet with them. We have a couple lined up already too. We just weren't expecting for her to be this early…"
"And I assume it's consensual?" the doctor asked, now focusing on Hermione who was staring straight at the bundle in Harry's arms.
Harry turned back to Hermione and gave her a look, "Yes."
Dr. Chan didn't acknowledge Harry's answer. She had delivered too many babies to young girls who felt pressured to do whatever their birth father said, usually because they didn't want the child. If this was this young man's way of manipulating Hermione into giving up her baby, then she definitely wouldn't stand for it.
It took a couple of moment's for Hermione to realize that the doctor's penetrating gaze wasn't relenting. Finally she glanced up to her and nodded.
Dr. Chan sighed, "Well, you two still have to give her a name. The adoptive parents can change it once everything is finalized. You're obligated to sign her birth certificate, as well."
Harry and Hermione nodded quietly. They had to make up another name that they would never get to call her. Simple things like this was what tortured Hermione the most.
Both had gone back to staring at their daughter, now peacefully resting in Harry's arms. Neither thought a name could describe how gorgeous she was.
There was a sudden light knock at the door, and everyone glanced up to see who it was. The male nurse from before was wheeling in a small, bedded cart. The side was lined by clear plastic, and with dread Harry realized what they wanted to do.
"We'll give you two a minute while we take her off to get examined," Dr. Chan said, coming forward for the little girl.
Hermione seized the opportunity to tug Harry forward by his shirt. As quickly as she could, she lifted herself up and placed a soft kiss on the baby's cheek. Harry followed her lead, before handing her back to Dr. Chan.
The doctor gently took the baby, and then gave the foreign couple a strange look.
For parents so sure on putting their baby up for adoption, they already seemed quite attached.
"I'll be back soon," she said, before placing the baby in the blanketed bed and leaving with the nurse.
"Harry, do you think it's safe to leave her unattended?" Hermione asked, worry engulfing her as soon as the door had closed. It didn't feel right to already be separated from her.
Harry shook his head, "I don't think anybody could've already found us here."
Hermione's eyes were reluctant at Harry's words. That didn't make her feel any calmer.
"Do you want me to follow them?" Harry asked, noticing Hermione's appearance.
Hermione quickly nodded her head. Harry too nodded, and quietly headed for the door. Just as he was about to reach for the handle and leave, he turned back around.
"Hermione? Do you have any ideas for a name?"
Hermione shook her head, and Harry continued nervously, "Um, do-do you like Lillian Jane?"
Hermione froze at his suggestion. It wasn't that she thought it was a bad name.
Quite the contrary actually; she felt it was a great name. Too great to be covered up by the Cooper's.
Harry started to ramble at Hermione's silence, "I-I know that we already used Jane at St. Elizabeth's-"
"Harry, that doesn't matter. It's fine."
Harry didn't feel relieved, due to the lack of sincerity in Hermione's approval. "Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," Hermione muttered, not making eye contact with him.
Harry sighed, and gave her one last look before walking out of the room. He'd always wanted to name his kids someway after his parents. But he couldn't help thinking that perhaps this wasn't the appropriate time to do so. Despite his qualms, Harry refused to spend any more time thinking of a seemingly appropriate name. Hermione was right- it didn't really matter anyway.
And plus, he wasn't so sure that he'd be having kids after this.
…
Harry followed quietly behind the doctor and nurse as they wheeled his daughter into the infirmary. Luckily, he didn't have to pull out his invisibility cloak or anything, because there was a large open window looking into the entire infirmary.
Harry joined the ranks of another man, staring down at his newborn, and watched Dr. Chan take his daughter over to the weighing station. It took about fifteen minutes for them to complete all of their tasks. Harry didn't look away once as they examined his baby's vitals and made sure she was healthy as possible.
As Harry continued to look on, he wondered how limited their time was. Now that Dr. Chan knew about the adoption, he was sure she would help facilitate the process.
Looking up to the clock on the wall inside the infirmary, Harry noticed that it was about a quarter past two in the morning.
He felt for his phone in his pocket. The Coopers lived in Newport Beach; Harry didn't know how far of a drive that was. Nor did he know how quickly the adoption agency would get here and finalize everything. Harry and Hermione could have a few hours, or they could only have a couple. He didn't know- and he didn't want to concentrate on it.
Right now, he just wanted to stare at the stunning baby that would only be his for a little while longer.
…
Hermione quickly wiped her tears away as the door opened again unannounced. She looked up with an annoyed look on her face, ready to tell that stupid bloke nurse off he dared ask her if she needed anything again.
However, her scowling face instantly vanished as she saw Harry and Dr. Chan, wheeling her baby back in.
"Hey," Harry whispered, pulling the baby up to Hermione's side. Hermione immediately peered in and realized that she was fast asleep, a little pink beanie placed securely over her head, and a blanket draped lightly over her body.
Hermione didn't say anything back as she slowly reached in and placed another finger through her daughter's clenched fist. She grinned as the sleeping baby squeezed her tightly.
"So," Dr. Chan said, making her presence known, "I have the birth certificate for you to sign. When a representative from the agency gets here, they'll have you sign a few other documents. Since you two are choosing a closed adoption, there'll probably be a hefty stack of paperwork for you to work through."
Hermione frowned. Here she was, trying to admire her baby while Dr. Chan was constantly reminding her that she wasn't going to be hers for too much longer. Could they ever catch a break?
"However," the doctor continued in a softer tone after getting a look at Hermione, "Adoption Connection- your agency- doesn't open for a few more hours. We don't have to call until then."
Harry glanced up at the doctor. It was like she was allowing them time; like she knew they didn't really want to have to do this.
Harry nodded, showing his gratitude, "Thanks."
"Is everything okay with her?" Hermione asked suddenly, "I mean, she's not unhealthy or anything, right?"
Dr. Chan blew out a breath and shook her head, "It's quite remarkable. With preemies born before the 37th week, they almost always have some sort of anaemic condition, or pneumonia, or respiratory issues, or something! Lillian, however, is as healthy as a horse. She came back negative on every test we tried on her."
Hermione smiled. "That's my girl," she whispered, staring down into her still sleeping face.
"We've already gave her some nutrients, but a nurse will have to come in when she wakes up and give her some formula. Since, I'm sure you wouldn't want to breastfeed her…"
Hermione looked up to the doctor with what only could be considered a glare. What the hell was she trying to imply? That Hermione was incompetent or something?
Harry saw Hermione's heated eyes, and then looked back to Dr. Chan cautiously.
The Asian woman was already fumbling to further explain herself, "It's just that once a baby tastes a mother's milk, they'll always prefer that over formula. It won't be in her best interest to expose it to her once or twice, and then hand her over to her adoptive mom, who isn't producing milk."
"We're not just handing her over," Hermione bit out angrily, "We're giving her a better life."
"Hermione," Harry muttered, reaching out to touch Hermione's shoulder. He didn't want to do anything too drastic that might fire her up more.
Dr. Chan took a step back towards the door, "I didn't mean any offence."
"We know that- it's just tough," Harry replied, trying to calm both women down.
"Right, well…" Dr. Chan said, much more quietly. She stepped forward and handed Harry the folder, "It's pretty self-explanatory. Just sign under mother and father."
"Thanks," Harry said, taking the folder.
Dr. Chan chanced a look back to Hermione, "Um, don't hesitate if you need anything."
"We won't," Harry again answered for her, "I'll go get someone when Lillian wakes up."
Dr. Chan nodded one last time, before turning and walking out of the door.
"The nerve of her," Hermione sneered, turning back to her sleeping daughter.
Harry shot her a look, "Hermione, she doesn't know any better."
To that, she merely rolled her eyes, "Whatever."
Harry sighed, opening the folder and glancing at the birth certificate inside. A small smile flittered over Harry's lips as he read the information provided. He knew how lucky they were that she was okay after the type of delivery she had. Even though 9 ¾ inches long, and 6 lbs weren't the best statistics, what really mattered was that she was okay.
Harry glanced back over the hospital's crib, but found the baby now nestled in Hermione's arms. He sighed at the image of the two people he loved most in this world. It seemed like Lilly's life was starting off on the right foot. She was premature, but healthy. Most importantly, she was safe here. According to the birth certificate, she was the biological daughter of Jason and Hermione Meyers. Not Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.
And even though it killed him inside to see Hermione and their daughter in such an intimate position, he was sure that giving her to the Cooper's would be the best way.
Not for Harry or Hermione, but for their daughter.
"Love you Lillian," Harry whispered before signing his fake name to the line that read 'father'.
---
I realize things might seem a bit backwards in this chapter; if the baby was 6 weeks premature, I'm sure they wouldn't waste any time in taking her off to get her tested and stuff. But, after all the sadness, I wanted to give Harry, Hermione, and you all, as much bonding time as possible.
I know it isn't clear, but Dr. Chan never heard Hermione call Harry 'Harry'. To Dr. Chan, Harry is Jason Meyers.
Oh, and please keep in mind that I said I was axing the other Lily (DH Ginny's daughter) from this story. Hopefully, that'll make sense later on.
Please review.
---